I faced years of abuse from my step mom and my dad. I got kicked out every other day and even week. So I couldn't ever have friend's over (I'm 23 now) ): I have a fear of driving. Anyway I once bring a gf over and the entire time they were just offending her and being extremely rude. My apparent best friend at the time. Before and after those moments hit on and tried to date at least 5 friend's and multiple ex's. The rest of my family has always been split up. Such as my brother who made his own way and has a wonderful family now how also loves me and who I can say are a true light in my life aswell. Our grandma is a narcissistic slander type person who will pretend to complent but really its another insult at all time's. Yet no matter how much we must do for ouselves. He racist and bais self has a weird love hate relationship without our gay uncle. Who acts just like her. He is also deceptive. She acts like she loves all of them so much but treats her own husband like crap. So he drinks. It's pretty weird. Our mom sadly has bipolar and scitzo disorder (often she has done some horrible thing's.from being oa n the street to doing a number of drug's.And drinking and using random guys she's dated just to get by. This is mostly the family stuff. For me I would like to be a girl ,_, gender change. But I've never had the money and deal with to much stress to even bother trying toto figure thing's out.But I find myself often extremely depressed and with a loss of plenty of people I once thought were friends who could never understand why I do my best to be peppy and happy. I also try to make all the possible effort to help other's. Though I find myself stressing there too. And lastly this may seem odd but anytime any sexual activity happens of anytime I feel guilty. I try to ignore it. Even kissing. I end up just being an introvert weird leo person who draws manga and listens to to much rock and edm. I don't really have human social interaction. Sometimes I'd like to learn to program so I can have an Ia like anime girl program to talk to^^ I would find that to be nice. My other issue is about five years ago. And large horrible situation ended with an ex (same one who was offened) well plenty happened between us and to put it short. She always loved someone else. But it was my first love and I suppose I was used by multiple people and our friendship just kept breaking off. She never really made efforts I had hoped for even as friends. And then I found out she slept with my step brother. Somehow I managed to forgive everyone. Even her other ex who I had a deathnote like war with who mentally used everyone around him. He had a kira like personality. In some situations I was left confused and jealous.I would get left for other's. I dont hold any feelings against her.alot of people really tried to mentally screw her over too. She was just someone who got hurt a lot. End point being a lot of stress and past stuff that needs dealing with. I must move on from all of those terrible memories. But I don't know what to do. Also I get highly forgetful I think from all the stress?

I posted above on a comment. :/ also I deal with major fetishism issue's o-o from wanting to be other female characters I like. For exAmple the crimson avenger elisis or whatever. Female clothing I happen to admire and like.
Ruffly,girly frilly lacey clothes and such. Example Lolita dresses. Yep I'd really wanna be one too. If only by magic :0 etc

I posted in a comment above. Pretty much. Multiple types of abuse. A lack of support and extreme depression and I dealt with A lot of people who acted extremely illogical even dangerous