Unfiltered rage


Dieliala's avatar
I think I've come to terms with the fact that I probably have very severe anger issues. Especially when I am in need of something and everything is getting in the way. Let me just say, I never learned any "healthy" ways of dealing with anger. I just avoid getting angry often but sometimes it just happens. Under ideal circumstances, I'd leave whatever situation is bothering me, go for a long walk to no where, listen to music, go hide away, etc. Either way, I'd find my way out of the situation before I snap and actually injure the person agitating me... However, some people (my grandmother especially) just don't understand that.

So, this situation began with my tablet breaking along with my grandmother's indecisiveness about if she is going to let me hang out with my friend or not.  Normally, I 'deal' with her indecisiveness though it irritates me greatly. However, because my tablet is broken my mood is less than stellar. So, I went to make a paypal and of course, neither of them is willing to help by linking either their card, or bank to the account. I'd use my own but... I'm only 17 (dear god march 16th cannot come fast enough) and I don't have an ID or bank account. So, I left the situation, considering she wasn't understanding that I need actual currency and a way to withdraw them to get my tablet fixed. I leave, situation dies come this morning...

She comes into my room to tell me something or whatever. She mentions that she and my grandad are both apparently pissed off about the fact that my friend (She's in college and lives like, and hour or two away) won't be here to pick me up until 5 or 5 30 in the afternoon. For me, its a whatever. I just don't want to be stuck here. It was irksome at worst and I just didn't say anything outside of "uhhuh" or "mhm". Then she brings up what happened yesterday and told me that neither of them are going to link their bank or card to my paypal because I'm too childish, naturally it did piss me off and i just wanted to tell her to get out of my room but I said nothing and just let her leave on her own. 

She's put the stall on getting me an ID or bank account for almost two years. It always relates to that one thing I did and she won't get me one. At this point, thinking about it only drives me to anger and tears. When I get pissed I can't leave the house (not that she really lets me anyways) and so I just retreat to my room and shut myself in there, or if it is bad enough my closet. She views it as me throwing a tantrum while I view it as needing seclusion and needing to be alone. If I can't get that, I turn violent. I'll either injure someone else, or in most cases myself. It's the quickest (though most painful and bloody) way to calm myself down and yeah... I think I need help with that.
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KillThePaint's avatar
channel it somewhere, the world fucking blows but at least you can try to get happy right? 
mesozurashii's avatar
Try channeling the anger out. Reading a good book or writing down what's going in your mind helps me alot
I hope you find a way out of your problem.
DShain's avatar
Heh, I'd be angry in that situation, too. Both stories you've described must make you feel "stuck" or "helpless", right? You're trying to branch out and earn something (an adult behavior), but you're prevented from doing it because you're not quite "adult" enough to have your bank account/Paypal setup. They are absolutely horrible feelings. It's pretty standard for a teenager, as they're stuck between "child" and "adult".

But if you do really believe you have anger issues, I'd highly suggest you look into ways of treatment as soon as possible (mostly in changes to "self" versus medication, though it may be necessary as a secondary treatment). Things will only get harder as you get older, and you'll be glad you made the choice to act now before anger really has a chance to bite you back. When you're an adult, you don't have the same "get out of jail free" cards and could risk serious damage to your relationships with others.
MagicShroom's avatar
Oh yes, join the rage club (yes I have problems with rage as well but it simmered down quite a bit), If the violent is your type of rage then might I suggest working out (exercise)? ...or even take up boxing as an extra-curricular activity.
Dieliala's avatar
I'd work out, go for walks, etc. if I was let out of the house. :grump:
bakka's avatar
What beautiful negligence you wear!
Karinta's avatar
I suggest meditation and exercise. They can be wonderful ways to really blow off steam.
Robertten's avatar
I used to have a problem with anger, but I've read alot of self-help books that really do work.  Mostly I've read about positive thinking and stress-management.  Try reading "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff."
Dieliala's avatar
Alright, if I see it in a bookstore I'll be sure to get it.
TrizztVapes's avatar
I found help on a more spiritual level by reading books on Freemasonry, Alchemy, Hermeticism, etc.  I found that they really helped me deal with my military induced PTSD and issues I had at home before joining the military.  I am not pushing a religious view, but these books taught me how to control what I think and how to control the way I react.  I used to live in a world of violence...coming back home to a wife and two kids seriously was hard after being steeped in a culture of violence for years.  Manly P Hall's books are wonderful as is The Kyballion by Three Initiates.  The Virgin of the World by Hermes Trismegistus is also an excellent choice.  Meditation and binaural beats help as well.. You can find any of this information on youtube or get the books through amazon etc.  I hope this helps. 
Dieliala's avatar
thanks, it was.
UsamahDraws's avatar
Patience....sometimes the hardship can be most severe.....hang in there, don't lose yourself c:
Dieliala's avatar
Indeed. Patience really is a virtue.
PrairieLily's avatar
You will not find the level of care and help that you need from here. Though, it is good that you have taken the first step to acknowledge your problem and talk about it, even if it is online.

