You're experiencing pain from an emotional wound that needs to be healed. Much like a deep physical injury, this is something that requires a lot of time and effort to recover from. It's unfortunate that we cannot simply use our minds to ignore it like physical injuries because it is our mind itself that is hurt.

Many people go through what you feel so you're not alone. It's taken me six years to recover from mental problems and I've only recently started to feel anything close to "normal", yet I would say I still need several more months at a minimum to heal. I felt the same thing, the same bad memories playing over and over again and the same bad thoughts, the desire to see harm done onto those who have harmed me.

Professional help would be best, you simply need to find the right person. I'm sorry you got a bad therapist though. Besides professional therapy, you can try venting and sharing your burdens with someone you trust, if they're willing to do so. Other than that, there are lots of self-help resources that you can find through books or the internet. Look up keywords like methods of dealing with bad memories or forgetting the past.

The best way to recover is to get yourself in a position where recovery is possible, i.e where you are no longer being bullied and you are in a positive environment where you can feel safe. With a physical injury, the best way to heal is to keep yourself healthy: eat right, get enough sleep, avoid any straining or harmful activities. By putting your body in a physically healthy environment, you are letting it slowly rebuild itself. This is the same for mental injuries: not only do you have to keep yourself physically healthy first, you have to keep yourself in a mentally/emotionally healthy environment in order to slowly heal.

You are in pain because bad incidents have thought your mind the world is dangerous so you're constantly on alert. Put yourself in an environment where you can feel safe and secure and your mind will slowly relax and relearn things are okay. It's something that you have to constantly, constantly put effort into. There are several steps you can take to run through this process

- Resolve the past. Come to an understanding with it, including why it happened. You will need to look at it objectively from all points of view. You don't have to like any of it, but you should seek to accept that it happened. Accept any faults and weaknesses, whether those of others or your own. Accept that some things may be out of your control. Accept that somethings could have been done better. This is important for the next step.
- Learn from the past. What has this experience taught you? What could have been done differently? How would you deal with this in the future? One of the most troubling things we experience is having our worldview shattered, especially when we get bullied and learn that the world is no longer a nice place. But if we can learn from our experiences and reshape our worldview, we can come to a better understanding of life, become stronger, and deal with life more bravely.
- Let go of the past. Once you've learned everything you can from the past (and this can take quite a while), the last thing to do is to let go of it. Of course, this doesn't just happen automatically. You can learn everything but still keep thinking about the same bad memories over and over.

This is where you have to put the most effort and focus on the present and the future. You have to constantly remind yourself that the past is done and over and constantly shift your focus towards the road ahead instead. The best way to do this is to find something positive that will keep you occupied, whether this is a hobby or work or a relationship.

I'd suggest doing some research into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It's a method where you keep track of your thoughts, learn to recognize negative ones, and work to shape them into more positive thoughts. Our mind is like a muscle, we form mental habits just like we form physical ones, and this includes both positive and negative habits such as self-loating, self-doubt, low confidence, etc. And much like physical habits, mental habits can be changed and improved as well.

I hope this helps. Good luck. The road to recovery is long and arduous one.