I rather die than be called out.
Being called out is the single most painful, unbearable, excruciating, heart-wrenching mind-destroying mental torture I can ever have. Nothing else comes even close to realizing what I thought was harmless turned out to be the opposite, being forced to apologize to the other party and make them confirm how borderline weak and inferior I am and that I'm an absolute disgrace to everything in existence with a solid zero chance of redeeming myself.
Would one classify calling another out as a form of verbal bullying, considering it makes the recipient feel like shit for months, even years to come?
And don't get me started on the unpleasant spontaneous flashbacks of being called out either. Even if it happened a year ago, the flashbacks convince me that it happened a MINUTE ago, and make me reconsider my worth and status. To this day, I fail to forget, during this little incident in the complaints forum, the moment when this guy (presumably one of the regs there) came over and told me that an old signature of mine was displaying ego the size of an exploding supernova. It haunts me to this day, realizing that me being a good person was a lie all along as well as the excruciatingly unbearable discomfort of being forced to change something about myself against my will.
Would one classify calling another out as a form of verbal bullying, considering it makes the recipient feel like shit for months, even years to come?
And don't get me started on the unpleasant spontaneous flashbacks of being called out either. Even if it happened a year ago, the flashbacks convince me that it happened a MINUTE ago, and make me reconsider my worth and status. To this day, I fail to forget, during this little incident in the complaints forum, the moment when this guy (presumably one of the regs there) came over and told me that an old signature of mine was displaying ego the size of an exploding supernova. It haunts me to this day, realizing that me being a good person was a lie all along as well as the excruciatingly unbearable discomfort of being forced to change something about myself against my will.
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This is definitely a personal issue you have and not something inherent to being 'called out'. If you are that sensitive to it that you 'feel like shit for months, even years' you should see a therapist about this, because it is not normal at all.
someone sent me a note saying I was a hypocrite for a comment I wrote, maybe years ago?? I honestly don't remember at all and told the person that and they haven't noted me back.
If it's any consolation I only have a very vague recollection of some hullabaloo involving you...something in complaints??? Some thread complaining about lack of recognition for artists (those seemed to be popular for a little bit)?
Point is, water under the bridge. No one else remembers this stuff so you shouldn't be afraid of it (lock it away deep in your subconscious like one does with their 12 year old self)
Most call outs are because someone fucked up and won't fess up often it's an art theft or failure to deliver a commission. Being put in a position where you must deal with the reality that you were wrong is something that needs to be handled with dignity. It's okay to admit your mistakes, and you should admit them (and no one can force you to). The ability to admit when you were wrong and move forward is more a sign of strength than it is inferiority and weakness. It's not bullying to call someone out on their bullshit.
Everyone has to deal with the consequences of their actions and how you deal with them says a lot about you. So consider this very thread and start from there...
Point is, water under the bridge. No one else remembers this stuff so you shouldn't be afraid of it (lock it away deep in your subconscious like one does with their 12 year old self)
Most call outs are because someone fucked up and won't fess up often it's an art theft or failure to deliver a commission. Being put in a position where you must deal with the reality that you were wrong is something that needs to be handled with dignity. It's okay to admit your mistakes, and you should admit them (and no one can force you to). The ability to admit when you were wrong and move forward is more a sign of strength than it is inferiority and weakness. It's not bullying to call someone out on their bullshit.
Everyone has to deal with the consequences of their actions and how you deal with them says a lot about you. So consider this very thread and start from there...
The thing is, it's not the flashback of the complaints forum incident itself that bothered me, it's this one time when someone came over and told me this one signature of mine was displaying sheer egotism. I was forced to get rid of it and to this day it haunts me, and I have this firm idea that I'll never be forgiven.
Yes, that day I left a thread there about some artists not getting enough recognition, and then the next thing I knew, everyone flamed the shit out of me. In my entire internet experience, I got the most sheer hate in one single day, all because I didn't expect the sacred rule of lurking before posting. I recognize you as one of the regs there, so I assume you were part of it that day.
I want to learn new things, just not the hard way; not at the cost of something of value, my dignity in this case.
Yes, that day I left a thread there about some artists not getting enough recognition, and then the next thing I knew, everyone flamed the shit out of me. In my entire internet experience, I got the most sheer hate in one single day, all because I didn't expect the sacred rule of lurking before posting. I recognize you as one of the regs there, so I assume you were part of it that day.
I want to learn new things, just not the hard way; not at the cost of something of value, my dignity in this case.
hmm...I think there was something in there as if you were implying that you in particular was an artist that needed more recognition and that's where a lot of trouble started??? Like I said, I don't remember it well.
Well was that one signature displaying a considerable amount of egotism? You weren't forced to get rid of it; you could have chosen not to. And if it's a matter of a signature...the person who noted it probably didn't actually care ergo probably not offended so you don't need to be "forgiven".
If anyone needs to forgive you for past transgressions it's yourself.
You made some mistakes, big whoop! Learn from them and move on. Everything has it's price and sometimes you gotta learn the hard way. You don't learn to ride a bike without getting a few scrapes on the way. Chances are the only one doing damage to your dignity is you, probably by believing it's been damaged in the first place.
