God, I hate giving anyone negative criticism, but...
There's a difference between writing casually on the internet and writing a story. First person stories are usually frowned upon, thought there are some that can pull it off. I'm not saying don't do the story in first person, just that it's sometimes easier to do it in third person.
Ellipses (this: ...) can usually replaced by commas or periods. Exclamation points should also be used sparingly, or else it'll sound like you're screaming at your readers. Also, if you want someone screaming in the story, say he/she/I screamed after the dialogue, don't type it in all caps.
You could also use some general improvement on spelling and grammar.
Honestly, you have a good story idea. Just polish it up a bit and I think it'll make a nice little gem of an idea.
You use ellipses too often. The voice is strong, but I don't like it. It comes off stupid, whiny, and ignorant of the world. Don't use capslock. Don't use multiple exclamation points--hell, try to refrain from even using one.
That's about as far as I got in to the first chapter.