Talking with a counselor did nothing to help me
I only made the title as it is so people would be more inclined to look at it. A more appropriate title would be something along the lines of: Talking with a counselor didn't change anything. Anyways, here is my post.
I talked with a counselor about my thinking life was worthless and that I had considered suicide a bit earlier. I told him about my nihilistic viewpoint on the world and life. Instead of giving me the, "Life is meaningful, you have to look for meaning" response I quarter-expected, he agreed with me. If I was capable of remembering the details of the conversation I had earlier today, I would do that, but I can't, so I won't.
From what I can recollect, he said that it's a valid view to have, and that he doesn't think I am depressed. Because I do things that bring me enjoyment, because I don't want to kill myself (because I really don't, it seems), among other reasons led him to reason that I am not depressed. I told him I have no motivation to do anything anymore because there would be no point, and he agreed with me in my reasoning why. He wasn't against me not doing anything, or even dropping out of college (since I hate the program I enrolled myself in and have already graduated college once before).
He also asked me if I were interested in taking some medication that would alter my feelings, and I said I was open to doing that. I don't feel sad often, as I told him, but I told him I would like to see how it feels to feel motivated. Though that also doesn't make sense to me considering everything is worthless.
So I am wondering, what would I do now? Take the medication, feel more motivated but still have the "why bother" mentality? Or should I opt out of that and continue with my "why bother" mentality and blow away the last of my money severing all ties with anyone I previously knew to run away to a different country or state?
A more serious question would be something like should I even bother trying to change that mentality? I really just want opinions after knowing that I have gone to a professional counselor, what I decide to do will ultimately be unaffected by anyone that responds to this.
Addendum
This post will probably be taken down because some child thinks I am trolling and will probably feel the obligation to cry out for mods to take it down. Pitiful that he needs to do this this in order to have a sense of power in his worthless life.
And mods: mentioning suicide shouldn't be a fucking trigger phrase, you can live with someone speaking it, for fucks sake. This time, I am merely mentioning that I had considered suicide, I am not even saying that I am planning on it, or that I am going to do it. Fuck off. These are the "real" issues people have, yet you silence anyone that speaks it. Does this section exist so people can actually help other people with serious problems, or are you more interested in the menial, "I hate this girl at my school for taking my boyfriend, I need support" superficial bullshit?
I talked with a counselor about my thinking life was worthless and that I had considered suicide a bit earlier. I told him about my nihilistic viewpoint on the world and life. Instead of giving me the, "Life is meaningful, you have to look for meaning" response I quarter-expected, he agreed with me. If I was capable of remembering the details of the conversation I had earlier today, I would do that, but I can't, so I won't.
From what I can recollect, he said that it's a valid view to have, and that he doesn't think I am depressed. Because I do things that bring me enjoyment, because I don't want to kill myself (because I really don't, it seems), among other reasons led him to reason that I am not depressed. I told him I have no motivation to do anything anymore because there would be no point, and he agreed with me in my reasoning why. He wasn't against me not doing anything, or even dropping out of college (since I hate the program I enrolled myself in and have already graduated college once before).
He also asked me if I were interested in taking some medication that would alter my feelings, and I said I was open to doing that. I don't feel sad often, as I told him, but I told him I would like to see how it feels to feel motivated. Though that also doesn't make sense to me considering everything is worthless.
So I am wondering, what would I do now? Take the medication, feel more motivated but still have the "why bother" mentality? Or should I opt out of that and continue with my "why bother" mentality and blow away the last of my money severing all ties with anyone I previously knew to run away to a different country or state?
A more serious question would be something like should I even bother trying to change that mentality? I really just want opinions after knowing that I have gone to a professional counselor, what I decide to do will ultimately be unaffected by anyone that responds to this.
Addendum
This post will probably be taken down because some child thinks I am trolling and will probably feel the obligation to cry out for mods to take it down. Pitiful that he needs to do this this in order to have a sense of power in his worthless life.
