Sex before marriage- yay or nay?


Tomoko-Karahime's avatar
Hi this is Tomoko Karahime to the public again :)

Just curious on your opinion on the topic of sex before marriage- I know people are very different on this topic so yea ^^

1) yes or no
2) reason why or why not? give DETAILED reasons- I have no time to be dealing with immature people or vague/stupid reasons either- be mature and logical about your answers please
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seglenieks's avatar
Yes.

The idea of abstinence prior to marriage made perfect sense before effective birth control. Getting pregnant (or getting someone else pregnant) without a stable relationship was highly irresponsible and dangerous - socially, financially, and most of all for the child. These days it's easy to avoid pregnancy so there isn't really a need to avoid sex before marriage.
Kenota's avatar
Yay. I don't think this natural assumption that sex and morality/love should be tied in together. Sex is recreation, and while it can be spiritual, like a lot of things, I don't think it should necessarily be assumed so. So long as suitable birth control is used, however.
This said, I don't believe marriage is a useful institution. Or at least, I wouldn't be putting my egg in that basket. I am moved to agree with Kahlil Gibran:

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cups, but drink not from one cup.
Give each other your bread, but eat not from the same loaf."
RameboMango's avatar
I Personally say YAY

Reason: Sexual Comparability, Make sure the key fits. If not you won't be unlocking any new doors.
The reason why a lot of relationships struggle after the commitment is because behind doors the consenting adults are unhappy with their love life.
Salsa-Eater's avatar
I guess it depends on the couple. If it's a man and a women, I say nay because I don't think it's right for Children to have to be born out of wedlock. Of course that's an ideal interpretation of sex and marriage, but I don't suppose it's the end of the world if a couple does have sex before getting married.
Astrikos's avatar
:B It's fine if it's not too soon.. I guess. :nod:
Lifh's avatar
Abstinence is stupid and everybody who believes in it is stupid.
TESM's avatar
No, for a number of reasons.

One of the responses that treats the other person as a car to test drive makes sex the goal and the person an object.

The goal is to love the other person and sex is a very specific (and exclusive) means of expressing that love that should be reserved to a commitment like marriage. Man's vocation is to love, and this can be done with sex or no sex. But when it comes to a proper relationship sex should not be a 'test' or just an outlet for the couple but the cumulative expression of their friendship, fidelity, and total self-gift.
PuzzledHeartBox's avatar
Yes, you have to taste the merchandise before purchasing it :bucktooth:
kausawolf's avatar
Most sardinely yes!

I never understood the whole sex and marriage thing going hand in hand.
Skiff you love salmon, you should mako love with them. A piece of paper doesn't mako it any moor oar less alright.
Sex is about love, not marriage.


(Saury in advance fur the fishy puns, long dory)
Tomoko-Karahime's avatar
its k for the fishy puns XD its so cute!
I don't necessarily agree with you, but the fish thing in there made it so strangely cute :rofl:
kausawolf's avatar
XD haha thank you! I have a program on my computer that autocorrects my typing to fish puns, and once its on I can't turn it off without turning my computer off.
So fishy puns fur the serious people on this forum. Because fish puns are so fun.
Tomoko-Karahime's avatar
ur welcome ^^
wow how cool :D
fish puns r fun ^^
qwepoirtqoewiutyoqwe's avatar
Toadsanime's avatar
Yes, sex before marriage is obviously fine, normal and natural.

To be against it seems a bit ludicrous to me. I've yet to see a sensible argument as to why it could be deemed fundamentally wrong.
poseidonsimons's avatar
personally I think the whole subject is pointless. Marriage, for me, is a ceremony to announce that the couple will now live together and share their life. If they have sex before the ceremony is completely well...

doesn't matter!
ChakatBlackstar's avatar
Here's the way I see it. You try out a car before you buy it. You try demos for video games. So why not do the same for the person you're planning to make a lifelong commitment to? Plus, it's always good to let each other know of each other's fetishes and whatnot. Far too many people worry their partner will leave them if they admit to something that isn't considered "normal" by mainstream media, but then get frustrated with wanting to experiment but not wanting to receive disapproval from their partner. It's better to figure out all those issues before hand imho.
TheBoyIAm's avatar
It depend's... if you are amish you will wait first to get mirrage, if you are slut it is ritorical question, well I must say Yes because if u never had sex with anyone then u will dont know if the person with who you are is doing the things right and if you are not sure about that then your head will become a big mess because you will dont know what to do.
kath-paints's avatar
It's completely a matter of personal choice.

Everyone's needs are different, and every relationship is different. People place different values on their virginity and on marriage and they have a right to experience those in the way they see fit, on an individual basis.

It is very sad that we still socially pressurise people to experience the most personal parts of their lives according to standards of public approval. To the point (as deomnstrated further down in the thread) of telling blatant lies to our children about it. It is completely ridiculous behaviour in this century. Just tell them to use a condom and do what makes them happy.
kath-paints's avatar
When I refer to public pressure I refer both to the pressure to abtstain AND the conflicting pressure to have sex as a form of social validation. Whether or not someone chooses to wait untill marriage is a matter between them and their partner(s), and not a matter for public comment.

Personally I did, and for me (based on my needs, values, and relationship with my partner) that was the right decision.

People are trying to cite a lot of "facts" about having sex before/after marriage being more likely to break up relationships. But my personal suspicion is that making your life decisions (including how to marry and behave sexually) based on external expectations against personal choice is what will mess you up and cause your relationship to go sour.
ShakuChan1995's avatar
If both people are mature enough and love is enough to not sorry later.
I think it's not right when somebody runs into sex with one they don't love enough, just curious or/and want to seem grown up in front of friends. They usually feel sorry for it later, especially when the right person comes and they are not virgin anymore. It's also a problem when they don't respect each other and tell about their sex to everyone very disrespectfully.

But! When 2 people really love each other, and know & respect each other as much as they can be sure they won't be ashamed/made fun of by it later it's right to do even if you aren't married yet. I think it can be a nice memory even if you're not together with that person anymore, but none of you go b*tching around later, make revenge, but both respects the other person and the time they spent together.
When you know you want that person, why would you wait anymore? With decent protection you can also make sure you're aren't getting sick or pregnant. It can make you feel happy and you relax, escape from the daily problems like work, family member's illness, friend's bad behaviour and idk what. >.>
carusmm's avatar
Try before you buy.
KengiePengin's avatar
I think that it is fine. It is something that everyone has to decide for themselves though. My husband is this only man I've been with, but we did not wait until we were legally married.
I believe that marriage is more a cultural institution than anything else. If you few like you are ready than go for it. No one has any right to tell someone when they are ready, or what circumstances must be to have sex for the first time.
Sauti-Alamisi's avatar
Nay.

I just think it's wrong. You will end up regretting it if you have sex early like this. When the baby comes, breakups are common, leaving the woman to take care of the baby early. (I kind of don't believe in divorce/break up after baby is born)

I must admit that my mother did this twice, making my older sister and brother. But she regretted it. It's just wrong.

Sure, it's not my beeswax what one man and woman do in a bed, but it's just my opinion. :shrug:
RestInMotion's avatar
1. What baby? No baby was mentioned?
2. It's ironic that you say you don't believe in sex before marriage but you use break-ups are common as part of your argument. Getting married before developing a physical relationship is like ducking out of cover in a firefight before you've got your clip loaded. Sure, sometimes it works out okay but those positive endings are few and far between.