Well was that one signature displaying a considerable amount of egotism? You weren't forced to get rid of it; you could have chosen not to. And if it's a matter of a signature...the person who noted it probably didn't actually care ergo probably not offended so you don't need to be "forgiven".
If anyone needs to forgive you for past transgressions it's yourself.
You made some mistakes, big whoop! Learn from them and move on. Everything has it's price and sometimes you gotta learn the hard way. You don't learn to ride a bike without getting a few scrapes on the way. Chances are the only one doing damage to your dignity is you, probably by believing it's been damaged in the first place.
You need to stop beating yourself up. You didn't kick puppies or rob old people. You're still a decent person. You said something that wasn't so great? We all do that because we're human and humans aren't perfect.
Well, there have been a few times where I was called out on something, and it affected me for days afterwards. One time, I was called out for saying something insensitive, and I was visibly down for a few days after, like someone had hit a really vulnerable spot while insulting me. So I can see where you might think it's bullying, especially since it can feel that way. However, I wouldn't call it bullying. If the other person has good intentions and a point, I'd just take it for what it is: you made a mistake, got called out on it, and were given a chance to fix it.
I hope this helps!
I hope this helps!
"Would one classify calling another out as a form of verbal bullying, considering it makes the recipient feel like shit for months, even years to come?"
No, because the vast majority of people don't feel that way. If someone pointed out a mistake I made... so fucking what? I've made thousands of mistakes in my life. Tens of thousands. I apologize for the mistake and move on. It's normal to make mistakes, it's normal to apologize for a mistake, and apologizing doesn't make me a worthless person, it makes me a normal person.
"It haunts me to this day, realizing that me being a good person was a lie all along"
Don't be melodramatic. No person is 100% good or bad. People have it in them to act in a pro-social manner ("good") and also in an anti-social manner ("bad"). When you discover that something you have done is "bad" and has hurt someone, then you have further choices to make -- whether to apologize and make amends, or to do nothing, or to do something else that hurts them and so on. All these actions have consequences. You make the best choices that you can and if you discover that you made the wrong choice then you learn from it and do better next time.
"as well as the excruciatingly unbearable discomfort of being forced to change something about myself against my will."
First off it wasn't unbearable because you're still here, bearing it. So once again quit it with the melodrama. Second off you haven't actually changed anything about *yourself*. You were socially embarrassed and in return you have chosen to change your actions to avoid such embarrassment in the future. That's what we call "learning something." Inside you are still the same person you were before, only you have a new experience now. You're supposed to learn things in life, including what unpleasant social consequences feel like. Next time you are in this situation you will be better informed about the choice that you are really making and so you will make a better decision.
No, because the vast majority of people don't feel that way. If someone pointed out a mistake I made... so fucking what? I've made thousands of mistakes in my life. Tens of thousands. I apologize for the mistake and move on. It's normal to make mistakes, it's normal to apologize for a mistake, and apologizing doesn't make me a worthless person, it makes me a normal person.
"It haunts me to this day, realizing that me being a good person was a lie all along"
Don't be melodramatic. No person is 100% good or bad. People have it in them to act in a pro-social manner ("good") and also in an anti-social manner ("bad"). When you discover that something you have done is "bad" and has hurt someone, then you have further choices to make -- whether to apologize and make amends, or to do nothing, or to do something else that hurts them and so on. All these actions have consequences. You make the best choices that you can and if you discover that you made the wrong choice then you learn from it and do better next time.
"as well as the excruciatingly unbearable discomfort of being forced to change something about myself against my will."
First off it wasn't unbearable because you're still here, bearing it. So once again quit it with the melodrama. Second off you haven't actually changed anything about *yourself*. You were socially embarrassed and in return you have chosen to change your actions to avoid such embarrassment in the future. That's what we call "learning something." Inside you are still the same person you were before, only you have a new experience now. You're supposed to learn things in life, including what unpleasant social consequences feel like. Next time you are in this situation you will be better informed about the choice that you are really making and so you will make a better decision.
I don't really call people out either unless their behaviour is destructive to the community.
Maybe it's a cultural difference? In some cultures it is very important to save face, and because embarrassment is seen as a terrible thing people seek to save one another embarrassment. Unfortunately that means that people have little experience with being embarrassed and so this experience seems very unpleasant to them. In other cultures embarrassment is seen as a temporary inconvenience, and it is seen as much more important to be able to speak frankly to one another. In such cultures people are constantly exposed to criticism and quickly learn methods to deal with it.
There are benefits and drawbacks to both approaches, but I think that people who have experience with criticism will find it much easier to interact on the internet as it is a very critical place.
Maybe it's a cultural difference? In some cultures it is very important to save face, and because embarrassment is seen as a terrible thing people seek to save one another embarrassment. Unfortunately that means that people have little experience with being embarrassed and so this experience seems very unpleasant to them. In other cultures embarrassment is seen as a temporary inconvenience, and it is seen as much more important to be able to speak frankly to one another. In such cultures people are constantly exposed to criticism and quickly learn methods to deal with it.
There are benefits and drawbacks to both approaches, but I think that people who have experience with criticism will find it much easier to interact on the internet as it is a very critical place.
this was a perfect reply o 3 o