My last ditch effort to stay alive
All I have wanted to do is inspire greatness in other people and they retaliate with relentless hate, even as a child. Everyone everywhere constantly insults my work and tells me to quit and/or kill myself. Support only comes from the insincere with samaritan complexes. Its as if everyone and everything in the world is fighting their damndest to tear me down and laugh at my misfortune and I’m completely fed up with this mass mutual harassment from everyone I come across.
It is reasonable to say that art is difficult for more reasons than what is immediately visible. Making art exposes ourselves to criticism, much of which will be negative. Once out in the open, the success of an artist's work may hinge on the opinion of the few people who see it first, which will greatly effect all who see it later and read the initial commentary. Those who hate your work, either do so out of jealousy, or are trolls. It takes energy to actively hate something, so a motive to generate that energy must be there. For the most self centered haters, it may come down to them thinking that your failure means one less person competing for viewership online. A crude thought, yet I've seen it in action. Other people get torn down too.
Well, I hope life is good to you and you get to a good place mentally and physically. A helpful thing to remember is that your art, creativity, and your expression, is yours. It doesn't belong to anyone else. You have the final say.
Sincerity can be nice and all but it isn't always a good thing. Most children have crap drawing skills but that doesn't stop people from going 'wow that looks so nice' to be supportive of them. Being blunt in today's society is neither a good or bad thing by itself; It could go either way, so you should really get out of the mindset that simply being honest necessarily makes you a better person. I can understand that you have little trust in others, but if you continue to act like that to everyone who is either neutral or supportive of you, there'll come a point when people will stop trying.
If the way you've been living isn't working out as well as you want, try something else. Give people the benefit of the doubt and cut connections with people who do you wrong. You can even block me for my earlier remark if you want. You don't have to reply to people you disagree with, especially if you know they're not going to change their mind. And that's perfectly fine. Better, even. It's a lot harder to get out of a negative headspace if you keep having arguments with others, so don't. It's fine if you're arguing with them because they're someone that can actually affect your life, but if it's just some person on the internet then don't bother.
On the other hand, I'm going to lay it out straight. What you're saying currently feels very vengeful and pessimistic, like those "vent posts" on social media. To be bluntly honest, you are correct. You are becoming just like those people who are hating on you. Those who lash out because of an inner hatred and suffering that they can't dispose of. Believe me, I know what you mean. Though I create art myself I've lost touch with my art years ago after endless "failures" and judgment. To this day I still have little to no connection to my creations, rather I draw to make other people happy and in my mind it doesn't matter where the art ends up because I don't see the value in it.
I understand that the world culture is ever declining and things aren't as they were years back, but that's something we can not control. Culture and the people connected with it will always change no matter how much you wish and do to stop that. I can't tell you how much I wished some things would go back to the days when people took the time to examine an art piece and to wonder at how it was created rather than judge every single mistake or dislike they see.
I can't offer support and I can't give you a miracle. That I know is true. The only thing I can offer is moments to talk about the deeper meanings of life, what the world has come to, and why are we really here when so much superficial desires exist in our minds. Really, I know what you mean, truly. You can't trust every positive comment in today's environment anymore. It seems so bland and hazy, lackluster and just, void of real integrity. If anything, feel free to express your opinion to me, whatever it may be. I have no reason to judge and no reason to hate.
I just dont understand why everyone hates me so deep,y. I lived and breatheD for making art and when its only met with insults i feel that given how much turmoil ive out into trying to advance as a creator that my life has lost all purpose.
From what I've seen in your past activities and art posts, what's really going on is that they disapprove of your attitude towards other people's art and how you present yourself in this "terrible" art community. If you do not know why, let me tell you bluntly: Your art is not the target of the insults - your attitude is.
You did indeed lived and breathed art once, but you also lived and breathed the belief that everyone should praise your art even if you have a terrible way of expressing yourself. Yes, of course art should be admired and liked, however no matter how lovely the art is, it will not be appreciated if the person who draws them has the ego and personality of the very people they despise.
