My dog of 12 years was put to sleep today, any helpful advice on how to cope?
Please hit me with some comforting trivia or something, everything is falling apart.
It's been a horrible day and I can't stop crying...
I made a journal explaining a bit about what happened, click here to view if you want.
Here's a drawing I made today to cope + two pix of him
It seems like you wrote the journal before your loss, I think it might be good to write a "goodbye letter" of sorts to him.
I also lost a dog who I had for more than 1/2 my life a few years ago and it's honestly the worst thing that's happened to me.. Ended up immediately developing dermatographism (hives) that supposedly is caused by emotional trauma.
My dog was cremated, My whole family had our goodbye letters cremated with him.
It's probably not the healthiest way to cope/deal.. but at the time I just so happened to be very busy with work (I had obligations and responsibilities I really don't drop). I took a day off for it but that was all. However, I think it distracted me a bit from having to really process it while it was still so raw.. After the work project (1-2weeks later), I think it was a bit easier to kind of think about it a bit... So I do think keeping yourself busy/distracted is a good/OK way at first.
I cried a lot. 5yrs on, I still do when it's his birthday, the date he died, or just whenever it feels bad.. I just hold his urn and cry for hours.
While I don't (and you also might not believe in after life and all that stuff), I really wouldn't want him to see me so sad over him.. I know his whole life he was there to make me happy, and I knew it'd break his heart if he knew he caused me so much sadness and pain.
So for him, I really didn't want to seem sad.. or be sad. I started to remind myself everyday that I can't make him sad by being sad (I'll still cry if I had to, but still..). So slowly I just started smiling when I recalled happy memories instead of crying about them.. Slowly forgave myself or stopped getting angry that I didn't try harder to get the vet to look at him more closely, ignoring my gut feeling, being happy when I wasn't around him, going to university, going to work every day, for all the hours I didn't spend with him.. and all the things I felt bad about and blamed myself for.
It's a process and it takes time.. but you'll get there.
Spend time with your other dogs too. I'm sure they're grieving as well.
And possibly, unlike with your family.. it's easier to share in this grief with them (the dogs) instead of humans.
I was scared to talk about it to my fam since we all process grief differently, I didn't want them to be sad/angry etc.. but with my other dogs, I could just sit in silence and be sad with them without feeling like I had to hold back, be judged, self conscious or whatever.
thank you! he was very kind and sweet
i wrote a letter of sorts in my moleskine, some thoughts and how i was feeling, i'm going to update with some notes every other day or so, to see how i feel in time. we left him at the vet after hugging him etc. to be cremated, we're going to find a nice stone for his grave, next to our other dog (who passed 10 months ish ago) in the forest behind our home. we own that land & can do whatever, so it's fine. we would walk there a bunch, so it's a nice place for him to rest, with a view of our house if he's around.
very grateful to be home right now, to be honest. even though it's due to a horrific pandemic & lack of a job, it's the best time now. i get to spend time with our 10 month old puppy and rest all day if i need to, it's probably going to heal me faster.
i do believe in an afterlife, very strongly & i always have. i'm not sure what to believe exactly happens, i'm not very religious but i've always been open and consider myself to be agnostic, on top of that i very much believe in folklore and the paranormal. i'm fairly sure he's gone somewhere, whether it's dog heaven or if he's been reincarnated, i don't know, but he deserves someplace nice.
that "rainbow bridge" poem has helped me cope a bit, it's very nice & i recommend looking it up for when you feel bad about your late dog, too. :'D
i'm very sorry about your dog and possible emotional trauma, i honestly relate...
i'm used to the pain never really going away, i'm very sensitive when it comes to deaths (my username does not check out!) and even if it's a strangers pet that's died, a celeb i knew nothing about, etc. i mourn them. i mourn pretty much anyone, hence why a more personal loss leaves me very broken, i guess...
i'm trying to think of some positive memories, it's hard not to start bawling, but i think it's helping. thank you :'D
What took her out was the pain killers. The pain killers allow her to walk but what she needed was an operation to remove the feeling of pain from her joints entirely. Her joint was worn down ( as with my knees ).
