Too scared to find a job
Before this summer started, I was panicking to find a summer job so I can get some work experience for my future career. Well it's mid-July here and I'm still jobless, sitting in front of my laptop doing nothing productive but gaming my ass off to steam games. Why? I was too scared. I'm 21-years-old going 22 this year, living with my mom, and I have barely done anything productive during the last couple summer breaks. I tried thinking of incentives like "getting a job = money for a new PC", but it didn't work. I even had good reasons why I need a job such as being a low income family making way less than 30k annually, and needing the work experience. I keep getting negative thoughts like "I won't get accepted, I'm too weird/ugly/inexperienced/socially awkward/dumb/unfit for this job" and "even if I did get accepted, I won't last because co-workers won't like my behavior and I might make situations worse than they are".
The first negative thought is justified. Due to constantly locking away myself from society and "basement-dwelling", I now bear some notable neckbeard traits like poor hygiene, a notably fat stomach, awkward conversations with strangers (even on the PHONE, to the point of stammering and trouble breathing), pointless geeky pop culture knowledge, and living off of parents (though this is a good reason, as rent in the city where I live in is fucking high). Last 2 summer breaks, I got a letter to apply to some job, and had to go through and interview. Needless to say I didn't get the job because I was stupid for being too honest, stating all the shit that an interviewer DOESN'T want to hear. ("I don't know my strengths", "I'm not good with people", *long awkward pause to answer a question*, "I'm not sure if i'm qualified for this position"). Do I have to stretch the truth to look good in another interview?
The second negative thought is how I noticed the way I behave in home and in public. I might have a mental disorder like ADHD and maybe some other things from what I observed. I have trouble listening and paying attention, as my mind is always on something else. When someone suddenly tells me what to do, my attention isn't fully directed to what they have said, so I have to make them repeat it. During lectures, I either fall asleep or daydream. Mostly daydream when I was in elementary school and now sleeping in college. Regardless of how many hours I get, 75% during lectures I would fall asleep and 25% is daydreaming. Taking notes kinda help but only when the instructor is writing stuff on board, but verbal lectures... yeah, I have trouble with them. To make it worse, I've been finding myself daydreaming more and more, which in turn is making me clumsier than usual. What if I accidentally break something expensive in the work place?
Before high school, I didn't understand why kids didn't like me. I was a very easy target for bullies. My sister told me it's because I act like an idiot in public, which I initially thought was BS until I looked back into my past behavior and observed current behavior. It turns out she was right. I've done some tard behavior before like rocking back and forth on my seat, paying more attention to fidgeting an object over lectures and storytime, and some other cringeworthy behaviors. In fact, I was thrown into some weird tard program (which my mom pulled me out when she found out), and I was paired up with another tard in 5th grade. During high school I tried keeping my behavior in check and it ended up being one of the best times in my life due to how nice I was treated. I was still a target to some bullies since some of my tard behavior slip out now and then. To this day, I still exhibit some tard behavior, but mostly at home because I'm fanboying over something stupid. I worry that this tard behavior would slip out during work, leading to fellow co-workers thinking poor of me.
I feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth. I can name some fuckups I just did in the last few years. For example, I had my mom cough up $100 for losing a proof-of-payment fare for a bus ride. I called a guy over to fix my internet issue and it made my mom fork over an extra $100 on the upcoming bill (AT&T told me calling the guy was free). When my mom got hospitalized for gallstones, I wasn't there by her side when she's on that hospital bed. I wasn't even there to help her when she was released, which lead to staff members asking her "where's your son? shouldn't he be helping you?" Note that in Chinese culture (I'm Chinese), family is considered serious business, and I fucked that up. Reason why I didn't show up? I screwed up my sleep cycle by gaming at night and sleeping in the morning. I was supposed to pick her up in the morning and I was sleeping. Geez, when I was hospitalized back in 4th grade due to appendicitis, my mom stayed by my side 24/7. My most recent fuckup is a recent letter about a failed jury summons. I failed to report because I have no idea how to report to jury summon. My mom (who is English illiterate) is gonna chew me out once she finds out what that letter is saying when she shows it to my aunt. I couldn't explain it to her because my Chinese skills are terrible. If I were to make similar fuckups this big at work, how long will I last before I get fired? What will my co-workers think of me?
Bottom line: I'm a wimpy, socially awkward basement dweller who has an unhealthy lifestyle, too scared facing the outside world, and I'm pleading for help and advice on this forum.
Jesus, I just typed up something for a therapist to read.
