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February 9
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what do you guys consider to be an abusive relationship

:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Edited Feb 9, 2018
no its not abt me im fine ive been too focused on other aspects of life for relationships anyway

but im curious abt someone else whos relationship directly effects me but i still dont know if what they have together can really go under 'toxic' and searching online still has me unsure but simultaneously worried.

so what do you guys consider as abusive/toxic??? (more specifically romantically)
and sry for those of you who have gone through/are going through this kind of thing
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:iconshizuko-akatsuki:
Shizuko-Akatsuki Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
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:iconshammiee:
Shammiee Featured By Owner Feb 15, 2018  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
When a person makes their friend/partner repeatedly and fully knowingly feel bad.
Exception is when the relationship or one of the persons has to go through a development phase and the pain is a side effect of that, and only temporarily. This happens often.
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:iconniotabunny:
niotabunny Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
forcing a partner to do something they don't want to do, either by constant reminding and/or manipulation, treating them like garbage, literally, they will call them names, bully them and so forth, to even physical violence.  and yes either gender can be like this, it's not as uncommon as it use to be for females to be just as vicious as males in a relationship.  they buy them things they wouldn't wear, force them to wear them or not wear something... further assistance can be found on this link stoprelationshipabuse.org/educ…
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:icondabair:
DaBair Featured By Owner Edited Feb 15, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
I've seen women try to control their boyfriends' appearances. For example, some women who hook up with long-haired guys force them to cut their hair short. Another example is women dating guys who wear glasses and tell them to stop wearing glasses even if the guy needs the glasses. And that's not getting into the girls who want their boyfriends to lose weight, become muscular, or dress differently.

Another thing that people frequently forget is that it's possible for same-sex relationships to be abusive. In fact, same-sex domestic violence is frequently ignored by the media.
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:iconplayfulmalice:
PlayfulMalice Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2018   General Artist
Me, i am everything that makes a relationship total shit! Just take a good look at me! No one wants anything to do with me!
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:icondeviant-garde:
deviant-garde Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018
A relationship where boundary crossing behavior is an integral part of it. The person mistreats you in a way that isn't going away, that isn't some tiny argument you have and resolve and you continue on with your life. In fact, it makes your life abnormal.
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:iconlytrigian:
Lytrigian Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
Any relationship that is too asymmetrical in terms of what one partner will yield to the other is, in some sense, toxic.
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:iconvineris:
Vineris Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Professional General Artist
A relationship should be a positive thing in your life.  So if you regularly feel bad in your relationship (even if in between the bad times relationship feels wonderful) and your SO does or says things that are selfish, hurtful or cruel to you, and they don't apologize AND make effort to change, then it's probably some level of abuse.

If your SO is doing something for themselves, and not at you, to you or to punish you and it makes you feel bad then you might just be compatible.  Like maybe you don't like being left alone but your SO likes to spend a lot of time on their own.  Then you both just have incompatible needs and you might need to go out with someone who likes to spend more time together.  But if your SO deliberately goes out in order to make you feel bad, that's kinda abusive.
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
thank you for telling me
i understand a little better now
i suppose it'd just be better to sit down and have a talk with them 
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:iconvineris:
Vineris Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Professional General Artist
Unfortunately talking to abusive people often doesn't work because they know they're abusive and they like it.  They will often make excuses for their behaviour, gaslight, or promise to act better.  For a short while they're very nice and apologetic to the abuse victim because they don't want the victim to leave.  But eventually their true face shows again.

You can talk to the victim.  It can be helpful to show them online resources about dealing with abusive people so that they understand that their abuser isn't a nice person who sometimes gets hurtful, they're an asshole who is nice sometimes to keep the victim from leaving.
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:iconrosa-arcoiris:
rosa-arcoiris Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Writer
I recently got out of an abusive relationship and started anew with a close friend I had been interested in for quite a while. My best advice to you is that if you think a relationship is abusive, please support your friend who is involved. If you point out the problems, they will not listen. They will make excuses for the abuser because that's simply the nature of it. The victim has to realize on their own that something is gravely wrong - and as a friend, your responsibly is to be there to help them out of the situation when they come to terms with it.

