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December 24, 2012
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The Comedic Presidential 2016 Candidates

:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
The Republican primaries probably was the single most hilarious series of political debates ever! The contenders consisted of a group of guys you couldn't make up. Let's look at last year's line-up, minus Romney 'cause he's done enough to himself as it is.

Senator Santorum, a strong family man with good strong family values who needs to learn to shut the fuck up because his everything he says is bigoted and laced with prejudice.

Rick Perry, a George W. Bush clone who helped Mitt Romney win by bending over and allowing himself to be spanked. Notorious for the HPV mandated-vaccine in Texas, Perry made debate history when he forgot why more-or-less why he was running for President on stage. Oops.

Newt Gingrich. Left his wife when she had cancer. Wants a moon colony. Thinks child labor laws are borked. 'Nuff said.

Herman Cain. Uncle tom. Moron. Nein Nein Nein. Sexual assault. Pizza. That's about all there is.

And my personal favorite, Michele Bachmann. God told her to run. Liberal-ideologies means one is anti-American. Thinks an FDA approved vaccine spurs mental retardation. Doesn't realize why breathing Carbon Dioxide is harmful. Thought that the founding fathers fought to end slavery roughly 80 years before slavery was actually abolished. Thought the US was abandoning the dollar. Thinks that 50% of all African Americans who get pregnant get abortions.






Just when your gut recovered from such unbearable laughter at such stupidity, the Presidential hopefuls on the right did it again.

Rick Perry, see above.

Marco Rubio, who when asked if he acknowledges the empirical evidence indicating the earth is in fact not 6,000 years old, but 4.5 billion years old, stated he's not a scientist. I'm not either, but I know the answer to a really basic geology question. After we dealt with George W. Bush's learning disorders, I figured that we'd kind of learned our lesson about electing stupidity. Complained that we were leaving Iraq far too fast, perfectly contrasting the rest of the world who knew we weren't leaving fast enough.

Chris Christie, I don't really give a shit about the man. He's in favor of gun control legislation, pro life but okays abortions under some exceptions, in favor of civil unions (and perhaps marriage if not for the reigns of the Republitard party), favors green energy. He's really a Republican moderate, as rare as they are. Gets bonus points for his appearance on SNL.

Paul Ryan, who didn't learn from the beating Joe Biden gave him last time is a Tea Party hopeful for 2016. He was as detailed on closing loopholes as Apple is on their maps. Does a fantastic job as far as civil rights go, what with his support of DADT's discriminatory policy, believing gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt, favors job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and holds a whopping 13% on civil rights issues by the ACLU.

Rand Paul. I'll let Schemer ruin this for me.

Jeb Bush. After Dubya, I'm pretty sure we can just knock all other Bush's out of the public spotlight. His intervention with regards to Terri Schiavo (small government my ass), he has displayed an obvious level of incompetence at even a moderately high level.


This is the list from what I've heard. From the Democratic side, we have Joe Biden (who, frankly, is adorable). Possibly Clinton, though she says she won't run. Martin O'Malley, a personal fav. of mine. And potentially Elizabeth Warren. Not quite as comedic as the Republican line-up, except for maybe Joe Biden. Personally, I wanted Dennis Kucinich to make a run, though it doesn't look like he's going to go after it at the moment. He basically acts as a leftist version of Ron Paul, minus the blatant racism that Paul espouses. Thoughts?
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Devious Comments