And mods: mentioning suicide shouldn't be a fucking trigger phrase, you can live with someone speaking it, for fucks sake. This time, I am merely mentioning that I had considered suicide, I am not even saying that I am planning on it, or that I am going to do it. Fuck off. These are the "real" issues people have, yet you silence anyone that speaks it. Does this section exist so people can actually help other people with serious problems, or are you more interested in the menial, "I hate this girl at my school for taking my boyfriend, I need support" superficial bullshit?
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You could try meds. If the lack of motivation is mood-related, then they might work for you. Of course, you'd have to get an actual diagnosis to get those, as this counselor doesn't appear to be qualified to do that. You're only gonna know if they work if you try.
You might also consider, as someone already suggested, talking to qualified therapist. What it sounds like the counselor at your school did for you is pretty standard in terms of offering help/support: i.e. he validated your feelings and didn't judge you for them or steer you toward one particular solution. Which is fine. But if you wanted to address the lack of motivation and apathy, even if just to see if it's possible to feel differently, you may need to suspend some of your certainties and be open to other options.
There are other options, but my feeling from our previous convo is you have difficulty seeing them. IDK if it's because you're depressed and engaged in very black & white thinking as a result, or if you just have a very rigid worldview you're unwilling to bend on, but either is something that can be addressed if you want to.
Nihilistic worldviews are an interesting thing. I know people with more of that sort of outlook who are pretty motivated to do stuff with their lives, so it doesn't necessarily entail a "giving up." I've *been* nihilistic and misanthropic, but it doesn't work well for me and maintaining that outlook just exacerbates my anxiety/depression. Philosophically, I'm also more inclined to see it as a problem to be overcome than something to get stuck on. If nothing matters in some abstract end, then it's more important to find/create meaning in the present and make my world or the world in general slightly less sucky for everyone else stuck here for this short time. I guess ask yourself whether you really want to go another 20 years like this. Is it a livable life? Has it done anything to improve the shittiness of this meager existence? No judgement, just something to consider.
You might also consider, as someone already suggested, talking to qualified therapist. What it sounds like the counselor at your school did for you is pretty standard in terms of offering help/support: i.e. he validated your feelings and didn't judge you for them or steer you toward one particular solution. Which is fine. But if you wanted to address the lack of motivation and apathy, even if just to see if it's possible to feel differently, you may need to suspend some of your certainties and be open to other options.
There are other options, but my feeling from our previous convo is you have difficulty seeing them. IDK if it's because you're depressed and engaged in very black & white thinking as a result, or if you just have a very rigid worldview you're unwilling to bend on, but either is something that can be addressed if you want to.
Nihilistic worldviews are an interesting thing. I know people with more of that sort of outlook who are pretty motivated to do stuff with their lives, so it doesn't necessarily entail a "giving up." I've *been* nihilistic and misanthropic, but it doesn't work well for me and maintaining that outlook just exacerbates my anxiety/depression. Philosophically, I'm also more inclined to see it as a problem to be overcome than something to get stuck on. If nothing matters in some abstract end, then it's more important to find/create meaning in the present and make my world or the world in general slightly less sucky for everyone else stuck here for this short time. I guess ask yourself whether you really want to go another 20 years like this. Is it a livable life? Has it done anything to improve the shittiness of this meager existence? No judgement, just something to consider.
When you say counselor what exactly do you mean? Someone who works with students at school? It might be worth it to go see a psychologist or psychiatrist to further explore how you're feeling, they tend to have more expertize and be more helpful, at least in my personal experience
I don't see any need to lock this thread.
I got suspicious vibes about this thread...
Hi I am new to DeviantART and the forum board in general, but came across your post here and thought I would give some helping - positive - advice.
