How about some of Stephenie Meyer's supposedly "deep" jargon?
Describing someone as a "destroying angel" is basically calling them a mushroom. A mushroom that can kill you, yes, hence the name, but a mushroom nonetheless. There's also the whole "glowering sky" bit, which is supposed to convey the image of a cloudy grey day, but if you know the definition of "glower", it makes it sound like the sky itself is staring down at you in disappointment!
Beat me to the punch. There are so many lines from that series that could be contenders for 'worst lines in literature history'. My favourite is: "His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."
That line reminds me of a character in my own little Gijinka AU. He talks in his sleep, and not just occasional mutterances either. You might be able to hear him actually conversing with someone in his dream, and he sounds awake when he's doing it!