Moving and this whole relationshit thing is just garbage
I'm in the process of preparing to move out of the house that I share with my partner and his elderly parents. Unfortunately I have to wait for a friend to sort out her own issues before I can make my exit and so I'm forced to cohabit with these people for longer than I would rather continue doing.
It's not that my relationship is a total train wreck (although it definitely isn't great) I just REALLY need space from it all. Starting to think I'm just not meant to be in relationshits at all. I liked being single.
The thing is that, despite all the shitty things, there's still stuff I do like about living there, and I do love my partner despite everything. So my resolve to leave wobbles on a daily basis between "FUCK THIS I'M OUT" to "aww you stupid human you're still pretty adorbs and I
you".
Thankfully (?) there's enough horrid shit to remind me why I want out until I can actually go. I came home from visiting with previously mentioned friend one evening this week, to him being like "Hurhur the cat chewed on the plastic garbage bag and then threw up on my shorts which I left on the floor, isn't that funny?!" and the vomitey shorts were still there, in the middle of the floor. Like wat. Were you saving them for me?
That one thing may seem mild but there's SO MANY little things, that it's just not really worth the stress and mental anguish the whole shebang causes me to suffer through on the daily. Like how his mum likes to guilt me for "taking up the whole kitchen" when I'm prepping my healthy meals for the week even though if she just cleaned up and kept tidy her own nightmare mess, there would be another 6 feet of available counter space.
Or how his 64 year old father faps ON THE DAILY on the PC in the living room, at all hours of the day. WHAT JOY. Can't even count the number of times I've come out of my bedroom at 6AM to find him already scrolling through porn. Do you not sleep dude? Can you not just use one of the dozens and dozens of disgusting porn magazines you have strewn around the house and take it to the washroom? UGH.
I just want to live somewhere that's clean, and tidy, and nobody gets drunk and punches things, or falls asleep holding full glasses of wine while watching old 70's TV reruns or jerks their gherkin in a shared space. Is that so much to ask? Can't wait to get out of there! *weeps quietly*
I want to move out of the house I share with my partner and his parents, but I can't yet, and it sucks because I still have feels for my partner despite everything and that makes it extra hard and I JUST WANNA GET OUT ALREADY.
It's not that my relationship is a total train wreck (although it definitely isn't great) I just REALLY need space from it all. Starting to think I'm just not meant to be in relationshits at all. I liked being single.
The thing is that, despite all the shitty things, there's still stuff I do like about living there, and I do love my partner despite everything. So my resolve to leave wobbles on a daily basis between "FUCK THIS I'M OUT" to "aww you stupid human you're still pretty adorbs and I
you". Thankfully (?) there's enough horrid shit to remind me why I want out until I can actually go. I came home from visiting with previously mentioned friend one evening this week, to him being like "Hurhur the cat chewed on the plastic garbage bag and then threw up on my shorts which I left on the floor, isn't that funny?!" and the vomitey shorts were still there, in the middle of the floor. Like wat. Were you saving them for me?
That one thing may seem mild but there's SO MANY little things, that it's just not really worth the stress and mental anguish the whole shebang causes me to suffer through on the daily. Like how his mum likes to guilt me for "taking up the whole kitchen" when I'm prepping my healthy meals for the week even though if she just cleaned up and kept tidy her own nightmare mess, there would be another 6 feet of available counter space.
Or how his 64 year old father faps ON THE DAILY on the PC in the living room, at all hours of the day. WHAT JOY. Can't even count the number of times I've come out of my bedroom at 6AM to find him already scrolling through porn. Do you not sleep dude? Can you not just use one of the dozens and dozens of disgusting porn magazines you have strewn around the house and take it to the washroom? UGH.
I just want to live somewhere that's clean, and tidy, and nobody gets drunk and punches things, or falls asleep holding full glasses of wine while watching old 70's TV reruns or jerks their gherkin in a shared space. Is that so much to ask? Can't wait to get out of there! *weeps quietly*
I want to move out of the house I share with my partner and his parents, but I can't yet, and it sucks because I still have feels for my partner despite everything and that makes it extra hard and I JUST WANNA GET OUT ALREADY.Comments56
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Oh damn! The Dad jerking off in full view would be enough of a deal-breaker right there.
There must be a hell of a lot of tension in that household. All I can really say is to know your boundaries,
and protect them, no matter what. There's nothing worse than sacrificing your own integrity for the sake
of loving somebody else. I found this out the hard way.
I hope things get better for you soon.
There must be a hell of a lot of tension in that household. All I can really say is to know your boundaries,
and protect them, no matter what. There's nothing worse than sacrificing your own integrity for the sake
of loving somebody else. I found this out the hard way.
I hope things get better for you soon.
Yeah it's pretty horrible. His dad is a trucker and occasionally does overnight trips where he spends a night away and those are my favourite days of the week because I can actually breathe and not worry about turning a corner to catch him in some compromising and exposed position 
I'm pretty much set on moving out now, especially after getting home from a weekend away to attend a wedding, to find my partner drunk as a skunk at the neighbour's. Then he kept me up until 1AM poking me and pestering me and flailing around on our queen sized bed until he'd near shoved me over the edge. And then told me I was being unreasonable in asking him to move over
I'm crossing my fingers and toes I'll be able to move out labour day weekend.
