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January 6, 2013
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Post something intellectual

:iconbassman1887:
bassman1887 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Forgive me, I'm coming off a flue and getting a cold. And alcohol has dulled my pain, so to speak. So I'm a little out of it. I also have a bad habit of posting and not responding due to social anxiety, but I'm hoping the alcohol has taken care of that.

Anyway, I'm so sick of things that look cool. If you look around, there are cooler looking things in real life than you could ever capture in a drawing, painting, or even a photo. I'm also sick of things meant to inspire emotion. Emotions inspired by art are contrived; fake. If you think a picture or story about death or love will remotely equate to what somebody actually feels about death or love, you're wrong. Half an hour later, nobody cared that Jack froze to death in the Atlantic so that Rose might live to be rescued atop a door. Also: don't get me wrong- art for the sake of getting something off your chest, venting, dealing with something, is great, even necessary, however it may not be relateable, and thus it's value is to oneself (which is absolutely fine) and not others.

Thoughts, however, can be exchanged via art between a viewer and the maker. They can expand the mind, and thus the world, of a person. I've said about film, but I think it applies to all art, that a great film (work of art) should not entertain, but be entertained. (It may sound pretentious. Maybe it is, I don't know. If you want to know what I mean by that, ask, it would be too long of a side bar to explain it now) It is in making a point, or asking a question, or criticizing, or showing something one perceives that others may not, that truly makes art a wonder and a worthy endeavor. Despite what I said earlier about emotion and art, they very much fit together if the portrayal of the emotion causes one to contemplate human nature.

If you're not completely turned off by how ungodly pretentious I seem (and probably am- it isn't intentional, I can assure you) and you do decide to post, note that I might not be nice. I'll try to ask questions before I outright criticize, but I can be a very particular person.

Anyway, post something worth thinking about. Post something that crosses my mind tonight while I try to sleep, that weighs on me all of tomorrow, that pops into my head next week that I'm still trying to piece together.
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Devious Comments

:iconokashy:
Okashy Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Professional General Artist
"We're people of the forest"
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:iconsophiaazhou:
sophiaazhou Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013


maybe?
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:iconponderhope:
PonderHope Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Student General Artist
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:iconbassman1887:
bassman1887 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Now the less technical points...

Right off the bat you need to know that no psychologist is really going to take dreams seriously. Freud is for the most part ancient history (there are some aspects that aren't- I've discussed this at length with my therapist... but dreams are not considered important in modern psychology) Anyway, that part has got to go.

Now for the general idea of your story. What is the theme? Don't fuck with shit? It's sort of a twist suitable for entertaining, but I'm really trying to wrap my head around what 'significance' it might have and I'm coming up blank. If I'm missing something, correct me. People want entertaining, so with some tweaking some might really like this (it reminds me of "Inception," a movie which I absolutely loathe) but I can't really say it's exactly enlightening. You could turn it into something. Expand on your ideas. Give it a reason, something for somebody to think other than "whoa..." Make it change somebody's life. But as it stands, and to give a film analogy (because film is what I know), this is more along the lines of Christopher Nolan (in idea, not even close in execution) whereas I was looking for something more along the lines of Bresson, Bunuel, Bergman or Fellini.
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:iconbassman1887:
bassman1887 Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
(First I have to question your age- does "96" mean you're 17ish right now? That is rhetorical. My point is that reading my fiance's stuff from when she was in high school until she graduated with a creative writing major, is night and day. Education for writing isn't 100% necessary, but there are certainly a few pointers you absolutely need)

First the technical stuff. My knowledge of this isn't perfect, but quite a few things my fiance has explained to me. The number one rule of writing is "Show, don't tell". Let me try to explain this. At one point you said "I woke up screaming as it touched me." (First, you're a little out of order. Explain that it touched you, then you woke up, this is besides the point) What you needed to do was explain what that waking experience was like. What did you notice? Was your heart pounding? Did you recognize your room right away? What thoughts were traveling through your head? In other words, details are essential. This is one instance- really, you need to expand just about every aspect of this. Make your reader see and feel what you're describing. The hard part is that I'm sure it's perfectly clear in your head, but there isn't enough detail for anybody else, and it is difficult to know what you see that they cannot. But, you definitely need more.

Dialog is usually a very important part of a story. However, you need to either expand vastly upon it, or keep this strictly narrative. The dialog you have isn't very believable. You need to run it through your head a thousand times, with each character's voice in your head, thinking "does this sound like something somebody would actually say?" I know how badly you want it to, but that doesn't make it true. You really need to be self-critical about this. You also have very little dialog. It's as though the other characters are just tools for your story, not characters. Dialog needs to advance the plot, and you do use it for that, but it doesn't work if the character isn't "real." This might be able to be fixed by adding some depth to the conversation- include physical reactions, add some meandering that isn't straight to the point, like a real conversation. A person should be able to see and hear that conversation happening.

I'm going to post this to give you something to read if you're around, but I'm not done.
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:iconwolfos96:
wolfos96 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for your comments! I strongly agree with the dialog part. Dialog is probably my weakest point right now. The showing not telling and psychologist removal parts I agree with as well. As for the theme part, I just wanted to write a story. I generally don't write to get lessons or morals out there, just a story from my imagination.

I appreciate the comments, and I'll apply them as soon as I can!

(also, I'm 18. The 96 has no meaning whatsoever.)
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:iconbassman1887:
bassman1887 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
No problem. I really think though, you should be aiming at about a minimum of ten times longer than it is right now, that's how much detail you need to add.
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:iconwolfos96:
wolfos96 Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's a short story, though. Not a novel.
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