Going out with someone much older than you.
My girlfriend's sister is 22 and is goung out with a 45 yo man.
My girlfriend says this is just to pass the time, no one of them is serious about this but it bothers me immensely.
I know I shouldn't get involved in any way and I shouldn't be concerned with this but still its stuck in my mind and I don't seem to get off this idea.
Just watching them kiss the other night was making me very uncomfortable.
He's a biker, like 5 years younger than her father and I can't figure out how a girl like her could even say yes for a date. I'm thinking she has gerontophilia even ho she's been with younger man.
Do you guys think it is normal. Have you been in a similar situation. Am I a bad person for thinking this way? What are your thoughts on the matter?
My girlfriend says this is just to pass the time, no one of them is serious about this but it bothers me immensely.
I know I shouldn't get involved in any way and I shouldn't be concerned with this but still its stuck in my mind and I don't seem to get off this idea.
Just watching them kiss the other night was making me very uncomfortable.
He's a biker, like 5 years younger than her father and I can't figure out how a girl like her could even say yes for a date. I'm thinking she has gerontophilia even ho she's been with younger man.
Do you guys think it is normal. Have you been in a similar situation. Am I a bad person for thinking this way? What are your thoughts on the matter?
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I've heard many women claims dating older men give them lesser headache than men around their age. But even that, women who said this said the age gap is 5 years at max. According to these women, older men are more understanding, more willing to listen to them, knows what they want, more importantly, acts manly. (Whatever the heck that meant. My best guess? No emotional stuff like jealousy).
Weird? Nah. If anything, I doubt your girlfriend's sister reason for dating a man that old. Perhaps for money? A fun of being in a relationship but not as messy? If your girlfriend said this relationship is nothing serious, shouldn't you listen to her? Are you actually jealous at that man for dating your girlfriend's sister & you think that old man should be you?
Weird? Nah. If anything, I doubt your girlfriend's sister reason for dating a man that old. Perhaps for money? A fun of being in a relationship but not as messy? If your girlfriend said this relationship is nothing serious, shouldn't you listen to her? Are you actually jealous at that man for dating your girlfriend's sister & you think that old man should be you?
Ofc, not normal and you're not bad, just curious. If that's what she wants, that's what she's programmed to want. You can't do anything about it.
Though, the odd thing about it is that it is a significant age difference, but quite not enough for gerontophilia imho.
Though, the odd thing about it is that it is a significant age difference, but quite not enough for gerontophilia imho.
ok, let me get this straight (pun here). we are open minded enough to accept interracial marriage and same sex marriage but get all worked up because of age. i'm sorry i must have misunderstood what they meant by two consenting adults.
Primal human hormones at work.
She sees him as a strong protector, and he sees her as...well, as an attractive young woman.
I'd be concerned too, but sometimes people need to experience bad things to learn, because I don't see her backing away from him for no reason.
Then again, I know nothing.
She sees him as a strong protector, and he sees her as...well, as an attractive young woman.
I'd be concerned too, but sometimes people need to experience bad things to learn, because I don't see her backing away from him for no reason.
Then again, I know nothing.
It's weird. A 22 year old is still very, very young. I can't fathom what someone who is 45 would have in common with someone that much younger.
Just weirds me out. I'm suspicious of any man who wants to go after women that much younger than them.
Just weirds me out. I'm suspicious of any man who wants to go after women that much younger than them.
Well it seems to me that the age gap its more a problem from a male perspective than it is for females.
Not your relationship, not your problem. They're both adults
uhhh, di you read anything I wrote of just the title?.... never mind
I don't see anything wrong with it... they're both adults! I know 40 year olds with the sense and maturity of 16 year olds, and 20 year olds as wise and intelligent as college professors. Honestly, I'm 23 and I wouldn't be uncomfortable dating a 45 year old. Hell, I would be more uncomfortable dating a 20 year old than I would be dating a 40 year old.
When you reach an age and time in your life and social circle (usually within your job) where you're forced to spend time with and make friends with people of all ages, you'll soon start to realize that oldies aren't that much different to us (and some have such nice skin you would never guess they're over 30, so it's impossible to tell anyway~)
When you reach an age and time in your life and social circle (usually within your job) where you're forced to spend time with and make friends with people of all ages, you'll soon start to realize that oldies aren't that much different to us (and some have such nice skin you would never guess they're over 30, so it's impossible to tell anyway~)
I use to have a friend who started dating a 40 something year old man when she was 16 and tbh looking at the pictures of them together was a little weird, especially because he looked really old for his age and she looked about 12. It was really awkward being in public with them when they kissed because loads of people stared. At least your gf's sister is in her twenties and she's prob mature enough to know what she's doing, so nothing to worry about there. Meh I guess you can't help who you like! 
Look, just because you are not comfortable with what she's into does NOT make her some sort of freak of nature. This doesn't seem like a problem about her liking an older man, this is a problem about YOU DISLIKING her being with an older man for YOUR OWN reasons, whatever they are. You can treat it like a problem with her and her boyfriend, but what will you ever accomplish that way? At best, it will only result in you driving them apart, but will you ever look at her the same way even if that happens? Probably not, you'll still see a girl into something you think is gross. Work on your own perspective, because that is all you can do. If this is a consensual relationship, then whatever. Let them be.
it's not serious and not your relationship. It's uncomfortable but it's legal.