It is of a very childish nature to allow your anger to rule you and it will turn from people believing you have rage-induced tantrums in your youth to you being an abusive and explosive adult. True strength is having anger issues and being able to control them to a point where you no longer have to lash out to feel better, to a point where you can hold a civil conversation while angry without being destructive. You need to find yourself a counselor or someone to engage in anger management classes/routines with who is a professional. I recommend doing research online about programs for youth like yourself and if there are any free services provided so that your grandparents do not have to pay for it. Perhaps if you approach them with information in your hands about where you can get help, how often it will be, how much it will cost, ect. then your grandparents will take you seriously on the issue.

Good luck and do not hurt anyone.
Dieliala's avatar
Yeah, though I figured any advice is better than none.

I've been fortunate enough to be someone that doesn't get angry often, and even more so to not have injured anyone (myself excluded). the issue is that even when I was younger I showed signs of having explosive anger. I wasn't angry often, and usually was pretty tolerant of people and cheerful, it was just that when I did get angry, I was angry. My grandparents don't think I have any issues or need help. :shrug: it was the same when they found out when my counselor called home adn informed htem that I had issues with self harm. they didn't think I had an actual issu so...

and thanks.
FallenAngelOfCrimson's avatar
Might I suggest a stress ball? Or something you can squeeze?
Don't put it out on someone else, let alone yourself.

If you find what I've said offensive, then you may ignore it. Other than that, I don't know what to say.
Dieliala's avatar
i need to get one next time i head out.

and ironically, it's hard to offend me with words. I'm more easily angered by actions than anything else so no worries.
FallenAngelOfCrimson's avatar
Ah, OK.
Hope that helped :T
Good luck :D
Dieliala's avatar
StaxMaye's avatar
Dam I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a Consular someone to talk to about this. Ideally you need to find a way to get your grandmother to understand the situation, maybe instead of you trying to explain why you behave the way that you do try and get an adult to explain it to her. Consular, someone with a knowledge of psychology maybe a friend of hers or a family member who is sympathetic to you. People are strange sometimes they just need to hear the same thing worded slightly differently by a figure of authority for them to take notice.

As for the self harming, get help. It doesn't matter if its a remedy to the violence or not it's a slippery slope. Things escalate very quickly without you noticing. I know because I nearly lost two friends. There are people you can go to, there should be a consular or student support group at your college that you can go to.

Hope that helps

Take care dieliala
Dieliala's avatar
I don't really want to get in trouble and my granny doesn't seem to take well to being told things by strangers. There really isn't anyone sympathetic towards me that speaks to her regularly and she isn't on exactly "good" terms with family members outside of the ones in the house. Even then, it's just going to be my fault and "don't get angry" and all that other jazz.

I've dealt with self harm back in middle school. I stopped around my 9th grade year of High school but right now, it's hard to not go back when I get pissed off about things. I just want to do whatever I ca to make the anger go away and just... ick.

Thank you thought.