how to get someone I don't like anymore to leave me alone


kirby6119's avatar
My apologies if this comes off as a petty high school complaint (which it probably is xd).

There's a kid who was in my second and third period class and in my third and fourth period class for the secong semester who happens to have the same name as me which is the only reason why he came up to me and we started talking.

As I got to know him, I found out we have very little in common. He thinks it's ok to brag about his high grades to me, his friends and random strangers. This sounds selfish but him talking about how good he is makes me feel useless.

We started our second semester recently. Since we're "friends" he always sits close to me unless we have a different seating plan (which i asked the teachers to do, only 1 did it which is really nice of him).
In my math class i got really mad at him because he came off to me as a pompous ahole. He does this thing where he looks at my work and tries to correct me (I never asked him to do this) and I feel like he talks down to me whenever he does it. He is the kind of person that if you beat him at anything he gets really mopey.

I didn't say anything to him about it, cause i'm nervous i'd hurt his feelings. I just want him to stop talking to me and to leave me alone because he's not my type of friend.

Any advice on how to get him to maybe lose interest in me or stop talking to me altogether with out being a terrible person?

tl;dr i don't know how to tell my friend that I want want to not be friends with him.

Edit: thank you all for your advice, i really appreciate it ;_; i'll do my best to be honest to him about my opinion on his advice
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ShinigamiOokamiRyuu's avatar
unless you live in some country that you have to endure disrespect who cares if you "hurt his feelings" grow a spine and tell the dude (in a nice way at first) that you don't appreciate his actions, if he continues, then tell him to go away.  if that doesn't work let an adult of some sort that there's an issue that needs to be addressed and let them handle the situation in a (hopeful) professional manner.  however cold shoulders work great in most situations, stop talking/listening, be cruel, put in headphones (don't have to listen to anything), walk away... if you're concerned you're going to hurt his feelings, trust me, you're not going to handle out of school life very much. 
BartonDH's avatar
I had "friends" on the past that fit your description, now that i'm older i regret not have being closer to them, and not considering them friends at all, sometimes all those feelings like "he is looking down on me, he think he is better than me, who does he think he is correcting me, etc" are just in our heads, and the other person truly cares and wants the best for us.
So if you really want to end it, be respectful and honest about the situation, because if you don't handle the situation well, you could end up full of regret for a long time.
Vineris's avatar
There's really no way to unfriend this person without hurting his feelings somehow, whether you're direct about it or whether you ignore him or whatever.  There's like... no magic cheat code for handling conflict.  You just have to do it, even though you don't like it and it makes you feel anxious.  The good news is that learning about how to handle conflict now is going to make your adult life a LOT better.  People who are afraid of hurting feelings or bringing up what they want get walked all over in adult life and have to endure a lot of crap from jerks who take advantage of them.  If you learn how to deal with the bad feelings of disappointing someone or making them angry then you'll have the ability to say no to your boss, a toxic friend, or even a stranger that's making your life difficult.  It's a super important skill to learn.

But it's not gonna feel good.  You kinda have to accept that sometimes you're going to be in a lousy situation where every action leads to some kind of bad feeling, and you're going to have to pick the action that is most likely to have the best results in the future.

Now... there's two things that you can try doing here.  You can either be straightforward and say that you don't want to be friends any more, or you can try to do a softer long-term approach where you call out your friend's actions.  There's pros and cons to each approach. 

The straightforward way you get all your feelings out in one go, and then you enforce your decision to end the friendship by walking away when your ex-friend wants to interact, not responding to him, etc.  Buuut you can't actually MAKE him leave you alone, and he's probably going to still hang around, try to get a reaction out of you, or retaliate for you hurting him.  It sucks but you can't really take something away from someone without affecting them and they're going to react to that.

The soft approach means that you still remain "friends", but when he does things that you hate, you either speak up about it, or ignore it and change the subject.  So if he's bragging about his grades you might say "yeah, cool. Hey, did you see the latest episode of X-Series-You're-Into?" then you launch into what you liked about the episode, or talk about whatever you're actually interested in.  If he insults it or says you're boring you can say "well *I* like it" and shrug and turn away, or keep talking or whatever.  You don't take the bait if he tries to start an argument and you don't reward him for talking about things you aren't interested in.  If he tries to correct your homework you can say "thanks, but I'm trying to figure it out for myself" and ignore what he says if he gets offended.  Basically it's a cross between being assertive and asking for what you want, and ignoring or deflecting any of his actions you don't think are good but can't or don't want to challenge directly.

This requires a lot more effort over a longer period of time, but over time he'll either cut back on the behaviour that annoys you or he'll discover other friends who reward him more than you do and he'll spend more time with them.  This is a good approach when you have to deal with self-centered annoying people you have to be polite to and can't just dump outright (like bosses and family members).  You can also do a slow fade on your friend by being "busy" more often, but that doesn't work so well if your friendship mainly happens in school.  However you can start to take longer to respond to his texts or messages, be kind of boring when you do respond and slowly cut down on your exposure to him.