I am not sure what your present situation is at this very moment (9:57pm EST, 1/31/2016) but I do know that one's perception on life can be the ultimate altercations to one's happiness. Do I say medication is the answer, in some ways yes, because I feel in some ways that I would benefit from them too in certain areas of my emotional and mental health. But I would like to propose a challenge to you instead. Rather then sedating yourself with psych medication, why not condition the development of your character?
See positive thinking is not something that can be developed over night. It takes a lot of work to correct negative-thought patterns. Especially "automatic" negative-thought patterns. The first thing I would do is become conscious and aware that your mind is producing incorrect information. Such as "Life is meaningless, senseless, nonsense, pointless," etc. Our future is shaped by ourselves. The key is to believe that we have the ability to make a difference. As long as you have a darkened perception of the reality of your world, you may always find it hard to see the reasons in life that stimulate a thankful reaction.
I encourage you to seek out whatever counselling you think is necessary for your mental, emotional, and psychological well-being, but also to work on your character. Awaken to the reality of purpose, rather than residing in the despairing darkness of meaninglessness.
To do that, you need to grab the opportunity NOW! What do I mean by that, you may ask? The opportunity I am talking about is fulfilling your dreams and goals for your future. Do you have a vision for your future? If so, DO NOT LET GO OF IT. Pursue it! Do not let anything rob you from obtaining it and making it yours. Maybe that college course you dropped out of was not what was meant for you? Do not feel like a loser to ashamed for not sticking with it. Rather, focus on what is the most important to you, and pursue that!
Life may be odd and strange, and maybe we do not have all the answers. But time can only go in one direction, and that's forward. To go forward, you have to awaken to the reality that you are on this Earth to grow and become stronger, to achieve and succeed toward your personal happiness. Go for what matters to you, and do not let anyone discourage you or redirect your focuses.
Grab automatic negative-thoughts the moment they come into conscious awareness, and eliminating them by saying. "No, I am not going to let *the negative thought* destroy my happiness and thankfulness for existence and life." Conquer those negative thoughts with positive ones with the free will and free choices that you possess. :3
I am not sure what your present situation is at this very moment (9:57pm EST, 1/31/2016) but I do know that one's perception on life can be the ultimate altercations to one's happiness. Do I say medication is the answer, in some ways yes, because I feel in some ways that I would benefit from them too in certain areas of my emotional and mental health. But I would like to propose a challenge to you instead. Rather then sedating yourself with psych medication, why not condition the development of your character?
See positive thinking is not something that can be developed over night. It takes a lot of work to correct negative-thought patterns. Especially "automatic" negative-thought patterns. The first thing I would do is become conscious and aware that your mind is producing incorrect information. Such as "Life is meaningless, senseless, nonsense, pointless," etc. Our future is shaped by ourselves. The key is to believe that we have the ability to make a difference. As long as you have a darkened perception of the reality of your world, you may always find it hard to see the reasons in life that stimulate a thankful reaction.
I encourage you to seek out whatever counselling you think is necessary for your mental, emotional, and psychological well-being, but also to work on your character. Awaken to the reality of purpose, rather than residing in the despairing darkness of meaninglessness.
To do that, you need to grab the opportunity NOW! What do I mean by that, you may ask? The opportunity I am talking about is fulfilling your dreams and goals for your future. Do you have a vision for your future? If so, DO NOT LET GO OF IT. Pursue it! Do not let anything rob you from obtaining it and making it yours. Maybe that college course you dropped out of was not what was meant for you? Do not feel like a loser to ashamed for not sticking with it. Rather, focus on what is the most important to you, and pursue that!
Life may be odd and strange, and maybe we do not have all the answers. But time can only go in one direction, and that's forward. To go forward, you have to awaken to the reality that you are on this Earth to grow and become stronger, to achieve and succeed toward your personal happiness. Go for what matters to you, and do not let anyone discourage you or redirect your focuses.
