Challenge Fun #65 - Win a 3 month PM or Points!


Mrs-Durden's avatar
Your challenge this week is as follows:

You've been enrolled into a penpal program in which you are assigned an Alien from Mars to which you must correspond with. Write out what your first letter to your new alien friend would be! The most creative, funny, interesting one will win!

:bulletred: The deadline is Monday 3rd of August
:bulletred: The winner will receive a 3 month PM or the equivalent 636 :points:
:bulletred: Prizes will be awarded within the first two weeks of the following month.

:la:
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nadjasybill's avatar
Dear Ugkksuakhgsuluk,

I am so happy to finally have a way of being in contact with another extraterrestrial being. Please forgive my crude translation of your name. In my native tongue of Neptunese, it would come close. Before I continue with the rest of this letter, there is one thing I must tell you, and it is a warning. If you plan on visiting Earth, do not, I repeat, do not go anywhere near the United States of America. I have enclosed some human technology in this package that will help you to understand why. They have been trained by propaganda specialists in Hollywood to see us as bad beings, so they will not be friendly. It is a lost cause. I only managed to stay safe because of my advanced blending tech. Humans call me a "hippie".

In this package, I have also enclosed the closest thing I could find to extraterrestrial cuisine on this planet. They are called space cakes and are pretty rad. 

As to why I'm here: after Tombaugh inconveniently spotted our vacation planet, Pluto, in Earth's 1930, my wife and I were worried that we might soon be under attack. I had a thing for Earthertainment back then. Was quite taken by Nosferatu. Woman in the Moon was also not bad. I also kept up with their news and once I found out about Tombaugh "discovering" Pluto, I felt uneasy. I saw what they did in that war, fighting for territory. What kind of technology did these people have? Would they attack us too? I mean, we bought this place from a sketchy bartender, for Pete's sake. Why us?!

This could not be good. We left Neptune for this? Within a week, I packed my supplies and convinced my wife to let me go for a few decades or so. She begrudgingly leant me her convertible rocket and warned me not to scratch it while I was away. I will be in a bit of trouble when I get back...but I digress. I took the rocket and have been here ever since. I worked for years to make the humans forget about my planet, but for some reason, our tiny home fascinated them. I was horrified after I saw the advancements made in 1958 and quickly transmitted a message to my wife.

My tech made sure that the message reached her after two hours. She promptly started work on our decoy system. Finally, in 2005, the Earthlings were made to believe that there were bigger planets near Pluto, which completely messed with them. Ha ha ha. They would now stop being so fascinated with us and move on to the other "planets". They made a huge fuss and voted over whether we were a planet or not and we were demoted! About damn time! 

I started to pack my rocket, hoping to return home, but I checked the internet an hour before my planned departure. The Earthlings were outraged. Some even cried. Apparently, a couple of decades is enough to get these beings attached to something. Crazy isn't it? Bernice (Earthling name I gave her because it's cute) only agreed to go on a date with me after 284 Earth-years! I guess it's their shorter lives that make time seem longer. But, yeah, they didn't want to let Pluto go.

I mean, ok, it's a pretty hunk of ice, which is why Bernice and I chose it in the first place, but why did they have to go with ours? We deliberately chose something remote to get away from all the hustle and bustle of the system. Why couldn't they just find Isaihokefgkl's vacation planet? I mean it was made of fire and is in a much more lucrative area. Ugh.

So, yeah, after I read all the fuss on the Earthling internet, I decided to stay a couple more years to do some more observation. Ok, I have to be honest: after a few decades, I knew that they weren't anywhere close to being a threat to Pluto. I guess I just needed a little distance from Bernice. The isolation on Pluto was starting to get to me, but she seemed to love it. I sent a message over to her to let her know that I was going stay a little longer and the Earthlings were sending over one of their machines to take some photos. She must've caught on to what I was really doing because she mooned them as they made the shot, knowing I would see it.

7-8-15 Pluto Color New Nasa-jhuapl-swri-tn by silber-englein

I've encoded this letter so that the Earthlings will only see a boring list of hobbies and whatnot, so don't worry about me. Let me know how things are heating up on Mars!

Yours,
Nancy

*Edit: also uploaded as lit (mature content) so you can see the pluto "Moon".
nosugarjustanger's avatar
Dear friend,

Good day to you! How's the view from your planet, eh?

You should really visit Earth. Specifically, Singapore. We have all sorts of things for you to do, and the laws are held in high regards that no one will abuse you, or mistreat you simply by being an alien, literally.

