need help in fool proofing my work will credit your name/link in the author's coners page


Lazybum123's avatar
0 by Lazybum123

hello I need help with fool proofing my work since English isn't my main language will put you as a partner which means your name will be in the authors page with me. I'm currently trying to lunch my work and I'm only 3 pages away on finish chapter one of this manga. i've started drawing and making this story since it a slice of life and has little fight scenes.

to be honest I have more stories in store here just waiting to be drawn but can't start it since I lack the skill in drawing. my favorite one is "pandora's box" can't start it because too many fight scenes. want to too on welcome back onii-chan but lack the skill on doing fan service scenes. 

if you are interested in my other stories here's the list of the synopsis of some stories that I've made and project I'm interested with.
 

manga title created:

1.pandoras box - shounen action

synopsis- Kota,Ruuya and Tomoko are part of a club that specializes on maintaining peace in their city of a prestigious school. meanwhile Gaia the goddess of earth has been protecting the Pandora's box for ages but someone has opened it and defeated Gaia. now gaia with enough power to escaped transformed into a student in Kota,Ruuya and Tomoko's school to seeks help to avoid the world on being destroyed.

2.boxer x council -sports focus

synopsis - shino is a student who loves boxing but unfortunately is being half-ass about doing boxing wholeheartedly since his uncle died his uncle was a former boxer and suffered a brain injury. he tried to go in boxing but it seems that people are be belittling him does he quit on boxing on his former gym while on the rooftop Shino was doing some shadow boxing and yelled "I wish someone who cares trains me" in his surprised the student council president who is very popular at school being known for good grades and always number 1 at anything heard him and decided to train him. but he refuses since she is a girl.

3.books keepers -supernatural

synopsis - they say that every fairy tale has a tragic or dark-side and the book keepers are the one who takes the cursed books to thier enchanted library so that no one will get cursed or get harmed by the books.

4.maria dairy - drama/slice of life

maria dairy is about three friends Maria,Mehime and Karen going to high-school they had a promise to make their own brand of dress when they finished studying but it seems that people change.

5.welcome back onii-chan (oniichan okaeri) - comedy /slice of life

synopsis - Johnny Stratford was raised and born in Philippines and seems like was separated from his little sister when she was young. now that johnny got older his parents reveals to him that they are really rich and they lived in the Philippines because of his grandfather's dying will. now that he is back to japan he's having a hard time adjusting to a rich lifestyle and having to live in a mansion with servants and maids. after 7 years johnny meets again his sister but it seems that he made a mistake.


6.Shounen life - drama comedy slice of life

story of boys mostly virgins asking god why don't they have girlfriends and others cursing girls from breaking their hearts. they set plans and talk about girls and other stuffs.

7.Kaname Shinmei - horror/supernatural

Kaname Shinmei the shrine maiden priestess on pandoras box this is the story of her fighting supernatural being. along side with her sect

8.attache case (balances) - supernatural

synopsis -the mysterious beings that walks on the bustling town of Tokyo. they had a urban legend that anyone who holds their attache case gets their dreams and goals eaten

9.my pc died - part 2 maria dairy -comedy/slice of life

-Manaka Hotaru PC died and because of that she decided to commit suicide by hanging herself while in the verge of dying she saw a wizard casting a spell and yells don't lose hope! with will power she survives using a technique she scene on action movies and decided to find the wizard who gave her hope to live again.

10.fate -slice of life

-story of people meeting angels but is it really angels?


11.R log -mystery


R from pandoras box tells us of how she see the world on her point of view and perspective

12.www.l;kez190dcx1.[10f;'kb)!(?>.com/00/21!%*!41#! - horror/gore/mystery

-akira is a karate and judo practitioner in school in japan when suddenly a news about her sister being killed in new york arrives he goes and visit her sister funeral in new york and visit her house he remembers that her sister hides very important things at the back of their fringed when she was living in japan before and decided to check it out and he saw a paper with a long website name and uses her sister pc to check it out.

13.  ( no title currently thinking of better titles) -slice of life , school election

-Riz Malinaw is a average guy that has been given a chance to study in a prestigious school that no one knows who is the founder in the Philippines.
this school has no a president but no one knows who she or he really is. this school is full of mystery more over there are rumors that even the government can't do anything what's happening inside the school and more over student that has elected as officers seems to have been targeted by  well known politicians and other types of well known individuals or group may it bad,corrupt or anything. john doesn't have the interest in these things since his only goal is to graduate and open his own bakeshop and since the school is fee is free for him he agree on the offer while attending school he notices something wrong with the people running in the elections are mostly sons and daughters of well known personnel,politician and some of them are even foreigners with kinds of odd but he didn't mid it all until he met a girl name eclair in a empty classroom whispering that there is something wrong  with this school.

14.nakita ko ang aking katrabaho patay at putol ang katawan (I saw my co worker dead and her body was slice in half) -mananagal/slice of life/comedy/drama

jun marangal works for a research lab that focuses on stem cell research. one night he forgot something in his desk at work and came back to get it.
when he came back to the lab he a gruesome scene, he saw his co-worker's body sliced in half and then something whisper in his ear "you saw me"

doujin projects:

zero no tsukaima arise - the gang is coming back! (the pilfering god arc)

ikoku meiro crosee  -going back with claude in the homeland featuring:the 3 blanche siblings

denpa teki kanojo - forgetful salaryman
 
Comments9
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
GPAD's avatar
I've made some suggestions on the drawing and panel layout aspects of some pages, but not exactly the English. I'm pretty bad with dialogue so I feel like someone else needs to support with that.
sta.sh/2u351363wel?edit=1
(Currently just page 10 to 12)