The first negative thought is justified. Due to constantly locking away myself from society and "basement-dwelling", I now bear some notable neckbeard traits like poor hygiene, a notably fat stomach, awkward conversations with strangers (even on the PHONE, to the point of stammering and trouble breathing), pointless geeky pop culture knowledge, and living off of parents (though this is a good reason, as rent in the city where I live in is fucking high). Last 2 summer breaks, I got a letter to apply to some job, and had to go through and interview. Needless to say I didn't get the job because I was stupid for being too honest, stating all the shit that an interviewer DOESN'T want to hear. ("I don't know my strengths", "I'm not good with people", *long awkward pause to answer a question*, "I'm not sure if i'm qualified for this position"). Do I have to stretch the truth to look good in another interview?
The second negative thought is how I noticed the way I behave in home and in public. I might have a mental disorder like ADHD and maybe some other things from what I observed. I have trouble listening and paying attention, as my mind is always on something else. When someone suddenly tells me what to do, my attention isn't fully directed to what they have said, so I have to make them repeat it. During lectures, I either fall asleep or daydream. Mostly daydream when I was in elementary school and now sleeping in college. Regardless of how many hours I get, 75% during lectures I would fall asleep and 25% is daydreaming. Taking notes kinda help but only when the instructor is writing stuff on board, but verbal lectures... yeah, I have trouble with them. To make it worse, I've been finding myself daydreaming more and more, which in turn is making me clumsier than usual. What if I accidentally break something expensive in the work place?
Before high school, I didn't understand why kids didn't like me. I was a very easy target for bullies. My sister told me it's because I act like an idiot in public, which I initially thought was BS until I looked back into my past behavior and observed current behavior. It turns out she was right. I've done some tard behavior before like rocking back and forth on my seat, paying more attention to fidgeting an object over lectures and storytime, and some other cringeworthy behaviors. In fact, I was thrown into some weird tard program (which my mom pulled me out when she found out), and I was paired up with another tard in 5th grade. During high school I tried keeping my behavior in check and it ended up being one of the best times in my life due to how nice I was treated. I was still a target to some bullies since some of my tard behavior slip out now and then. To this day, I still exhibit some tard behavior, but mostly at home because I'm fanboying over something stupid. I worry that this tard behavior would slip out during work, leading to fellow co-workers thinking poor of me.
I feel like I'm more trouble than I'm worth. I can name some fuckups I just did in the last few years. For example, I had my mom cough up $100 for losing a proof-of-payment fare for a bus ride. I called a guy over to fix my internet issue and it made my mom fork over an extra $100 on the upcoming bill (AT&T told me calling the guy was free). When my mom got hospitalized for gallstones, I wasn't there by her side when she's on that hospital bed. I wasn't even there to help her when she was released, which lead to staff members asking her "where's your son? shouldn't he be helping you?" Note that in Chinese culture (I'm Chinese), family is considered serious business, and I fucked that up. Reason why I didn't show up? I screwed up my sleep cycle by gaming at night and sleeping in the morning. I was supposed to pick her up in the morning and I was sleeping. Geez, when I was hospitalized back in 4th grade due to appendicitis, my mom stayed by my side 24/7. My most recent fuckup is a recent letter about a failed jury summons. I failed to report because I have no idea how to report to jury summon. My mom (who is English illiterate) is gonna chew me out once she finds out what that letter is saying when she shows it to my aunt. I couldn't explain it to her because my Chinese skills are terrible. If I were to make similar fuckups this big at work, how long will I last before I get fired? What will my co-workers think of me?
Bottom line: I'm a wimpy, socially awkward basement dweller who has an unhealthy lifestyle, too scared facing the outside world, and I'm pleading for help and advice on this forum.
Jesus, I just typed up something for a therapist to read.
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Social skills take practice. If you're locked in your house all day, you won't get any practice. Be more leanient on yourself. You're going to make mistakes, but you can learn from them.
Maybe try seeing a therapist to help with your anxiety problems. It seems to be a real issue if you're too anxious to even try to get a job. Also you need better social skills. So go out into the real world and learn some.
Tell them that you're good with animals after doing some research. And stop thinking so negatively and help the illiterate people spell out words properly. 
Secret to getting a job. Tried and true method by wee homeless me.
Make them laugh!
Be yourself and make them laugh with your wise and witty interview answers. Who gives a shit if you didn't do anything productive? The fact is life is unpredictable. I tried super hard for months being uptight and nervous and wearing my best clothes, and typing eons of letters and resumes only to give up one day, go to an interview, be myself, and boom I got it.
I owe some people a few thousands in money. But we still maintaina good relationship.
You may feel like a fuck-up. That everyone thinks that way about you, but the truth is, everyone just tries t find a one solid concrete solution for life but there is none. I don't care what other people say, life is just plain random. It's all these random rainbow colors that seep to a dark chocolate brown going down the art room sink drain, and everyone points fingers and think that doing that will find a solution, but it doesn't.