Another problem was the food we was given her. Certain foods do not promote joint growth. Joint growth are literally the muscles between your joints.
Also all that new age crap about food is wrong for dogs. Dogs are not like people and need specific foods to keep them strong. All that crap is wrong. So much of it.
Then she her appendix ( the actual organ ) might have been cancerous. That was another operation to do. But again IDK if the Vets are actually telling the truth.
Vets laughing behind the door like if it is business as usually while I am sitting in the room like a statue with my dog suffering.
She passed away in her sleep. Sleep induced by possible "Medications" I was given to give to her. I probably killed her by accident because the thing literally put her to sleep. I tried one of the pills. Literally it was pain-killers. Pain-killers which was not needed. Pain-killers that caused the same problem as before.
I have this ball she hate when I squeeze it. She would make a specific sound and then go to burry the ball.
..............
Point being so many factors to be aware with dogs. These vets are like clowns. In fact all doctors are like clowns in my opinion. They study something just to give service to a problem they themselves are not passionate about. Then you do not even know what needs to be done.
EVERY $@#$#ing TIME I WENT BACK TO THE PLACE. THEY WOULD GIVE ME A DIFFERENT SERVICE OR IDEA OF SERVICE. JUST TO JACK MONEY FROM ME. I GET ONE IDEA OF SERVICE AND THEN I GET ANOTHER. I SWEAR IT IS A SCAM. I BELIEVE THAT PLACE WILL BURN DOWN TO THE GROUND ONE DAY. I BURNT $5000 or more or less on bills and every time a new moron will come in with a new set of treatments.
Like my grandmother who was taken off her injections for pills. She did not died she was killed by a doctor younger then me who was brand new when her original doctor retired.
I do not trust doctors. Doctors lie and they lie and they lie. I have to seek medical options even with myself everyday and can not put my hands in doctors. Doctors wants to give me a transplant that could be rejected. Doctors want me to buy a brace for my feet instead of treating the problem.
Doctors do not want to keep you or me healthy at all. They want to keep you alive long enough to keep pushing medication and treatment on you to jack your insurance which is real money. One day they will even decide when you die or who is sane or not sane.
I see people fall on the floor in hospital. With a bunch of staff around them. They just leave them on the floor with their hand reaching for help to be picked up. I go to help they are like "no no do not move them, they can not be moved". I understand trauma of falling but these clowns are just staring and not talking. I picked people up before and honest to gosh not everybody is delicate like a flower.
I am sorry for your pet I am sure your dog is a great friend. My dog would plant herself on my foot, and even learn to call me with a specific tone, and would follow me without a lease in a park but became lazier afterwards. She even licked my face from time to time, and when we got her she would try and bath me like if I am pup or something. She could control her bite and understood commands. She cry when we leave her by herself. She kept us safe from intruders and scare away people that otherwise would be super jerks to us.
It was also nice being a part of dog community and not being afraid of dogs. Even being bitten every once in awhile was okay or feeling her teeth grind against my hand or being able to reach into her mouth to pull out a bone which she should have not eaten.
I just day dream seeing my family dog walk into my room and attempt to plant herself as close to me as possible.
Staring out the window looking back at me or curling up on the couch.
i'm so sorry, i feel that...
it's so painful to see your dog best friend suffer so much & vets just leeching off of your money, as if your economy (or your pet) means nothing to them.
in a way, some (many) docs are just like sellers from any store trying to sell the most expensive item, so many don't care about the pet or owner. they'll make a wild guess and prescribe something you don't need.
when we first called the local vet they gave us some bullshit reply about how we could "come in tomorrow at 1 pm!", even though we specified how urgent it was. i know that sounds like i'm some spoiled brat, but my dog was in immense pain and confusion and shouldn't have been tortured for that long, thankfully another vet clinic about an hour away gave us a much much earlier appointment.
he was very very friendly and happy, always. the most sweet and calm dog i've ever met!
i'm sorry about your cat, i really hope mine has at least 5 years left to live... it's too painful to handle.
thank you :')
You're welcome
Thank you.