I'm pretty much set on moving out now, especially after getting home from a weekend away to attend a wedding, to find my partner drunk as a skunk at the neighbour's. Then he kept me up until 1AM poking me and pestering me and flailing around on our queen sized bed until he'd near shoved me over the edge. And then told me I was being unreasonable in asking him to move over
I'm crossing my fingers and toes I'll be able to move out labour day weekend.
Wow, drop-kick all of them right out of your life, you don't need that BS.
That is the best plan ever 
I'm trying to collect my things together stealthily before actually announcing my departure to try and avoid any unpleasant emotional outbursts on his part but we'll see.
I'm trying to collect my things together stealthily before actually announcing my departure to try and avoid any unpleasant emotional outbursts on his part but we'll see.Yes, trying to avoid any physical/emotional conflicts is the way to go I think. 
I gotta tell ya, if I didn't have the support of my parents I might very well be trying to rebuild my relationship with my ex instead of getting a divorce. It's so easy to waffle. You get angry and then you see something that reminds you how much you love them. You get sad and then they do something that makes you happy. You remember how hard you worked to make this relationship work and go "Am I ready to throw this all away?" and then they go and say something that makes you want to throat-punch them. You remember all rare times they did something that was selfless or happy and somehow your brain copy-pastes that memory over the endless list of times they were selfish, mean or cold.
It's so easy to just go back to what you know. To do the same thing again, to try to stay safe in the known instead of taking that leap into the unknown. Be that newfound singledom (which frankly, singledom after a heavy relationship is NOT the same as singledom before) or into a new relationship or something else entirely! That's hard. We puny humans? We naturally gravitate away from what is hard. But sometimes you gotta just chin-up and kick the old easy road in the teeth and head off into the unknown.
And when the time comes to really do it, to step out that front door for the last time it's gonna be so hard.
But you're a strong person. I know you'll do it.
It's so easy to just go back to what you know. To do the same thing again, to try to stay safe in the known instead of taking that leap into the unknown. Be that newfound singledom (which frankly, singledom after a heavy relationship is NOT the same as singledom before) or into a new relationship or something else entirely! That's hard. We puny humans? We naturally gravitate away from what is hard. But sometimes you gotta just chin-up and kick the old easy road in the teeth and head off into the unknown.
And when the time comes to really do it, to step out that front door for the last time it's gonna be so hard.
But you're a strong person. I know you'll do it.
* "...or jerks their gherkin in a shared space..." *
Watdahphakizdatshek~?! Really? That's enough reason to really go--
...catching the dad, maybe... but what if it was the mom?...
JesusHChristOnAMountainBike...
Watdahphakizdatshek~?! Really? That's enough reason to really go-- ...catching the dad, maybe... but what if it was the mom?... JesusHChristOnAMountainBike...It's definitely his dad, he's not at all shy about it. Unless his wife is in the room - in which case he'll bring up a fresh game of Solitaire or the MSN News page - he doesn't even try to hide what he's doing. He'll keep on scrolling through pages of porn videos like t'aint no thang.
After having walked in on him in the bath tub a few times (while he had the lights off and left the door wide open, to my credit) I usually cough and make all sorts of very-much-me-and-not-his-wife noises when I go upstairs, just in case, to alert him of my presence. Well after making all the appropriate warning sounds, I turned the corner at the head of the stairs to find his dad buck naked in the hallway, and he just goes "Oh. Oops." And very casually wrapped himself in his robe like it wasn't a big deal I'd just seen his old-man junk.
After having walked in on him in the bath tub a few times (while he had the lights off and left the door wide open, to my credit) I usually cough and make all sorts of very-much-me-and-not-his-wife noises when I go upstairs, just in case, to alert him of my presence. Well after making all the appropriate warning sounds, I turned the corner at the head of the stairs to find his dad buck naked in the hallway, and he just goes "Oh. Oops." And very casually wrapped himself in his robe like it wasn't a big deal I'd just seen his old-man junk.
Gawd, I need more coffee and snacks for this...Yeah 
It's very tempting to develop a drinking problem living with these people. Now I try not to even look in his direction if I don't absolutely have you, because you never know.
It's very tempting to develop a drinking problem living with these people. Now I try not to even look in his direction if I don't absolutely have you, because you never know.
You must really love him if you're still there at this point.I do love him, and I'd actual proposed to him last summer. I'd bought rings and everything. When I pulled the ring out and asked him to marry me, he went all pale, and then made this weird strangled noise and hid his face in the couch and made more weird noises. To which I was like "So.... no, I take it?" and he was like "Well I'm not saying no..." but if it's not a yes to that question, it's basically a no T_T And I've sorta felt like leaving since last summer, the failed proposal really ramping up that feeling, but I always felt like I had nowhere good to go that wouldn't complicate the shit out of my life in an equally shit but different manner. I finally have an out (at least once my friend's loitering ex-boyfriend is finally out of her house, a month after their breakup and he's still not gone). I suspect the relationshit will crumble once I'm no longer living there though because he's very much an 'out of sight, out of mind' type of person and without me there everyday I can see him quickly lose interest or just get distracted and not put in the effort.