You are who you are. When you choose, and if, you choose to change it is all up to you. You can't predict what life can throw, but you can change your actions, which will give you a much, much better shot at an awesome life. So step out there, and look up to the everlasting light of the sun. Feel your heat beat, and be thankful that you are still here.
But to be fair I am also a ditzy daydreamer. We are kin you and I. You are not a fuck-up.
You are a work in progress. As am I.
Make them laugh!
Be yourself and make them laugh with your wise and witty interview answers. Who gives a shit if you didn't do anything productive? The fact is life is unpredictable. I tried super hard for months being uptight and nervous and wearing my best clothes, and typing eons of letters and resumes only to give up one day, go to an interview, be myself, and boom I got it.
I owe some people a few thousands in money. But we still maintaina good relationship.
You may feel like a fuck-up. That everyone thinks that way about you, but the truth is, everyone just tries t find a one solid concrete solution for life but there is none. I don't care what other people say, life is just plain random. It's all these random rainbow colors that seep to a dark chocolate brown going down the art room sink drain, and everyone points fingers and think that doing that will find a solution, but it doesn't.
You are who you are. When you choose, and if, you choose to change it is all up to you. You can't predict what life can throw, but you can change your actions, which will give you a much, much better shot at an awesome life. So step out there, and look up to the everlasting light of the sun. Feel your heat beat, and be thankful that you are still here.
But to be fair I am also a ditzy daydreamer. We are kin you and I. You are not a fuck-up.
You are a work in progress. As am I.
Despite scholarships, I'm literally drowning in student debt already. One company actually reached out to me and asked if I was still looking for an internship, weeks after the formal email was sent out. But I was too chicken to respond. I don't have much experience in my field and I was afraid I would be a major let down to the company- but ya know what? It would have been okay, and now it's one of my major regrets this summer. What I don't regret though, is getting a job as a camp counselor for pre school kids. Although it's not in my field, I feel like I grew as a person. I'm far less awkward now, and even with a minimum wage income, I feel more productive~ I feel better~
And yes, for interviews... you do kinda have to stretch a bit. Like me, I was terrible with kids. So so terrible, and so so awkward. I was terrified on my first day of work. I wanted to quit. I was so emotionally grained from the anxiety I got.
But at the interview one of the questions was, "what do you like about kids?" and my response was, "What's not to like? They have a lot of energy, they're cute, they say the craziest things..." And I ended up just listing facts. And when they asked about strengths and weaknesses, I told them the truth, leaving out the bad stuff: like my social anxiety, and how awkward I am with kids. I told him my strength was being very adaptable and easy going, and my weakness was a lack of motivation and procrastination that probably wouldn't intrude on my work ethic for that particular job~
Tis all about the wording. Fake confidence if you have to, like I did. And after faking it for so long, you may actually gain it (: At least, that's what I'm hoping ((:
And yes, for interviews... you do kinda have to stretch a bit. Like me, I was terrible with kids. So so terrible, and so so awkward. I was terrified on my first day of work. I wanted to quit. I was so emotionally grained from the anxiety I got.
But at the interview one of the questions was, "what do you like about kids?" and my response was, "What's not to like? They have a lot of energy, they're cute, they say the craziest things..." And I ended up just listing facts. And when they asked about strengths and weaknesses, I told them the truth, leaving out the bad stuff: like my social anxiety, and how awkward I am with kids. I told him my strength was being very adaptable and easy going, and my weakness was a lack of motivation and procrastination that probably wouldn't intrude on my work ethic for that particular job~
Tis all about the wording. Fake confidence if you have to, like I did. And after faking it for so long, you may actually gain it (: At least, that's what I'm hoping ((:
so you're just going to be scared of the unknown the rest of your life and be a giant burden on your family and society : I?
You sound just like me, jobless, Low income family, and gaming all day.
manual labor. do you have a push mower? degnab, listen to some john maxwell or something. i see you come up with alot of excuses, get some gumption & just do it.
I understand your position very well. i got someone in my family around your age who got the same fear.
First thing : You give too much credit to what people say about you and you value their opinion. You shouldn't. They aren't gods nor they are monsters. They have failures as much as you do. I will tell you a little secret: Each time someone insults you or say something bad to humiliate or hurt you, it's because these people have psychological problems they can't deal with. It's all about themselves, NOT YOU. You need to be aware about that.
Second thing : you need to realize that you MUST get out of your comfort zone to overcome your fear and it's all about PRACTICE! You have to overcome your fear by doing the things that you fear the most as often as you can. It's like a muscle. If you train it, it will become stronger. Believe me. It works VERY VERY well. train train train it. Take it as a game and you will learn from it.
