Friends who use you as their bartenders


poppyrously's avatar
How do you get rid of these kinds of friends?? Like you know that they're using you as their bartender/emotional support pillow but they barely ask about you nor listen to your advice

like if you genuinely give then advice they'll be like "Oh please Pauline I just want someone to talk to! I don't need a counselor right now, just an ear, okay??" And god this ear is tired of being an emotional punching bag.

I barely talk about my emotions and y'know what they say "why don't you smile a little? You look like a slob" bitch I'm upset and that's how you comfort me after all your ranting???

It's really getting on my nerves but I always try to be the calm one, the nice one but I'm at my limit with this. I'm fucking tired of being their mom. I lowkey wanna drop them but seriously they'll do shit like tell me how much of a bad friend I am and shit so I come back at them but idk I'm probably stupid so yeah just ranting rn cuz I need to get this steam off me.
Comments49
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Drakensson's avatar
Yes you are stupid......that's why this is still an ongoing thing
poppyrously's avatar
olq-plo's avatar
When I saw the title, I thought they wanted you to prepare drinks for them lmao
Shidaku's avatar
Two options from experience:

Be direct that you're tired of listening to their shit without anything from them.  They'll probably call you a selfish piece of shit who doesn't care about others and stop being your friend.

Ghost them.  They'll probably tell all their friends about how selfish you are and act like you were a big fat meanieface to them for not being their emotional punching bag.

If you're not interested in keeping these people as friends, I advise the first one.
poppyrously's avatar
Thanks for the advice man, I've been trying to ghost them but I just feel guilt-tripped every time I encounter them and stuff so my sorry ass keeps on making up shitty excuses. Still need the courage to be direct since I'm a passive person, but hopefully I'll be able to talk to them about it

in short me who can rant about this shit but can't talk to them about it really makes me a total ass
Shidaku's avatar
Yeah, it sounds like you'll probably have to take the direct approach.  I've been there, I feel ya.
Elgrig's avatar
I'd stop hanging out with them. I do it all the time and people call me "fake friend" and I'm like, how can I even be a fake friend when I don't even consider you my friend?
poppyrously's avatar
This
This is the Tea

tbh long ago I really feel like we're friends but now it feels more like I'm a support pillow for then smh
Elgrig's avatar
You can start ghosting. My favourite excuse is I'm busy or I'm doing chores for my mom's second cousin's dog.
poppyrously's avatar
lmao love that excuse :XD:
Psuedonoms's avatar
My best friend is like this. Anything that is bothering him he will talk to me about and I will listen. But if I ever want support most of the time I get the feeling it is an inconvenience to him. He often just goes silent or doesn't know what to say. I stopped bothering telling him much about my life except when things are going well. Because instead of feeling better for venting my issues, I just feel like an asshole instead. 

That being said. I kinda always knew this about him. Most guys suck at dealing with emotions in an honest way. He has been there for me when it really counted. And honestly if it wasn't for that person in my life I don't think I would still be here today. 
poppyrously's avatar
Hits me hard as well

I used to have all the fun stuff with these kinds of people back in the days too but lately, more like a therapist nowadays. I miss the good ol days.
PotatoOftheSalad's avatar
I've had this problem a lot, and i know EXACTLY what you mean, and i'm still kinda in this situation with toxic friends. My advice is to just let go of them. Ik you've probably gotten this a hundred times but really i think that's the best option. 
poppyrously's avatar
Lowkey wanna let go too, but idk my easy to get guilt-trip ass wants me to stay but my mind wanna drop them off then my sorry ass would think about the horrors of burning bridges and my heart would remind me of the good times jeez this body has too many minds of it own

That or I'm just paranoid as usual

Anyways thanks for the advice man, glad I'm not the only one dealing with this problem and I greatly appreciate ya
Wolflich's avatar
What does it matter if people you don't want as friends think you're a bad friend?
poppyrously's avatar
Somehow for me cuz I get guilt-trip all the time but true that shouldn't really matter so fair point my dude
zpnn's avatar
you mean therapist? you shouldnt treat your bartender like that, lol
KaizenKitty's avatar
ye it's what hairdressers are for ;P
zpnn's avatar
nah its really more of a therapist thing tbh 
poppyrously's avatar
Nah I don't treat my bartender like that, dw it's more of a culture thing on us (since here most drunk peeps usually rant on the bartenders and pay em tips after listening to them)
ShinigamiOokamiRyuu's avatar
oh that's easy I haven't been someone's bartender in over a year now.  people come to me with their problems, I have various things: such as that'll be 90 bucks, or I ignore them, I tell them how I feel (not offer up advice they don't listen to it anyways) aka the cold hard facts of life, or simply to go away or even walk away.  they'll soon develop the concept and stop coming around as well.
poppyrously's avatar
Oh man thanks for the advice! Been trying to ghost them lately too, but man they're persistent, though hopefully they'll meet a new emotional support pillow that they can lean on