I'm shy, afraid of failure and boring, I want to change.
It's hard to come up with a title for my problem.
I have been friends with toxic people for since my teenage years, but because I was young, I only noticed they were bad to have around me only 5 years ago or something like that. I got rid of them.
I'm a guy and I'm 25 years old.
Since I joined college, I was really awkward and shy, and it took me a long time to connect to people, but I did it and since last year I managed to get my life in a ok state, when I was younger and I stopped hanging around those toxic 'friends' I was alone, and I'd feel really sad I would have no one to go out with, my confidence was crap and I was really shy too to connect to new people... as if I was ashamed of talking or scared of showing what type of character I have. Because those "old friends" did not only make me feel bad with myself they'd also only hang out for sharing booze and cigars, if you know that type of people. The friends only for the party. But they are no longer part of my life.
As I said, after I got new friends, everything changed and its going really well and really fast, I even got a better sexual life... but, I still have some days that I feel my old self, I feel I don't deserve any of the life I am having, I will only notice I look good today until I look into a mirror and smile a little.. I know I'll pull through, I just don't know how and when and I really want to solve this fast. I want to change now.
I don't feel interesting, I feel boring.
I'm into punk rock, I've always been, in my country, to see one of those people is very rare, with mohawks, skating around, doing stuff proper to the subculture - and I just look at them and be amazed, the way they carry themselves around, the way they don't care for no one to notice them and how determined and focused they are living their life... they make it seem easy and I doubt any of them ever had problems like mine, I doubt they ever practised charisma by talking to a mirror (like I did) to beat shyness, among other solutions I found.
I don't know where do they get their energy and it's really moving.
To exemplify here is a trailer of a movie I watched (Fight Club): www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUXWAE…
The character Brad Pitt plays has that sort of energy, it's moving with style, and fast, it's not afraid to look bad because it's so natural he will always look good no matter what. Does it make sense? I wish I could have that level of well being and confort with myself. How do I get there? It's hard to fake.
I started feeling better by doing one thing involving art, that I can't tell which medium because I'm afraid to someone to recognize me in real life, but it's a type of art that makes me feel really well with myself.
I don't know what else I can say, I don't know if I can be fixed. I'm just tired of feeling like a friendzoned boring person, even though I have interests.
Thanks for reading.
I have been friends with toxic people for since my teenage years, but because I was young, I only noticed they were bad to have around me only 5 years ago or something like that. I got rid of them.
I'm a guy and I'm 25 years old.
Since I joined college, I was really awkward and shy, and it took me a long time to connect to people, but I did it and since last year I managed to get my life in a ok state, when I was younger and I stopped hanging around those toxic 'friends' I was alone, and I'd feel really sad I would have no one to go out with, my confidence was crap and I was really shy too to connect to new people... as if I was ashamed of talking or scared of showing what type of character I have. Because those "old friends" did not only make me feel bad with myself they'd also only hang out for sharing booze and cigars, if you know that type of people. The friends only for the party. But they are no longer part of my life.
As I said, after I got new friends, everything changed and its going really well and really fast, I even got a better sexual life... but, I still have some days that I feel my old self, I feel I don't deserve any of the life I am having, I will only notice I look good today until I look into a mirror and smile a little.. I know I'll pull through, I just don't know how and when and I really want to solve this fast. I want to change now.
I don't feel interesting, I feel boring.
I'm into punk rock, I've always been, in my country, to see one of those people is very rare, with mohawks, skating around, doing stuff proper to the subculture - and I just look at them and be amazed, the way they carry themselves around, the way they don't care for no one to notice them and how determined and focused they are living their life... they make it seem easy and I doubt any of them ever had problems like mine, I doubt they ever practised charisma by talking to a mirror (like I did) to beat shyness, among other solutions I found.
I don't know where do they get their energy and it's really moving.