Third thing : keep in check your thoughts. Never ever allow fear to settle : To do that, you should never over-think about negative thoughts & bad situations you experienced. You would engrave the fear and end up traumatized (just like you are now). Once it got its way in you, it will take a lot of efforts to reverse it. Just like now.....You allowed your past experiences to take power by over-thinking about them. There's no point in reflecting about how some people can be mean with you. These people are sick and you must not enter this game.
Fourth thing : Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Realize you are very lucky because if you fail the interviews, you can still eat tomorrow. So this isn't the end of the world, if you fail at many interviews. On the contrary.... It will bring you extensive knowledge of the most common questions and allow you to experiment different strategies while at it . It will become like a routine after awhile. Just don't forget to change (and improve) a few things each time you get a job interview. You will learn a lot from it! So don't be so afraid... People won't eat you! They are people just like you with their own fears too!
After each interview, take a pen and write down all the questions you've been asked and try to find a good way to answer for next time. Try them out. re-do this again and again. you will find the right formula. Picture yourself like the person you would really like to work with. and try to be like that. Nothing is easy to obtain. you would better be prepared to work hard to get what you want because nobody will give it to you.
Fifth thing : You are weird. That's OK. Guess what....lots of people are really weird in work places as well. It's different from school. There are all kind all people from multiple backgrounds and different ages. Some are really big assholes, others are really kind. You don't need to end up befriended them if you don't want to. If your co-workers are good professionals, they will get the job done and train you even if you are weird because work must be done no matter what. They get paid for that! And it's OK to be a loner at work too. Actually, i know many friends who are real loners at work because they share nothing in common with their co-workers (most of them have very high IQ or high EQ, and thus it's sometimes difficult to relate to others).
Last thing : A big part of what you did wrong is due to your lack of maturity (and being too much in your head, thus preventing you to perceive reality). But it will improve with time, experience and observation. Parents' protection isn't good for maturity. But you are still young. Some people mature very slowly compare to others...but depending on how hard life has been for them (those slower ones), the process can be fast or slow. try to think at the consequences of everything you do. Hang on to the present, be in the moment more than in your head. You can improve that. Most importantly, you are willing to reflect upon your own behavior, listen to friend's feedback and IMPROVE.
NB: Also for the ADHD problem, you could improve your state a lot with enough sleep and regular sleep schedule (your unhealthy life style speaks of itself) and a supply of the right vitamins that your brain is lacking. A friend of mine took a drastic change of daily diet : excluded all chemicals in the daily diet, never overcooked food (cooking max 180) , lots of raws food (pesticides free) and a supply of 7 different kind of vitamins (i don't remember what they all were) I remember only some : zinc, omega3 ... I remember him trying different combinations to find the most effective. It worked and he got no more brain fog. But never take any drugs because of this. A doctor i met once said to me that these drugs burn you brain. Assuming you really suffer from this.
NB2 : don't pay attention to my english, this isn't my mother tongue, ok?
First thing : You give too much credit to what people say about you and you value their opinion. You shouldn't. They aren't gods nor they are monsters. They have failures as much as you do. I will tell you a little secret: Each time someone insults you or say something bad to humiliate or hurt you, it's because these people have psychological problems they can't deal with. It's all about themselves, NOT YOU. You need to be aware about that.
Second thing : you need to realize that you MUST get out of your comfort zone to overcome your fear and it's all about PRACTICE! You have to overcome your fear by doing the things that you fear the most as often as you can. It's like a muscle. If you train it, it will become stronger. Believe me. It works VERY VERY well. train train train it. Take it as a game and you will learn from it.
Third thing : keep in check your thoughts. Never ever allow fear to settle : To do that, you should never over-think about negative thoughts & bad situations you experienced. You would engrave the fear and end up traumatized (just like you are now). Once it got its way in you, it will take a lot of efforts to reverse it. Just like now.....You allowed your past experiences to take power by over-thinking about them. There's no point in reflecting about how some people can be mean with you. These people are sick and you must not enter this game.
Fourth thing : Don't put too much pressure on yourself. Realize you are very lucky because if you fail the interviews, you can still eat tomorrow. So this isn't the end of the world, if you fail at many interviews. On the contrary.... It will bring you extensive knowledge of the most common questions and allow you to experiment different strategies while at it . It will become like a routine after awhile. Just don't forget to change (and improve) a few things each time you get a job interview. You will learn a lot from it! So don't be so afraid... People won't eat you! They are people just like you with their own fears too!
After each interview, take a pen and write down all the questions you've been asked and try to find a good way to answer for next time. Try them out. re-do this again and again. you will find the right formula. Picture yourself like the person you would really like to work with. and try to be like that. Nothing is easy to obtain. you would better be prepared to work hard to get what you want because nobody will give it to you.
