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November 27, 2012


Replies: 49

Hm...looking to critique/fave/comment on Literature of any types and perhaps watch. Also, birds.

Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
What the title says, because I'm really happy with the outcome last time I did this. All forms of lit welcome, although I'm particularly drawn to poetry, short fiction, and creative nonfiction. Not so big on fanfic, but if you'd like critique on it, I'd be willing to help. Also, feel free to post any paintings, photos, drawings, etc. of birds! I collect quality depictions of our feathery friends.:la:

Please specify if you want a detailed critique. I'm happy to give it, but I want to make sure it's wanted first.

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Devious Comments

pwassonne Featured By Owner Dec 13, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist

(visual poetry, detailed critique wanted ^_^)

(fanfiction, critique appreciated, but if you have to choose one, please critique the other piece ^^")
Moryow Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
I guess no critique, because this stuff is rather old, so it doesn't accurately reflect my current writing and some of the issues in them may have since been amended. (did that sentence make sense?)

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this! It's Glen by the way (from Anatheria way back when!)

librarylibrary labyrinth, I watched the shelves dissolve into a maze;
their walls a barrier that
I need,

I see

between books, and books, and paper;and words, they match her pupils;and letters, they warn me not to stare -
I stare, she does not stare back and so it's
back to pages and
shelves and
papers of olden days,
their flavours wave beneath my tired
nose my wakeful
nose my wary
breath my
open mouth my
beating heart my

heart it courses through my skin I feel
it pulsate;
escape to

shelves - they creak like cages; between bars between books I see her feathery waves they
crash on barren
I Will MarryI'll marry an intellect
and we will have endless conversions into the night,
exchanging profound words and infinite meaning,
and we will wind
the roots of life
and the universe will be ours.

I'll marry a musician
and we will serenade each other with
wild harmonies and
gentle melodies and our instruments
will weave themselves with our bodies
and the future will become a
symphony of swapping songs and singing ourselves
to sleep.

I'll marry a girl
and we will be more delicate than withering leaves
and we will be extensions
of each other; one continuous
river of soft, whispering water
that mirrors the pale sunset
funeralI did not speak at your funeral.
Though you knew me as a writer
I did not write a speech.
On the way to the funeral I stood on my
front porch and heard the
copper leaves rustle and
decided that was enough. The
wind spoke all that was needed from

The others wore black and
spoke black
even though the words were
I said nothing.
I did not
laugh or
cry. I heard jokes and happy memories
but I thought they were dark.
I could pour my memories into the
empty air and whisper how
something that created me was
I could murmur
that nothing
meant anything anymore
diddleh Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist

...I think I draw too many birds :P
Solaces Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012
OMG! <3
diddleh Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hahaha I guess you came to the right person :P
Adonael Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Please take a look at the last poem I submitted. It's called 'Letter to a student' and I could use some comments. It's not normally my style so feedback would be helpful.
Solaces Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2012
Left a critique. Was a pleasure! :)
Adonael Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I saw. Thank you for the time you invested into it :)
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012
Left a pretty detailed critique. Hope it's of some use to you!
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The Dracona Society Ch1

Three people, a raven haired young woman, a blonde one that appeared to be slightly older, and a blonde teenage girl, all ran to the end of a hallway. To their right was a simple wooden door, to their left and in front of them, a wall. "Where's..." the raven haired one started. "I've hidden him. Give me Astrid, I'll protect her too." The teen said.

"No,no I can't." The raven haired said. "This. Is. Happening. Anne. Give Astrid to Tarine." The older blonde said to Anne. "There they are!" Someone shouted. "Now, Anne!" the older blonde said.

"Take them to their father," "There's not enough time to take them both! One will have to live with never knowing!" The older said. Anne reluctantly handed the child she had been holding close over to Tarine. As soon as Astrid was in her arms, Tarine ran past the soldiers that had been coming her way. Before they could grab her she disappeared through a door and into a hidden passage way.