To exemplify here is a trailer of a movie I watched (Fight Club): www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUXWAE…
The character Brad Pitt plays has that sort of energy, it's moving with style, and fast, it's not afraid to look bad because it's so natural he will always look good no matter what. Does it make sense? I wish I could have that level of well being and confort with myself. How do I get there? It's hard to fake.
I started feeling better by doing one thing involving art, that I can't tell which medium because I'm afraid to someone to recognize me in real life, but it's a type of art that makes me feel really well with myself.
I don't know what else I can say, I don't know if I can be fixed. I'm just tired of feeling like a friendzoned boring person, even though I have interests.
Thanks for reading.
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It's little by little, in my experience. One epiphany, one new habit, and one piece of daring clothing at a time.
I've always had anxiety issues. When I was younger, it kept me from making friends, from taking opportunities, and from leaving toxic relationships. I went through some traumatic shit as a young adult and I felt like I would never grow up to be someone I would like. I despaired over how I wasn't able to pull myself by my bootstraps and just make myself into the person I wanted to be, instead of this hollow shell of a girl. I was afraid if everything, of everyone, all the time. Just like you now, I knew I didn't want to stay that way forever.
Now, I still have anxiety issues and I'm still not the person I want to be, because that's probably gonna take my whole life, and that's fine. What's great however is that I'm not the person I described above anymore either.
I didn't really have a plan, but when you think about it, what I did was the following:
1-Pick the current most important thing I want to improve
2-Do stuff in that direction.
The first thing was my crippling timidity. I got through most of it the hard way - first I joined an improv team, which was a horrendous experience but certainly did force me to overcome my fear of ridicule. Then, as my confidence improved, I ended up landing customer service and retail jobs, which required me to talk to many people and thus made me less afraid of fellow humans. I'm still shy in certain situations but now I'm able to do some networking and make some friends without looking like a fool. I have a social life and a boyfriend now, woo!
The second thing was my people-pleasing habit. I could never get what I wanted in life because I constantly deffered to others. I was that friend that said "as long as you're happy, I'm happy" even if they secretly hated the movie you picked. For that I pretty much just resolved to actually fricking say what I thought. I started small, just stating what I thought while alone at home, then when I was with people. Eventually I learned that I could say my opinion and even impose myself a little, and I woudln't be rejected for it. It became easier and easier and today it's a problem I have almost entirely eliminated.
The third thing was confidence. True confidence is something you build, in a very practical way. In which area of your life to you feel not confident enough? Style? Talking to strangers? Work? No matter what it is, take it, and give yourself a small challenge - hard enough to be frightening, but easy enough that you actually have a chance to succeed, like asking a stranger the time or wearing that one shirt you like but makes you self-conscious on the street. Then, you do it. Once you have done it, pat yourself on the back and maybe brag a little. This was the first stone of your confidence castle. After that, you guessed it, you just carry on challenging yourself in increasingly bigger ways. The secret is to do it often. After a while, it stops being something hard, and becomes something natural, something you just, y'know, do - thus bringing you confidence.
Basically what you want to do is put in your life activities and habits that will help you grow into the person you want to be. It's gonna be a process, and in my experience, it'll work better if you focus on one important issue at the time.
I've always had anxiety issues. When I was younger, it kept me from making friends, from taking opportunities, and from leaving toxic relationships. I went through some traumatic shit as a young adult and I felt like I would never grow up to be someone I would like. I despaired over how I wasn't able to pull myself by my bootstraps and just make myself into the person I wanted to be, instead of this hollow shell of a girl. I was afraid if everything, of everyone, all the time. Just like you now, I knew I didn't want to stay that way forever.
Now, I still have anxiety issues and I'm still not the person I want to be, because that's probably gonna take my whole life, and that's fine. What's great however is that I'm not the person I described above anymore either.
I didn't really have a plan, but when you think about it, what I did was the following:
1-Pick the current most important thing I want to improve
2-Do stuff in that direction.
