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December 24, 2012
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Worst jokes/pick up lines

:iconmystory557:
Mystory557 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Anyone have any bad jokes to share? I've been hearing a lot lately so I was just wondering what are some lame ones you have heard?

Some of mine are along the lines of..

'Jokes'

What does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof, I was shocked.
Can February March? No but April May..
Why did the skeleton go to the restaurant? To get spare ribs.

Pick up lines.
Hey baby I got my ion you.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
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Devious Comments

:iconsaxeh:
saxeh Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What had 40 teeth and can hold the incredible hulk , my zipper .
Reply
:iconskyhndx:
skyhndx Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
"Live around here much? .....do you?"
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:icon13datura31:
13datura31 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
''My wife has the same purse" use that one on The Broken.
Reply
:iconworldwar-tori:
WorldWar-Tori Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012   General Artist
"Do the carpets match the drapes?"... :|
Reply
:iconvanhir:
Vanhir Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Are you from Heaven? Because I've got an erection.
Nice shoes, they'd look better in my pants.
Those pants must be from space because I want in them.
Do you come here often? I do, often in my pants.
Reply
:iconpringlesaddict99:
pringlesaddict99 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Your eyes are so blue... I can almost see tunas in them!
Reply
:iconlisareyofhope:
LisaReyOfHope Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
I've seen several joke threads and all were flamed as not a good idea in the forums. Have no idea why. Maybe deviants don't like to laugh?
Reply
:iconvelvetfish:
VelvetFish Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Filmographer
Are you a pie-maker? Because you made my banana cream.
Reply
:iconmaltese101:
maltese101 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
"Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!"

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

:lmao: loooll xD
Reply
:icongigapipen1407:
GigaPipen1407 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Bad Thanksgiving jokes:

Q: What do you call a sad cranberry?
A: A blueberry

Q: Why did the turkey sit on the axe?
A: To "hatchet"

And here's some (good) band jokes for those of you who are in band:

Q: How many flute players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, but they'll spend several thousand dollars on a solid silver one

Q: How many percussionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None, they have a machine to do that now.

Q: What's the difference between a percussionist and a drum machine?
A: With the drum machine, you only have to punch in the information once.

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a tuba glue!

Q: How can you tell that a trombonist's kid is on the playground?
A: They can't swing, and they always complain about the slide.

Q: What's the difference between a good trumpet player and a good French horn player?
A: The trumpet player thinks he's a gift from God, but the French horn player knows it.
Reply
:iconcup-of-javo:
Cup-of-Javo Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
"Is your father a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!"
"Somebody call the cops because it's got to be illegal to look this good."

Actually, any pick-up line is seriously the worst.

The worst "joke" I've heard had to be one made up by my brother when he was like, five or some stupid shit.

"What do you get when an elephant sits on the roof of your house? A smashed idiot! :lol:"

My brother's an idiot.
Reply
:iconjun-himekawa:
Jun-Himekawa Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Pick-Up line: "Smell ya later"

Seriously, this pick-up line just doesn't make any sense. -_-
Reply
:iconksxzt:
KSXZT Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Plus, it makes you sound like Will Smith in The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air - not good at all.
Reply
:iconjun-himekawa:
Jun-Himekawa Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Yeah.
Reply
:icondj0hybrid:
DJ0Hybrid Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
*Slaps rear.*
"Hey handsome, I haven't seen you around here."

Not said to a chick, not said by a gay guy. High school was weird for me, especially my freshman year.
Reply
:iconincandescentinsanity:
IncandescentInsanity Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
That joke that compares a dick to a key and a vagina to a lock. That's literally the worst and you are a bad person if you believe it
Reply
:iconjun-himekawa:
Jun-Himekawa Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
1) Knock, knock.
2) Who's there?
1) Banana. Knock, knock.
2) Who's there?
1) Banana. Knock, knock.
2) Who's there?
1) Banana. Knock, Knock.
2) *annoyed* Who's there?
1) Orange.
2) * relieved* Orange who?
1) "Orange" you glad I didn't say "banana"?
2) *walks away, annoyed*

I really hate this joke. -_-
Reply
:iconnordicgreeneyedwolf:
NordicGreenEyedWolf Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Joke:
Two tomatoes started to cross the road. One of them was hit by a car and the other tomato said:
-C'mon ketchup let's go.

Pick-up line:
Why hello there biscuit why are you standing here while crumbling?
A guy said that to my sister when she was out XD
Reply
:iconksxzt:
KSXZT Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I hope your sister decked him.
Reply
:iconnordicgreeneyedwolf:
NordicGreenEyedWolf Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
She and the bartender got a really good laugh out of it XD
It sounds a lot more funnier in Swedish than it does in English.
Reply
:iconjeweledscarab:
JeweledScarab Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Do dead baby jokes count as bad jokes? Because those are really the only jokes I remember.
Reply
:iconksxzt:
KSXZT Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What do you call a dead baby hanging from the end of a train? A miscarriage!

*Shame overload* I... I... I... Sorry.
Reply
:iconmisterkhact:
MisterKhact Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
:iconclappingplz:
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:iconksxzt:
KSXZT Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:bow:
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:iconjeweledscarab:
JeweledScarab Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
That's actually a new one that I haven't heard. :lol:

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?...I don't jump on my trampoline with ice skates on.
Reply
:iconhurricaneclaw:
Hurricaneclaw Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Your jokes.
Reply
:iconpakaku:
Pakaku Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
"Your boobs are beautiful"
Reply
:iconjeweledscarab:
JeweledScarab Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I would probably fall out of my chair laughing if someone used that as a pickup line on me.
Reply
:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
A guy that looked like this: [link] told me that "I had a beautiful ass" when I was 12 :stare:
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:iconjeweledscarab:
JeweledScarab Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Oh my sweet Christ. :iconpikachuwtfplz:
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I know... and that's the kind of face I made, too :fear:
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