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December 24, 2012
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The Comedic Presidential 2016 Candidates

:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
The Republican primaries probably was the single most hilarious series of political debates ever! The contenders consisted of a group of guys you couldn't make up. Let's look at last year's line-up, minus Romney 'cause he's done enough to himself as it is.

Senator Santorum, a strong family man with good strong family values who needs to learn to shut the fuck up because his everything he says is bigoted and laced with prejudice.

Rick Perry, a George W. Bush clone who helped Mitt Romney win by bending over and allowing himself to be spanked. Notorious for the HPV mandated-vaccine in Texas, Perry made debate history when he forgot why more-or-less why he was running for President on stage. Oops.

Newt Gingrich. Left his wife when she had cancer. Wants a moon colony. Thinks child labor laws are borked. 'Nuff said.

Herman Cain. Uncle tom. Moron. Nein Nein Nein. Sexual assault. Pizza. That's about all there is.

And my personal favorite, Michele Bachmann. God told her to run. Liberal-ideologies means one is anti-American. Thinks an FDA approved vaccine spurs mental retardation. Doesn't realize why breathing Carbon Dioxide is harmful. Thought that the founding fathers fought to end slavery roughly 80 years before slavery was actually abolished. Thought the US was abandoning the dollar. Thinks that 50% of all African Americans who get pregnant get abortions.






Just when your gut recovered from such unbearable laughter at such stupidity, the Presidential hopefuls on the right did it again.

Rick Perry, see above.

Marco Rubio, who when asked if he acknowledges the empirical evidence indicating the earth is in fact not 6,000 years old, but 4.5 billion years old, stated he's not a scientist. I'm not either, but I know the answer to a really basic geology question. After we dealt with George W. Bush's learning disorders, I figured that we'd kind of learned our lesson about electing stupidity. Complained that we were leaving Iraq far too fast, perfectly contrasting the rest of the world who knew we weren't leaving fast enough.

Chris Christie, I don't really give a shit about the man. He's in favor of gun control legislation, pro life but okays abortions under some exceptions, in favor of civil unions (and perhaps marriage if not for the reigns of the Republitard party), favors green energy. He's really a Republican moderate, as rare as they are. Gets bonus points for his appearance on SNL.

Paul Ryan, who didn't learn from the beating Joe Biden gave him last time is a Tea Party hopeful for 2016. He was as detailed on closing loopholes as Apple is on their maps. Does a fantastic job as far as civil rights go, what with his support of DADT's discriminatory policy, believing gays shouldn't be allowed to adopt, favors job discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, and holds a whopping 13% on civil rights issues by the ACLU.

Rand Paul. I'll let Schemer ruin this for me.

Jeb Bush. After Dubya, I'm pretty sure we can just knock all other Bush's out of the public spotlight. His intervention with regards to Terri Schiavo (small government my ass), he has displayed an obvious level of incompetence at even a moderately high level.


This is the list from what I've heard. From the Democratic side, we have Joe Biden (who, frankly, is adorable). Possibly Clinton, though she says she won't run. Martin O'Malley, a personal fav. of mine. And potentially Elizabeth Warren. Not quite as comedic as the Republican line-up, except for maybe Joe Biden. Personally, I wanted Dennis Kucinich to make a run, though it doesn't look like he's going to go after it at the moment. He basically acts as a leftist version of Ron Paul, minus the blatant racism that Paul espouses. Thoughts?
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:iconcactusskate:
CactussKate Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I agree with a good bit of this, but Biden is honestly a tactless, classless fool.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It's part of his loveable charm! <3
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:iconvisionoftheworld:
VISIONOFTHEWORLD Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Chris Christie is governor of a state north of Alabama, favors gun control (has he changed his tune yet?), okays abortions and favors civil unions wtf? So what now, is he running on the Dem ticket?
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Mitt Romney was more or less the same...It's probably just an act that'll change during the primaries.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The Northeast is, basically, the only place in the US that you can find RINOs.
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:iconmgonzales041090:
mgonzales041090 Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Ron Paul is a RINO from Texas.
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:iconjeysie:
Jeysie Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Ron Paul is only a RINO because he's a right-libertarian instead of a right-conservative. Technically correct, but not quite the same thing.
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:iconvisionoftheworld:
VISIONOFTHEWORLD Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012
Well that, and technically- Africa! :lol:
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:iconraidpirate52:
raidpirate52 Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Whoever is the youngest and has the greatest smile and most gorgeous hair will win the election.
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:iconhustlerdu:
hustlerdu Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
not only did Herman Cain quote a song from the animated Pokemon movie [link] (on multiple occasions, mind you) , his famous 9-9-9 plan was from the childs video game Sim City [link] [link] . The republicans this year were so fucked up they like didn't even seem real. i feel like the republican party is just like trolling the world at this point.
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