The first thing was my crippling timidity. I got through most of it the hard way - first I joined an improv team, which was a horrendous experience but certainly did force me to overcome my fear of ridicule. Then, as my confidence improved, I ended up landing customer service and retail jobs, which required me to talk to many people and thus made me less afraid of fellow humans. I'm still shy in certain situations but now I'm able to do some networking and make some friends without looking like a fool. I have a social life and a boyfriend now, woo!
The second thing was my people-pleasing habit. I could never get what I wanted in life because I constantly deffered to others. I was that friend that said "as long as you're happy, I'm happy" even if they secretly hated the movie you picked. For that I pretty much just resolved to actually fricking say what I thought. I started small, just stating what I thought while alone at home, then when I was with people. Eventually I learned that I could say my opinion and even impose myself a little, and I woudln't be rejected for it. It became easier and easier and today it's a problem I have almost entirely eliminated.
The third thing was confidence. True confidence is something you build, in a very practical way. In which area of your life to you feel not confident enough? Style? Talking to strangers? Work? No matter what it is, take it, and give yourself a small challenge - hard enough to be frightening, but easy enough that you actually have a chance to succeed, like asking a stranger the time or wearing that one shirt you like but makes you self-conscious on the street. Then, you do it. Once you have done it, pat yourself on the back and maybe brag a little. This was the first stone of your confidence castle. After that, you guessed it, you just carry on challenging yourself in increasingly bigger ways. The secret is to do it often. After a while, it stops being something hard, and becomes something natural, something you just, y'know, do - thus bringing you confidence.
Basically what you want to do is put in your life activities and habits that will help you grow into the person you want to be. It's gonna be a process, and in my experience, it'll work better if you focus on one important issue at the time.
Congrats on your personal evolution, it's inspiring and very moving, I'll hope to take your advice and not forget about it, because I tend to forget things, thank you so much for writing to me!
No problem! Experience is meant to be shared. Don't be afraid to ask if you have some other stuff you'd like to talk about 
Frankly, I’m surprised you still haven’t realised you don’t need to care about what people think, I thought most go through that realisation around 20.
And I don’t think confidence is particularly necessary, but more just being comfortable with yourself and not caring about how you appear to the world is not being afraid to look bad, being natural with yourself, and at least seeming confident because there’s no point in feeling ashamed of how you seem to others.
People who try hard to seem ‘not boring’ by standing out, either wearing crazy shit like punk fashion, goth, emo etc.. it doesn’t make them interesting. Sure it makes them look different and perhaps stand out at first, but it’s a personality that makes a person interesting, not what they wear, or the music the like. It’s the small nuances of a person that make people think a person is interesting, that get others to want to know them better.
Personally, I find that the people that seemingly stand out (wearing crazy stuff, styling their hair loudly and whatnot), it’s those people that are dying to fit into some mould of being different,.. that just lends to a boring sheep of a personality. And in the end of the day, they’re probably only going to be remembered as looking different, instead of say a serious + quiet looking guy in a business suit who has a serious passion for 1980s punk rock music or something. Looking different is just looking different.
The other thing is, no matter how boring you think you might be (and you might really be boring), someone is going to find something interesting about you. What is ‘normal’ and boring to you, in all likelihood isn’t particularly ‘normal’ or boring for others. And if others don’t bother to find out what makes you interesting,.. they’re really not worth it.
Also, you say your friends are decent now, and I’m not saying they’re not, but if they’re not making you feel like you’re the most interesting and hilarious person in the world,.. I really question how good of a friend they are.
I was at the hospital for some years so some of my social experience was cut, unhappily. Ence why Im struggling a bit psychologically and why my text came out as it came. Thank you for your comment, you gave me a lot to think and meditate about, in general...
First, a word on friends: when we are kids, we don't choose our friends so much as be thrown together by chance. They are schoolmates, your parents friends kids, etc. Aside from being your age, you may have very little in common with them. As we get older, we get a chance to meet people on our own terms and form friendships based on shared interests.