:iconcactusskate:
CactussKate Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with a good bit of this, but Biden is honestly a tactless, classless fool.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It's part of his loveable charm! <3
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:iconvisionoftheworld:
VISIONOFTHEWORLD Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Chris Christie is governor of a state north of Alabama, favors gun control (has he changed his tune yet?), okays abortions and favors civil unions wtf? So what now, is he running on the Dem ticket?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Mitt Romney was more or less the same...It's probably just an act that'll change during the primaries.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The Northeast is, basically, the only place in the US that you can find RINOs.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ron Paul is a RINO from Texas.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ron Paul is only a RINO because he's a right-libertarian instead of a right-conservative. Technically correct, but not quite the same thing.
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:iconvisionoftheworld:
VISIONOFTHEWORLD Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Well that, and technically- Africa! :lol:
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:iconraidpirate52:
raidpirate52 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Whoever is the youngest and has the greatest smile and most gorgeous hair will win the election.
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:iconhustlerdu:
hustlerdu Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
not only did Herman Cain quote a song from the animated Pokemon movie [link] (on multiple occasions, mind you) , his famous 9-9-9 plan was from the childs video game Sim City [link] [link] . The republicans this year were so fucked up they like didn't even seem real. i feel like the republican party is just like trolling the world at this point.
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:iconabcat:
AbCat Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012   Writer
Would Gary E. Johnson's chances of achieving Republican nomination be damaged by his standing for the Libertarians this year?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Yes. He isn't overly popular amongst the right, and Rand Paul, the GOP's resident Libertarian, is.
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:iconagent-sarah:
Agent-Sarah Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
My, do we quite the colorful cast.
And I am going to enjoy the fuck out of the jokes SNL, Colbert Report and Daily Show will pull out in the future.
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:iconsheepy94:
Sheepy94 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
It's not even 2013 yet, and you're still fawning over some puppet show that won't start for another four fucking years?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
It's on a lot of people's minds. After this last election, who can blame anyone? It was pure gold!
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:iconsheepy94:
Sheepy94 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
You can blame yourself for getting distracted by this mess that hasn't even started yet. Americans are in poverty, and the global banks are on fucking fire, people are getting slaughtered in the Middle East, and you're more worried about what some stupid hick in a suit has to say on national TV?

What the fuck is wrong with you?
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
We all know what's going on, and it's very sad and unfortunate, to say the least.

However, my question for you is just what have you done to improve things aside from complaining? :unimpressed:
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:iconsheepy94:
Sheepy94 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Student General Artist
I'm not complaining, you obviously are not getting it. All I am doing here is basically saying the grass is green. It's 2012, not 2016. This whole thread is as fucking pointless as the Ron Paul fanbase.

Maybe I should ask you the same question: What the hell have you been doing to uphold your cause? Making a shitty thread on deviantart about something that won't even start in four years? Can you wait for one fucking presidency before spouting your pompous liberal bullshit?
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
"The Comedic Presidential 2016 Candidate"

What part of "comedic" do you not understand? Suck it up, whiner.

I spout pompous bullshit just because I'm a liberal? You do the same thing as a "socialist anarchist" (as your profile says).
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:iconirononiji:
iroNoNiji Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You l-l-liberal. Wait, what was an Anarchist again? Oh, I can't remember. No matter I'm one. :lmao:
On the other hand, a anarchist group that wants to 'Organize'? Someone should buy these guys an encyclopedia.
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I hate it when people use the word "liberal" as an insult/bad word. I don't use "conservative" to insult people.

As for an anarchist group that wants to "organize", yes, that is contradictory. Anarchy does not mean "direct democracy" or anything remotely utopian. It merely means "the lack of a formal/official government". Anarchism is not synonymous to "organization", so I'd say that "socialist anarchism" is an oxymoron, too.

Personally, I think anarchism is a load of shit.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
If only we all lived in fear of your moral judgement. Shit is bad, but I haven't lost my sense of humor, and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with discussing it. If you do, fine. Fuck off. I don't live under the rule of your iron thumb, and I don't care if my ethics get questioned over the internet VIA series of 0s and 1s. I want to make comedic predictions in regards to the next election, but you somehow you think that this is reflective of questionable ethics? You think that because I take the time to have a laugh about the soap opera of American politics, that I could care less about the global recession, the growing civil war in Syria, the health and well-being of my fellow man, and the looming austerity measures likely to take place come January? Making a thread about people in politics to discuss people in politics isn't indicative of a degraded moral compass. I don't try to dictate your morals, so why should you dictate mine? What the fuck is wrong with YOU?


The situation in Syria's fucked up? We all know. There's nothing more to discuss on the subject. Only thing happening on the economy is the fiscal cliff, and I already have two threads on that which failed to garner much discussion. At the moment, it's a boring political environment. Everything to discuss has been discussed. I want to talk about Presidential hopefuls. Don't like it? I don't care.
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:iconsheepy94:
Sheepy94 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student General Artist
Your pessimism only makes it worse.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope Huntsman tries again. He was the only Republican candidate that didn't make me frightened for the sanity of the human race.