This also has the potential to end in a big fight, but is less risky.  After all, if you're just boring and self-centered (or acting as if you are) that's not a direct challenge or rejection.  Also... you should remember that if someone is bragging about their grades all the time, especially when nobody asked them, it probably comes from insecurity inside them.  Someone who has to make themselves look better than other people secretly suspects that they're not as good.  His behaviour is still a problem but understanding where it comes from can make it easier to not just hate the guy for being kind of a dick.

Aaaanyway.  Good luck.  People make a lot of social mistakes in high school, which can really suck at the time, but high school is also very temporary so any mistakes you make are going to be limited to a few years.  It's a good time to start learning how to be assertive, how to deal with different kinds of people, and how to deal with the consequences of making social mistakes.  Even if something goes horribly wrong it's not going to last forever and after you graduate you never have to talk to any of these people again unless you want to.
RedTherapist's avatar
Well nobody is perfect after all and since both of you are still in high school, there is still a long way to develop as a person. Saying what you feel about them actually helps their personal development but it's his decision to whether accept it or strive to became better for you. After all, a real friend would make you feel happy.

Criticism is always the key to be better. Always welcome any form of it if it means you'll get better grades or get better at something. So just roll with the punches if it means that he's teaching stuff you didn't know or anything that gives you good grades BUT you are also free to criticize him for his behavior. If he does adjust his behavior (this takes time though) that means he really sees you as a friend if not then uhh... go find a new one.

tl;dr Bruh, just tell him he's an a-hole and it's annoying the hell out of you. If he stays an a-hole then it's better to be acquaintances than "friends". 
SaintPoe's avatar
tl;dr

have sex with his best friend
Citrus-Chickadee's avatar
I didn't say anything to him about it, cause i'm nervous i'd hurt his feelings.

I mean... how else is he gonna know if you don't say anything? :B Just pretending you still like him isn't good for either of you.

Just straight-up tell him, and if that doesn't work, then try to sit away from him and/or ignore him.
kirby6119's avatar
yea I guess you're right, thenk you
Imperator-Xolo's avatar
Hurt his feelings.
dark-sheikah's avatar
You're not a terrible person for telling the truth. You have a right to your own space and your own sanity as anyone else lol

Try telling him, "I appreciate you trying to help but it isn't necessary. I'd rather figure this out on my own." Or even more bluntly, if he's trying to correct you on something or say how great he is and being polite hasn't worked, just ignore the statement completely or say "I don't care," and change the subject.

He sounds like he may be a bit insecure about himself, possibly a narcissist, so he has to reassert how well he is doing. If bragging isn't getting the attention he wants from you, hopefully he'll either stop or find someone else to feed off of. It doesn't have to be you.
kirby6119's avatar
Thanks for the advice!! 

I hope eventually he does realize that bragging won't help him, no one is perfect 
LavleyArt's avatar
I used to be that kind of person :dummy: just I've never had high grades ^^; I was just a smartass who didn't realize other peoples feelings and me correcting them was my kind of showing that I care, I thought they'd be grateful.

Just tell him the truth. You can say it nicely but tell him how being corrected feels bad and all that. I mean it's gonna sting him somewhere in all cases but maybe he can think about if once the sting becomes older. If he doesn't then well it's pretty much his problem.
If he wents on a tantrum then you are allowed to be rude to make it clear that you are very honest about what you say.

Sometimes people have to learn the hard way as I can tell from experience :D
kirby6119's avatar
I think that's a good idea. It may be hard for me to do but if I want to be happy, honesty would be an ideal choice. 

Thank you so much for the helpful advice <3
LavleyArt's avatar
You're welcome :la: And if you feel bad by being so honest towards him, just keep in mind that you are giving him a chance to think about his actions and learm about what is appropriate and what not which will be damn useful for him in the future. :meow: If he doesn't seize the chance then he cannot be helped.
Blubird513's avatar
Dude, I had a 2 super close friends in 7th grade. They're both fucking annoying now. They have not changed a bit, they act like children after 5 years! They like to brag and correct others, one of them spews out fact after fact when he answers questions, not shutting up til the entire class tells him to. 

Even I yelled at him to shut up at one point when the teachers wouldn't say anything about it. 

The other likes to steal jokes, twist stories, say random things about his family life that we aren't comfortable hearing, talking shit about his family, is rude to his little brother, talks down on people when they show him their artwork when he draws like a FUCKING KINDERGARTENER! This kid takes about 3 different art classes.

Dude, me and my closest friend now just try and stride away from them, sitting away from them and outward telling them to shut up whenever they annoy us. Point being, speak up if they annoy you and don't take their shit. If they try to guilt you, stab at their supposed entitlement. Like why do they get to decide who you're friends with?
Anyways, best of luck!
Golden-Bones's avatar
Sorry if this comes off as rude, but fuc his feelings. Tell him to leave you alone. It will only get worst. I had the same thing happen to me. Its not fun and its not going to stop.
kirby6119's avatar
nah it's not rude at all. thanks for the advice. If I notice it getting any worse for me i'll most likely do that as a last resort. thank you : ))
Golden-Bones's avatar
Welcome! Glad to help!