I think you'll find that over time you'll stop feeling like your 'old self' so much, when you get into a mood or cycle like that just try to think about how much you've grown and changed since then.
As one of aforementioned punk people, we have all the same problems everybody else does, including social anxiety, depression, etc. If something appears effortless, you can bet it's been practiced in private a million times. What you are seeing is a public persona, if you got to know those people well you'd find the same problems and insecurities as anyone else could have.
When I was younger, I always felt like everybody was looking at me and judging me, often poorly (looking back I really doubt everybody hated me on sight as a kid). I tended to be very shy, even though I naturally have a fairly outgoing personality, because I was afraid of saying or doing something wrong and being shunned- or worse, have someone think I'm stupid, lazy, etc (I have 'invisible' mental and physical conditions, even though I appear healthy from the outside much of the time functioning on a 'normal' level physically is difficult or impossible, and certain mental tasks are difficult and time consuming even though I'm highly inteligent. Through my entire childhood I had adults, from teachers to doctors to my own mother, accuse me of lying for attention or drugs, being incredibly lazy, and refusing to put any effort into things that didn't come naturally to me, it wasn't until I'd reached adulthood and had a circle of friends that included lots of people in various parts of the mental and physical health industry that I realized I was right all along, and it was still almost ten years before I could find anyone willing to listen and provide treatment).
At some point around late middle school, I decided if I was going to feel like everybody was staring at me all the time I might as well give them a reason, and went pretty much all out, my clothing style usually hovers around 80s and 90s punk/goth-punk/grunge and I currently have a faux-hawk haircut (basically a mohawk, but only on top, with the back as well as sides shaved) though I very rarely go to the trouble of fixing it up straight. It's almost always a funky color, too, it's my natural color now for the first time since most of my friends met me (repeated bleaching had torn the hair up, and the 'temporary' pink dye I used last time would NOT come out and resisted being dyed over- my daughter used the same stuff without bleaching her hair and it wouldn't come out of hers, either, her grandma even took her to a salon where they tried for 4 hours to get it out with no luck).
I only made it through high school because there were a small handfull of other punk people there and we all banded together.
The attitude you find so appealing comes from the fine art of Not Giving a Fuck. And it is a great thing if you can manage it.
When I say 'not giving a fuck', I don't mean not caring about ANYTHING at all. That's stupid and counter productive. Not giving a fuck means understanding what IS and IS NOT important, and only focusing your energy on the important things. We only have so much energy and so many hours in the day, and there are better things to devote those to than worrying about things that either don't matter or are beyond our ability to change.
You'll be amazed how much more time, energy, and creativity you have when you weed out all the crap from your brain.
We'll ignore for a moment the facf that Tyler Durden (Bradd Pitt) in Fight Club is actuallly the alternate personality of the other male lead brought about in part by a major (if fairly quiet) psychotic break and 'dies' at the end...
I used to be (and hopefully will be again in the near future, with proper treatment) very physically active. I always felt like my body was a slick machine, and though I'm not the most coordinated person in the world and seem to spend quite a bit of my time when I'm moving around narrowly dodging objects that seem to appear out of nowhere directly in my way, it always felt good to move around and I seem to manage a sort of weird clumsy grace. Moving easily and with confidence comes from practice, try looking into martial arts if you want some sort of class, otherwise try to get out onto challenging terrain- whether that's out in the woods, an urban area, playground, etc and just play, run around, climb, jump... moving easily comes from confidence in your body, which you develop through physical activity.
Getting rid of energy-sapping worries and getting physical will help give you more energy, as will being focused on something you really care about. Also make sure you aren't doing things that kill or prevent a good energy level- eat well, make sure you drink plenty of fluids, take multivitamins and/or other suppliments if you need them (b12 is a good one to get your energy level up), get enough sleep, etc.
