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December 11, 2012
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Comic Page - Please Critique

:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Hello there =)
I've made a comic page prototype for my stories, trying to show motion in pictures and play with toning. No text or BG in this one.

If you could look it over and give me any advice, good or bad, I'd appreciate it very much =D.

Thank you for reading :heart:



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Devious Comments

:iconschris91:
schris91 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Student Filmographer
I think its all too centered. Think a little more outside the box with placement and framing!
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:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Thank you ^^
I've moved the stuff in the panels around a little, but I'm deff keeping that in mind for more pages, just learning at the moment =D
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:iconschris91:
schris91 Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Student Filmographer
No worries. Yeah also there's cool stuff about framing if you ever felt inclined to go google it. Framing for film and framing for comics has a lot of crossover too, studying the framing of a key frame in a movie can give you some cool ideas.
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012
Mm, well it's a textless suiting up scene, a teeny bit ecchi but it does introduce us to the character's design, doesn't really do much else from a narrative perspective though.
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:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Yeah, it was just an experiment really ^^ Wanted to play with a style. Think I've got it now =P
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:iconleviadragon99:
leviadragon99 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Mm, good luck with it then.
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:iconthelamentation:
TheLamentation Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional Artist
I think it's a bit strange that you've shown her eyes in the panel, but have lost the chance to show her in an angry badass pose by leaving her face out of the final portrait. The comic itself seems like it's trying to convey a kind of intensity ...and we are met with her intense eyes at the end of the dressing sequence, but in the end we don't get a picture of that emotion, we only get a picture of her bum, and probably a little more boob than would be comfortable for a normal person's spinal column.

I'm surprised to be saying this, but I think your action panels might be better if they had a little bit of sound effects. like a "shhffff" for the pants and a "click" for the belt to drive home the action of getting dressed rather than having each panel be very separate and static.
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:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Thank you for the advice! I added some action noises =P Hope it's a little better, I plan on doing a few more experimental pages putting in what I've learned.
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:iconmontyrohde:
MontyRohde Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Professional Artist
Okay your four panels on the left are kind of static. Every object in every panel is lined up almost flush in the middle. This causes your eye to literally slid down straight down the page and you barely examine anything.

Make the layout more dynamic. In the first panel give her back more arch and place the drawing further to the left or right of the panel.

You can then use the hands in panel three to play off of whatever rhythm you create in panel one.

Ask for clarification if you don't understand my terminology.

Also while the foreshortening on the full body is very well done the pose is stiff and boring. Drop a shoulder and have her twisting around and looking in the viewer's direction.
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:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Ah thank you for telling me how the eye flowed on that ^^, I've moved them slightly, couldn't do much, but I've made notes about eye movement for future pages.
Thank you again!
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:iconmontyrohde:
MontyRohde Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012  Professional Artist
The easy thing you can do about that is when you sketch out a page is to just place reductive shapes, i.e. instead of an arm draw lightly draw a rectangle, a head a circle, etc.

Then you step back and look how the basic shapes relate to each other on the page. Maybe you even place your finger on the page and trace the path your eye is following as you look at it.

Once you start throwing in details it gets a lot harder to honestly gauge your composition because there's more info to absorb. It's also a lot harder to fix.

As hard as it is to believe the basic shapes and the way they relate to each other on the page are what make or break a composition. This is the first step of putting an image on a page. Everything is built on top of that foundation.

In essence: creation is a process, not a result. If you execute your process correctly results follow. Hopefully that makes sense.
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:icond-anthonie:
D-Anthonie Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
When coloured, I may be able to see the shadowing better. Otherwise, I would say some shadows need to be a touch darker. The hair, though put into large bits, needs some contrast, as it has a look of a large mass with lines put in it to try and hide that.

The right arm - unless the t-shirt is super tight and near cutting off her arms' circulation, the sleeve needs adjusted slightly. The hand, I tried to do that with my hand and winced at the strain o gave myself. Still didn't manage to get the pose.

Aside from what I noticed, this looks very good! Well put together, good form on the rest. Keep up the good work, and I see this being a wonderful and rewarding project for you.

P.s. what text would you put with this? I could only think of stuff like -wiggle wiggle-, -click- for the belt and the stretching sound for putting on a glove.
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:iconkitten-bomb:
Kitten-Bomb Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012
Hello,
Thank you for the tips, I've darkened the shadows on her skin ^^ Does look much better! I tried the pose myself and found it fine :confused: oh well! I'll do some more studies and such on anatomy =D
Thank you again!
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:icond-anthonie:
D-Anthonie Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
You're most welcome! I want to see your hands contorted in different ways now ;) I have large hands/fingers.. :(
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