Grab automatic negative-thoughts the moment they come into conscious awareness, and eliminating them by saying. "No, I am not going to let *the negative thought* destroy my happiness and thankfulness for existence and life." Conquer those negative thoughts with positive ones with the free will and free choices that you possess. :3
There are a few things I would check, befor deciding what to do next;
-Were this person the right person to talk to? If it felt wrong, find another one until it feels right. Different therapists have different approaches - it's not about finding someone who talks what you want to hear, but someone who reaches you.
-Medication alone won't do shit in the long run (except in some serious conditions). From what you write, consider taking them along regularly therapy sessions.
-You ask, if you should even bother. A part of you should, that's the part that wanted to post here and let people see it.
Last but not least - we all die one day and everything we were will be gone for good. When that first hit my mind, I didn't know what to do. Nothing felt worth to do. It was a slow process to overcome, but for me it was worth it. It's up to you do decide, if you are curiuos for seeing what awaits you.
-Were this person the right person to talk to? If it felt wrong, find another one until it feels right. Different therapists have different approaches - it's not about finding someone who talks what you want to hear, but someone who reaches you.
-Medication alone won't do shit in the long run (except in some serious conditions). From what you write, consider taking them along regularly therapy sessions.
-You ask, if you should even bother. A part of you should, that's the part that wanted to post here and let people see it.
Last but not least - we all die one day and everything we were will be gone for good. When that first hit my mind, I didn't know what to do. Nothing felt worth to do. It was a slow process to overcome, but for me it was worth it. It's up to you do decide, if you are curiuos for seeing what awaits you.
You may not necessarily be depressed. I have felt extremely bad before and I wasn't depressed. The difference is in the fact that depression doesnt go away no matter the situation you're in. Anyways, if you want a real diagnosis, forget the councillor and go to a doctor.
Your issues need to be dealt with by a professional psychologist. And not all psychologists are the same. Find one that you like.
Your issues need to be dealt with by a professional psychologist. And not all psychologists are the same. Find one that you like.
Why don't you go out and do something for others, rather than focusing on yourself. That's not a snide comment. Just a suggestion that might put your focus on putting some energy into helping people less fortunate than yourself. Voluntary work, something like that. Even working with animals in an animal sanctuary for example. You seem to be too focused on what you feel you should do, rather than what you really want, or what you might need.
Because helping others is pointless. The only reason I would do it is for ego; to have people recognize me. That, too, is pointless to desire, but it's satisfying to have people compliment you, or revere you (at least for me). Still, I'm not going to help anyone as that doesn't sound like something I would enjoy doing.
It is very much possible to be depressed despite not having suicidal tendencies. If I were you, I would see a different shrink, and preferably a psychologist who can offer you therapy. It is more expensive since it is not a "quick fix", but frankly there are no quick fixes when it comes to depression, medication or not. There are costs. And risks.
Here is my best advice for people trying to overcome depression.. be grateful. That's all. Every night before you go to bed, spend five or ten minutes thinking about all the things you're grateful for. Even if it was just the fact that you have a bed to go to sleep in, or that the omelet you had for breakfast was tasty. It is a slow change, but can go a long way, it is easy, and it is free.
Here is my best advice for people trying to overcome depression.. be grateful. That's all. Every night before you go to bed, spend five or ten minutes thinking about all the things you're grateful for. Even if it was just the fact that you have a bed to go to sleep in, or that the omelet you had for breakfast was tasty. It is a slow change, but can go a long way, it is easy, and it is free.
I hate the very concept of money, and while I hate having it, I need it, and wasting it on someone trying to convince me that my perception on life is "misguided" or "depressing" doesn't sound like a good idea to me.
Should I be grateful for being born just to die?
Should I be grateful for being born just to die?
So what sounds like a good idea to you? Magically flipping a switch and getting rid of your depression? That is not going to work. And meds can be very, very expensive as well.
Everyone's got something to be grateful for. If not, you're missing out one some pretty wonderful things. Whether you enjoy your present life or not, truth is that there is a lot of things in your life that you potentially COULD enjoy, and COULD be grateful for, you do not need to search them out, but make a slight effort, during five minutes, to appreciate all the things you can think of.
