Why do all of my relationships end with me getting hurt?
So, I know this is going to seem odd.. I am a guy and I am always the one getting hurt in the relationship. You always hear about the guy hurting the girls feelings or cheating on them and stuff, but for me it is the other way around.
So I was just dumped today. Me and her were actually planning to get married and live together and everything. We met in college and I graduated in December. She still attends the school. Basically the story is, I have met her family. I even met her great grandma. They all seemed to like me and I spent some time at their houses often when I was in school. School got out and I started my new job not long ago and so I wasn't able to see her as often as I use to. They live an hour and a half away from me. They didn't really get to know me yet other than when I was over there to see her. They started saying I was no good for her and was cheating on her. She believed them and today I woke up to a text saying she was done with me.
I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I don't treat girls badly by any means. Every relationship I have ever had has ended in me getting hurt in some way. Either she was using me, cheating on me, or I was just a "fun time". I mean I could go on and on about stuff I gave up for her or did for her. Nothing I do is ever good enough. At one point I actually typed up a 4 page thing of almost every relationship I have been in and what went wrong trying to figure out what I did. I still have it and can't figure out what is wrong with me.
I have been told everything from I'm stupid or ugly to I should rot in hell and kill myself. I keep getting accused of things by people that have never even met me. I have never been to jail, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I am religious, but still there is something that just makes people hate me and idk what it is.
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just stay single?
So I was just dumped today. Me and her were actually planning to get married and live together and everything. We met in college and I graduated in December. She still attends the school. Basically the story is, I have met her family. I even met her great grandma. They all seemed to like me and I spent some time at their houses often when I was in school. School got out and I started my new job not long ago and so I wasn't able to see her as often as I use to. They live an hour and a half away from me. They didn't really get to know me yet other than when I was over there to see her. They started saying I was no good for her and was cheating on her. She believed them and today I woke up to a text saying she was done with me.
I have never cheated on anyone in my life. I don't treat girls badly by any means. Every relationship I have ever had has ended in me getting hurt in some way. Either she was using me, cheating on me, or I was just a "fun time". I mean I could go on and on about stuff I gave up for her or did for her. Nothing I do is ever good enough. At one point I actually typed up a 4 page thing of almost every relationship I have been in and what went wrong trying to figure out what I did. I still have it and can't figure out what is wrong with me.
I have been told everything from I'm stupid or ugly to I should rot in hell and kill myself. I keep getting accused of things by people that have never even met me. I have never been to jail, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I am religious, but still there is something that just makes people hate me and idk what it is.
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just stay single?
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If she was convinced by her family, who had even less contact with you than she did, that you were surely cheating on her-- you might have dodged a bullet by her dumping you. Just think of it that way? 
I'm quite sorry for it happening. You should be upset with her and ask her why she would think something like that. And why she would break up with you instead of just discuss it with you. It's not your fault. Clearly, she's stuck in a child's mind. Whatever mommy says must be true.
I'd suggest spending some time without any romance. Don't go looking for it. That's usually when you stumble across things that last. Be happy with YOURSELF alone, and who you are without a significant other, before you even start to think about yourself with someone. Don't let someone else make or break you.
I'm quite sorry for it happening. You should be upset with her and ask her why she would think something like that. And why she would break up with you instead of just discuss it with you. It's not your fault. Clearly, she's stuck in a child's mind. Whatever mommy says must be true.
I'd suggest spending some time without any romance. Don't go looking for it. That's usually when you stumble across things that last. Be happy with YOURSELF alone, and who you are without a significant other, before you even start to think about yourself with someone. Don't let someone else make or break you.
Yeah it is really crappy that she would believe them like that.... But they are her only family after all. so I can see why she wouldn't want to deal with them saying that all the time. but she should have just dealt with it if she really cared.
I did ask her, and she just gave me the "oh everyone is saying it and blah blah blah." It was just a very generic non specific answer.
Yeah some time to myself would be good I guess, but after work, and on my days off, all I do is sit at home and do nothing really except I may do some art, or play some music. I do play D&D but idk. I have never been the person with a lot of friends that goes out a lot.