Yep, some people like mature older men or mature older women. Look at all the 16 year olds who still think Johnny Depp is sexy.
Yep, some people like mature older men or mature older women. Look at all the 16 year olds who still think Johnny Depp is sexy.
That's like me dating a 3 year old.
I can understand why some people might find large age gaps to be uncomfortable but ultimately if the younger person is a consenting adult, it's their choice.
My husband is 20 years older than me and he's the only person that I've ever loved. We have a very happy and healthy marriage and I could never imagine being this happy with anyone else. Even if they aren't serious, there's something that draws them together. As long as there is no abuse going on people should try and let them be.
My husband is 20 years older than me and he's the only person that I've ever loved. We have a very happy and healthy marriage and I could never imagine being this happy with anyone else. Even if they aren't serious, there's something that draws them together. As long as there is no abuse going on people should try and let them be.
Your sister is an adult and it's her choice, but... Eeeugh. That's a pretty massive gap. He's old enough to be her father.
right, eeeeugh. And she's not my sister
Ah, my mistake, misread. But yeah, I'd say there's not really anything you can do, given that it's her life and her decisions.... Doesn't mean you have to approve of it though. If it were me, I wouldn't try to change her mind, but I certainly wouldn't hold back how i felt about it.
Try not to let it unnerve you. After all, it's your girlfriend's sister and she is an adult. At 22-years-old, she's probably trying out different things to get an understanding for what she wants out of life. If you two are close, just be there for her if it doesn't work out. I agree with you. I think that age difference is kind of unsettling, but being around the same age as her, I understand that sometimes I don't really know what's best for me and I won't really know what I want unless I get out there and get kind of weird.
Coming from the other side of this concept. I'm a year older then your gf sister and I'm dating a 40 year old man. For me personally it was all about lack of maturity in men my own age. So I found it in a man 16 years older then me and we are engaged. Love doesn't come in numbers. It may pass but not everyone breaks up. It may bother you but it isn't hurting you and I highly doubt it will hurt your relationship. People will do what they want to. You may not like it but grin and bare it because she's happy.
It's normal to be a little creeped out by it, but they're both consenting adults. It's not something to get too concerned about.
You can think whatever you want about them, as long as it is not voiced out.
They are adults and if it is consensual like pyrohmstr has said, then it shouldn't really concern you.
Their relationship may be short lived, it'll pass.
They are adults and if it is consensual like pyrohmstr has said, then it shouldn't really concern you.
Their relationship may be short lived, it'll pass.
its not really that that concerns me, is the fact that I don't feel the same way towards her and so I feel like I'm loosing a dear friend and I wish I would feel the same. Its not like won't like her company or anything but it doesn't sound right for me not to like her as much as a person, especially since she's my girlfriends twin and so we are all pretty close.
Me feeling different about her makes me think that I'm damaging the relationship with my gf, because she'd normally want me to get along with her sister just fine, and me thinking this way may change things so I risk my relationship because of this thoughts so you see that its not like I can think whatever I want. But anyway I'll get used to it and even if she seems like a different person to me I'd still get along with her to an acceptable level.
Me feeling different about her makes me think that I'm damaging the relationship with my gf, because she'd normally want me to get along with her sister just fine, and me thinking this way may change things so I risk my relationship because of this thoughts so you see that its not like I can think whatever I want. But anyway I'll get used to it and even if she seems like a different person to me I'd still get along with her to an acceptable level.
It's probably not going to last because they're in different places in life, but that's all right. Not every relationship lasts for a long time.
As for your discomfort, people have a tendency to feel uncomfortable about all kinds of things that are okay. I feel uncomfortable just watching anyone kissing. It would be pretty stupid if I tried to rule people based on what I personally wasn't comfortable with. Like... half the people in the world would have to stop having fun.
As for your discomfort, people have a tendency to feel uncomfortable about all kinds of things that are okay. I feel uncomfortable just watching anyone kissing. It would be pretty stupid if I tried to rule people based on what I personally wasn't comfortable with. Like... half the people in the world would have to stop having fun.
its not like because I don't like it they shouldn't do it, but it would make me not want to be there.
It's like if you don't like people kissing you wouldn't try to stop it but you'd go to places no one kisses.
Me not wanting to be around her so much and not looking at her as this close friend I had could have a big influence on my relationship because she and my gf are twins and they stay a lot with each other hence I should too and ormaly my gf would like a bf that likes er sister so me changing opinion about her can make my gf change opinion about me, and I wouldn't want this because we are much in love.
See its like my problem now is that I have to think of her as a friend again, but its getting easier for me and I think this will pass, still some scars will remain and I won't like her as much, which sucks.
It's like if you don't like people kissing you wouldn't try to stop it but you'd go to places no one kisses.
Me not wanting to be around her so much and not looking at her as this close friend I had could have a big influence on my relationship because she and my gf are twins and they stay a lot with each other hence I should too and ormaly my gf would like a bf that likes er sister so me changing opinion about her can make my gf change opinion about me, and I wouldn't want this because we are much in love.
See its like my problem now is that I have to think of her as a friend again, but its getting easier for me and I think this will pass, still some scars will remain and I won't like her as much, which sucks.