"Where did she go

The Dracona Society Ch2 As Fira thought more about the dream, time passed quickly. Before she knew it, they were in New York, approaching her grandfather's home. The place was huge, it had been in the family since the Allunare's moved to America when Mathias was a child. Fira had always wondered where they had moved to America from, Mathias didn't know, Aiden always said it was England, but she's heard Aiden and her Grandfather saying otherwise. Not that they would admit it. "Go take the horses around back." Mathias said, turning the truck off and getting out. He unlocked the trailer and unhooked it. Fira led the horses away and opened the gate to the field. After feeding them, she walked out and closed the gate. She walked up to the back door, but before she could open it she noticed carvings on the door frame. "That's odd..." she said, walking into the kitchen from the back. Fira had never been here before, so she decided to explore. She made her way to the at
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I left a critique on Chapter 2. I hope it may help.:)
Mkemaster Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Professional Digital Artist

This is a short thriller, you are going to like it.
No need to critique, just read it and tell me your impressions or reaction to it.
Thanks in Advance Solaces! ^~^
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I commented on the puppet master story. I'll admit it wasn't my most detailed critique and if you'd like more, just me know. I'm just getting a little tired.
julieanne714226 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student General Artist
it's ok. it was helpful
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Quick note: I am a little behind, but I will get to everyone. Never fear!
DimensionSeven Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012

Enjoy! :wave:
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I left a critique on your story. I hope it helps.:)
PassionsInsanity Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm dying to have someone take a good look at whatever I wrote, and I would love it (and very much appreciate it!) if you would take the time to have a look and tell me what you think. I doesn't necessarily have to be a full blown critique, but I sure won't mind it! :)
I always find it hard to pick out 'my best', but I've added three here that I are special to me.
Letters to myself, part VI - Smoke smile as if you'll never be lonely.

as if you will never know life without the living, what it's not like to be embraced without arms folded around your pillow-shaped chest. you are frozen into position, stuck behind the optic nerve. i have trapped you as an image on my brain and i refuse to let you go. regretfully, you've looked at me. scarcely. vaguely. he's just the image on my brain, i ordered.

but darling,
we're a carousel train wreck. accidental overdose. abandon the suicide mission, let's just die as estranged lovers and perhaps, this will all be over soon.

and as you lie down your arguments, of why you shouldn't be loved
i ca
Other side of the road, please.nine.

what is your


emerge is to not be something before
it is.
like sticking things into the fog and creating ghosts
like a magician's act, the rabbit out of the tall hat – poof.
it is not there, it is there.
we'll contemplate about existence, about being, about
development and evolvement, later.
forget about the fact that it sounds as stupid as it looks
know that it means consistency as well as dependency
and then realise that emerge-ency
does in fact
sounds as stupid as it looks.
call nine-one-one.
that, in fact, sounds as stupid as it looks.
unless they are screaming hell and mu
Letters to myself, part III - Skeletonshe had slender feet and crooked toes.

she cut her toenails too short – too close to the core where flesh met bone and where veins were mapped in sweet chivalry. the skin was dusty and stapled, improperly held together - just like everything else in her life – but she would move swiftly and running. there was a scar on the right side of her extremity; darker of colour with rugged edges and retraceable lines.

the bone was bended in shame and rejection, the force of gravity slowly pulling it down until they dug in the earth. disfigured and dismembered, shoes would not fit – not even when hot leather is carefully wrapped around

Thank you so much and I think it's awesome that you're doing this.
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I commented on Sun Blind and Fruit Patrol, and I thoroughly enjoyed Fruit Patrol, so I had to fave it. Great work!
Mr-Timeshadow Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Thanks for reading both pieces, for the comments and critiques, and for the fave especially! I appreciate it and I'm glad you found Fruit Patrol entertaining! I was thrilled by the artwork I commissioned. She and I are working on the Christmas card challenge together, and hope to scrape together three of them before deadline.
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Commented on Paths and "Live for the Present". Lovely birds, too.:)
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
corners and paintswatches.

