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Posted: May 27, 2012

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"Giving your viginity" & "It's a gift, you can only give once"

Forums > Community > Philosophy & Religion

=Svataben May 27, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Those two sentences puzzle me.

Intro
Yes, this is inspired by a HWL thread, but it doesn't belong over there as a general discussion.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that a person's first sexual experience should be pleasant and with someone they care about, and who cares about them.

But...

The gift
But it isn't a present, and it isn't beautiful in any aesthetic sort of way at least.
It'll most likely be awkward, weird, self-conscious, unsatisfactory, and if the virgin is a girl, it'll most likely also be painful and involve at least a little bleeding.

This is a gift?

You can only give it once
Why so much focus on that? Does the next person we have sex with miss out? Really? Miss out on the awkwardness, ineptitude and possibly of the pain and blood? And that's bad?

It also sounds like it is more about the person receiving, and not about the person having their first sexual experience.
What is that about?

In my opinion
Imo, the first time is a sexual experience, where you should aim for a no-pressure-to-perform, gentle, caring experience that leads you feeling like you might want to do it again in future.
Putting all those OMG First Time(!!!) expectations of gifting and über specialness on top of the natural nervousness is just counter-productive. Any pressure for it to be this overly hyped up, special, once in a lifetime, OMG you'll have ruined everything if you don't have Disney animals singing in the backgropund(!!!), and so on, will only lead to inevitable disappointment and feelings of inadequacy.

I'm sure it varies, but I have, personally, talked with quite a few friends about this over the years, and the answers were always the same: None of them want to receive that "virgin gift" ever again!
The guys don't like the risk of hurting a girl and are afraid they'd do something she'd feel badly about, and the girls don't want to deal with the completely inadequate fumblings of the virgin male.

<b<AND FUCKING STOP CALLING PEOPLE STUPID AND IDOTS AND SLUTS AND WHATEVER ELSE, JUST BECAUSE THEY MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES THAN YOU DO!</b>

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=Svataben Jun 12, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

Sigh... html fail.

~Borbonne-le-Bonne Jun 12, 2012

I'd say sex is one of those rare things that gets better the more you give it

=Svataben Jun 12, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

And so much fun practising!

~Borbonne-le-Bonne Jun 12, 2012

Yusss

~crimson-aesthetics Jun 11, 2012 Hobbyist

because your first sex is gonna hurt if you're a girl... and you need to trust your partner to do that...

!irishfairyqueen Jun 9, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

what I dont understand is that quite often, if a guy loses his virginity, he will show off about it and his friends, and even sometimes his family will congratulate him

but if a girl loses her virginity, she will either keep quiet about it or will be expected to act ashamed

me and a group of friends were discussing our various sex lives, and only one of them had actually lost her virginity, and when she realized she was the only non-virgin in the room she started calling herself a slut and a whore, I spent ages explaining to her that having sex with one person whom she is in a committed relationship with does not make her a slut.

I also dont get how losing your virginity can bring shame to a family, I am religious myself, and my parents have no interest in my sex life, active or not

=Svataben Jun 9, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

We couldn't agree more.

I think it's really sad that people make such great fusses about sex. Yes, we need to be safe about it, but it doesn't have to be this angst- and guilt-ridden nightmare that people make it out to be.

!irishfairyqueen Jun 11, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

I also hate all the pressure to have sex. When I first started going out with my boyfriend (my first) I expected to be pressured by him to have sex. He actually very rarely mentions the subject. However loads of my friends are always telling me that we should "seal the deal"

I don't really consider them to be my true friends, since friends are supposed to support each other.

to be honest, I think sex should be a private thing between two people, and friends should have very little to do with it, unless they are offering wanted advice, and are not pressuring them in any way.

sorry about that rant, I just really needed to vent to somebody, and I have no-one else to talk to about this

=Svataben Jun 11, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

I think you're right. It really should be between those two people, and not everyone else's business.

!irishfairyqueen Jun 16, 2012 Student Traditional Artist

thankyou, I am glad to hear that someone agrees with me

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