Fifth thing : You are weird. That's OK. Guess what....lots of people are really weird in work places as well. It's different from school. There are all kind all people from multiple backgrounds and different ages. Some are really big assholes, others are really kind. You don't need to end up befriended them if you don't want to. If your co-workers are good professionals, they will get the job done and train you even if you are weird because work must be done no matter what. They get paid for that! And it's OK to be a loner at work too. Actually, i know many friends who are real loners at work because they share nothing in common with their co-workers (most of them have very high IQ or high EQ, and thus it's sometimes difficult to relate to others).
Last thing : A big part of what you did wrong is due to your lack of maturity (and being too much in your head, thus preventing you to perceive reality). But it will improve with time, experience and observation. Parents' protection isn't good for maturity. But you are still young. Some people mature very slowly compare to others...but depending on how hard life has been for them (those slower ones), the process can be fast or slow. try to think at the consequences of everything you do. Hang on to the present, be in the moment more than in your head. You can improve that. Most importantly, you are willing to reflect upon your own behavior, listen to friend's feedback and IMPROVE.
NB: Also for the ADHD problem, you could improve your state a lot with enough sleep and regular sleep schedule (your unhealthy life style speaks of itself) and a supply of the right vitamins that your brain is lacking. A friend of mine took a drastic change of daily diet : excluded all chemicals in the daily diet, never overcooked food (cooking max 180) , lots of raws food (pesticides free) and a supply of 7 different kind of vitamins (i don't remember what they all were) I remember only some : zinc, omega3 ... I remember him trying different combinations to find the most effective. It worked and he got no more brain fog. But never take any drugs because of this. A doctor i met once said to me that these drugs burn you brain. Assuming you really suffer from this.
NB2 : don't pay attention to my english, this isn't my mother tongue, ok?
To the OP and Daph -
You need to stop focussing on the big scary tasks like getting a job and break them down into smaller less scary ones - making a list of places to look for a job, looking, phoning and writing to make contact, attending interviews, etc. Learn to compliment and feel good about yourself when you perform each of these smaller tasks - let your confidence grow each time you perform one. In this way you'll gradually raise your level of confidence and things that scare you today will seem trivial.
So: small steps at first - but make them bigger with time.
Do NOT beat yourself up when you miss a step. Just go and do it again.
You need to stop focussing on the big scary tasks like getting a job and break them down into smaller less scary ones - making a list of places to look for a job, looking, phoning and writing to make contact, attending interviews, etc. Learn to compliment and feel good about yourself when you perform each of these smaller tasks - let your confidence grow each time you perform one. In this way you'll gradually raise your level of confidence and things that scare you today will seem trivial.
So: small steps at first - but make them bigger with time.
Do NOT beat yourself up when you miss a step. Just go and do it again.
Your not alone. I graduated high school this June and I'm mulling over suicide before getting an actual job. It's fucked but things wont stay the same forever. At least that's what I've been told...
Don't kill yourself over not finding a job. If you put yourself out there long enough you'll find one. Exactly my story. I couldn't find one for many months, wanted to die. Then I've been through my first 3 jobs since this year. And I'm 21. You could also choose college. Going is quite fun
You yourself know that it isn't as bad as you think it is at the moment. When you are suffering from something, your mind is clouded and so is your judgment. You must maintain a certain level of distance from yourself and think more objectively; haven't you lived through other situations where you thought it was the end of the world? Of course you have... This is one of them.
As for the job, it's normal... What you're feeling is normal. You need to start low and comfortable, but once you get the job, hold onto it... Make it a task. "I will not quit this job at least until four months later." Then EVEN IF it fails, go for another job, but be more steady ... It will do wonders.
Try to control the time you spend playing games, set a timer and track it. Reduce it by a small percentage if you like and try again and again if you can't keep up. Take 30 or 20 minutes a day for a walk without music. Take 15 or 20 minutes to read a nice book. By doing these things along with working, you'll regain that confidence you seem to have lost along the way; it will all seem funny 5 years from now and you will have gone a long way.
There is time to make it up to your mother and she will always love you no matter what; you know this is true because she takes care of you... Please just get a job like you want to. I got my own job after 5 interviews and such and I used to be a waiter before it... I wasn't even allowed to take orders, just wash dishes and clean the tables... Then I managed to become a teacher in the private sector.
Oh, redecorating your room by moving the furniture and getting some new posters will also help a lot.
As for the job, it's normal... What you're feeling is normal. You need to start low and comfortable, but once you get the job, hold onto it... Make it a task. "I will not quit this job at least until four months later." Then EVEN IF it fails, go for another job, but be more steady ... It will do wonders.
Try to control the time you spend playing games, set a timer and track it. Reduce it by a small percentage if you like and try again and again if you can't keep up. Take 30 or 20 minutes a day for a walk without music. Take 15 or 20 minutes to read a nice book. By doing these things along with working, you'll regain that confidence you seem to have lost along the way; it will all seem funny 5 years from now and you will have gone a long way.