I did ask her, and she just gave me the "oh everyone is saying it and blah blah blah." It was just a very generic non specific answer.
Yeah some time to myself would be good I guess, but after work, and on my days off, all I do is sit at home and do nothing really except I may do some art, or play some music. I do play D&D but idk. I have never been the person with a lot of friends that goes out a lot.
I'm the same way. Try taking up a new hobby or game or even tackle a project.
It sounds like maybe she just was looking for an excuse. Or, forgive me, isn't bright. You just don't break up with people because your parents (who barely know them) decide to talk shit.
It sounds like maybe she just was looking for an excuse. Or, forgive me, isn't bright. You just don't break up with people because your parents (who barely know them) decide to talk shit.
Well, no she wasn't the brightest bulb.. but ehh... sounded like an excuse to me. I just don't want to think she did it to be with someone else... that would kill me.
I don't know... maybe you get hurt because you date with the wrong people?
As you described they girls you dated sound like selfish evil bitches that take advantage of kind people, they are the problem not you.
First of all have a good self-esteem, please.
The girl that broke up with you recently seems like a coward because of the text, like... who does that??!! Oh yeah the coward people.
Just let it go she's just a waste of time.
For your pic I can say that you're very young, and just because you had bad experiences you can't quit love.
And don't search for love just let them come alone.
As you described they girls you dated sound like selfish evil bitches that take advantage of kind people, they are the problem not you.
First of all have a good self-esteem, please.
The girl that broke up with you recently seems like a coward because of the text, like... who does that??!! Oh yeah the coward people.
Just let it go she's just a waste of time.
For your pic I can say that you're very young, and just because you had bad experiences you can't quit love.
And don't search for love just let them come alone.
Yeah they are probably just the wrong people, but they all seem really nice and everything when we start talking and when we first start dating. Maybe there is something I am missing?
The good self-esteem is something I have been very very slowly working on ish.. Idk I have a lot of issues with that.
Yeah idk why she couldn't have called instead of text me.
I just turned 20 in Fed. so I guess I am young still.
The good self-esteem is something I have been very very slowly working on ish.. Idk I have a lot of issues with that.
Yeah idk why she couldn't have called instead of text me.
I just turned 20 in Fed. so I guess I am young still.
If you feel like there is a misunderstanding and you really want this girl, go and talk to her, try to fix things, but if not...
..take a break, take time for yourself, do whatever you like doing, idk art? training, going to a gym, to the mountains, traveling, anythingyou feel like! Enjoy your freedom! This is not the end of the world! You are young enjoy life
And it deffinately is not your fault. Love will come, you will see.
..take a break, take time for yourself, do whatever you like doing, idk art? training, going to a gym, to the mountains, traveling, anythingyou feel like! Enjoy your freedom! This is not the end of the world! You are young enjoy life
And it deffinately is not your fault. Love will come, you will see.I mean I feel like there is, but if she is going to be like this I don't want to fix it. You guys are right about that though. If she doesn't trust me then don't go out with her. Yeah maybe a break would be good for a few months.
How about this? Who cares? Who cares about that woman who probably never truly loved you. Why waste effort on someone who doesn't have enough trust to believe what you say. If being in a relationship with another person is nothing but pain. Don't take that shit. Those woman you talk about sounds like so selffish. They are not worth your time. If a woman shows no signs of respect for you, you should've dumped her a long time. If this girl chooses to believe her family over you, forget her, let that gullible person miss out on you.
Yeah, I know I shouldn't deal with it, but I always feel like if we break up that I may not get another girl to go out with me. I guess I just need to try and get over that.
