I am feeling like I am losing my identity
2 years ago I was done with school (the first school you got to in my country)
I was 16 at that point. The 9 years before that was a total shitstorm in my social life.
I now had a new start, to make new friends, with a new class that in a Gymnasium, where I am gonna spend 3 years.
2 years have no passed since I started and It feels like I don´t exist anymore.
Not in the sence that people don´t know me or ignore me.
But I feel like that there is no real me anymore.
I don´t know who I am, who I used to be.
Because I found out that what ever I used to be was not a very likeable person before Gymnasium.
I started to pretend I was someone else. Not just one person. Multiple persons. I did it, so I could gain friends, people would like me, gain contects, people of use. And I did.
I got a lot respect from my classmates and other friends, pretending to all kinds of different people. It has given me a lot of good things.
I never did anything "bad". I never heard anyone, or did anything against my own "moral code"
I only did things I felt like I needed to do, to gain most value of whatever situation I was in.
I did a lof of stuff I really do not like, but I felt like it was necessarry to make other people happy.
I lie constantly 24/7 to everyone I know. To make sure the people I feel are good do not get upset. I stay away from people I feel like have no use for me, and to be honest.
I am really a very introverted person, who does not really care for people I like to sociallise. Still I keep doing it, because I know that I can use these people to help me whenever I need it.
Just reading what I have just written makes me look like a damn psychopath.
And now I can´t even remember who I am anymore. Pretending to be whatever I need to be to whoever needs it, has making me forget who I really am.
There is still parts of me that I know is really "me", but there are so many things about me that I thought was me, but ended up being something I just lied about.
I am beginning to believe my own god damn lies now. And I am afried I am going to develop further into being someone else.
I would like to know you guys oppinion on this. Am I doing something wrong here?? Or should I try to find myself again, even though he kinda feels gone.
I was 16 at that point. The 9 years before that was a total shitstorm in my social life.
I now had a new start, to make new friends, with a new class that in a Gymnasium, where I am gonna spend 3 years.
2 years have no passed since I started and It feels like I don´t exist anymore.
Not in the sence that people don´t know me or ignore me.
But I feel like that there is no real me anymore.
I don´t know who I am, who I used to be.
Because I found out that what ever I used to be was not a very likeable person before Gymnasium.
I started to pretend I was someone else. Not just one person. Multiple persons. I did it, so I could gain friends, people would like me, gain contects, people of use. And I did.
I got a lot respect from my classmates and other friends, pretending to all kinds of different people. It has given me a lot of good things.
I never did anything "bad". I never heard anyone, or did anything against my own "moral code"
I only did things I felt like I needed to do, to gain most value of whatever situation I was in.
I did a lof of stuff I really do not like, but I felt like it was necessarry to make other people happy.
I lie constantly 24/7 to everyone I know. To make sure the people I feel are good do not get upset. I stay away from people I feel like have no use for me, and to be honest.
I am really a very introverted person, who does not really care for people I like to sociallise. Still I keep doing it, because I know that I can use these people to help me whenever I need it.
Just reading what I have just written makes me look like a damn psychopath.
And now I can´t even remember who I am anymore. Pretending to be whatever I need to be to whoever needs it, has making me forget who I really am.
There is still parts of me that I know is really "me", but there are so many things about me that I thought was me, but ended up being something I just lied about.
I am beginning to believe my own god damn lies now. And I am afried I am going to develop further into being someone else.
I would like to know you guys oppinion on this. Am I doing something wrong here?? Or should I try to find myself again, even though he kinda feels gone.
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First off gamespeaker, does this bother you? Is it a problem for you?
Will it stop you from doing what you love when it gets worse?
Will it stop you from doing what you love when it gets worse?
I don´t know. I mean I only do what I feel is necesarry without hurting anyone.
It does not really stop me from doing what I love. The things I do socially, I do because it gives me benefits. When I hang out with people I don´t care about and pretend the enjoy the activity and the company, it makes them like me.
And it means that when I need some help or something like that they will be usefull for me, and they will help me when I ask.
I
It does not really stop me from doing what I love. The things I do socially, I do because it gives me benefits. When I hang out with people I don´t care about and pretend the enjoy the activity and the company, it makes them like me.
And it means that when I need some help or something like that they will be usefull for me, and they will help me when I ask.
I
You're hardly a psychopath - you are clear that you haven't done anything immoral. You just went through a needy patch where you were very concerned with getting along with people.
I suggest that you focus on one or two people you're really close to and try to develop a more intimate friendship. And spend time on yourself, doing something you really care about.
I suggest that you focus on one or two people you're really close to and try to develop a more intimate friendship. And spend time on yourself, doing something you really care about.