If you want to change who you are, instead of trying to change your brain and then alter your appearance and behavior, do the opposite: fake it until you make it. Make a character- clothes, behavior, etc- and roleplay as that person in everyday life (you may even want to go so far as to pick a new nickname and introduce yourself to new people that way). You may feel silly at first, but as you alter your behavior it will become habit, and you'll find that you are reinforced by the reactions of other people. Eventually you won't even have to think about it anymore, you'll just be this new person.
It's important not just to act like the new character, you have to think like this person, too. And again, at first it's going to have be intentional. You can pretend your life is a movie and your thoughts are a voiceover- what's being said has to match the character. If you find yourself falling into a mental trap or cycle of negative thoughts, correct yourself. Don't try to just shut your brain up and don't try to logically counter the thoughts- either change what you are thinking about or find a task or activity to focus on that is appropriate for who you want to be.
Lasting change is gradual. There isn't a way for you to snap your fingers and be a completely different person that doesn't involve major physical or psychological disease, disorder or injury. That is not saying you can't start to see rapid results- if you get clothes and hair that really gives you the look you want, you'll immediately find yourself carrying your body and interacting with people differently. But you're still you, you still have your brain and thought patterns.
The good news is that thought patterns can be broken because much of destructive thought has become habit. You don't want to repress trauma, you want to get to the root of that and work it out as much as possible, but once you've gotten past it you're still going to have mental habits that will keep you back. It's much easier to replace one habit with another than to just stop doing something period. Since this is a mental habit, you have to replace it with another, better one. It's important to find something you won't get bored with and that fits who you want to be.
There will be times when you slip. At first it will be often, then less so, but it will take a very long time to go away, and some thoughts may never leave completely, just not happen very often. If you're willing to put the effort in, you can change.
I think you'll find that over time you'll stop feeling like your 'old self' so much, when you get into a mood or cycle like that just try to think about how much you've grown and changed since then.
As one of aforementioned punk people, we have all the same problems everybody else does, including social anxiety, depression, etc. If something appears effortless, you can bet it's been practiced in private a million times. What you are seeing is a public persona, if you got to know those people well you'd find the same problems and insecurities as anyone else could have.
When I was younger, I always felt like everybody was looking at me and judging me, often poorly (looking back I really doubt everybody hated me on sight as a kid). I tended to be very shy, even though I naturally have a fairly outgoing personality, because I was afraid of saying or doing something wrong and being shunned- or worse, have someone think I'm stupid, lazy, etc (I have 'invisible' mental and physical conditions, even though I appear healthy from the outside much of the time functioning on a 'normal' level physically is difficult or impossible, and certain mental tasks are difficult and time consuming even though I'm highly inteligent. Through my entire childhood I had adults, from teachers to doctors to my own mother, accuse me of lying for attention or drugs, being incredibly lazy, and refusing to put any effort into things that didn't come naturally to me, it wasn't until I'd reached adulthood and had a circle of friends that included lots of people in various parts of the mental and physical health industry that I realized I was right all along, and it was still almost ten years before I could find anyone willing to listen and provide treatment).
At some point around late middle school, I decided if I was going to feel like everybody was staring at me all the time I might as well give them a reason, and went pretty much all out, my clothing style usually hovers around 80s and 90s punk/goth-punk/grunge and I currently have a faux-hawk haircut (basically a mohawk, but only on top, with the back as well as sides shaved) though I very rarely go to the trouble of fixing it up straight. It's almost always a funky color, too, it's my natural color now for the first time since most of my friends met me (repeated bleaching had torn the hair up, and the 'temporary' pink dye I used last time would NOT come out and resisted being dyed over- my daughter used the same stuff without bleaching her hair and it wouldn't come out of hers, either, her grandma even took her to a salon where they tried for 4 hours to get it out with no luck).
I only made it through high school because there were a small handfull of other punk people there and we all banded together.
The attitude you find so appealing comes from the fine art of Not Giving a Fuck. And it is a great thing if you can manage it.
