Need Advice on Peer Pressure and Being 'Brutally' Honest
So let me start off by saying this: I've had a best friend for 13 years now. I consider her more of a sister than anything just because we grew up together and have been through everything. Her name is Karen. She's shy, a little overweight, moody at times.
Well Karen has this, for the lack of a better word, crush on a guy who is her acquaintance at best. Its more of an infatuation. She says she loves him but really has no idea what true love is. We're all only 17 years old.
There is a Christan camp event that is local and a lot of kids from my high school attend. The only reason Karen goes every week is for a chance to see her crush, Brian.
Come to find out, she calls me one Wednesday night and I could tell she was drunk. She kept repeating over and over, "I'm sitting on Brian's couch" "I have to take a shower at Brian's house, Brian is gonna drive me home oh my GOD" but it was so strange. I knew something was up.
Another girl, close friend of mine confirmed with me she was drunk and that Karen's friend, Kathryn begged her not to tell me. Kathryn is this new girl Karen has been talking to and I don't like her at all. She's bad news. She tries to get my sister to keep things from me, including this, and I have no idea why. She also promises Karen that she will date Brian even though inevitably this will never happen due to the fact that she needs to get drunk to even say hi to him, and they don't really talk at all.
Kathryn has abused my good nature and I feel the need to speak up. How do I do this? How do I handle the situation without being "the asshole" when I'm just trying to be realistic? Also, is it wrong that I'm terribly upset over the alcohol?
Thanks for any advice in advance.
Well Karen has this, for the lack of a better word, crush on a guy who is her acquaintance at best. Its more of an infatuation. She says she loves him but really has no idea what true love is. We're all only 17 years old.
There is a Christan camp event that is local and a lot of kids from my high school attend. The only reason Karen goes every week is for a chance to see her crush, Brian.
Come to find out, she calls me one Wednesday night and I could tell she was drunk. She kept repeating over and over, "I'm sitting on Brian's couch" "I have to take a shower at Brian's house, Brian is gonna drive me home oh my GOD" but it was so strange. I knew something was up.
Another girl, close friend of mine confirmed with me she was drunk and that Karen's friend, Kathryn begged her not to tell me. Kathryn is this new girl Karen has been talking to and I don't like her at all. She's bad news. She tries to get my sister to keep things from me, including this, and I have no idea why. She also promises Karen that she will date Brian even though inevitably this will never happen due to the fact that she needs to get drunk to even say hi to him, and they don't really talk at all.
Kathryn has abused my good nature and I feel the need to speak up. How do I do this? How do I handle the situation without being "the asshole" when I'm just trying to be realistic? Also, is it wrong that I'm terribly upset over the alcohol?
Thanks for any advice in advance.
Comments90
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Give people more credit. She's not your responsibility, let her learn her life lessons while she's young.
I'm 17, move out, living on my own, attending university, blah blah blah
maybe she's more mature than you are but you don't realize it?
Say you're concerned, don't put any pressure on her, and leave her be. If you're really that worried, tell her older sibling or something if she has one that her new friend is an alcoholic, etc.
She'll either mess up now, or 4 years down the road where her family won't help her out as much. Crushes come and go. Give it some time.
I'm 17, move out, living on my own, attending university, blah blah blah
maybe she's more mature than you are but you don't realize it?
Say you're concerned, don't put any pressure on her, and leave her be. If you're really that worried, tell her older sibling or something if she has one that her new friend is an alcoholic, etc.
She'll either mess up now, or 4 years down the road where her family won't help her out as much. Crushes come and go. Give it some time.
If she were more mature than me she would be able to talk to a member of the opposite sex with relative ease without the use of any drugs.
I think you don't understand the entire situation, given you only know one side and I know all of them personally, IMHO.
I think you don't understand the entire situation, given you only know one side and I know all of them personally, IMHO.
Talk to her alone and try to be gentle, i guess. I mean if she dosent listend she will learn and know better for next times to come. She has to explore and fail, the hard part is to recover. Just stay her frerind
She's coming over to my house today, she doesn't know that I know. If she wanted to tell me she would, the problem doesn't even exist anymore because she doesn't attend the Youth group anymore. She literally just stopped going and I haven't said anything.. I won't either.
I wish there was a way to close this thread so people could stop harassing me on it (not you, just a general statement.)
I wish there was a way to close this thread so people could stop harassing me on it (not you, just a general statement.)
sry, dont anwser
i had a "best friend" for about 25 years and cut him off because he was a coward and a liar.
So you essentially don't want her to be friends with anyone but you. It doesn't matter how long you are friends or how much you feel you deserve to be trusted (mostly because that's not up to you, but her), if she found someone else she wants to hang out with, the she can and absolutely should. Worst case scenario she's gonna make a mistake and learn from it the hard way.
You just come out as clingy and/or jealous.
You just come out as clingy and/or jealous.
I don't think that's the case here. She's worried that her friend is going to get hurt and wants to intervene before that happens.
Thank you. That's exactly my point here.
Except there's no hurting imminent here. Worst case scenario, the friend's gonna get rejected by that boy, like everyone else does, at least once in their life. She just seems mad that her friend is finding some other friends and resorts to "you're overweight, shy and moody, so no one is gonna like you as I do" level of emotional blackmail.
And her getting upset about drinking socially is far, far beyond stupid.
And her getting upset about drinking socially is far, far beyond stupid.
Someone who's "shy and moody" doesn't sound like the type to be drinking socially when they're underage. Also, when you know someone for 13 years, you tend to get a feeling for what they're normal, healthy behavior is and what is abnormal and unhealthy. She doesn't seem jealous, she seems like someone who's willing to risk their friendship so that they can make sure their friend is safe. Additionally, the way she described it, her friend's crush sounds more like an obsession, which isn't healthy or normal no matter how you slice it.
