Too far gone?
When someone becomes just another statistic in the entitlement society due to stupid and ignorant parents, their apathy is through the roof, and they screw up every god damn thing they do in the end, is that life worth trying to save or should it just die off?
The above statement is basically me. Alone, cursed with 40-50% of everything bad a person can be, and seeing no way out...Am I being suicidal? If this keeps up, soon maybe...
The above statement is basically me. Alone, cursed with 40-50% of everything bad a person can be, and seeing no way out...Am I being suicidal? If this keeps up, soon maybe...
Comments16
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
You are much more than just a statistic. You are a living, breathing human, and you deserve to exist. You are not just an extension of your parents. You are a wonderful individual with so much to offer the world. So no, you do not deserve to just die off. Your life is worth saving, definitely. If you are suicidal (and it seems like you are), call 1(800)-273-TALK for the national suicide prevention hotline in the USA. You are not just a statistic, and you have many gifts to offer. As Einstein said “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” So hang in there and don't give up, ever!
Sorry for massive late reply and bump, just been going through a ton of uncertainty right now.
Re-reading the replies, I know that you say I need willpower, but truthfully, I've haven't really had that since I was 18. Oh, and:
"Suicidal thoughts aren't just the ones that have you thinking that you actively want to kill yourself. They can also be the ones where you're thinking you don't want to die exactly, you'd just passively like to be dead somehow, or otherwise somehow just stop existing. Kinda in the same way you might like to get up and leave an empty room or mute a quiet-ish but annoying repetitive noise. If this sounds like you, please get help."
Sounds like me? I might be the very definition of it. That's what basically society made me into, and there was nothing I could do about it. Oh, and the only "help" that'll do anything for me now is if somebody can pluck me out this prison of a home and put me somewhere where I can actually do something. I say that as I have finally become incapable of doing it on my own now...
Re-reading the replies, I know that you say I need willpower, but truthfully, I've haven't really had that since I was 18. Oh, and:
"Suicidal thoughts aren't just the ones that have you thinking that you actively want to kill yourself. They can also be the ones where you're thinking you don't want to die exactly, you'd just passively like to be dead somehow, or otherwise somehow just stop existing. Kinda in the same way you might like to get up and leave an empty room or mute a quiet-ish but annoying repetitive noise. If this sounds like you, please get help."
Sounds like me? I might be the very definition of it. That's what basically society made me into, and there was nothing I could do about it. Oh, and the only "help" that'll do anything for me now is if somebody can pluck me out this prison of a home and put me somewhere where I can actually do something. I say that as I have finally become incapable of doing it on my own now...
Well, if you think about it, there really is nobody in the world that is objectively irreplaceable. If a president dies, there will be a silent moment for him, he's buried and a new president is elected. And those close to him will be sorrowful.
Or, if we think about that... who was it that died recently.... Robin Williams! Yes. His death was very unusual, for it was globally mourned and he was very fondly remembered, so I guess you could make the argument that he was important to people, but in the end, that by itself didn't make him happy enough keep living either, did it.
You see, human life is pretty insignificant when thought about objectively. So don't. Your life is not insignificant in any other sense.
You save your life for yourself, and not for a greater good. You give the worth to saving your life, and not someone else. Of course, it is a blessing to have people who hold you dear, I'm not saying that.
The obvious solution is to stop screwing up. As long as you keep doing that, things are probably not going to improve very rapidly. Now, I do understand that is easier said than done, but really, that should be your main focus if it happens so often.
Seeing no way out of... what, exactly? What do you want to get out of?
Apathy is not a nice feeling, either. What causes that?
Also understand, that suicide is not an easy thing to do. If you go onto that road, you will probably struggle with painful suicidal thoughts for years before you have enough willpower to actually try to take your life. Try to go stand straight under some kind of roofy thing, that is a centimeter above your head, and then jump fully knowing that you will hit your head on that ceiling. That isn't even comparable to the amount of willpower it takes to kill yourself.
Or, if we think about that... who was it that died recently.... Robin Williams! Yes. His death was very unusual, for it was globally mourned and he was very fondly remembered, so I guess you could make the argument that he was important to people, but in the end, that by itself didn't make him happy enough keep living either, did it.
