Overwhelming guilt and self doubt
Jesus where do I begin. I've been suffering from depression for such a long time now I don't know what up and down is anymore. I'm trying to take everyday slowly but with my anxiety the stupidest thing can send me spiraling. For example today I took a walk outside into the woods, stopped and noticed a leaf, and immediately started tearing up. I just keep telling myself to breathe, but I feel guilty for taking a moment to myself because I have so much work piling up at school. Whenever I'm not doing my homework I feel so sad and upset, but the idea of picking up a pencil is horrible. The same goes for art. I'm trying to get into art school, but I'm not even sure if I have a passion to create anymore. I start a painting and then never finish it.
Its like there's a war going on inside me. Half of me is motivated and eager to make art, but the other half is drowning in misery and hatred. I'm fighting myself and I don't even know why.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Or have some advice?
Its like there's a war going on inside me. Half of me is motivated and eager to make art, but the other half is drowning in misery and hatred. I'm fighting myself and I don't even know why.
Does anyone else ever feel like this? Or have some advice?
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*Hugs*
Don't worry about what you have done and how you feel guilty about it. What is done is already done. And it is ok to cry. Did you know holding stuff in actually is kind of bad for you? So feel free to have a cry fest if you want!
As for advice...go talk to someone who you feel comfortable with. Someone who makes you feel loved. Did you know that feeling cared for is one of the most important factors for success and happiness? Go get yourself a friend or a family member for a long talk about feelings!
*more hugs*
Don't worry about what you have done and how you feel guilty about it. What is done is already done. And it is ok to cry. Did you know holding stuff in actually is kind of bad for you? So feel free to have a cry fest if you want!
As for advice...go talk to someone who you feel comfortable with. Someone who makes you feel loved. Did you know that feeling cared for is one of the most important factors for success and happiness? Go get yourself a friend or a family member for a long talk about feelings!
*more hugs*
You're right, I should focus on what already has been done. I just get so caught up in the bad I never look at the good. Thanks for the advice. I should talk to someone. . . 
Spread your wings and fly, lass/lad.
Keep doing yer homework, maybe go for a jog down the block. There WILL be brighter days. Even if it doesn't seem like it at first, mistakes can lead to brilliant things.
Keep doing yer homework, maybe go for a jog down the block. There WILL be brighter days. Even if it doesn't seem like it at first, mistakes can lead to brilliant things.
I keep telling myself that but there is no light at the end of the tunnel. I can't move forward if I keep falling.
Have you tried playing a game? It's called Tetris.
i have played tetris a few times. I usually play a game called Zen Koi to calm myself down.
say hello to someone. that is the best advice i can give anyone who is overcoming depression. Another effective thing that makes me feel better is going for a walk in a crowded place, for example a mall or a sidewalk just walk around a watch all the happy people be happy and compliment someone. It will make you both smile.
Ah, I wish I could look at others and feel happy but every time I see others smiling I hate myself more for being sad.
Just keep thinking, it's okay. Think of good things. Distract yourself with hobbies. I know that you can't just "be happy" so I won't say that. But just so you know, you'll be okay. 
Happiness will come eventually.
Happiness will come eventually. Thanks for the tip. I've been reminding myself to be happy and take it easy, but I feel guilty for taking time to myself.
None of my past hobbies help me either. . .
None of my past hobbies help me either. . .
Well, sometimes talking to people help. They won't blame you.
I suppose so. . . I don't want to burden any of my friends with my self pity though
If they're really your friends, they'll understand and help you through it. If they actually mention they're burdened, or even act like it, then I suggest either finding a few better friends or talking to family instead.
Agreed, thanks again 
No problem 
I hope you feel better soon
I hope you feel better soon
www.huffingtonpost.com/hannah-…
Research foods that help people with depression, including flax seeds.
www.everydayhealth.com/columns…
Your halfs should do rock paper scissors every day to see who gets the day.
