Anxiety
I've had severe anxiety the past 3 years. It's so bad that I'm too scared to go outside and I can't even talk to people online. It's really starting to take its toll on me, I mean I'm 17 and an extremely independent person but my anxiety makes me need others and it pisses me off. I used to be able to walk around my old neighborhood with no problem. I used to walk my old dog with no problem even though she pulled on the leash and went up to everyone we crossed. Now I can't even walk my current dog because the thought of him wanting to greet other people and dogs stresses me out too much. I rarely make journals on DA and it's been years since I made an actual post on my FB. I was too scared to even post my art on my FB until this year. I can't even express my emotions 'cause I'm scared of being judged. And I have trouble drawing characters showing emotions for the same reason. Before my anxiety I had no problem posting or talking to people.
I started going to a therapist last month. I have to schedule an appointment with some people to be officially diagnosed with anxiety so I can get medicine for it but that's another month away, two if I can't come up with the money to get there.
I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help me deal with my anxiety better until I can get the medicine? And any tips that could help me at least talk to people online? I would like art to be the main way I make money but I can't do that if I'm too scared to even put my name out there.
I started going to a therapist last month. I have to schedule an appointment with some people to be officially diagnosed with anxiety so I can get medicine for it but that's another month away, two if I can't come up with the money to get there.
I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help me deal with my anxiety better until I can get the medicine? And any tips that could help me at least talk to people online? I would like art to be the main way I make money but I can't do that if I'm too scared to even put my name out there.
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I have anxiety/depression. It manifests differently, but I understand where you're coming from.
One thing that I find helpful is to figure out where the spiral starts. When you start to feel the first signs of a panic attack think about how it feels and what is causing it. Then learn to recognize the cause and either avoid it, or deal with it head on when you can. It's not perfect - I still have days I'm not very functional without medication, but it definitely helps make those days less frequent.
I've heard a lot of people recommend things like grounding where you think about what your senses are experiencing to kind of distract yourself and feel real again. I haven't tried it but it sounds helpful.
Another thing you could try is a weighted blanket for when you get panic attacks. They are usually a part of autism therapy, but I've heard they can be nice for anxiety as well. Here's a tutorial: www.mamasmiles.com/sewing-tuto… I plan to make one once I figure out how to cut large pieces of fabric.
One thing that I find helpful is to figure out where the spiral starts. When you start to feel the first signs of a panic attack think about how it feels and what is causing it. Then learn to recognize the cause and either avoid it, or deal with it head on when you can. It's not perfect - I still have days I'm not very functional without medication, but it definitely helps make those days less frequent.
I've heard a lot of people recommend things like grounding where you think about what your senses are experiencing to kind of distract yourself and feel real again. I haven't tried it but it sounds helpful.
Another thing you could try is a weighted blanket for when you get panic attacks. They are usually a part of autism therapy, but I've heard they can be nice for anxiety as well. Here's a tutorial: www.mamasmiles.com/sewing-tuto… I plan to make one once I figure out how to cut large pieces of fabric.
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, to the extend I get anxious over the supply of medicine the psychiatrist prescribed....
What if the pharmaceutical factory shut down ? What If I become reliant on the drug and have to consume it for the rest of my life ?
Sometime I facepalm at the extend of ignorance that people is unable to foretold events which are more than direct relation.
They often tell me that I "think too much" while it is "obvious logical pattern permutation".
It is kind of similar to playing chess and being able to calculate all the possible routes and moves, except applying it in real life.
And more than often frustration at the reluctance of people to believe what I say.
People typically responded with "rotten mouth" which "cursed" their overly optimistic plan.
I predicted my nephew's autism 4 years before it developed, or 1 year before he was born.
Seeing all the ingredient for his autism present, and his parents concocting his autism with their own hands couldn't be more frustrating.
yet this is what I have to deal with.
What if the pharmaceutical factory shut down ? What If I become reliant on the drug and have to consume it for the rest of my life ?
Sometime I facepalm at the extend of ignorance that people is unable to foretold events which are more than direct relation.
They often tell me that I "think too much" while it is "obvious logical pattern permutation".
It is kind of similar to playing chess and being able to calculate all the possible routes and moves, except applying it in real life.
And more than often frustration at the reluctance of people to believe what I say.
