Girls and their hints =)
Hi.
I have a question to ladies.
There are the moments when you give your guy a hint or suggest something in between the lines and he misses it. He does not get it at all. The internet is full of such stories and jokes 
Anyway, but what about when the guy gets that you are hinting something but is uncertain or unsure what it is you are hinting.
Is it alright if he comes to you and speaks directly?
e.g. "Look, I know you are trying to tell me something. But forgive me, I may be little too unexperienced/dummy to get the full message. So, what's on your mind?"
Personally, I am puzzled. On one hand, honesty and open comunication are important and it might solve the whole issue. On the other hand, I suppose when you give a hint or just imply something in between the lines, it is something you don't want to speak about directly or would feel pressured/nervous to do so.
What are your opinions?
Comments15
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I am for being direct when asking for something when with a partner. Why beat around the bush...
Now, men do not expect my directness, this stupid games have to stop, women play them and men expect them, it is ridiculous.
Ask her
Now, men do not expect my directness, this stupid games have to stop, women play them and men expect them, it is ridiculous.
Ask her
Well, I don't find it stupid at all. But each to their own I guess.
Thanks.
Is it alright if he comes to you and speaks directly?
Sure
That being said, I am aware some of my more.. "traditional girls" (annoying/high maintenance) friends would likely not be particularly pleased about being asked and/or the guy not being able to get the hint (though this would more likely be earlier (within the 1st year) of the relationship).
Personally I'm always pretty direct/straightforward.. If I use "hints" it's gonna be so obvious it would be more appropriately called a helpful slap in the face than a "hint". I'm close with my brother, my friends have been and are mainly guys.. so I get that guys can be ridiculously slow for some things, generally aren't intentionally trying to annoy girls
and prefer to have direct communication.
But generally, if she's not a completely backwards, high maintenance, annoying, drama queen... I think it's fine to ask directly.
Sure
That being said, I am aware some of my more.. "traditional girls" (annoying/high maintenance) friends would likely not be particularly pleased about being asked and/or the guy not being able to get the hint (though this would more likely be earlier (within the 1st year) of the relationship).
Personally I'm always pretty direct/straightforward.. If I use "hints" it's gonna be so obvious it would be more appropriately called a helpful slap in the face than a "hint". I'm close with my brother, my friends have been and are mainly guys.. so I get that guys can be ridiculously slow for some things, generally aren't intentionally trying to annoy girls
and prefer to have direct communication. But generally, if she's not a completely backwards, high maintenance, annoying, drama queen... I think it's fine to ask directly.
I don't think it would be such a big deal if I asked. My concern is more about learning to get these subtle signs rather than taking shortcuts.
Thank you for your opinion 
I never really understood why there has to be any sort of game in it. It depends on the situation, but a lot of the time things don't need to be "hinted" at. Women often give their partners so much flack about "not getting it", but what's the point in making a big song and dance of it in the first place? So you can feel justified in being angry and have a story to tell about how he doesn't listen? It also pays to remember that many men are conditioned not to assume things(what with all the false accusations flying about in terms of harassment) so it's important to understand that it doesn't always come from a place of simply being too dense to understand, they're trying to avoid possible conflict and trusts their partner to be open with them and not, essentially, set them up for ridicule.
So, I am by no means 'normal' or even a girl at this point-- I was raised trying real hard to be one though (I'm transgender, if that didn't translate). I personally don't understand all the hints and game-playing 'normal people' do. I mean, I understand where it comes from, but I think it's a stupid social convention that we need to leave behind as a society in general. I think asking questions and being very clear about what is being communicated is a GOOD thing-- and if your lady friend finds it unappealing then maybe you should be trying to date somebody who's more direct.
In My Humble Opinion, all of this confusion around dating and trying to guess what the girl wants is a huge part of Rape Culture (you should be able to google that if it's not already part of your general knowledge). I think it is left over from a time period where women were socially Not Allowed to be interested in sexual intimacy. Which is ridiculous, because of course women are interested-- but in the recent past women were severely shamed for enjoying intimacy (and still are in some places.. like the South or the Midwest). You could even be passed over for marriage if people thought you were interested in sex (because that makes you a slut, and you can't marry a slut!!). Actually, there was a time where, as a woman, you could be sent away to a mental institution if the men in your family thought you were preoccupied with sex (because I guess only men are allowed to enjoy and seek out sexual pleasure, idk, it's some weird non-scientific bs). So naturally there are cultural hold overs, because these things were common not-that-many generations ago. Your grandparents probably still remember a time when women weren't Allowed to openly show interest in anything sexual. This all relates to Rape Culture because this confusion is often the source of a lot of unwanted advances. A man can easily misinterpret a woman who is just being nice because she is a nice person for a woman who is being nice because she wants to Get With Him. That song Blurred Lines that everyone was upset about a few years ago was literally about this exact thing -- It glorified a man pressuring a woman who was possibly not actually interested in him at all (catchy song to, too bad it glorified sexual harassment).
All this to say: seriously if you're not sure just ask. Maybe ask your girl to always be very direct with you about this sort of thing. If she doesn't like being direct, maybe work out some signals that you are both super clear on- so she can tell you something without using words that make her uncomfortable.
