He was going to win. He was going to win at vacuuming. While his wife was the queen at it, just for today, he knew, he was going to win. Up on the fridge there was the board. Himself with two points, and his wife with four.  He had been biding his time – he knew where the motherlode was – he had been saving them up for months.

    Bugs. Dead bugs. Hundred of them – potato bugs, spiders, crickets, worms. They were between the couch cushions, above the kitchen cabinets and in the tracks of every closet in the house. They were stacked in little places she wouldn’t notice – in the canning jars and in the case of the guitar she bought and never used. Four months, four months of squishing and trapping and torching flies out of the sky. It was all for a purpose – it all lead up to this.

    “Whoever sucks up the most bugs spring cleaning this weekend gets breakfast in bed from the loser."

Dorothy, whose hair glew with magic, woke up early in the morning when her nose for the first time in what felt like nine months caught the sense of spring. It was a fresh and sweet scent, like strawberry flavoured cotton candy. “Spring! Finally!” She rushed out of bed, jumped out of her window and went to great all the freshly greening trees with big hugs. And then suddenly a shiver overcame her!

“Oh no! That means it's time for spring cleaning!”-thoughts crept up on her mind dragging big rainy yet fluffy clouds with anime eyes behind them. Dorothy wasn't very fond of spring cleaning. It disturbed her natural rhytm as a squishy tank toy and stuffed animal collector.

“There must be a way to escape this!” she thought. “Maybe the great moomoo cow can help me!”

Dorothy was of course refering to the great moomoo cow Lucy that lived on the Swiss gruyere coloured moon in the sky, next to the diamond fields. And so Dorothy took her tulip shaped and coloured bamboo broomstick and flew all the way to the pastel unicorn's castle, where there was a stairway to heaven. The pastel unicorn was on old friend of Dorothy for both of them didn't like bacon, and it were glad to help Dorothy out. From the top of the stairway to heaven, it was just a small flight on the back of a giant rainbow butterfly to the moon.

Dorothy frolicked around the moonscape surrounded by diamonds and happiness and the subtle smell of ripe cheese until she finally encountered the great moomoo cow.

“How can I help you?” mooed the great moomoo cow.

“My name is Dorothy and I need a way to escape my spring cleaning!”, answered Dorothy respectfully.

“Have you tried burning things?”, mooed the great moomoo cow.

“No, no, I can'd do that! You see my things are so precious to me, it would hurt my feelings to get rid of them by any means!”, replied Dorothy shaking her head with determination.

Silence fell upon the scene as the great moomoo cow reflected on Dorothy's words.

“Maybe your house is not the place to be spring cleaned then, my precious one”, mooed the great moomoo cow after a while. “Maybe what really needs to be spring cleaned is your mind.”, and she smiled brighter than all the diamonds surrounding her. And her words and her smile filled Dorothy with joy as she finally had an excuse to skip her spring cleaning. “Of course!”, she squeaked happily. “This year I'll clear my mind instead, and next year I'll clean out all my wonderful squishy tank toy and stuffed anima friends!”

And so Dorothy left the moon squirling and dancing.

She took a ride on the great rainbow butterfly back towards heaven and climbed down the stairway to the pastel unicorn's castle. On her way home she went to Thailand and joined a nunnery where she cleansed her mind of trivial thoughts and found Buddhist enlightment.

Spring has sprung, as pollen dances off the trees and clings itself to my now yellow-silver car. "Achoo". Allergies, natures payback for the destruction of the world. I meander into my unclean home and sigh, the smell of stale air makes its' way through my senses. The hum of electricity lulls me toward the sofa where I shuffle papers on the coffee table. I remember when my mother would open the drapes, and the windows, to usher the fresh spring air into our home and chase away the stale air of winter. I recall cleaning and dusting and making ready for the heat of summer. I stop my mindless shuffling of papers and look over to my favorite chair. She calls me into her loving embrace, as I pick up my computer and recall how well I procrastinate when it comes to cleaning. Time to procrastinate once again. Oh, and hello spring, why don't you grab summer by the balls, and get lost! I want nothing more than the return of fall.

The seasons had changed and the Buddhist monk looked out at the cherry blossoms in full bloom. He thought he would partake in the common ritual of spring cleaning this year and went and told his master who approved. He went and got his broom and swept off the temple steps and pathway. He did this everyday though so it really wasn't extraordinary. He then tended to the rock garden. Once again he always did this so wasn't anything special. Then cleaned out his begging bowl. Another daily ritual. He then traveled down to the river and washed his robe and hung it on a tree branch to dry. He then jumped in the river and washed his body. After climbing out he sat on a rock drying in the sun. He closed his eyes and his mind wandered. He imagined two beautiful woman bathing in the river. They climb out and are surprised to see him sitting there naked. They approach and begin to caress him. Just then his master steps on a stick as he is walking by and the monk abruptly opens his eyes. The master looks at the monks obvious aroused physical state and tells him that while he is spring cleaning that he should not forget to clean his mind.