Research foods that help people with depression, including flax seeds.
www.everydayhealth.com/columns…
Your halfs should do rock paper scissors every day to see who gets the day.
i have been there. in the past i was there a great deal. now much less so but still somewhat.
i dont have much of a solution but i can say, for myself, i try to relish the moments i feel good, even if they swiftly fly away like they have wings.
another note: lately i have been finding another thing that has been helping me lately and maybe it would help you too.
you see, i studied philosophy a little bit for awhile, and i discovered that as philosophies got more modern, they became increasingly chaotic and full of various logical black holes of despair.
and the same is true of schools of thought. so although a modern textbook is very useful for giving me a great deal of information, the modern mode of thought which the textbook is written in often makes my head spin and causes me to feel very negative.
so lately i have been looking up nonfiction and textbooks from the late 1800's and early 1900s and reading those, and wow, what a difference. is the information useful? sometimes. but inevitably the text is much less taxing on the psyche.
not that reading old textbooks has alleiviated my mental issues, but it has somehow soothed and lessened them.
maybe its silly but maybe not; perhaps finding some very old art instruction books would be helpful to you. after all many of the essentials of art have not changed for hundreds of years.
i dont have much of a solution but i can say, for myself, i try to relish the moments i feel good, even if they swiftly fly away like they have wings.
another note: lately i have been finding another thing that has been helping me lately and maybe it would help you too.
you see, i studied philosophy a little bit for awhile, and i discovered that as philosophies got more modern, they became increasingly chaotic and full of various logical black holes of despair.
and the same is true of schools of thought. so although a modern textbook is very useful for giving me a great deal of information, the modern mode of thought which the textbook is written in often makes my head spin and causes me to feel very negative.
so lately i have been looking up nonfiction and textbooks from the late 1800's and early 1900s and reading those, and wow, what a difference. is the information useful? sometimes. but inevitably the text is much less taxing on the psyche.
not that reading old textbooks has alleiviated my mental issues, but it has somehow soothed and lessened them.
maybe its silly but maybe not; perhaps finding some very old art instruction books would be helpful to you. after all many of the essentials of art have not changed for hundreds of years.
I've been there, done that and some days I still do that.
The other day I was watching Arrow and a polygraph test got mentioned. I immediately started to cry.
I know the guilt piles as you fall behind in your work, but you just have to tell yourself that that's what you need to do to get through it. Talk it out with someone about what you're feeling, or even do your homework while talking with a friend. I had to constantly talk with someone or I'd fall into a deep depression and not do a lick of work.
What you should probably try to do is get into an art class even if you don't need the lessons. I found that it forced me to get out of my depression and it's how I channeled myself. It's the other part of what kept me going.
I know you constantly feel like you're fighting yourself, and in a way you are. However, I used to call it "the darkness" in order to fight it. I would sometimes write out a story that fought the darkness that would make me feel better. Or I'd write about a character overcoming a worse situation.
I also found that an app called Moodtrack diary really helped. It's a really supportive community with a lot of people that can help you learn to overcome your daily struggles.
The other day I was watching Arrow and a polygraph test got mentioned. I immediately started to cry.
I know the guilt piles as you fall behind in your work, but you just have to tell yourself that that's what you need to do to get through it. Talk it out with someone about what you're feeling, or even do your homework while talking with a friend. I had to constantly talk with someone or I'd fall into a deep depression and not do a lick of work.
What you should probably try to do is get into an art class even if you don't need the lessons. I found that it forced me to get out of my depression and it's how I channeled myself. It's the other part of what kept me going.
I know you constantly feel like you're fighting yourself, and in a way you are. However, I used to call it "the darkness" in order to fight it. I would sometimes write out a story that fought the darkness that would make me feel better. Or I'd write about a character overcoming a worse situation.
I also found that an app called Moodtrack diary really helped. It's a really supportive community with a lot of people that can help you learn to overcome your daily struggles.
Thanks for the advice. I'm going to download that app and hopefully it'll make me feel better.
I use it all the time (now more to help others than share my feelings). I might even comment on your moods now and again