Fuck yeah completely agree with you
Yer only 20 Hun. I suggest you wait a while
Well, I have been upset by this yes, but today I think it actually hit me. You guys have been awesome helping me deal with it, but tonight I am just like really depressed. Not so much because she dumped me, but for a lot of things. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe they all end because of me. I have been told before "What is the most common or even the only major variable in the problem? It is you. Fix it." This was told to me relating to a different matter, but the only common link between all of my relationships ending badly is the fact that I am in it. Maybe I am a bad guy, maybe I am not caring enough, maybe I am a horrible person.... What if I am doing terrible things to upset them and not realize it.... idk anymore. I am starting to second guess everything. Idk if I am actually a terrible person, or just stupid, or a door mat. I want to just post a long message about stuff I am thinking about and how I feel and stuff, but It probably already sounds like I just want attention, and this probably isn't the best place to just have a break down and spill my guts about a large portion of my life. Sorry for bugging you guys, I am just confused and don't know what to do.
Because you accept the love you think you deserve.
Well... you know... there might be a point to that... I almost always take my exs back after we break up. I just feel like a lot of times that I am just lucky enough to have someone even slightly interested in me, even if they hurt me. I should probably go to a psychologist about that....
Or just remind yourself that you are a human being and you aren't being an asshole if you have some self-respect and demand respect from others. Being assertive is the difference between being respect or being picked out as a doormat.
yeah... but it is so hard to get girls to even talk to me... so I just idk, I guess I just don't want to be alone. I have been alone for a lot of my life with no one to really talk to, go to for advice, etc...
It makes me think there is something wrong, am I not attractive enough, am I not smart enough, am I not fun enough, am I not nice enough. Idk this is just really bugging me.
It makes me think there is something wrong, am I not attractive enough, am I not smart enough, am I not fun enough, am I not nice enough. Idk this is just really bugging me.
People might be able to sense your insecurity and more "well-rounded" people avoid that, leaving with women who want to fix you or manipulators who can take advantage of your self-esteem.
Are you saying I'm not well rounded because I'm having problems? I may be misunderstanding that.
I'm not saying you're a mess, don't take it that way. I'm saying that your insecurities about not being able to attract women + questioning what it is about you that makes your gfs unfaithful/decent might culminate in something that predatory women could pick up on.
You might be missing out on women who aren't manipulative because non-predatory women like confident (on the inside!) men. People who don't seem confident are targets. Not that you're a bad person, but more of a "target", if that makes sense.
You might be missing out on women who aren't manipulative because non-predatory women like confident (on the inside!) men. People who don't seem confident are targets. Not that you're a bad person, but more of a "target", if that makes sense.
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Stay single and let your life's fate take it's course. From you profile photo you look relatively young yet, maybe in time the right person will come into your life.
I do not know what your personal life plans are yet trying to force a situation to occur will leave you open and vulnerable to manipulation if the other person you are involved with does not have the same life plan in mind.
I do not know what your personal life plans are yet trying to force a situation to occur will leave you open and vulnerable to manipulation if the other person you are involved with does not have the same life plan in mind.
Yeah, I turned 20 a little over a month ago. Our plans were different yeah. Maybe we were too different.
hm? it's not your fault.
females can be very evil.
trust me, i am a female.
i'm sorry about your breakup. if she believed her family over you, then i probably wasn't going to work out anyways. a girl who really wanted to marry you would stick up for you.
now after some crying and eating good foods, go out there again and find her!
believe me, i've gone through a terrible heartbreak.
i'm still not over it; i never will be.
you may never get over this, and that's okay. you're not doing anything wrong. some lucky girl is going to really fall for you. she'll be so great that you'll forget about all this crap.
it'll never happen if you're afraid to open up again.
so do it! don't be afraid to fall in love!
good luck! i'm sure you'll find the right person eventually (:
females can be very evil.
trust me, i am a female.
i'm sorry about your breakup. if she believed her family over you, then i probably wasn't going to work out anyways. a girl who really wanted to marry you would stick up for you.
now after some crying and eating good foods, go out there again and find her!
believe me, i've gone through a terrible heartbreak.
i'm still not over it; i never will be.
you may never get over this, and that's okay. you're not doing anything wrong. some lucky girl is going to really fall for you. she'll be so great that you'll forget about all this crap.
it'll never happen if you're afraid to open up again.
so do it! don't be afraid to fall in love!
good luck! i'm sure you'll find the right person eventually (:
Yeah evil is right lol. jk. thanks though 