In My Humble Opinion, all of this confusion around dating and trying to guess what the girl wants is a huge part of Rape Culture (you should be able to google that if it's not already part of your general knowledge). I think it is left over from a time period where women were socially Not Allowed to be interested in sexual intimacy. Which is ridiculous, because of course women are interested-- but in the recent past women were severely shamed for enjoying intimacy (and still are in some places.. like the South or the Midwest). You could even be passed over for marriage if people thought you were interested in sex (because that makes you a slut, and you can't marry a slut!!). Actually, there was a time where, as a woman, you could be sent away to a mental institution if the men in your family thought you were preoccupied with sex (because I guess only men are allowed to enjoy and seek out sexual pleasure, idk, it's some weird non-scientific bs). So naturally there are cultural hold overs, because these things were common not-that-many generations ago. Your grandparents probably still remember a time when women weren't Allowed to openly show interest in anything sexual. This all relates to Rape Culture because this confusion is often the source of a lot of unwanted advances. A man can easily misinterpret a woman who is just being nice because she is a nice person for a woman who is being nice because she wants to Get With Him. That song Blurred Lines that everyone was upset about a few years ago was literally about this exact thing -- It glorified a man pressuring a woman who was possibly not actually interested in him at all (catchy song to, too bad it glorified sexual harassment).
All this to say: seriously if you're not sure just ask. Maybe ask your girl to always be very direct with you about this sort of thing. If she doesn't like being direct, maybe work out some signals that you are both super clear on- so she can tell you something without using words that make her uncomfortable.
I don't want to get into the debate about gender equality here. It always gets too emotional and hostile.
Though, in general, I would like to express my disagreement with this.
Regardless of my sex, social status etc. I too can think of one or two topics I feel uncomfortable to talk about. And it doesn't have to be related to anything intimate or sexual. It can be simply uncomfortable as it is. So, addressing it directly puts a lot of pressure onto the person. That's why the hints exist. You can just imply that the subject is sensitive to you and/or you are not ready to openly talk about it yet and move on.
I too once thought this form of communication is stupid. However, despite all the advantages of direct open talk, if you don't learn how to work with these subtle and more delicate forms of communication you miss half the message. Not to mention you may inadvertedly hurt many people who are not as resilient as to discuss everything openly. And to my shame I did that in past and upset some people I care about.
Uh, just to be clear, this is not ment insult you. Just something to think about
Thanks for your reply though.
Then perhaps you should work on being able to handle that pressure. And I mean that in a non aggressive snobby way lol With hints their is always a high possibility of a misunderstanding and and if what your hinting is a big deal to you, you might end up in a argument and still end up talking about what you actually wanted. Plus isn’t it a bit unfair for the other person to try and figure out what you really want while having a conversation? Isn’t that kind of passing on pressure to the other person?
And sorry for just butting in on this topic since this is my point of view as a man lol but this topic is interesting because it just doesn’t affect people in a relationship but this way of communicating affects us as a society.
And sorry for just butting in on this topic since this is my point of view as a man lol but this topic is interesting because it just doesn’t affect people in a relationship but this way of communicating affects us as a society.
The pressure is not the issue. It's just the same thing over and over again, only with different people. You can say I have grown weary of that
You got a point. Indeed, it seemed "unfair", as you say, to me as well.
However, the subtle hints are another legit form of communication. Just like body language, for example. I mean, it's probably not called body language for no reason, right?
So, in my eyes, rejecting the hints as obsolete seems like rejecting other world languages other than english, claiming we need only one language to communicate.
Yes, it would work. But we would loose so many aspects and tools the other languages have that english does not.
And the same applies to body language, hints and nuances as well, in my opinion.
You got a point. Indeed, it seemed "unfair", as you say, to me as well.
However, the subtle hints are another legit form of communication. Just like body language, for example. I mean, it's probably not called body language for no reason, right?
So, in my eyes, rejecting the hints as obsolete seems like rejecting other world languages other than english, claiming we need only one language to communicate.
Yes, it would work. But we would loose so many aspects and tools the other languages have that english does not.
And the same applies to body language, hints and nuances as well, in my opinion.
So, despite not being very proficient in it, I want to learn more
P.S. Sorry if it is too long
I guess I get where your coming from. It appears that You want a man that picks up on your hints like the FBI picking up on body language, you want someone to investigate everything about you lol I see that it could be fun picking up on things. It could shows how vigilant and considerate the person can be, but it can’t be the only form of communication in a relationship, at least for me. and No Worries about the long reply we‘re here to see everyones full opinion on the matter.
Haha! Well, actually I would like to be the one picking up the hints 
Believe it or not
True. it should not be the first and only form of communication. That wouldn’t work unless you really have a magic crystall ball. But it can lift the regular conversation on another level.
Lol actually after this conversation it doesn’t surprise me that you do assuming that you would like someone to treat you the same way you would treat them.
My opinion is that when a girl gives you a hint and you get it, but you are uncertain if you should go for it or not. You should do a running headbutt into the girl's face. If she falls down, it was not meant to be... 0^0