People typically responded with "rotten mouth" which "cursed" their overly optimistic plan.
I predicted my nephew's autism 4 years before it developed, or 1 year before he was born.
Seeing all the ingredient for his autism present, and his parents concocting his autism with their own hands couldn't be more frustrating.
yet this is what I have to deal with.
I had the exact same thing happen to me. Too scared to go outside, afraid of people and crowded places, and afraid of having a panic attack in public. It was deeply psychological for me as well. But don't fret! Your anxiety will leave over time. Mine did. It's hard to adjust but it's completely possible. In some ways it's a mindset and anxiety can't hurt you in any way physically. I rarely used medication like lorazapam or any anxiety treatment medications because I pushed myself to go outside and go to places in which I would get anxiety. There's a reason why people are saying "go face it" or "fight it head on" because it does work. Also you don't need medication to get through anxiety. Many people rely on it too much and get anxiety when they run out or cant find it. It's best to find things that calm you, talk to people like family or friends about it to let them know so they can support you if your not feeling that well. And just know that it's all in your head and that we all struggle at times and there's nothing abnormal in any way about it. Have a great day and I hope this helps even a little bit! 
I actually wasn't interested in taking medicine at first, but I also lack motivation. I can't get myself to do anything and I was hoping the medicine would start getting me to do the things I want to do. My main goal is to start exercising again, because once I make something a part of my routine I won't stop doing it. And exercise is a real big help for things like anxiety. Like in the past I'd take daily walks to the library and things like that. I also want it so I can try to socialize. I currently have only one friend that I can really talk to. I definitely don't want to depend on medicine, I have a strong hatred for it. Just want to try and get a motivational push from it.
This was definitely helpful! You have a great day as well. c:
This was definitely helpful! You have a great day as well. c:
I have a small amount of anxiety, and I feel like I don't belong sometimes, and like you, I sit in my house, and I don't like to talk to anyone unless I really want to. Most people prefer solitude, as do i, it's good your seeing someone about this, I am, and it's proven useful, I can go out, and walk around without thinking i'm being judged, I blank it all out. It's more of the physiological thing, but. You are a great person, and without talking to each other, you are. So don't let it get to you! Be strong, and keep your head up, I really like your art, it's amazing! 
Thank you! I'm going to keep working to overcome my anxiety. Your art is good as well!
Your art is good as well!
Speaking as someone with chronic anxiety, the best way to deal with it is to face it head on. Whatever it is that you're anxious about doing, go and do it. Just stop thinking about it, and do it. Go walk your dog. You'll worry about it at first, and it'll be hard, but once you go out and do it, you'll feel good. Keep on doing it regularly, and eventually it becomes no big deal.
Medication is also helpful. Be extra sure to ask about that when you go to that appointment.
Medication is also helpful. Be extra sure to ask about that when you go to that appointment.
I try but I never have the motivation to do it. Can't even force myself. >n>
I'm definitely trying to get the medicine, hoping it'd give me at least a little boost.
I'm definitely trying to get the medicine, hoping it'd give me at least a little boost.
Well, try where you can. Take small steps. Start with something small and perhaps insignificant and work your way up.
The good thing is that you're already on the right track by acknowledging you have a problem. Many people with anxiety or depression or what have you don't ever admit that there's a problem and then let their issues rule their lives until it becomes too much for them to handle. Don't give up now; I wish you the best of luck!
The good thing is that you're already on the right track by acknowledging you have a problem. Many people with anxiety or depression or what have you don't ever admit that there's a problem and then let their issues rule their lives until it becomes too much for them to handle. Don't give up now; I wish you the best of luck!
Thank you! I'm definitely going to keep trying. And I agree, for the longest I thought I didn't have a problem. It wasn't until I had a panic attack while outside that I realized that I wasn't fine.
agoraphobia home remedy
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but for serious maybe if you dress up crazy that would help. like dressing up like a goth or something
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/7…
but for serious maybe if you dress up crazy that would help. like dressing up like a goth or something
lmao! I needed a good laugh xD
Did something traumatic happen to you to cause the anxiety, or did it happen on its own? Also, check out calm.com, it has guided meditations that can help you calm down and teach you how to breath properly. Just know that it's ok that you have anxiety, it's ok to be scared. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your emotions matter. If people judge you for your emotions, then shame on them not on you.
im listening to calm.com omg the music is like weed man
Yeah, it's awesome and soo relaxing.
