How do you find the strength to hold on?
Well, I guess I'm posting this here because I have no other outlets. A few hours ago- a friend of mine sent me an awfully long text. It was pretty much her telling me that she's done with our friendship and how I "only saw her as a monster" - which was never true in the first place, despite our past drama, I set it aside. On Tuesday we hung out together with a close group of friends, and it was a really good time. We even made plans to go to the mall when her mom gave her the money. I don't know what happened- or what I did wrong. Was it something I said? The way I spoke? I don't know. But..reading it was like a cherry on top to all of the bad things that have been going on at home. It brought back an awful pain and it made me realize, maybe I don't have a place with anyone. Maybe I just don't matter at all- despite my attempts to get better and get out of my shell. All I want is to have a friend group who I can truly be myself around, and thats all I ever wanted. These types of situations hurt my heart deeply because I don't have many friends I can trust, or even call a best friend. Now with this situation ongoing, I feel even more alienated and alone from that friend group. Im starting to feel like my brother, my mom, and everyone was right about me, I have no friends.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much having to bottle up everything thats been bothering me since 9th grade ended. Having to go to court with my mother over a domestic abuse case with my dad, having him call me a liar infront of multiple judges, dealing with CPS, having my dad arrested for assaulting me, and then having my mom threaten to beat me with a shoe all because I didn't take cold medicine. All I want is someone who understands, someone who will listen to me, and someone who will accept me for...me. Im tired of being a prisoner to anxiety and depression. I honestly don't know how much longer I can hold on until I'm 17. The small amount of hope I had is quickly diminishing..and I just need to know how to hold on long enough.
I just don't know what to do anymore. It hurts so much having to bottle up everything thats been bothering me since 9th grade ended. Having to go to court with my mother over a domestic abuse case with my dad, having him call me a liar infront of multiple judges, dealing with CPS, having my dad arrested for assaulting me, and then having my mom threaten to beat me with a shoe all because I didn't take cold medicine. All I want is someone who understands, someone who will listen to me, and someone who will accept me for...me. Im tired of being a prisoner to anxiety and depression. I honestly don't know how much longer I can hold on until I'm 17. The small amount of hope I had is quickly diminishing..and I just need to know how to hold on long enough.
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Honestly, I feel your pain, losing people sucks, feeling like you don't belong sucks, having a shit family sucks.
The good thing is, as you get older, things change, new people come in your life, you find your new home, you find your new family, you'll find your group of friend that will make you feel like you're at the right place, like you don't need anyone else and when you'll do, your past will all seem so far away. Trust me on this, things get better.
The good thing is, as you get older, things change, new people come in your life, you find your new home, you find your new family, you'll find your group of friend that will make you feel like you're at the right place, like you don't need anyone else and when you'll do, your past will all seem so far away. Trust me on this, things get better.
Tell her you fucked her boyfriend and enjoy the fallout from a distance.
Eh, we all dont matter, really.
Just get to a place that you've been before, like a school. Its an astonishing experience. You're completely gone. Nobody is missing you at all.
You have had it rough. It looks like you're having a hard time not feeling isolated from people because you're not getting the care and understanding you need, right? I was around your age when I began to feel a similar way; although I was not under extreme circumstances as yourself, sometimes having peace and quiet as an independent person means not be able to share the joys you feel when you're alone. Likewise, the same even goes for expressing pain when considering find a person to talk about it to.
However, I grew up rather disinterested in others so this was something I never considered. Even so, our needs most of the time tend to be the same.
To me, I think building relationships has a certain risk factor to it one must be willing to take. But we can also ask the questions the most important to us which enables us to take action in relieving that feeling of loneliness and isolation. I don't know what you're looking for in a relationship in general, but I'm certain it involves being with somoene who is more than a good listener.
If you have anything that you consider to be of value in someone else's personality and character, perhaps you can share that with us? What kind of relationship and care did you want to see in a parent, and how can you fulfill that want when establishing a relationship with other people, offline or online? Do you have a way to organize your thoughts in order to keep a clear and steadfast mind and resolve, as opposed to simply enduring the pain?
If you are comfortable doing so, we would also like to hear more in detail the text your friend sent you, and why she sees you as a monster. Maybe there is something on her side of your story that you missed which you failed to see and consider, and seeing that, if looked at from a different perspective, won't need you to directly talk to her about it.
However, I grew up rather disinterested in others so this was something I never considered. Even so, our needs most of the time tend to be the same.
To me, I think building relationships has a certain risk factor to it one must be willing to take. But we can also ask the questions the most important to us which enables us to take action in relieving that feeling of loneliness and isolation. I don't know what you're looking for in a relationship in general, but I'm certain it involves being with somoene who is more than a good listener.
If you have anything that you consider to be of value in someone else's personality and character, perhaps you can share that with us? What kind of relationship and care did you want to see in a parent, and how can you fulfill that want when establishing a relationship with other people, offline or online? Do you have a way to organize your thoughts in order to keep a clear and steadfast mind and resolve, as opposed to simply enduring the pain?
If you are comfortable doing so, we would also like to hear more in detail the text your friend sent you, and why she sees you as a monster. Maybe there is something on her side of your story that you missed which you failed to see and consider, and seeing that, if looked at from a different perspective, won't need you to directly talk to her about it.
I can't offer any advice on how to renew your hope, but the way I distract myself from loneliness and family troubles is just by playing games.
Not the best solution I know, but it takes my mind off things, gives me something to enjoy, and picking out what to play next gives me something to look forward to.
At this point it's probably an addiction, but it gets me through the day.
I'm sure the other forum users will have some more sensible suggestions, but I figured I might as well say something. Good luck, and remember that things will get better eventually.
Not the best solution I know, but it takes my mind off things, gives me something to enjoy, and picking out what to play next gives me something to look forward to.
At this point it's probably an addiction, but it gets me through the day.
I'm sure the other forum users will have some more sensible suggestions, but I figured I might as well say something. Good luck, and remember that things will get better eventually.
Hey there. Sorry you're having a lot of problem rn. Hope things look up for you 
About the friend thing tho, if you don't understand her behavior towards you, I think you should maybe have a convo with her irl? You should talk to her about it so hopefully you can make up and be good again.
I don't really know what to say about the other things except that your life will change--time changes everything.
Good luck with life ^^ Always here if you need a hug :3
About the friend thing tho, if you don't understand her behavior towards you, I think you should maybe have a convo with her irl? You should talk to her about it so hopefully you can make up and be good again.
I don't really know what to say about the other things except that your life will change--time changes everything.
Good luck with life ^^ Always here if you need a hug :3