When I say 'not giving a fuck', I don't mean not caring about ANYTHING at all. That's stupid and counter productive. Not giving a fuck means understanding what IS and IS NOT important, and only focusing your energy on the important things. We only have so much energy and so many hours in the day, and there are better things to devote those to than worrying about things that either don't matter or are beyond our ability to change.
You'll be amazed how much more time, energy, and creativity you have when you weed out all the crap from your brain.
We'll ignore for a moment the facf that Tyler Durden (Bradd Pitt) in Fight Club is actuallly the alternate personality of the other male lead brought about in part by a major (if fairly quiet) psychotic break and 'dies' at the end...
I used to be (and hopefully will be again in the near future, with proper treatment) very physically active. I always felt like my body was a slick machine, and though I'm not the most coordinated person in the world and seem to spend quite a bit of my time when I'm moving around narrowly dodging objects that seem to appear out of nowhere directly in my way, it always felt good to move around and I seem to manage a sort of weird clumsy grace. Moving easily and with confidence comes from practice, try looking into martial arts if you want some sort of class, otherwise try to get out onto challenging terrain- whether that's out in the woods, an urban area, playground, etc and just play, run around, climb, jump... moving easily comes from confidence in your body, which you develop through physical activity.
Getting rid of energy-sapping worries and getting physical will help give you more energy, as will being focused on something you really care about. Also make sure you aren't doing things that kill or prevent a good energy level- eat well, make sure you drink plenty of fluids, take multivitamins and/or other suppliments if you need them (b12 is a good one to get your energy level up), get enough sleep, etc.
If you want to change who you are, instead of trying to change your brain and then alter your appearance and behavior, do the opposite: fake it until you make it. Make a character- clothes, behavior, etc- and roleplay as that person in everyday life (you may even want to go so far as to pick a new nickname and introduce yourself to new people that way). You may feel silly at first, but as you alter your behavior it will become habit, and you'll find that you are reinforced by the reactions of other people. Eventually you won't even have to think about it anymore, you'll just be this new person.
It's important not just to act like the new character, you have to think like this person, too. And again, at first it's going to have be intentional. You can pretend your life is a movie and your thoughts are a voiceover- what's being said has to match the character. If you find yourself falling into a mental trap or cycle of negative thoughts, correct yourself. Don't try to just shut your brain up and don't try to logically counter the thoughts- either change what you are thinking about or find a task or activity to focus on that is appropriate for who you want to be.
Lasting change is gradual. There isn't a way for you to snap your fingers and be a completely different person that doesn't involve major physical or psychological disease, disorder or injury. That is not saying you can't start to see rapid results- if you get clothes and hair that really gives you the look you want, you'll immediately find yourself carrying your body and interacting with people differently. But you're still you, you still have your brain and thought patterns.
The good news is that thought patterns can be broken because much of destructive thought has become habit. You don't want to repress trauma, you want to get to the root of that and work it out as much as possible, but once you've gotten past it you're still going to have mental habits that will keep you back. It's much easier to replace one habit with another than to just stop doing something period. Since this is a mental habit, you have to replace it with another, better one. It's important to find something you won't get bored with and that fits who you want to be.
There will be times when you slip. At first it will be often, then less so, but it will take a very long time to go away, and some thoughts may never leave completely, just not happen very often. If you're willing to put the effort in, you can change.
"When I say 'not giving a fuck', I don't mean not caring about ANYTHING at all. That's stupid and counter productive. Not giving a fuck means understanding what IS and IS NOT important, and only focusing your energy on the important things. We only have so much energy and so many hours in the day, and there are better things to devote those to than worrying about things that either don't matter or are beyond our ability to change."
"There will be times when you slip. At first it will be often, then less so, but it will take a very long time to go away, and some thoughts may never leave completely, just not happen very often. If you're willing to put the effort in, you can change."
Your post was very inspirational thank you so much for taking the time to type it, I wish I could repay this somehow... I'll pin this thread somewhere and save it to my hard drive because its helpful...