The anxiety was something that was slowly coming. I've been bullied pretty much my whole life at every school I went to and I don't really get along with my family to top it off. But what really set off my anxiety was when we lived in the ghetto. As with ghettos there was shooting basically everyday, my mum didn't even like letting my younger siblings out to play and someone even shot at my window before. We lived there for two years and during those two years we stayed inside our house mostly 24/7. Me and my siblings even went to cyber school.
Thank you for the suggestion, I just took a look at the website and I'm definitely going to give it a try when I have time!
I do know that it's okay to have anxiety, but it's hard for me to express my emotions, and more than often I ignore my feelings becuase with family and friends alike I was usually mocked or ignored when I had problems. My mother even recently said that I couldn't really have anxiety just because I gave my opinion on something. It's like I'm always supposed to be the strong and happy one. Unless I break down and start crying everyone wants to assume that it's okay to ignore my feelings. And even when I do that I feel others just find me a nuisance.
Thank you for the suggestion, I just took a look at the website and I'm definitely going to give it a try when I have time!
I do know that it's okay to have anxiety, but it's hard for me to express my emotions, and more than often I ignore my feelings becuase with family and friends alike I was usually mocked or ignored when I had problems. My mother even recently said that I couldn't really have anxiety just because I gave my opinion on something. It's like I'm always supposed to be the strong and happy one. Unless I break down and start crying everyone wants to assume that it's okay to ignore my feelings. And even when I do that I feel others just find me a nuisance.
Yeah I know what it's like having a family mock or ignore your problems. My brother would constantly hurt me growing up, so anytime I was home I would fear for my life. I too had learned to bottle up my emotions. I guess my family thought that if I didn't show my emotions, then there was nothing wrong with me. I'm 24 and I finally got help a month ago. My therapist helped me unbottle my emotions. Talking about these kinds of experiences really helped. However, my mom thinks I'm going crazy because I'm finally expressing all these emotions that have been bottled up for years. I actually did some artwork about anxiety that I think you might like: Monsters of the Mind. I think what you're doing is very brave. You are definitely more brave than I was. It took me till I was 24 to seek help. I really hope your therapist can help you and that you can get the right medication. You aren't a nuisance, you are important.
I don't get along with my oldest brother at all either. I even held a knife up to him before and just recently disowned him. Through all my years of bullying no one ever made me truly angry but him. I'm sorry to hear your brother made you fear for your life. :c
It's irritating when people assume because you're not complaining you're okay. I honestly don't know how to really talk about my emotions though. When I do start talking about how I feel I automatically start crying and it's not even because I'm sad or anything. I think I might be fear of people laughing at me for having feelings. I'm glad you're able to finally let your emotions out though.
Another thing that worries me about expressing my feelings is that I don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. I'd rather just avoid the drama since my mom will most likely be the one hurt by it. I don't hold a lot of love for many people anymore. I'd just like to move away from everyone and live my life. Maybe then I'd start missing them and all but as of now the only ones I constantly worry for are my younger siblings. Don't have any love left for my oldest bro though.
Thank you, I don't think I'm more brave than you are though. Me going was more from feeling desperate, I'm not sure why but I just felt that if I didn't start receiving help before I turned 18 my life would be over. Going to a therapist and learning to let your emotions out when you've bottled them up for so long takes a lot of courage for anyone to do. c:
I love the picture, and you have wonderful art!
It's irritating when people assume because you're not complaining you're okay. I honestly don't know how to really talk about my emotions though. When I do start talking about how I feel I automatically start crying and it's not even because I'm sad or anything. I think I might be fear of people laughing at me for having feelings. I'm glad you're able to finally let your emotions out though.
Another thing that worries me about expressing my feelings is that I don't want to hurt anyone else's feelings. I'd rather just avoid the drama since my mom will most likely be the one hurt by it. I don't hold a lot of love for many people anymore. I'd just like to move away from everyone and live my life. Maybe then I'd start missing them and all but as of now the only ones I constantly worry for are my younger siblings. Don't have any love left for my oldest bro though.