Certainly you went to see the counselor because you wanted to feel better, or you would not have bothered. It's worth it. Give it a week.
Everyone's got something to be grateful for. If not, you're missing out one some pretty wonderful things. Whether you enjoy your present life or not, truth is that there is a lot of things in your life that you potentially COULD enjoy, and COULD be grateful for, you do not need to search them out, but make a slight effort, during five minutes, to appreciate all the things you can think of.
Certainly you went to see the counselor because you wanted to feel better, or you would not have bothered. It's worth it. Give it a week.
Every night, someone thinks about you before they go to sleep.
At least 15 people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would hate you is because they want to be just like you.
There are at least two people in this world that would die for you.
You mean the world to someone.
At least one person that you don't even know exits loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good always comes from it.
When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, because God will always love you.
Always remember the compliments that you received,
and and forget the rude remarks.
And just remember....
YOU ARE LOVED!
I hope that didn't sound too cheesy...
But just remember this every time you think about ending your life.
Stay strong, my friend. We are all here for you
❤️
At least 15 people in this world love you.
The only reason someone would hate you is because they want to be just like you.
There are at least two people in this world that would die for you.
You mean the world to someone.
At least one person that you don't even know exits loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good always comes from it.
When you think the world has turned it's back on you, take a look, because God will always love you.
Always remember the compliments that you received,
and and forget the rude remarks.
And just remember....
YOU ARE LOVED!
I hope that didn't sound too cheesy...
But just remember this every time you think about ending your life.
Stay strong, my friend. We are all here for you
❤️That doesn't matter if anyone loves me or cares about me or hates me; we all die, nullifying those opinions and feelings. At one point, it won't even matter that I knew that life is pointless as I will be dead.
But you won't be able to feel all of the GOOD feelings if you are dead, now, would you?
Here's the thing with antidepressants. It treats symptoms of people who have Depression. For people with self-harm or suicidal ideation, it reduces how often the person has those ideations. It can also decrease the length of time a depressive episode occurs as well as relieve several other depressive symptoms. If you think medication will help you and your doctor thinks so too, I'd say give it a try. Though, I also think, if you're not satisfied with how therapy is going, search for a different therapist, paying special attention to their method(it's usually listed in their online biography)
Are you looking for a change in the way you think or the way you behave? Do you want to gain a better understanding of your feelings and why those feelings drive behaviors? Do you feel like your past is affecting you or what's going on in the present is affecting you? These questions will direct you to a certain kind of therapy such as psychodynamic, cognitive, behavioral, humanistic, CBT, DBT(there are a lot, but those are usually the most common).
Are you looking for a change in the way you think or the way you behave? Do you want to gain a better understanding of your feelings and why those feelings drive behaviors? Do you feel like your past is affecting you or what's going on in the present is affecting you? These questions will direct you to a certain kind of therapy such as psychodynamic, cognitive, behavioral, humanistic, CBT, DBT(there are a lot, but those are usually the most common).
I wasn't talking with a therapist, I was talking with a counselor from the college I am currently attending. I like speaking with this person a lot, mostly because they don't see anything wrong or depressing about my thoughts (which is refreshing for once). When I think about it, I wonder why it is seen as depressing; it's a fact of life that we all die.
I'm not looking for any change, really. When the thought of mood-altering medication was mentioned, I agreed on pursuing that because it would make me feel motivated. That is a feeling I have never felt and would like to feel. It doesn't matter, though, if I feel motivated as no matter what I do, I am still going toward the same fate. That's fine with me thinking like that; actually, it's relieving, knowing I don't have to do anything in my life. After I (mostly) grasped this idea, I have felt more relaxed than I have ever felt. This is the closest thing to happy (by its definition) that I have felt consistently.