Though Christie is... tolerable. He's pretty much a typical Northeastern Republican; you can't be too conservative in this neck of the woods without getting eaten alive.
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Take it from an NJ resident, Christie is a terrible governor. He's rude, cocky and he has done nothing but bad things for public education, police departments, fire departments, and other public programs. He also vetoed a legislation validating gay marriage in NJ, claiming to put it in a referendum that's not here yet.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I never said he was good. Just tolerable compared to the rest of the folks the Republicans have been fielding lately. Which says more about the Republicans than it does Christie.

Hell, I wouldn't actually vote for Huntsman either... but he's at least halfway sane, which is also more than I can say for most of the rest of the party lately.

I miss the days when there were Republicans I actually would be willing to vote for, as opposed to simply ones I could at least not weep and tear my clothes in despair over if they got in.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
He kind of lost me on his gun control stances, though I guess it'd be a toss up between him and Ron Paul if it came down to it. I always found it interesting in the primaries when him and Santorum would square off on foreign policy issues.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Is there such a thing as a Republican that's sane about guns?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Christ Christie. XD
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's pretty sad...
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Elizabeth "high cheekbones" Warren would be a hilarious candidate. She can't handle being verbally challenged, and has already lost her temper with the press numerous times in her short time as senator-elect.

Clinton has been sunk by Benghazi.

And Biden? Oh god... The rest of the world would think this is a country of 5 year olds if he were president. And they'd be right in some sense.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Rand Paul is shaping up to be very clever. A lot moreso than his father. Would you have a problem with a President Paul who actually knows how to deal with the realities of politics?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
The only thing Ron Paul and I agree on is foreign policy. His fiscal policy is dangerous, and so is his social policy.
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:iconcosmic--chaos:
Cosmic--Chaos Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I second that. No country should be the "world police" and have military bases in over 100 countries.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
You don't think the War on Drugs should end?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Absolutely I do. But he has more issues than that. Overturning labor laws and offering less market regulation isn't quite something I'd see eye to eye with. That, and he's a racist.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
Why would you actively support a less prosperous society by increasing market regulation? [link]
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I believe that a lesser regulated society actually equals a less prosperous society. I believe there needs to be a balance which protects worker's rights. I believe Wall St. regulation is a good start, and it's why I support the Dodd-Frank bill.
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:iconmaddmatt:
maddmatt Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
All of those would have been better than what we have now.

He can't propose a passable budget, but he is our savior from a fiscal crisis! LOL!

You hateful bigots are amusing if nothing else.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Ryan wasn't detailed because Romney had him muzzled for the sake if moderation. Just wait until you see what he can do when he is unchained.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Marco Rubio's answer was actually very intelligent. He is one of the few politicians smart enough to know that politicians shouldn't be trying to answer questions of science. That's something you should be able to agree with creationists on.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Do you realize how racist it is to call someone an "Uncle Tom"?
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
For the reds do not forget Jindal.
He thinks parents can teach their kids to believe creationism is a fact if they want to. He also likes school vouchers so parents can send their kids to religious private schools with tax payer money.

He does think female contraceptives should be over the counter.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
Okay, if we're banning the teaching of stupid beliefs, then let's make it an imprisonable offense to teach socialist principles in any form in school. From that point on, any teacher who talks about FDR's New Deal without describing how it prolonged the Great Depression and mimicked contemporary Nazi economic policies will be thrown in jail.

Now do you see the problem with your thinking?
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
It's not "stupid" beliefs.
Teaching kids lies as facts weakens the nation.
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:icontbschemer:
TBSchemer Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Which is why teachers should be imprisoned for teaching FDR's policies in a positive light, right?
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:iconmaddmatt:
maddmatt Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
"He thinks parents can teach their kids to believe creationism is a fact if they want to."

So you think the government should censor parents from teaching religious beliefs to their children?

And you think this is a GOOD thing?

WOW!

"He also likes school vouchers so parents can send their kids to religious private schools with tax payer money."

Let's see, taking the burden off public schools and being placed in schools that are much more effective at educating children. Yes...such a horrible plan! Who cares if the public and the kids are better off...WE HATE THE JEBUS!!!!
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Teaching kids lies as a matter of fact and then sending them into the real world with shit for brains is why we have a whole segment of society that thinks science and knowledge is evil.

When critical thinking is openly lambasted by far right politicians there is an issue.
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:iconmaddmatt:
maddmatt Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012
Lies would be tough to prove. But you illustrate the problem. Something is not a lie because you say it is, or pop-culture claims it based on faith in non-observed science.
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:iconthegman0:
theGman0 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist
lol
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