There is time to make it up to your mother and she will always love you no matter what; you know this is true because she takes care of you... Please just get a job like you want to. I got my own job after 5 interviews and such and I used to be a waiter before it... I wasn't even allowed to take orders, just wash dishes and clean the tables... Then I managed to become a teacher in the private sector.
Oh, redecorating your room by moving the furniture and getting some new posters will also help a lot.
Stretch the hell out of the truth in an interview. Or think, ahead of time, of plausible positive answers for questions so you don't even have to stretch too much. It's not lying, it's presenting your best side.
Because, basically, faking a positive, confident spin on a situation is a large part of being a successful retail worker. So you're basically demonstrating the exact skills they want by getting through the interview in a positive manner.
It's a 'fake it until you make it' situation.
I also have a lot of retail experience, and I strongly believe that you could do fine in most jobs if you keep your head up. (I'm also a clumsy daydreamer, BTW. But I kind of like being a daydreamer.)
Because, basically, faking a positive, confident spin on a situation is a large part of being a successful retail worker. So you're basically demonstrating the exact skills they want by getting through the interview in a positive manner.
It's a 'fake it until you make it' situation.
I also have a lot of retail experience, and I strongly believe that you could do fine in most jobs if you keep your head up. (I'm also a clumsy daydreamer, BTW. But I kind of like being a daydreamer.)
You are never too scared my friend. You are never too scared.
You are never too scared because you are a human, and humans have done amazing things. Tell yourself, that the worst that can happen is you'd die. Whenever I dive into a swimming pool, I always think what would happen if I miss it, if I fall flat on it. I know I'd die; yes something horrible in between, but the end is always death.
What I'd be really scared of is eternal life. But that's not your option. Your option is one life; after this is only death.
That's why, my friend, you are never too scared. You are not too scared.
This is a favourite poem of mine. Quite the famous one.
INVICTUS
You are never too scared because you are a human, and humans have done amazing things. Tell yourself, that the worst that can happen is you'd die. Whenever I dive into a swimming pool, I always think what would happen if I miss it, if I fall flat on it. I know I'd die; yes something horrible in between, but the end is always death.
What I'd be really scared of is eternal life. But that's not your option. Your option is one life; after this is only death.
That's why, my friend, you are never too scared. You are not too scared.
This is a favourite poem of mine. Quite the famous one.
INVICTUS
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Hit me up if you feel the need to talk! :>
You're that Onionhead guy! (I know you're not the original creator, but still 
) Onionhead is awesome :iconoseeplz:Back to the issue though; most job applications are through the Internet, no? Job advertisements do tend to overstate their requirements unfortunately; it definitely scares off more than a few of us and I think that's wrong, but there's not much we can do
I guess a good guideline is to apply for all jobs for which you have 75% of the qualifications; if you get rejected, no employer is gonna give you a horrible chewing out for daring to even think you qualify for the job 
And yeah, unfortunately stretching the truth might be necessary to get hired; after all, they can't prove anything that aren't concrete credentials or references
I'm aware that playing this job-seeking field isn't something you can just get up one day and do; it does take courage and I'm afraid I can't help you with that If it makes it feel easier though, I can say for certain employers won't hire you if you're a burden; they're so focused on making profit that they are very strategic about who they choose so that they won't get stuck with a burden It's kinda cold but it's reassuring for me, at least 
Welcome to the world I was in last year. My bf threatened to put the relationship on hold since I couldn't find a job. I struggled, couldn't get a break, got depressed (not like sadness, actual depression), nobody contacting me. I /finally/ got one the beginning of this year and I could only hold it for a week thanks to a car wreck. Then weeks/a month later my bf helped me get a second job and we carpooled together. But it became a strain on my family and bf so I had to quit and find one slightly closer. Well it doesn't pay as good. Looks like we're both trying to find our break. As you know what not to say, prepare what you would say. For example:
Employers like it if you can share experiences, traits, anything that makes you an asset. Are you... organized? Or do you have a good work ethic? Emphasize positives and play down negatives. It's not so much stretching the truth as it is thinking of a new perspective on what is true
Employers like it if you can share experiences, traits, anything that makes you an asset. Are you... organized? Or do you have a good work ethic? Emphasize positives and play down negatives. It's not so much stretching the truth as it is thinking of a new perspective on what is true
I'm kinda in the same situation here. Well I'm still in High School but it's my last year. I still don't know what the hell I wanna do in the future and I'm afraid of not being able to get a decent job. I actually want a job right now, but due to my mother always locking me in my house I lack social skills (not to mention I get really angry for the littlest thing) and now I am afraid to even think about getting a job (Not to mention I'm not good with money so that's out of the question). The only thing I try to do is just not think negatively and just study harder so I can be prepared in the future. I think my social skills got better because of the many people I interact with in the gaming universe (PC/Xbox) and I learned to tolerate people I don't like. Although I'm Nicaraguan, they don't usually put their family first (well most anyway) and so I don't really rely on them (Yeah loner, I have to rely on my school to give me advise =_= My family is really broken apart to the point I can't even ask who were my ancestors are because they don't even know or even care).