"There will be times when you slip. At first it will be often, then less so, but it will take a very long time to go away, and some thoughts may never leave completely, just not happen very often. If you're willing to put the effort in, you can change."
Your post was very inspirational thank you so much for taking the time to type it, I wish I could repay this somehow... I'll pin this thread somewhere and save it to my hard drive because its helpful...
"...and I really want to solve this fast. I want to change now."
That line of thinking right there is the biggest thing stopping you from becoming better. There is no such thing as a quick fix, no instant solution, and no overnight changes. Stop being so concerned with changing NOW and fixating it. Perhaps if you let go, stopped worrying constantly and expecting impossible changes, you'll find that you naturally start to believe yourself when you act confident. When you quit convincing yourself in private that you're still the meek, awkward person you were before then you will likely start feeling better.
Are you seriously using a celebrity as an example? Do you even understand how many people they pay to teach them everything they know? That they can get any cosmetic surgery they want, should they become less confident about their appearance? That they can hide behind their money to feel confident? Just because a celebrity appears strong, confident, and exemplary of all other traits you feel you do not have, does not mean they actually have those traits as a person. It is called trained acting. Regular people do it all the time to hide their insecurities.
As for the punk rock people? No, I bet they have put effort into being confident, rebellious, and smooth. It is even harder for people who are not the majority to be confident when surrounded by the majority. They are just people, no matter how you perceive them to be based on their outside appearance. (Just like your outside perception of Brat Pitt, apparently.) I'm sure they get scared, feel insecure, and sometimes want to cower away from other people. Those are all natural feelings that (aside from having a disorder) everyone experiences from time to time. Social interaction is hard for almost everyone, which is why there will always be people who can relate to you.
So, stop worrying so much. Stop spending so much time being convinced that you haven't changed at all and start being proud of yourself for your improvements instead. Give yourself a reward (be it mental like an internal cheer or physical like invigorating jog) when you have a good day. Start thinking about how awesome it was that you did this or that. Start thinking about how you can see more and more of the person you want to be. Pessimism bad. Positivity good.
That line of thinking right there is the biggest thing stopping you from becoming better. There is no such thing as a quick fix, no instant solution, and no overnight changes. Stop being so concerned with changing NOW and fixating it. Perhaps if you let go, stopped worrying constantly and expecting impossible changes, you'll find that you naturally start to believe yourself when you act confident. When you quit convincing yourself in private that you're still the meek, awkward person you were before then you will likely start feeling better.
Are you seriously using a celebrity as an example? Do you even understand how many people they pay to teach them everything they know? That they can get any cosmetic surgery they want, should they become less confident about their appearance? That they can hide behind their money to feel confident? Just because a celebrity appears strong, confident, and exemplary of all other traits you feel you do not have, does not mean they actually have those traits as a person. It is called trained acting. Regular people do it all the time to hide their insecurities.
As for the punk rock people? No, I bet they have put effort into being confident, rebellious, and smooth. It is even harder for people who are not the majority to be confident when surrounded by the majority. They are just people, no matter how you perceive them to be based on their outside appearance. (Just like your outside perception of Brat Pitt, apparently.) I'm sure they get scared, feel insecure, and sometimes want to cower away from other people. Those are all natural feelings that (aside from having a disorder) everyone experiences from time to time. Social interaction is hard for almost everyone, which is why there will always be people who can relate to you.
So, stop worrying so much. Stop spending so much time being convinced that you haven't changed at all and start being proud of yourself for your improvements instead. Give yourself a reward (be it mental like an internal cheer or physical like invigorating jog) when you have a good day. Start thinking about how awesome it was that you did this or that. Start thinking about how you can see more and more of the person you want to be. Pessimism bad. Positivity good.
I agree and disagree with some things but the way of thinking and analyzing things is correct, thanks for taking the time to write to me!
Pessimism = bad. Positivity = Good!