i loved you in a way that was engulfing for my young heart. for someone still small enough to fit all limbs and troubles into the bath tub with ease. i remember that was how i thought of it the other night when i tried for the first time in years to soak and wash this feeling away with warm water and bubbles. but i didn't cackle with a bubble beard, and it left my fingers wrinkled and feeling my age something severe. you've been hiding around corners all week. i was flicking through my dvd collection, procrastinating, or lost in what was the last thing to be moved back into my room after i finally gave up with the blue and how i admitted i couldn't stand another night surrounded by walls that we'd painted together. i choked on the crow. and remembered you thought that if you took my last name, you'd inherit his skills and you'd be able to stop anything from hurting me ever again. but you're still in the parts of me that i thought i could li

such force, such weight.she began to cry, not just the kind of crying that people can walk past as feel a slight ping in their chest, this was the kind that spread, jumping from chest to chest, throat to throat, leaving eyes misty and people choking on invisible tangles. you could see it building up in her fragile body like a monsoon, all consuming and ready to break and swallow her whole. it was stuck in the places she could shake loose and she could feel it in 5 places all at once, each one a small target for something invisible to kick and poke and leave sore and aching in a stupid way that isn't bad enough to complain about, but enough to leave her heavy and weighed down.  and i swear she would have broken down and tried to shoved the ground aside with her hands, wanting to become bones with you, and not caring your half flesh, half death with an ever dented (bashed in) skull. i could feel it in my throat, the lump, the physical sadness.
Untitledthings she's destroyed this year; two washing machines from the pockets she fills with rocks when the rains come and she wants to drown the corners of all her books from flicking bending and shaking edges whenever she thinks of you you stupid boy her first car crumpled in a ravine and it left a scar on her stomach that she sometimes can poke and feel a lump that science can't explain and she thinks it physical sadness resting waiting the entire box of plates that her mother gave her for moving out and making it on her own well, she almost made it but something about them being under the ground left her shaking uncontrollably and the tears slid underneath fingertips and she lost the grip and didn't notice until she'd ran to phone and left a trail of her insides along the corridor. her heart lines or whatever it is that lets the happiness in they're sealed shut tight and all she can do is stare at things that don't notice her whatever it was that connected him and her and let th
gravity.  i always wondered
if this was an outwardly apparent thing.
oh look at her
i can see her cheekbones
or theres a bit of a slight
in the way she breathes
like something is catching in her chest
and threatening to swallow her whole.
i can fucking smell it on her.
she wants to die.
its a definite scent you know

or maybe its completely hidden
and its only when i swallow too much air
and my lungs spasm
and burn and i choke and my face
turns the same colour
as a week old bruise
that i realise i can feel a rush
when my brain trips over the
i might just die thought
that normally scares people
but not me.

instead m

i think these are some of my better ones <3
(critique if you want)
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Commented and faved "Untitled". Great work.:heart:
ohsparrowsong Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
flowerhippie22 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer

id love a critique on any or all of the above, ty!! :D
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
I left a critique on Ch.6. I hope it's helpful even though it's a bit on the shorter side.:)
CherishKay Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Birds: ---> [link]

I'm a very weak writer, but here are some of my literature:
Changes in thier LiteratureShe spoke like poetry and He talked like a novel. They could study the atmosphere of a pond, but after time went on, it became boring, plain and dull, as if their was no soul in their memories.

I was aware of their differences; He preferred silverware and She preferred chopsticks, chopsticks were creative and silverware, well silverware were just easy to control.

Their minds...Their minds were considered Brilliant, because She spoke like poetry and He talked like a novel. That's how it was back then, when their eyes were adventurous and believed in sun drops.
opposites directionsI'm a disaster hole out of kindness...

Dear darling, I don't have a heart that shines, just one that fades...over time.
like a deranged songbird that sings, but didn't want to in the first place, but still does because it knows it has to, it always knew it had to. And over time, the song won't be there anymore and I'm not sure if anyone will miss it.

For the sake of my existence I am that deranged songbird and my song is not meant to be missed. To live it is the world, the one that raised me for my future, even though I never asked for it, it is their expectation..."my" expectation to be able to live. so said my parents.

"Fake," "pretend,"
the beginning of some sort of madness.So...I sat there, puzzled by a noise that wasn't a sound and looked at something strange that wasn't strange at all.
I was paranoid as always, but no one paid attention to that, thank goodness, but at the same time I wish someone did.
Not Even a Century Has ImproveChange;
You've been going on for a while,
By the constant shape shifting of the world,
Never stopping your time
To slow down your steady pace.