So I guess all I can offer you is luck and just work harder for the best. We all have our ups and downs and the only way we can do it is by being fearless. Just try to work harder to get things to go at least a bit well. And for the family situation, we all make mistakes, just try not to do that the next time when you have something scheduled.
So I guess all I can offer you is luck and just work harder for the best. We all have our ups and downs and the only way we can do it is by being fearless. Just try to work harder to get things to go at least a bit well. And for the family situation, we all make mistakes, just try not to do that the next time when you have something scheduled.
It's never going to get any better unless you get out there, face your fears and learn from your mistakes. Don't give yourself a chance to argue yourself out of doing something. The more you think about it the more your brain will come up with excuses not to do it. So make a (reasonable) plan to act and then go act on it. Keep your expectations and goals low for now. First start off by sending off applications. Your goal here is to get over your fear of applying for a job. Most of these places will say "no" so expect that. But start to prepare for a "yes, we want to interview you".
Don't think your way all the way through to some end disaster where your coworkers all hate you at this job you haven't even applied for. Most of the time living with the situations you produce in your brain is worse than actually experiencing the situation. The fear of having bad coworkers is worse than actually having them because you can always quit your job but you can't quit your fear.
If you still haven't done anything by the time school comes around again, check out mental health services at your school and get some help there.
Don't think your way all the way through to some end disaster where your coworkers all hate you at this job you haven't even applied for. Most of the time living with the situations you produce in your brain is worse than actually experiencing the situation. The fear of having bad coworkers is worse than actually having them because you can always quit your job but you can't quit your fear.
If you still haven't done anything by the time school comes around again, check out mental health services at your school and get some help there.
Your last sentence, "Jesus I just typed up something for a therapist to read", might be something to consider.
As far as jobs go, one of the best things you can realize is that when it comes to bottom-barrel, entry level jobs, you can basically be a total idiot and still get hired. And not only get hired, but continue to work. I'm talking fast food, grocery store cashier, that type level job. I've cycled through a few of that type and you wouldn't believe the socially awkward morons that are able to hold a job. The bar is set super, super low. Just force yourself to get out there and find a throw-away job to get your feet wet.
Best of luck!
As far as jobs go, one of the best things you can realize is that when it comes to bottom-barrel, entry level jobs, you can basically be a total idiot and still get hired. And not only get hired, but continue to work. I'm talking fast food, grocery store cashier, that type level job. I've cycled through a few of that type and you wouldn't believe the socially awkward morons that are able to hold a job. The bar is set super, super low. Just force yourself to get out there and find a throw-away job to get your feet wet.
Best of luck!
Well first of all, your writing skill is no less than average if not above.
I had no trouble reading through, despite of it being long and I'm not English native.
Note that I am also no doctor, so don't take this 100% but you do seem to have some kind of disorder.
It could have been helped if your mom didn't pull you out of that 'tard' program.
I was put into one when they thought I had serious trouble with linguistic communication.
Back then I thought they were over reacting but I now know I needed it and it worked.
You missed a chance when you were younger but it's never too late.
I know it's near impossible to get professional help in mental health matter coming from Chinese family.
But if you can, like others suggested, talk to your school counselor and find a way to do it privately.
You're not dumb, just intimidated.
I had no trouble reading through, despite of it being long and I'm not English native.
Note that I am also no doctor, so don't take this 100% but you do seem to have some kind of disorder.
It could have been helped if your mom didn't pull you out of that 'tard' program.
I was put into one when they thought I had serious trouble with linguistic communication.
Back then I thought they were over reacting but I now know I needed it and it worked.
You missed a chance when you were younger but it's never too late.
I know it's near impossible to get professional help in mental health matter coming from Chinese family.
But if you can, like others suggested, talk to your school counselor and find a way to do it privately.
You're not dumb, just intimidated.
I know its hard, but you shouldn't think so negative of yourself, and especially describe yourself in such negative ways. What could help with your confidence is excellent hygiene, you need to love yourself and your body. And when conversating just stay calm and talk slower if you have to and always smile and use eye contact.
Of course this won't all change in a day, just keep these in mind and work on it and before you know it you'll notice your improving. You def need to stretch the truth in an interview, in fact just flat out lie sometimes. I HATE customers but I always tell the manager "customers first!" with a big smile on my face. Don't be afraid of doing something wrong at your job, were all human. You learn from your mistakes.