Hope the loitering ex's ass can be kicked out soon enough then; has she requested the police to come evict him or are there more complicated legal matters going on?
It's a pity your fella's been treating you like that. It really sounds like he's not ready for a serious commitment at the moment which is kinda heart-breaking since you've clearly put a lot of effort into trying to make things work out.
It may not be easy but I'm sure you'll find a good place soon enough. 
She's just concerned because she doesn't want to risk losing her house by kicking him out so she's hoping he'll go of his own volition rather than having to take it to court, although she's looking into getting a peace bond or a restraining order if he really isn't going to go. They have an 11 year old daughter together which complicates matters, but since he's got an extensive criminal record and is a complete alcoholic, there's an ice cube's chance in hell of his getting custody or really anything out of the breakup since they're not legally married and here in Ontario, common-law separations allow the owner of the home to keep it without having to split or pay off the other partner. She's really holding out for him to give her the money he owes for the last 2 months of mortgage payments but I honestly don't think he'll pay up.
I have put way too much effort into this. Even from the get go, I should've known better. I was always the one travelling to see him, I was always the one paying for our dinners out, I was always the one making plans for us etc. and he just sort of was happily along for the ride, reaping the benefits.
I have put way too much effort into this. Even from the get go, I should've known better. I was always the one travelling to see him, I was always the one paying for our dinners out, I was always the one making plans for us etc. and he just sort of was happily along for the ride, reaping the benefits.
Considering that there are safety concerns & a minor involved, she should forego the payments & just get him out. It doesn't sound like a pleasant solution but he's gonna keep leeching off her for as long as possible & once he's out, she can bring you or anyone else who can actually pay in. The law will definitely side with her in this case since she's the one who has been financially responsible.
In the beginning of any relationship, it's hard to tell where it'll end up & it's so easy to get caught up in being a good partner that you just ignore the other person's flaws or odd behaviors that might be red flags just because you love them. I hope that once you're out of there, you can take time to enjoy yourself & if he's smart, he'll realize everything you've done for him then try reciprocate it.
I keep telling her to just lock him out when he's not home and leave all his things in the garage, so he can't come back in and can't say she kept him from his things. Or just to call the cops to get him out. But she refuses, for whatever crazy reason. Same reason she stayed with him for 14 years until now, I guess. Her mother refuses to move in until he's good and gone too, because they never got along. I'm really hoping in the next few days I'll get a happy text saying he's gone but I'm not holding my breath.
Yeah... I still feel like I should've known better. We've known each other since we were 15 (we met in a Yahoo chat room when those were still a thing) and I'd actually been visiting him at one point and decided I didn't like it there and probably wouldn't come back. WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO MYSELF URGH.
Yeah... I still feel like I should've known better. We've known each other since we were 15 (we met in a Yahoo chat room when those were still a thing) and I'd actually been visiting him at one point and decided I didn't like it there and probably wouldn't come back. WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO MYSELF URGH.
I don't blame her mom for wanting to stay til he's gone since he might try something stupid. She's also not doing her own kid any favors by keeping him around since I bet that hasn't created a stable/loving environment. :/
Was this your first relationship?
View all replies
Ewwwwwwwww on the his dad fapping in the living room. Gross.
When I was living with my in-laws my relationship with my husband kinda went downhill because of the stress of -- well, living with his parents. Once we moved out, though, things improved. It sounds like the environment you're in is chaotic and toxic. It's hard to manage a relationship when you have to deal with that.
It's just magical!
Yeah it's really not great, but my partner isn't in any hurry to leave here. We were talking about it when I decided to tell him I felt the need to move out, with or without him, and he threw a fit like I was abandoning him and how I was going to make his life so much more difficult and it was like Dude. He's never lived anywhere else though, or without his parents, so he has no real conception of how two adults in a healthy relationship should exist living together. And it doesn't involve dodging my eyes from his dad in the living room T_T
Yeah it's really not great, but my partner isn't in any hurry to leave here. We were talking about it when I decided to tell him I felt the need to move out, with or without him, and he threw a fit like I was abandoning him and how I was going to make his life so much more difficult and it was like
Dude. He's never lived anywhere else though, or without his parents, so he has no real conception of how two adults in a healthy relationship should exist living together. And it doesn't involve dodging my eyes from his dad in the living room T_TBlegggh....yeah it sounds to me like he needs to make a choice between you or his parents.
He's basically said point blank he's not ready to move out yet, so I'm leaving without him to live somewhere that's actually good for me. If our relationship is strong, it'll work regardless, because I'll only be a 15 minute drive away and we both have vehicles. But I suspect he won't put a whole lot of effort into it once I'm not RIGHT THERE. He's very much an out of sight, out of mind kind of fellow.
I'm surprised an old perv like that hasn't tried anything on you. Or has he?