Abuse can manifest in many different ways depending on the context of the couple. Is one partner controlling? Is one partner constantly tearing the other down? Does this partner bar the other from leaving, especially with guilt tripping or violent threats? These are red flags, but far from the only ones. If you're concerned about you friend's relationship, talk to them. Ask them about how they're feeling, but be gentle because you absolutely cannot force them into realizing they are being abused if that's the case.
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
Im glad to hear you got out of there sry you had to deal with one

and yeah ive been trying to help but it gets really out of hand... its not like the kind of thing where one person is the victim and one is the abuser, its more like theyre both the abuser AND both play the victim rolls and theyre both much older than me so i get very silently frustrated that they cant sit down to really talk things out when me, a younger outsider can see so many problems...

idk its just a really bad situation
i'll try my best to get through to them though
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:icondannylynn-adams:
DannyLynn-Adams Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018   Traditional Artist
Abusive either emotionally or physically. They tear you down, and then quickly pull the crying act when you call them on it. Beg for you back and say they'll change etc.

They 'suggest' things for you to buy them, but when you dont they never let you forget it. Blame everything on you, even if it's their fault. They make sure your self esteem so damn low you wont have the confidence to break up with em and they are all you got.

They judge and criticize everything you do in the most horrid way, make you do everything, suck money out of you like a leech.

I can go on forever but yea a friend of mine suffered at the hands of someone like this.
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
hmmm yeah a lot of these things do match the couple
i guess i'll have to find a way to help them out that hopefully wont drain me too badly

and im sry ur friend had to deal with someone like that
i wish them the best in life
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:icondannylynn-adams:
DannyLynn-Adams Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018   Traditional Artist
Your best bet is to be there for the one that is suffering and give them the strength to leave the one that's harming them.

Trust me they are killing them slowly despite what they claim.

And it's ok, they got away from this toxic person, thanks to the help of her friends and myself ^^
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
ahh thats the hard part though cause like theyre both kind of harming each other but theyre both also victims? i dont know how i should approach them abt it as feel like they might not listen. i guess my only bet is to still try and talk some sense into the both of them then?

and thats good :D
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:iconmdsd95:
mdsd95 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist General Artist
A abusive relationship it's when one of the member in the couple treat like a bad things his/her love, insult him/her, beat him/her, manipulate him/her, be too possessive. A relationship don't be like that...
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
i understand thank you for sharing
and yeah it shouldnt be like that :(
some of those things were happening though
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:iconninebark:
ninebark Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What about the relationship bothers you?
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
um just how they act with each other
involves a lot of yelling and fighting over petty things 
and maybe some psychological things? like uh when one person is personally doing something to maybe control or provoke the other but still not unconsciously meaning to hurt them??

its alright that doesnt sit right with me
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:iconninebark:
ninebark Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2018  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Well, that doesn't sound healthy. Though if you're still in school, a lot of relationships aren't amazing during this time, because people are still trying to figure out what relationships are and how to navigate them and what to do, so it might not be deliberately malicious in an of itself. That doesn't make it not unhealthy, of course.

Tell your friend that you're concerned once, and then just be a friend to him/her. I usually doesn't do any good to try to push a person who's in a relationship to do something about that relationship. All it does is make them feel judged and isolated. Just be a friend and be ready to be there for them if/when they decide to break up. 
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:iconjcoolarts:
JCoolArts Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018  Professional General Artist
An overly controlling relationship is abusive, likewise verbally abusive and physically abusive. There are things almost as bad, but those 3 categories are what are most easily recognized as abusive.
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:iconmoonske:
Moonske Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2018
okay thank you for the help Doh! 
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