Thank you, I don't think I'm more brave than you are though. Me going was more from feeling desperate, I'm not sure why but I just felt that if I didn't start receiving help before I turned 18 my life would be over. Going to a therapist and learning to let your emotions out when you've bottled them up for so long takes a lot of courage for anyone to do. c:
I love the picture, and you have wonderful art!
Well you're expressing your emotions here. Maybe you could start a journal just for writing down your emotions. Not only that, you could ask yourself why you feel each emotion. For the negative ones you could think of ways to alleviate them so that one day they won't bother you anymore.
It's interesting, I felt the same way about expressing my feelings. I would rather have my feelings get hurt than to hurt someone else's feelings. It often lead to frustration because I couldn't understand why others didn't have the same consideration for my feelings as I did to theirs. It was something I actually talked to my therapist about. He helped me to understand that I was acting like I was responsible for the way other people felt while they were responsible for the way I felt. The fact that you worry so much that you're going to hurt others shows that you have a good heart. I don't think you have any intention of actually hurting someone when you express your emotions. You're a good person, in fact, without know much else about your family I'd say you are the greatest person of them all. Even if they don't care for your feelings, you care for theirs. I think it's things like those that really define the worth of a person. You've suffered a lot, yet you choose to suffer rather than causing others to suffer. You've suffered enough. There's nothing you could have ever done to have deserved the pain you've endured.
Also, about the fear of people laughing at you for having feelings, they're monsters. If it's your family members, then what kind of mom or dad or brother or sister would do that? You're a human, and humans have emotions. They have no right to treat you that way. If they laugh, it's not because there is something wrong with you, it's because there's something wrong with them. About the not having love for many people, it's ok. You don't have to have love for those people. You are not obligated to love anyone. You choose to love them when you are ready.
It's interesting, I felt the same way about expressing my feelings. I would rather have my feelings get hurt than to hurt someone else's feelings. It often lead to frustration because I couldn't understand why others didn't have the same consideration for my feelings as I did to theirs. It was something I actually talked to my therapist about. He helped me to understand that I was acting like I was responsible for the way other people felt while they were responsible for the way I felt. The fact that you worry so much that you're going to hurt others shows that you have a good heart. I don't think you have any intention of actually hurting someone when you express your emotions. You're a good person, in fact, without know much else about your family I'd say you are the greatest person of them all. Even if they don't care for your feelings, you care for theirs. I think it's things like those that really define the worth of a person. You've suffered a lot, yet you choose to suffer rather than causing others to suffer. You've suffered enough. There's nothing you could have ever done to have deserved the pain you've endured.
Also, about the fear of people laughing at you for having feelings, they're monsters. If it's your family members, then what kind of mom or dad or brother or sister would do that? You're a human, and humans have emotions. They have no right to treat you that way. If they laugh, it's not because there is something wrong with you, it's because there's something wrong with them. About the not having love for many people, it's ok. You don't have to have love for those people. You are not obligated to love anyone. You choose to love them when you are ready.
I've tried starting journals several times over the years, but I just always feel silly and stressed. I'm constantly worried about people deciding to go through my stuff and find the things I say, even when I try to type it up on my personal laptop. >_> Even when I'm feeling happy I usually don't talk about it, or if I do I hide my excitement 'cause I don't want to be judged. I find it easier talking to people who ask how I feel and things like that, because then I know they want to know how I feel, and I'm not being a big burden or something.
I do know that I'm not responsible for how other people feel, but I'd rather make people happy and make them laugh then hurt their feelings. Even with the people I don't like. I'd rather avoid them because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I guess it's just that people like us who go through a lot of pain don't want others to go through the same thing. Thank you, I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm the best out of my whole family. We all have our problems and I think it mainly has to deal with the fact that none of us are really compatible with each other. I would like to talk to my therapist about how I truly feel, do you have any tips on how to actually go through with it? I usually have the motivation to talk about my feelings within a day or two of something happening but I usually kinda back down and try to let it go after time passes.