Look at the kind of views you can get here!

Raffles Quay by nosugarjustanger  View from Flight on 57 by nosugarjustanger  DBS Marine Regatta by nosugarjustanger  reflection by nosugarjustanger  Balcony View from Fullerton Hotel by nosugarjustanger  in the blue by nosugarjustanger  

Why would you go anywhere else? 

By the way, if you have anything of value from Mars like diamonds, gold or anything, bring them along so that we could trade them for cash and we could party it up like Justin Bieber - one of the most popular singers we have here. You would probably want to probe him with a long stick if you meet him, but he sure knows how to have fun. And to have fun, we need money. Unfortunately, I am not printing money just yet, so would need your help to bring some valuables so that we could live it up!

Drop me a message and I could invite you over for some drinks and amazing food some time. Would love to have you here.

Your distant friend,
nosugarjustanger 
ARTificialphanTOM's avatar
Dear Marty,

Below is a picture of me.

Grinch by ARTificialphanTOM

What do you look like?

Your earthly friend,
ARTificialphanTOM
MrsPuzzle's avatar
Dear Mr. Alien: 
Mr. Alien, I keep farting in public, so if you come one day to the earth, im sorry if I fart in public and with you by my side. 
Mr. Alien, if you see my friend Katy doing something wrong, don't worry, good girls in the earth are bad girls that never get caught. 
Mr. Alien, Im sorry for my mom's personality. My momma is so fat that she had a nice attitude, but she ate it. 
Mr. Alien, if you're having problems in your planet, laugh at them, everybody else does it. (Or should)

No wait, everything I've said it's not true. I'm a normal person. Without farting in public, I don't have a friend named Katy, my mom is not that fat, but the only thing that is true, it's that you have to laugh at your problems. 
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Mr. Alien, I hope you come one day to the earth. 
With love, MrsPuzzle.
Ego-of-a-Valentine's avatar
Dear red man of Mars,
I hear there is life on Mars. Ah, well of course; how else were you to come into existence? Although I pity the reptiles among you. Little lizards left over from your dried out planet. Much like dinosaurs, but smaller of course. Tell me, was there once water gushing through those indents? Through the crumbling ruins I see can only be man-made, perhaps not by a man, nor woman. I feel like this is the reflection of our own planet in years to come if we keep living as conveniently as we do now. Selfishly. Did your planet weep tears of sorrow? Did its oceans fall into the limitless mass of space and leave Mars dry and weathered? Did it turn crimson with anger and shine like bright revenge so we could see? Are you a native left behind from when we raped your soil and fled to Earth when Mars died? We are putrid human beings indeed. I know about Queen Elizabeth, I know she likes to drink children's blood and tears up there with you and your reptiles, she bears as many scales and forked tongues as they do. Where else could she inflict her power? For our minds are still open to revolution. At least some of us like to think so.  
Yours sincerely, a foul Earthman.

EHHHH AFGLDSJFINKNKS SORRY IT'S NOT FUNNY, IT'S MORE A DEPRESSING POEM BUT I AM INTO MY CONSPIRACY THEORIES XD.
myn-d's avatar
Dearest Melvin the Martian, 
Hello from Earth! I was very excited when the Intergalactic Postal Services announced this penpal program. I wanted to be one of the first to take that trip to Mars all those years ago but then I found out they didn't have pizza aboard and I realized there was no way I could go that long without so this is the next best thing. Do you know about pizza? What is your favorite food over there? I hope that we can be best friends!
Sincerely, 
Myn-d 
GeorgeXVII's avatar
Here is my letter ... hope you will understand my message :giggle: 
Fgdf by George-B-Art  
CartoonsandMonsters's avatar
Dear Penpal,
Rumor has it that you are from Mars. I know, I know, a bad introduction, but I had to! It is very nice to communicate with you. I also have quite a lot of questions to ask you, please answer them when you write back.
1. How do your letters get to here on Earth?
2. What is it like on Mars?
3. What will you do if you had visitors?
4. What do you eat on Mars? Altered versions of food on Earth?
5. Do you have human-buildings (i.e. restaurants, movie theaters, etc.) on Mars? If so, what are they like?
It was nice writing to you for the first time. I cannot wait for your reply (which may take 6 months).
Your penpal,
CartoonsandMonsters
Kaizoku-hime's avatar
but I can't timetravel D: (3rd of july;))
Mrs-Durden's avatar
Jesus I keep doing that!! Switched it to August, thanks :P