I don´t know if I was converned with getting along with people. Because in the 9 years of school, I got bullied all the time, and did not really care. Because I enjoyed being alone playing game and stuff like that.
I still enjoy being alone, execpt all I really want to do now is just work and earn my living.
I have no real friends. I have lots of usefull contacts, which I have gained through the last 2 years. All these people see me as a friend of an useful contact. I am the guy who they can tell secret too. I am the guy they feel like they can trust.
They really feel like I am their friend.
But they are not really friends to me. And its there where I feel like I am doing something wrong. That I am just kinda "using" these people. I am still not hurting them. I am making sure not one gets hurt. But it feels like that my selfihsness and carelessness, sort of tells me that I am doing something wrong.
I still enjoy being alone, execpt all I really want to do now is just work and earn my living.
I have no real friends. I have lots of usefull contacts, which I have gained through the last 2 years. All these people see me as a friend of an useful contact. I am the guy who they can tell secret too. I am the guy they feel like they can trust.
They really feel like I am their friend.
But they are not really friends to me. And its there where I feel like I am doing something wrong. That I am just kinda "using" these people. I am still not hurting them. I am making sure not one gets hurt. But it feels like that my selfihsness and carelessness, sort of tells me that I am doing something wrong.
It sounds like you're confusing two things:
1. That people trust and like you
2. That you don't feel that you have anyone you have a deep connection to
The second is bad - but it actually has nothing to do with the first. You shouldn't feel guilty, but you should make some more space for the real you.
1. That people trust and like you
2. That you don't feel that you have anyone you have a deep connection to
The second is bad - but it actually has nothing to do with the first. You shouldn't feel guilty, but you should make some more space for the real you.
You must be like 18-early twenties at this point- What you're feeling is the depression that comes with the next step of psychological development. Human beings through out their entire life go through developmental phases until they die. Much like puberty it's moving to a new rung. About this age you will begin to question yourself and wonder who you are. Best bet? Experiment. Travel. Meet new people. Try new things. Take risks. You'll figure it out eventually....by the time you're like 35 maybe, hopefully : I.
But when you do eventually figure it out life will be 10,000 X easier.
But when you do eventually figure it out life will be 10,000 X easier.
You are very right. I am indeed 18 ha 
I don´t know if you could call it depression though. I am very happy person. I just really don´t act like it. And when I do I am faking it. But I am very happy in life
But your suggestions, does not really fit me though. I have tried traveling, I have tried meeting new peeps, I have tried many different things. And I did not enjoy any of them.
I really hate traveling. I have had the oppurtunity to relax in spain so many times. I kindly refused because I wanted to work at home instead. I do not enjoy vacation.
I have tried meeting new people, though I am not doing the best job. A lot of people quickly turns out to be people who have no real use for me. They are rude and immature most of the time. I am probably looking in the wrong places.
But you are right, I will probably figure something out that makes me more able to have a social life without being "negative" inside.
I don´t know if you could call it depression though. I am very happy person. I just really don´t act like it. And when I do I am faking it. But I am very happy in life
But your suggestions, does not really fit me though. I have tried traveling, I have tried meeting new peeps, I have tried many different things. And I did not enjoy any of them.
I really hate traveling. I have had the oppurtunity to relax in spain so many times. I kindly refused because I wanted to work at home instead. I do not enjoy vacation.
I have tried meeting new people, though I am not doing the best job. A lot of people quickly turns out to be people who have no real use for me. They are rude and immature most of the time. I am probably looking in the wrong places.
But you are right, I will probably figure something out that makes me more able to have a social life without being "negative" inside.
Part of life is losing yourself and the fun comes in getting it back. I became a horrible girl who smoked and swore a lot to stop being tormented, eventually my childlike pleasant nature returned in my twenties.
Mostly everyone is not themselves around other people, but later open up in relationships, although I still cut a couple of years off my real age.
Mostly everyone is not themselves around other people, but later open up in relationships, although I still cut a couple of years off my real age.
I never really turned into anything bad. To be honest I would say I become a better person. But life kinda got less enjoyable the more socially active I become.
but its mostly because of the people I hang around with.
but its mostly because of the people I hang around with.
Well nothing is good or bad and only thinking makes it so to paraphrase Hamlet. If it has a negative effect on you then you can easily perceive it as bad or (more appropriately) uncomfortable.
I think life would be boring if personal identity was obvious, or at least that is how I reconcile it.
I think life would be boring if personal identity was obvious, or at least that is how I reconcile it.
It is better to be hated for who you are, than to be loved for someone you're not.