I honestly don't know what made people want to bully me almost my whole life. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm quiet and like to keep to myself. But I've become extremely paranoid of people because of it. And then when it comes to my mother each time I'd wonder if I'd have a mental illness or not she'd always blow it off. And the first time I mentioned I had anxiety she and my bro laughed at me and said that I can't "self diagnose" myself. Even though being scared of going outside, answering doors, talking on the phone, and other things all fall under the anxiety category. Especially when my mother herself called out my avoidance behaviour and the fact that I'd go hole myself up in my room when company would come over. And this was 2 years before I even mentioned to them I had anxiety.
And although it kinda pains me to say this at this point in my life I really don't have much love for them. If I were to leave they'd most likely be the last thing on my mind. And that's what I really want to do right now, just get away from them. The only thing that would probably make me keep in contact with them is that I worry about my younger siblings a lot.
I think I'm going to at least try to write down my thoughts and what I want to tell my therapist. And hopefully I'll be able to convince myself to tell him at my next appointment. Sorry my response took so long. v.v
I do know that I'm not responsible for how other people feel, but I'd rather make people happy and make them laugh then hurt their feelings. Even with the people I don't like. I'd rather avoid them because I don't want to hurt their feelings. I guess it's just that people like us who go through a lot of pain don't want others to go through the same thing. Thank you, I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm the best out of my whole family. We all have our problems and I think it mainly has to deal with the fact that none of us are really compatible with each other. I would like to talk to my therapist about how I truly feel, do you have any tips on how to actually go through with it? I usually have the motivation to talk about my feelings within a day or two of something happening but I usually kinda back down and try to let it go after time passes.
I honestly don't know what made people want to bully me almost my whole life. I guess it has to do with the fact that I'm quiet and like to keep to myself. But I've become extremely paranoid of people because of it. And then when it comes to my mother each time I'd wonder if I'd have a mental illness or not she'd always blow it off. And the first time I mentioned I had anxiety she and my bro laughed at me and said that I can't "self diagnose" myself. Even though being scared of going outside, answering doors, talking on the phone, and other things all fall under the anxiety category. Especially when my mother herself called out my avoidance behaviour and the fact that I'd go hole myself up in my room when company would come over. And this was 2 years before I even mentioned to them I had anxiety.
And although it kinda pains me to say this at this point in my life I really don't have much love for them. If I were to leave they'd most likely be the last thing on my mind. And that's what I really want to do right now, just get away from them. The only thing that would probably make me keep in contact with them is that I worry about my younger siblings a lot.
I think I'm going to at least try to write down my thoughts and what I want to tell my therapist. And hopefully I'll be able to convince myself to tell him at my next appointment. Sorry my response took so long. v.v
It's amazing how similar your story seems to mine. Even though we have had different experiences, the way we've reacted to them is so similar. However, I definitely think that what you have gone through and still do is much more difficult than what I've gone through. I admire how strong you are. I too have struggled with worrying about hurting peoples feelings. I talked to my therapist about it. I explained to him how it frustrates me that it's so easy for people to tell me what I'm doing wrong or what's annoying about me, and when I am annoyed by something about someone else it's so hard for me to tell them. He then explained how those people just don't see it as something that would hurt me. For them, if I'm being annoying they have to tell me. They don't make a big deal about it, whereas I interpret it differently and get hurt by it. Another part of it is that I have accidentally hurt people emotionally and feel incredibly guilty over it. Since I still feel guilty about it, I for some reason feel like I should still suffer for it as a way to repay those I've hurt. My therapist explained to me that I've beat myself up enough for it. Beating myself up won't take away the guilt. He told me to give myself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe those people whom I've hurt were also going through hard times. What I've said hurt them only because of what was going on in their lives, and they interpreted it to be more negative than it really was just like I do when others say things to me.
The hardest part about finally going to the therapist was exactly what you mentioned. Usually I would feel pretty numb to emotions, but every now and then something happens where I just feel absolutely miserable. In those moments I think I need help, but I am to scared to get help because in the past when I've tried to get help it has only hurt me more. I'll explain more about that in the next paragraph. After a while, though, I go back to being numb and I think to myself, "It's not that bad, I don't need help." I had always been ashamed that I was depressed and had anxiety that it was so hard to get help. Finally I just reached my breaking point. I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't want to feel fatigued all day even when I get lots of sleep. I didn't like who I was as a person. I wished I could go back to the outgoing, happy person I was when I was a child. What also helped was that I have a girlfriend that I trust deeply. I told her about my problems and she was very supportive. I told her I was going to get help. If I had not told her I was going to get help, I don't think I would have gotten help.