I'm not looking for any change, really. When the thought of mood-altering medication was mentioned, I agreed on pursuing that because it would make me feel motivated. That is a feeling I have never felt and would like to feel. It doesn't matter, though, if I feel motivated as no matter what I do, I am still going toward the same fate. That's fine with me thinking like that; actually, it's relieving, knowing I don't have to do anything in my life. After I (mostly) grasped this idea, I have felt more relaxed than I have ever felt. This is the closest thing to happy (by its definition) that I have felt consistently.
Understanding that death is inevitable is not a sign of Depression.
Considering suicide is.
So is a lack of motivation to do anything, especially things you may enjoy. It's called a loss of interest in activities and is another symptom of Depression. From what I've read so far, you seem to also not feel happy very often. Feeling a constant sadness is another symptom.
I would try cognitive or CBT if you want to try the psychotherapy route. Their method is changing the way people think or, in your case, changing your thought process to feel more motivated.
As for antidepressants, first talk to a psychiatrist about it. They will be the ones prescribing meds. Zoloft is a common one and minimal side effects, so that might be a place to start.
Considering suicide is.
So is a lack of motivation to do anything, especially things you may enjoy. It's called a loss of interest in activities and is another symptom of Depression. From what I've read so far, you seem to also not feel happy very often. Feeling a constant sadness is another symptom.
I would try cognitive or CBT if you want to try the psychotherapy route. Their method is changing the way people think or, in your case, changing your thought process to feel more motivated.
As for antidepressants, first talk to a psychiatrist about it. They will be the ones prescribing meds. Zoloft is a common one and minimal side effects, so that might be a place to start.
Considering suicide isn't depression. Depression is always relative to the person speaking; were I to speak to an "optimistic" person about 'living to die,' they would consider me depressed. I don't think that wanting to die is depression, maybe you just want it now instead of waiting for it.
I have a lack of motivation to do anything that (to me) is hard and/or isn't enjoyable. I do things that bring me joy all the time. I stopped doing my college work because I don't enjoy doing it and I don't see any point in doing it. Because of stopping that facet of unhappiness, I feel better now.
I don't want to change the way I think, I just want to see what it's like to feel motivated to do something I wouldn't want to do because of difficulty, or something. Why? I guess because I'm bored.
I have a lack of motivation to do anything that (to me) is hard and/or isn't enjoyable. I do things that bring me joy all the time. I stopped doing my college work because I don't enjoy doing it and I don't see any point in doing it. Because of stopping that facet of unhappiness, I feel better now.
I don't want to change the way I think, I just want to see what it's like to feel motivated to do something I wouldn't want to do because of difficulty, or something. Why? I guess because I'm bored.
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"9. Suicidality: thoughts of death or suicide or has a suicide plan" From APA criteria for diagnosing Major Depressive Disorder.
That's the point of CBT. How we think affects how we feel and also vice-versa. How we think or feel affects how we act. Therefore, to change how you feel, you must change how you act or think.
"9. Suicidality: thoughts of death or suicide or has a suicide plan" From APA criteria for diagnosing Major Depressive Disorder.
That's the point of CBT. How we think affects how we feel and also vice-versa. How we think or feel affects how we act. Therefore, to change how you feel, you must change how you act or think.
"Take the medication, feel more motivated but still have the "why bother" mentality?"
Sure, give it a go. If you give it a genuine trial (several weeks) and you don't feel that it's useful to you in any way, you can always go off it again (in a controlled and supervised manner).
Sure, give it a go. If you give it a genuine trial (several weeks) and you don't feel that it's useful to you in any way, you can always go off it again (in a controlled and supervised manner).
Maybe you just need a good outlet to express these emotions? Hiking, music, reading, volunteering, exercise, art? To me, the act of creation in of itself is meaningful.
Also, getting out and hanging out with friends is a good way to get out of your head.
Also, getting out and hanging out with friends is a good way to get out of your head.