The deepest suffering comes from pleasing everyone else and losing yourself in the progress. What I would suggest is to stay away from them for a while and let things sort out. Just tell them you're going through some deep shit and need some alone time.
The deepest suffering comes from pleasing everyone else and losing yourself in the progress. What I would suggest is to stay away from them for a while and let things sort out. Just tell them you're going through some deep shit and need some alone time.
The problem is I don´t really know who I am anymore.
I do lots of things I really don´t want to do, but I still do things, because I feel like it has use or me in the future.
But yeah, I don´t think that losing my identity in the process is worth it.
I do think though, that I have become a better person though in a way, because I am nice to people I feel like are good people who deserves being nice to. And its good the nice right
?
Because I was truly a huge dick before I began Gymnasium, but I still don´t really want to socialise or speak to anyone. But I still do it.
I feel fake.
I feel that pretending to be someone elses friends is rude though, and they have no idea. I put on a fake smile everyday, even though I am not a person who really smiles.
When I am alone I am happy I just draw, and so nothing.
There are places where I feel like I don´t have to pretend. There is only place. That is a karate dojo, where I train with some other people. The are all grown ups. We are all very nice to each other, and we respect each other. And we beat each other up and laugh.... I don´t really say that much. But I feel like I don´t have to pretend.
Maybe I should not participate in all these activities and just be quiet? Or....?
I do lots of things I really don´t want to do, but I still do things, because I feel like it has use or me in the future.
But yeah, I don´t think that losing my identity in the process is worth it.
I do think though, that I have become a better person though in a way, because I am nice to people I feel like are good people who deserves being nice to. And its good the nice right
?Because I was truly a huge dick before I began Gymnasium, but I still don´t really want to socialise or speak to anyone. But I still do it.
I feel fake.
I feel that pretending to be someone elses friends is rude though, and they have no idea. I put on a fake smile everyday, even though I am not a person who really smiles.
When I am alone I am happy I just draw, and so nothing.
There are places where I feel like I don´t have to pretend. There is only place. That is a karate dojo, where I train with some other people. The are all grown ups. We are all very nice to each other, and we respect each other. And we beat each other up and laugh.... I don´t really say that much. But I feel like I don´t have to pretend.
Maybe I should not participate in all these activities and just be quiet? Or....?
Remembering who you are is something that requires great will and belief to do so. I myself don't even truly know who I am. And no one but yourself can tell you who you are. People can help, but only you can discover it.
But being nice to people is a good thing, and if you feel like doing that, then do it! But if you really hate socializing with people, then you can try and slowly weed yourselves out of their lives a little everyday. I tend to be good at this. You can just politely say you wish to be alone for some time. I usually am a quiet person, too, so most people ignore me.
If being alone and drawing makes you happy, then keep doing it! You might even find yourself while doing it, who knows?
And about the karate, what makes you feel like you can be yourself? Is it the people, or the fact that you can let loose who are in training?
And the activities, you can still participate in them if you want to, but you can try being quieter if that is what you truly desire.
But being nice to people is a good thing, and if you feel like doing that, then do it! But if you really hate socializing with people, then you can try and slowly weed yourselves out of their lives a little everyday. I tend to be good at this. You can just politely say you wish to be alone for some time. I usually am a quiet person, too, so most people ignore me.
If being alone and drawing makes you happy, then keep doing it! You might even find yourself while doing it, who knows?
And about the karate, what makes you feel like you can be yourself? Is it the people, or the fact that you can let loose who are in training?
And the activities, you can still participate in them if you want to, but you can try being quieter if that is what you truly desire.
Right! Thank you
You are right in so many ways.
I have been trying lately here in the summer holidays to do things alone one my own. Its being going well so far
I think its because the people I train with really does not care about in each other in the sense of who they are.
We all just wanne train, and we enjoy doing it. Like we all seem equal. Also they seem more mature
I will try to be more loose and relaxed and more my myself when I go back to my final year of school.
Maybe I could find myself in art like you mentioned. Never really tried that. Maybe I could produce soom cool artworks too where I express myself more.
Thank you very much, again. A very helpfull comment indeed
You are right in so many ways.
I have been trying lately here in the summer holidays to do things alone one my own. Its being going well so far
I think its because the people I train with really does not care about in each other in the sense of who they are.
We all just wanne train, and we enjoy doing it. Like we all seem equal. Also they seem more mature
I will try to be more loose and relaxed and more my myself when I go back to my final year of school.
Maybe I could find myself in art like you mentioned. Never really tried that. Maybe I could produce soom cool artworks too where I express myself more.
Thank you very much, again. A very helpfull comment indeed
You're very welcome! Glad I could help out! 