Anyway, I'm the youngest of six children. I was often called the baby. I never liked that, it always hurt my feelings. Especially since my siblings would pick on me until I started crying. Once I started crying they just called me a cry baby, and it only made me feel more ashamed to be sad in the first place. One of my brothers began progressively picking on me until it became very violent. One time he started hurting me and he got on top of me. He pinned my arms down with his knees and began choking me. I struggled for air, and with what little air I had I screamed for help. It seemed like minutes passed by before my parents came. When my dad finally got there and took my brother off of me, my dad was just as upset at me as he was at my brother, as if I was just as responsible for the fight. Furthermore, he told me my screaming was hurting his ears and told me to go in my room and not come out. They way I interpreted was that his ears were more important than my life. I was so hurt by it. I later snuck out of my room to find my mom and brother watching TV together while my dad was in another room on his computer. I was the one who needed comforting, not my brother, yet I was the one told to stay in my room and not come out. It's for things like these that it has been so hard for me to get help because getting help makes me feel vulnerable. I suppose for you it is a similar scenario. You've sought help from those who should love you only to get more hurt in the process. What will help you tell your therapist how you feel is if he can gain your trust and make you feel safe with expressing your feelings. My therapist did an excellent job of that. You certainly have no obligation to give him that trust if you don't want to or don't feel ready. Things like these take time and that's ok.
If there is a way you can get away from them, it would be a good idea. Though since you're 17 it would also be very difficult. The only thing I can think of is if you decide to go to a college in a different state. It's ok that you don't love them. I think we feel this obligation to love our family because we see other families and how they love each other. You don't have to love them. By the way they treat you, you are perfectly justified in not loving them. You aren't ready to love them yet. Maybe one day you will, maybe you won't, and that doesn't matter. They aren't ready to be loved by you. If they want your love, they're going to have to learn how to listen to you without mocking you.
This is pretty long, but I hope you're able to find comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in this.
The hardest part about finally going to the therapist was exactly what you mentioned. Usually I would feel pretty numb to emotions, but every now and then something happens where I just feel absolutely miserable. In those moments I think I need help, but I am to scared to get help because in the past when I've tried to get help it has only hurt me more. I'll explain more about that in the next paragraph. After a while, though, I go back to being numb and I think to myself, "It's not that bad, I don't need help." I had always been ashamed that I was depressed and had anxiety that it was so hard to get help. Finally I just reached my breaking point. I couldn't take it any longer. I didn't want to feel fatigued all day even when I get lots of sleep. I didn't like who I was as a person. I wished I could go back to the outgoing, happy person I was when I was a child. What also helped was that I have a girlfriend that I trust deeply. I told her about my problems and she was very supportive. I told her I was going to get help. If I had not told her I was going to get help, I don't think I would have gotten help.
Anyway, I'm the youngest of six children. I was often called the baby. I never liked that, it always hurt my feelings. Especially since my siblings would pick on me until I started crying. Once I started crying they just called me a cry baby, and it only made me feel more ashamed to be sad in the first place. One of my brothers began progressively picking on me until it became very violent. One time he started hurting me and he got on top of me. He pinned my arms down with his knees and began choking me. I struggled for air, and with what little air I had I screamed for help. It seemed like minutes passed by before my parents came. When my dad finally got there and took my brother off of me, my dad was just as upset at me as he was at my brother, as if I was just as responsible for the fight. Furthermore, he told me my screaming was hurting his ears and told me to go in my room and not come out. They way I interpreted was that his ears were more important than my life. I was so hurt by it. I later snuck out of my room to find my mom and brother watching TV together while my dad was in another room on his computer. I was the one who needed comforting, not my brother, yet I was the one told to stay in my room and not come out. It's for things like these that it has been so hard for me to get help because getting help makes me feel vulnerable. I suppose for you it is a similar scenario. You've sought help from those who should love you only to get more hurt in the process. What will help you tell your therapist how you feel is if he can gain your trust and make you feel safe with expressing your feelings. My therapist did an excellent job of that. You certainly have no obligation to give him that trust if you don't want to or don't feel ready. Things like these take time and that's ok.