Moving days always makes me remember
Your beautiful cautious singing,
Even though that written voice has been long gone,
Years ago

Dancing steps to brilliantly fly
Has never been so high,
Because those friendly spirits
Have done their best to end all limits.

But even still,
To touch a fickle heart,
Can cause minds to fall
And list of dreams to fade away

So, my secret to share:
Is that I bought an island
With wishes of solitude,  
Desperately wanting to be filled

Sunlight with the TruthStop, drop, roll,
Your delightful mind is taking a toll.
I cannot fully hear it,
But I do see your dreams reflecting from the sun.

So what if we don't talk like other people do?
There is still communication between our presents,
Which maybe others never wish for?

You study the grass and I look at the sky
To create memories of beauty in our adoring hearts.

Love is a simple thing,
When it's felt
Deep inside our meaningful treasures of
Personal wealth.

We don't pay attention to time,
We live it! Going forth on an adventure,
Connected to surprises, which we try our
Best to make everlasting.

I have a wish and you have a desire
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
Commented on two. Hope that helps!
CherishKay Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
yes, it did. I appreciate it :tighthug:
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012
It took awhile, but I finally got your review for Rebound Girl done. I hope you find it helpful!
Rovanna Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012   Digital Artist
Cheers. :)
You give good critiques. I'll give one of your stories a critique when I can get to it. :heart:
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
I offered a comment. If you want, I can look into it more critically, but that one sentiment was the only thing to come to mind at the moment. Good work!
korafox Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Hobbyist
Thanks for taking a look at it; that's all I need!
Philliewig Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Literature -
a curious warm feeling, that warmth for youLove stories don't really exist
At least, not how
We were told they would be like.
A shimmering veil, of
Fine silk, gossamer wing of angels and the
Inspired work of gold Grecian muses.
I believed it to be transcendental, divine and earthly,
Parting the curtain to find-

A million monkeys on typewriters.
Baked, stoned out of their minds.
Her ocean blue, the submerged star, and 5 AM.Swimming to the bottom of an infinitesimal ocean of blue and green and white and light, three, maybe four drain spouts (positioned at regular metered intervals). 3, then 4, to 5 in the morning. Swimming with the one I love.

Swimming to the bottom of an infinite ocean of blue. The sun's subtle caress playfully peeking over the treetops high, over the picket fence higher. A curious light shines bright at the bottom, the loving eye of the bed, the urchin, the abyssmal seabed. I dip my head beneath the surface and proceed closer. I dip my head beneath and slowly float towards the star.

Swimming to the bottom of her ocean of blue. Four walls, on
Kansas SkiesUnder these dying Kansas skies,
You sold me and I sold you.
And under my cold fluorescent bulb eyes,
I sold you and you sold me.

Under these dying Kansas skies,
You sold me and I sold you
And under the hazelnut trees in your eyes
I sold you and you sold me.
UntitledCigarette in hand, scotch on the rocks in the other.

Ceramic knife on the countertop. Lemons freshly cut, squeezed over the tracklines, rabbitholes in his right arm.

Shattered bottle in the corner. Remains of a rag, burning sensations licking at the doily, stinging on his injection sites.

A bead of sweat, rolling down his brow, his neck, his chest. He takes a drag. Another bead. He reaches behind him, a familiar wooden vestigial tail, finished and framed around steel.

He puts the gun in his mouth.
Honeysuckle and Wine"Have you tasted honeysuckle and wine?" she mumbled.
"Honeysuckle, you say?"
"The finest." She licked her lips, as did I.
The wind picked up around us as we walked. Manhattan breathed a sigh of relief, as Helios dreamt. I looked at her wedding ring, anxiously.
"Christ, where's the car?" stammered a man behind her.
"Darling, your pom-pom!" She stopped to look.
"3." The buzzer on my wrist sprang to life in an urgent fashion, bells, whistles and whirring gadgets screaming for attention. She was nervous.
"Honey, where did you hide the lighter?" She was nervous.
"Relax, dear. Let's go home."
"My lighter!"
"2." Fireworks exploded around us. A new

Bird works -
Solaces Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Faved "Her ocean blue" and commented on several others. Thank you for sharing your work!
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