I didn't comment on the use of screentone or the font used because that's something to address as a whole, though I might touch on it after a few more pages.
Lazybum123's avatar
oh yeah GPAD i'll put some concept art of the cast of this story with some info to not spoil anything. it might take a while since i'm working on the last 3 pages before the scene where mehime,maria and karen fights the basketball club in a basketball match up.
GPAD's avatar
Please do -- It'll help quite a bit because right now all the information I have on the characters and the story is what I understand from what I read, or from the synopsis for it.
Lazybum123's avatar
sta.sh/22clz11eau3v?edit=1 here is the stash with the concept art and i'll just put there info here
the drawings are all bad but don't worry i will polish them when i'm gonna draw them. and some of them needs to be change.



info:

our lady of faith school-
a high-class school mid tier for rich people an all girls school

Tina or tintin- classmate of maria a shy and very quiet classmate of maria
she has a circle of friends that she's always talking with

maria valiente - a pretty
normal student with average grades and the ace
of the tracking club

Reyna valiente - maria's older sister a very kind hearted sister she really want's to help her family
specially after her mother's death

maika - leader of the basketball club she is very passionate about basketball and 1yr senior to maria/mehime and karen
always seen with her 2 lackeys jonna and eva

angel/angelina - one of the school's problem child
doesn't usually go to school and if she goes she just do it to extort ,harass and doing bad stuff at school. no one knows why she is still in the school with all the record she has.

beatrice/rizzy- called as the weird one in school. some people try to bully or attack her because of this. but she always handle herself well. she's one of the smart person in school having her name in the top 10 ranging to 10-5
she's the bestfriend of ana and she's the one that makes sure the ana is in check

ana- one of the schools problem child. a girl with a massive chuunibyou she is nicknamed as crazy ana in school. she is often quiet and would be seen roaming around campus patrolling. some teachers and student ask her what she is doing. she said she is making sure that there are no evil doers in school. she often clashes with some student and wins
in council meeting with the help of beatrice.she clashed with angel once and considers ana as a joke and ignores her despite ana is kicking butt of some lower gang outside there school. she idolizes anything that fights for the greater good. her favorite is julio valiente (watch him on youtube put his name and click the one with the mist view)

reynaldo valiente- Rey is the father of maria and reyna he is a very kind father and works at anywork that he can find that is near his home.

marie valiente - mother of maria and reyna she died when maria was in 6th grade was diagnose with cancer 5 years ago

carla - 1 of the rich of rich girls(she's like a high level rich girl) in school a closet otaku

camille montevillia- a sudden transfer student in maria's school in 3rd year of maria/mehime/karen. known as the daughter of  super famous montevillia corp.

jun-silent person serious studies in the famous school cristo de salvador
(should look like haruka nanase from free)

charles -always happy and kind studies on the same school as jun(should look like nagisa hazuki from free)

donnie/don - don a student of san mateo school and karen's boyfriend(should look like mido ban from get backers)

mike/mickey - mickey is maria's cousin.

elen/elenor-maria's co worker she's a very charismatic and a willed strong woman

clara - a very very shy co worker of maria she is often seen being push over
unnoticeably or is it?

running girl -little girl who likes to run on the sport center track

this guy- maria's co worker

janice -maria's supervisor

anton - marissa's husband

marissa- maria's step mom

sensei - maria's and mehime's supervisor

no pic but important

karen -maria and mehime's bestfriend she is very athletic too athletic that
she sometimes think she look boyish karen has always being recruited by
many sport related club because of this. she is considered as one of the strong one in the school
she is the first friend of maria and they are known as childhood friends

mehime - maria and karen's bestfriend mehime suzaku is the daugther of the known famous group suzaku corp. known as the ice queen once and she change after meeting with maria and karen she known first karen and was introduced to maria.
transferred in maria's school in the 2nd term of school or when maria and karen was in 2nd year high. she is known in school as mehime villamor. also she's 1 of the smartest person in her school

mariselle - maria's step sister

joan - maria's co worker who has been working for the company maria has been working for a long time.

the powah fuwah girls

hana/flower-red haired with witch hat
the leader of the group
catch phrase:
i am the one who protects love and friendship i am scissor! i am hana!

umi/sea- blond girl
the shy and kind one
catch phrase:
im the one who holds love and friendship i am paper!
i am umi!

maple syrup- black haired
the strong one of the group
catch phrase:
im the one where love and friendship stands! i am rock! i am maple!

extra's

marissile's boyfriend
jonna
eva
tracking coach
others lol.
GPAD's avatar
:iconthumbsupplz: Okay
I think I get the gist of it now ^^

I'll try to get some progress done either tomorrow or on Thursday(depends on schedule).

Sorry for late reply. Was sick all day.
Lazybum123's avatar
okay sure. take it easy and take care : )
Lazybum123's avatar
thanks for the pointers gpad! will definitely start editing page 10 and 11. but for page 12 your suggestion about giving a foreshadowing about the future of maria and mehime might constrain story lines in the future.

you see, what I want to convey to this page is that how good of a friend mehime is to maria.

the story here is that maria has been doing extra curricular activities in school same as  karen-chan who is a woman's basketball player.

after an hour maria finishes her running club activities and mehime and karen has been waiting for her for an hour. mehime knows that maria is a shy and quiet person and talks to karen to act like she did something in school even if she has no club activities for that today.
GPAD's avatar
I see. I'll revise that last pointer later when I can think of ways to better lay it out with that in mind, so ignore it for now. I actually haven't read much SoL manga yet(I often read romance/drama ones) so I have nothing to model scenes like it on in my head(I might pick up Azumanga Daioh or something for reference).