If there is a way you can get away from them, it would be a good idea. Though since you're 17 it would also be very difficult. The only thing I can think of is if you decide to go to a college in a different state. It's ok that you don't love them. I think we feel this obligation to love our family because we see other families and how they love each other. You don't have to love them. By the way they treat you, you are perfectly justified in not loving them. You aren't ready to love them yet. Maybe one day you will, maybe you won't, and that doesn't matter. They aren't ready to be loved by you. If they want your love, they're going to have to learn how to listen to you without mocking you.
This is pretty long, but I hope you're able to find comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in this.
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I sympathize with you.
For many years I was isolating myself from people and even though I overcame that, it made me sociophobic and less independent. So I know how you probably feel.
Personaly I have had some bad experience with psychiatrists and therapeutists so I will skip the medicaments stuff. But what you certainly need are friends. Not many, even one might do. Somebody to hug you and say "You are doing great. It will be okay." Someone you can talk with.
Also after I got from the worst I started challenging myself, which is helping me a lot. I was terrified even to go shopping. Then I said to myself: "What kind of coward am I, that I am afraid of this? No, I am stronger! I WILL DO IT!" and I went. It felt terrible at first, but next time it was bit easier and now I have no problem with it at all. It is like when you jump into a pool. You are afraid of the cold water at first, but when you got the courage to jump in it you realise it is easier than it looks and you get used to it.
Make small steps, slowly, but don't stop going.
For many years I was isolating myself from people and even though I overcame that, it made me sociophobic and less independent. So I know how you probably feel.
Personaly I have had some bad experience with psychiatrists and therapeutists so I will skip the medicaments stuff. But what you certainly need are friends. Not many, even one might do. Somebody to hug you and say "You are doing great. It will be okay." Someone you can talk with.
Also after I got from the worst I started challenging myself, which is helping me a lot. I was terrified even to go shopping. Then I said to myself: "What kind of coward am I, that I am afraid of this? No, I am stronger! I WILL DO IT!" and I went. It felt terrible at first, but next time it was bit easier and now I have no problem with it at all. It is like when you jump into a pool. You are afraid of the cold water at first, but when you got the courage to jump in it you realise it is easier than it looks and you get used to it.
Make small steps, slowly, but don't stop going.
I actually would've gotten help much sooner but a bad experience with psychiatrists made me avoid them (the psychiatrist was trying to convince everyone they had depression and was trying to give them meds while ignoring the actual problems they had.)
I agree with the friend thing. But sadly I really don't have any, the only irl friend I have I can't visit and even if I could I don't think she'd understand my problems. I feel I'd just be a burden by bugging her. And I only have one friend online who I talk to daily. She's the only close friend I really have and I don't really know how to approach people and talk to them.
I can actually understand this. I would like to go into a store by myself one day, but I find it hard to motivate myself. When there's something I know I NEED to do I can get myself to do it. But if it's something I don't need to do I really can't do it. I have a short attention span and forcing myself to do something 'causes me get stressed and irritated.
I agree with the friend thing. But sadly I really don't have any, the only irl friend I have I can't visit and even if I could I don't think she'd understand my problems. I feel I'd just be a burden by bugging her. And I only have one friend online who I talk to daily. She's the only close friend I really have and I don't really know how to approach people and talk to them.
I can actually understand this. I would like to go into a store by myself one day, but I find it hard to motivate myself. When there's something I know I NEED to do I can get myself to do it. But if it's something I don't need to do I really can't do it. I have a short attention span and forcing myself to do something 'causes me get stressed and irritated.
My psychiatrist was basicaly telling me that all those problems I had were only my fault. Which I later realised to be partialy true, but telling it like that won't help.
I ment exactly that. You need to make yourself go out even (or especialy) when you don't need to. To challenge the bad feeling like "See? I am not afraid of you anymore!" It is not easy, but it will make you stronger, trust me.
And if you wish I can be your friend. Only here though. I know it is not much, but still...
I ment exactly that. You need to make yourself go out even (or especialy) when you don't need to. To challenge the bad feeling like "See? I am not afraid of you anymore!" It is not easy, but it will make you stronger, trust me.
And if you wish I can be your friend. Only here though. I know it is not much, but still...