I had low confidence too and I thought anti-depressants would help. They DON'T. Some times you need to fake it to make it. If you start to think negative, catch yourself and look at it in a positive light. Always smile and eye contact when talking. Conversate slow so you don't stammer. I know it may seem hard, but you just need to love yourself. You need to put in effort to build confidence it won't just come to you. We can all give you words of encouragement but the only one who can help you change is yourself.
Of course this won't all change in a day, just keep these in mind and work on it and before you know it you'll notice your improving. You def need to stretch the truth in an interview, in fact just flat out lie sometimes. I HATE customers but I always tell the manager "customers first!" with a big smile on my face. Don't be afraid of doing something wrong at your job, were all human. You learn from your mistakes.
I had low confidence too and I thought anti-depressants would help. They DON'T. Some times you need to fake it to make it. If you start to think negative, catch yourself and look at it in a positive light. Always smile and eye contact when talking. Conversate slow so you don't stammer. I know it may seem hard, but you just need to love yourself. You need to put in effort to build confidence it won't just come to you. We can all give you words of encouragement but the only one who can help you change is yourself.
First step I would say is - does your college have any kind of therapist/counsellor you can talk to?
Second, it's not up to you tell your potential employer that you're not qualified, that's up to them to decide.
I don't count what you said as "too honest", what you basically told them was you didn't want the job. Think really hard to find something that's a strength - are you a hard worker, do you like the feeling of satisfaction when you achieve a new goal (like when you beat a level in your games, but don't mention games to them
), do you try your best, take corrections well, etc... If you feel you aren't good with people, consider trying for a job that's more of a behind the scenes thing - stocking shelves, inventory, cleaning, as opposed to the one who rings up sales and helps customers find things. Keep in mind that the only way you'll never get accepted is if you never ask or apply. Do you have a hobby that you could make money off of online? You could make games to sell on steam or for apps, or if you make things you could sell them on etsy. That won't really work as a "Career", but a little extra money can be helpful.
Everyone is capable of fucking something up at their job. It's not just you. Try for a job and do your best, worry about fucking up if you actually do.
I think one of the steps to getting your stuff together is to set limits on yourself in regards to the games. Difficult, I kow.
I've spent many a night browsing tumblr till the small hours of the morning, but you'll feel better if you get enough sleep and are able to up on time for the day. Give yourself a bedtime and stick to it. Set an alarm clock, get your mother to tell you to go bed if you have to.
No one is born knowing how to deal with stuff like jury summons.
You gotta stay on top of that stuff, though. Make google your very best friend. 
Google "how to respond to jury summons". Ask google all your questions. 
You'll find the answers. If you're a college student you can mostly get out of jury duty becasue it will interfere with your classes, but you need to let them know that, not just let it go and not show up.
And sometimes the only way to get social skills is to practice them. An easy step would to be to hang out in the general Deviants section of the forum and make converstaion with other people on here. Practice converstaions online and they won't be so scary in person.
Second, it's not up to you tell your potential employer that you're not qualified, that's up to them to decide.
I don't count what you said as "too honest", what you basically told them was you didn't want the job. Think really hard to find something that's a strength - are you a hard worker, do you like the feeling of satisfaction when you achieve a new goal (like when you beat a level in your games, but don't mention games to them), do you try your best, take corrections well, etc... If you feel you aren't good with people, consider trying for a job that's more of a behind the scenes thing - stocking shelves, inventory, cleaning, as opposed to the one who rings up sales and helps customers find things. Keep in mind that the only way you'll never get accepted is if you never ask or apply. Do you have a hobby that you could make money off of online? You could make games to sell on steam or for apps, or if you make things you could sell them on etsy. That won't really work as a "Career", but a little extra money can be helpful. Everyone is capable of fucking something up at their job. It's not just you. Try for a job and do your best, worry about fucking up if you actually do.
I think one of the steps to getting your stuff together is to set limits on yourself in regards to the games. Difficult, I kow.
I've spent many a night browsing tumblr till the small hours of the morning, but you'll feel better if you get enough sleep and are able to up on time for the day. Give yourself a bedtime and stick to it. Set an alarm clock, get your mother to tell you to go bed if you have to. No one is born knowing how to deal with stuff like jury summons.
You gotta stay on top of that stuff, though. Make google your very best friend. Google "how to respond to jury summons". Ask google all your questions. You'll find the answers. If you're a college student you can mostly get out of jury duty becasue it will interfere with your classes, but you need to let them know that, not just let it go and not show up. And sometimes the only way to get social skills is to practice them.
An easy step would to be to hang out in the general Deviants section of the forum and make converstaion with other people on here. Practice converstaions online and they won't be so scary in person.