Pessimism = bad. Positivity = Good!
It doesn't matter whether you disagree or agree but that you're willing to consider a different perspective. 
I second the two above me, but I'm still stuck on the whole- " tired of feeling like a friendzoned boring person." If you only want to seem "cool" in an effort to pick up relationships, I think that's part of why this change you want to happen will not work out for you so well. You don't change for other people, you change because it's healthier for you. 
The problem with how people present themselves externally is that you don't see what they are like on the inside. A lot of people who seem like they "don't care" actually care a lot, and how they act is in defiance to how much they care. What you see is masks that people put on to lie to one another and pretend that they are someone better, someone cooler: Brad Pitt in Fight Club who is a character that doesn't actually exist.
Anyway, I think the true spirit of punk is not in trying to appear cooler or "less boring", it's in actually not giving a shit about what people think. As long as you worry about being "boring" and "friendzoned" then you are worrying about how you appear to others, which is contrary to the spirit of not giving a fuck. Ironically you will be closest to what you want to be when being boring no longer worries you and you can unselfconsciously revel in whatever you love without any thought about how it makes you look.
Of course you can always just accept that you are insecure and want to pursue looking cool, which is another different way of being genuine, I suppose.
Anyway, I think the true spirit of punk is not in trying to appear cooler or "less boring", it's in actually not giving a shit about what people think. As long as you worry about being "boring" and "friendzoned" then you are worrying about how you appear to others, which is contrary to the spirit of not giving a fuck. Ironically you will be closest to what you want to be when being boring no longer worries you and you can unselfconsciously revel in whatever you love without any thought about how it makes you look.
Of course you can always just accept that you are insecure and want to pursue looking cool, which is another different way of being genuine, I suppose.
I guess there's a lot of ways to solve an equation, thanks for your perspective!
Dude. Brad Pitt is an actor. Not only am I 100% positive he's practiced his personality in the mirror, he's probably also had coaching and classes on it.
Ever hear the phrase "fake it 'til you make it"? That's everyone ever. Fake confidence becomes real confidence. Fake charm becomes real charm. What you're experiencing is Imposter Syndrome, the in between bit where you've got really good at making other people think you're cool but you still see yourself as a kid, faking it, and everyone else as being more "real".
That voice in your head, the one calling you an imposter? Tell that guy to shut the hell up. You are who you have made yourself be. You're not struggling to fake it, you're struggling to feel like you aren't faking it. You're fighting to not fight. That is a doomed goal. We ALL struggle. Once you accept that everyone is putting on a show all the time, not just you. Once you accept that the struggles you face are part of you and the reason you are yourself. That they are part of the reason people like you.
Then, you'll have made it.
Ever hear the phrase "fake it 'til you make it"? That's everyone ever. Fake confidence becomes real confidence. Fake charm becomes real charm. What you're experiencing is Imposter Syndrome, the in between bit where you've got really good at making other people think you're cool but you still see yourself as a kid, faking it, and everyone else as being more "real".
That voice in your head, the one calling you an imposter? Tell that guy to shut the hell up. You are who you have made yourself be. You're not struggling to fake it, you're struggling to feel like you aren't faking it. You're fighting to not fight. That is a doomed goal. We ALL struggle. Once you accept that everyone is putting on a show all the time, not just you. Once you accept that the struggles you face are part of you and the reason you are yourself. That they are part of the reason people like you.
Then, you'll have made it.
Thanks man. Well I didnt want to explain this because I thought it was clear, the Brad Pitt character appears very energized all the time on everything he does, I know some people that act like that and makes me wonder whats their secret, but they arent many, and they are not actors! Anyway, you raise a lot of good stuff to think about, the thing about struggling to tell myself I'm not faking it... may be accurate!
Thanks!
Thanks!
^ This.
Just one thing I forgot that I think it pins everything... I know what I am now and I know what I want to be, as I said above, I just don't know how to get there...