All of it seems like absolutely normal things teenagers usually do, it's all just unnecessary overreaction.
Okay, 1) you don't know me so you assuming those intentions is hilarious 2) That. Isn't. My. Point. I could care less if she has other friends, why would I? I'm concerned that this obsession with this boy will drive her to DO something irrational in order to get his attention. 3) Have you no fucking clue what alcohol does to the brain, especially one of a teenager? There's a reason why its illegal until you're 21 buddy.
This obsession with someone who has no feelings for her is self destructive. I've seen this before, and she could get worse than alcohol. For example, a classmate of mine blackmails girls into not breaking up with him by threatening to kill himself if they dump him. So in turn, they stay with him and the abusive relationship continues. She may think that is could be answer to her problem.. Just like how she thought alcohol was.
I'm sorry you think I'm stupid for being fucking concerned with the well-being of my best friend. *rolls eyes*
This obsession with someone who has no feelings for her is self destructive. I've seen this before, and she could get worse than alcohol. For example, a classmate of mine blackmails girls into not breaking up with him by threatening to kill himself if they dump him. So in turn, they stay with him and the abusive relationship continues. She may think that is could be answer to her problem.. Just like how she thought alcohol was.
I'm sorry you think I'm stupid for being fucking concerned with the well-being of my best friend. *rolls eyes*
While you might from a more shielded family/community, I (and most of the people, should we take replies to you in this thread as a sample) see just a normal teenager doing what teenagers do.
You're simply overreacting. By a lot IMHO.
You're simply overreacting. By a lot IMHO.
Really? Normal teenagers binge drink to merely talk to their crush? Funny how most of my friends don't.
I'm normal and I can talk to members of the opposite sex without indulging in stalking behaviors and having to get drunk to even speak to them.
Well, that's your opinion. Like I said before, you would see where I stand if you actually knew these people and witnessed how she acts around him. It's painful to watch. I am allowed to care about my friends. Maybe you don't so its possible that you see it as "overreacting."
I'm normal and I can talk to members of the opposite sex without indulging in stalking behaviors and having to get drunk to even speak to them.
Well, that's your opinion. Like I said before, you would see where I stand if you actually knew these people and witnessed how she acts around him. It's painful to watch. I am allowed to care about my friends. Maybe you don't so its possible that you see it as "overreacting."
Yes, normal teenagers binge drink. Even just for fun. Adults drink for fun or to ease social tension, too. Maybe she finds her life and other friends boring (I sure would, judging by your comments), or maybe, she's just unhappy with her current social situation, so she does the right thing and changes.
You can call it care all you want, but you're stirring drama like a 14 year old for something that's completely normal and socially acceptable, even in the US. As such don't be surprised, if you get dumped for not being the friend she wanted.
You can call it care all you want, but you're stirring drama like a 14 year old for something that's completely normal and socially acceptable, even in the US. As such don't be surprised, if you get dumped for not being the friend she wanted.
View all replies
agreed!
"So you essentially don't want her to be friends with anyone but you."
Did I ever say that? Kathryn isn't everybody. She's just a girl who makes irrational decisions and pushes Karen to do things that negatively affect her.
But thank you for stopping by the Help with Life forum, giving your criticism about my intentions instead of advice for my situation
Did I ever say that? Kathryn isn't everybody. She's just a girl who makes irrational decisions and pushes Karen to do things that negatively affect her.
But thank you for stopping by the Help with Life forum, giving your criticism about my intentions instead of advice for my situation
I did and so did plenty of other people. If she wants to do irrational things (and honestly, none of the things you described seem that bad), then the most you can do is tell her that you don't agree with them. Whether or not she makes them is solely on her.
Advice doesn't mean we have to agree with you.
Advice doesn't mean we have to agree with you.
God... this sounds like a really shitty situation. Honestly I don't think you should say anything. No matter how you go about it, you're going to sound like an asshole. If you tell Karen she's never going to date Brian, no matter how true that is, it sounds mean. If you complain about Kathryn, you'll sound jealous. There is literally no good way to go about it. Just be there to help Karen when it all ineviatbly comes crashing down. Damn, I sound really pessimistic, I'm sorry. Good luck.
Hahaha it's totally fine, I'm the same way. I'm just not going to do anything unless she asks me directly for advice, and then I'll have to be honest. I'm very non-confrontational unless someone provokes me, so Kathyrn will have to do something really stupid for me to say anything. I don't agree with her methods but what am I going to do? Forbid Karen to ever hang out with her? It really does suck. I'll have to let their friendship just go where it will. Karen and I have been friends for 12+ years, she isn't going to leave me to be best buds with this girl she just met about a year ago.
Also, Karen has done many things to me that severely angered me (i.e. dated a guy I was pursuing, telling my crush what I felt about him, spilling my secrets, etc) but even after all of that we're still strong. I'm not as worried anymore, but I still have no idea what to do. I'm hanging with her tomorrow, let's see how that goes. Thank you for your input!
Also, Karen has done many things to me that severely angered me (i.e. dated a guy I was pursuing, telling my crush what I felt about him, spilling my secrets, etc) but even after all of that we're still strong. I'm not as worried anymore, but I still have no idea what to do. I'm hanging with her tomorrow, let's see how that goes. Thank you for your input!
I have the same problem with you and look eagerly an answer too.
I'm terribly sorry to hear that 
as soon as I figure out what to do, I will let you know. For now, I'm waiting it out.
as soon as I figure out what to do, I will let you know. For now, I'm waiting it out. 
If you stay calm, and think things through. And then explain your reasoning to everyone, I don't know who will listen to you and who will not, but I know that you will understand the situation better after that. It also doesn't usually cause harm to just talk about things.