I also hear you have a form of art movement? I do not understand what type of movement this is but I do understand that it is one of the things driving people away from the appreciation of your art. Just as it is with religion and culture, you can not force this type of movement on people and expect they will see you as a savior. Although, you may see it as "waking up" that is solely your own opinion and thought. If others do not follow they are not "lowlifes" and they are not "egomaniacs", they are simply being themselves, regular people who will believe what they want to believe.
I can feel that some part of you can't accept the notion that others will retaliate against your movement. That this movement is a part of what defines your art and if they don't believe it, then they don't value your creation. I may be wrong, but it seems prominent in the way you talk about this belief. To be honest with you, having a strong belief is okay. It is alright to indulge in this movement, but you can not make others see what you see through hatred, victimizing, and insults. This is not honesty or sincerity, this would be spite and fearful manipulation.
That is what puts you in the group of "egocentric" and "insincere" people that you hate so much. Rereading your post, it's easy to tell that what you really lack is not sympathy and appreciation, but self reflection on what you really want you and your art to represent.
What art movement? What are you even talking about?
A few years back, I believe in 2016 and currently in your exit post you talked about "waking up" from something. I don't know if that's what you'd consider the movement but this is what I have to go off of. No matter what it is, just know that what happens in the past affects how people acknowledge you in the future.
Regardless, what I'm saying is that instead of lashing out at "everyone" you could take a moment to reflect on what your artwork means to you and what you truly want to accomplish with your life. As everyone else here has said, it's a good idea to take a break from this hum drum art world if you feel it's done nothing for you.
I dont remember anything that happened in 2016. Sorry.
As for what I want to accomplish, I dont know anymore. All I’ve wanted to do in my life is be a cartoonist but its gotten to a point where it feels humiliating to associate with that crowd. But also without it, i feel empty and dead. Its all ive ever cone with my life. Ive struggled so much to pursue it and now i feel as though my life is sapped of all joy.
Of course they aren't going to approach me directly. But ask anyone who's ever met me and they have nothing but hateful things to say.
Hateful things like what?
Grouping together and saying how my work is terrible, that i should kill myself, fabricating slander on me, doxxing me, etc.
Why would you take them serious? I get random notes from trolls telling me to kill myself or that they hope my family dies. I know others get it too. No big deal, people be like that
Who though? Who is this everyone that hates you? If you don't have a long list of people that say they hate you (with valid reasons) then you're just being dramatic.
I no longer find joy in art. Everything about it just reminds me of the shit I've been through. I just want everything to die off.
it's cause you focus too much on the negative and you routinely ignore all the positive and neutral feedback you are getting. i can say for certain that not everyone hates you, and not everyone harasses you, that there are some people who like what you do (or are neutral to it). i would say focus more on those people. focus on the positive feedback you receive, and ignore the negative feedback.
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sometimes that is the wrong thing to do (sometimes listening to critics can be good), ......but in your particular case, i feel like you are already being so critical of yourself and so hard on yourself, that you don't need any more criticism from outside to grow as an artist. so yeah, it is okay to indulge a little in the positive feedback you get. sometimes it makes sense to block out all negativity in your life and focus on moving forward.
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do the things that make you happy. if that isn't art, that's okay too. i like knitting and going on long walks in natural parks (hiking). has literally nothing to do with art, but it makes me happy so i do it. sometimes you just need to recharge. i feel so emotionally drained after penning a chapter, that i sometimes just cant write for weeks..... and need to take that break. for my own health.
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and im saying this as someone who used to have very low self esteem and went through (and recovered from) depression. it is possible to recover. it's not easy. but it is a possibility. definitely.
Art used to make me happy but seeing it be repeatedly tainted has begun to destroy my ability to find peace of mind in creating. And it was all I had in life
ok. find other things to enjoy. life has a lot to offer. falling out of love with something you used to enjoy can happen. this could be a temporary thing. still not a bad idea to try out something else, like taking on any other hobby.....[ive already mentioned knitting and hiking.... idk. sports really helped me through some difficult times mentally -- helped to switch off the brain and unload in physical exercise. really exhaust myself physically by working out...there's long distance running/jogging, that can be done in open air, outdoors.... so it's also safe in social distanced times...]
