Trust is hard to gain and easy to lose. If I were you I wouldn't forgive him just like that because it would give him the impression that it wasn't that bad at all. Maybe motivating him to do things like these again. Why? He'd lose resprect from you. You should leave your household for a while and stay somewhere else if you feel suicidal. If not that at least don't share bed.
What do you mean by: "I don't know how to stop hurting." Why do you even blame yourself? Why are the others not on your side? Or is this a thing with two sides of the medal?
Have you tried to talk to your friends? Or do you only fear that they wouldn't react properly (like you wish them to)?
I'd wait and see what actions he takes in the future. Part of a genuine apology is taking action in order to not do it again, and making amends.
People make mistakes. Anybody can do something stupid and hurtful and thoughtless. We all step on one another's toes sometimes. And yeah, it hurts. You're going to have a big bruise on your psyche for a bit. But the difference between a good person and a bad one is whether they get off your toes and try hard to not do it again.
Edit: keep in mind that your feelings are a story you are telling yourself about what's going on. They don't necessarily reflect reality, nor should you blindly act on them. If you're depressed then your brain tells a lot of negative stories. You're going to have to get out from under the influence of those stories. Loneliness and isolation tends to make depression worse. Get back in contact with people. I'm not saying it'll make you feel good, but it might well help prevent you from sliding deeper into the depression hole and it'll take some of the pressure off your relationship. One person can't be your entire support system.
sorry...super lame attempt at super bad joke usually I break up with guys I can't trust any longer... when they do stuff that is so bad it breaks my trust in them, that also tends to kill all feelings I have for them..... I do relapse sometimes and imagine 'what could have been' if I gave him another chance (especially at times when my current relationship turns sour), but... then I know there's a good reason we broke up, and it wouldn't work out anyway. id rather not be in a relationship than be in one that makes nobody happy.
I'm married to him though, breaking up is not easy even if I wanted to. And its not like I don't trust him at all. He didn't cheat or anything. He just kind of... kicked me right in the insecurity right when I was most insecure. Like needing reassurance but being insulted instead. I don't want to go into details.