I realise you might be of a certain age but i think you are reading all the wrong books.
The biggest problem with problems is the problem you have with them, i think you may be reading the wrong books.
"since we r the creator inside us and we r Love we r light.... This comforts me a lot ....." -- God knows everything, God has the hairs on your head counted, He knows if even one bird falls from a tree, God is a comfort.
" empty feelings and grey color," --ha, try being irish for a week, youll know what grey is then.
I had a look around to see what ascension philosophy is and i think you would be better off staying away from any of that new age stuff, Have a look at what this guy has to say [link] This guy is very very smart, and hes honest.
Though I'm not vary good with 'spiritual beliefs', I can suggest this: convince yourself into optimism. Even when life sucks, it's still life. You still are. And that is beautiful. A simplified form of my own thinking is 'Acknowledge the negative. Feel the positive'. Even when life sucks, how boring would it be if it never did? This lets me feel a bit of happy even when nothing good is happening in life.
I do not know if I am making sense. If I am, then great! And for the people saying "Welcome to Reality": We as a race can't yet know if any religion or faith is true or false. So believe what is right for you, be it a popular religion, atheism, or some set of spiritual beliefs unique to you.
I would suggest that you stop overthinking it to the point of stressing yourself out. Go smell a rose, look at some art, enjoy some music, shoot hoops with your friends, eat a bar of chocolate. In other words, take time out to enjoy life.