You see, human life is pretty insignificant when thought about objectively. So don't. Your life is not insignificant in any other sense.
You save your life for yourself, and not for a greater good. You give the worth to saving your life, and not someone else. Of course, it is a blessing to have people who hold you dear, I'm not saying that.
The obvious solution is to stop screwing up. As long as you keep doing that, things are probably not going to improve very rapidly. Now, I do understand that is easier said than done, but really, that should be your main focus if it happens so often.
Seeing no way out of... what, exactly? What do you want to get out of?
Apathy is not a nice feeling, either. What causes that?
Also understand, that suicide is not an easy thing to do. If you go onto that road, you will probably struggle with painful suicidal thoughts for years before you have enough willpower to actually try to take your life. Try to go stand straight under some kind of roofy thing, that is a centimeter above your head, and then jump fully knowing that you will hit your head on that ceiling. That isn't even comparable to the amount of willpower it takes to kill yourself.
Sorry for taking so long to reply.
Anyways, I've done lots of psychologist stuff in the past but it just didn't work long term for some reason. Yes, I take meds but they really don't do anything despite my parent's "claims" that they do. As for the "support network", I do have one but it's kind of small and definitely not enough right now.
Truthfully, while I live where I am, nothing will ever change; and before you say, then move out, I have no means, none...
Anyways, I've done lots of psychologist stuff in the past but it just didn't work long term for some reason. Yes, I take meds but they really don't do anything despite my parent's "claims" that they do. As for the "support network", I do have one but it's kind of small and definitely not enough right now.
Truthfully, while I live where I am, nothing will ever change; and before you say, then move out, I have no means, none...
Maybe the reason the "psychologist stuff", as you put it, didn't work long term was because the psychologist you had wasn't a good fit for you. I don't know how your relationship with the psychologist was, but if you weren't being completely open and honest with them about your feelings that could be another reason it didn't pan out (I'm not blaming you; I'm just speculating as to why it might not have worked). I'd recommend trying again, with a different psychologist, and giving it another shot. You may have to go through several before finding the one that really gives you the help you need; that's not uncommon at all.
Regarding your support network... continue leaning on the one you do have. It's great that you have one, no matter how small. And if it's not enough right now... see if you can make it grow. Look for people who you can depend on for support, and add people to your network until you have the support you need.
I understand completely about not having the means to move out; I'm in the same situation myself. Unemployed for the last six months, the lease on my apartment ran out nearly two months ago and I've been living with my parents ever since because I can't afford anything else. So if you and I both want to get out of the situations we're in, we have to find the means to do so since we don't have them already.
For me, that means I'm actively looking for employment I can live on (some sort of full-time job that'll pay rent, utilities, groceries, student loans, and any emergency expenses that might crop up). For you, I imagine it means something similar. Get out there and start looking for jobs. If you have a hard time finding anything because it seems you don't have the skills and/or experience, get in touch with a headhunter or a temp agency. It's their job to take a look at the skills and experience you do have, and then find a company who's looking for someone like you to work for them, so they can definitely help you if you're having trouble finding stuff on your own.
Regarding your support network... continue leaning on the one you do have. It's great that you have one, no matter how small. And if it's not enough right now... see if you can make it grow. Look for people who you can depend on for support, and add people to your network until you have the support you need.
I understand completely about not having the means to move out; I'm in the same situation myself. Unemployed for the last six months, the lease on my apartment ran out nearly two months ago and I've been living with my parents ever since because I can't afford anything else. So if you and I both want to get out of the situations we're in, we have to find the means to do so since we don't have them already.
For me, that means I'm actively looking for employment I can live on (some sort of full-time job that'll pay rent, utilities, groceries, student loans, and any emergency expenses that might crop up). For you, I imagine it means something similar. Get out there and start looking for jobs. If you have a hard time finding anything because it seems you don't have the skills and/or experience, get in touch with a headhunter or a temp agency. It's their job to take a look at the skills and experience you do have, and then find a company who's looking for someone like you to work for them, so they can definitely help you if you're having trouble finding stuff on your own.
Oh I have a job, it's just that I gamble on lotto because I've been so stressed out by everything else...Yes, I know it's bad but with me, I doubt it'll ever change, don't think even the hotline for it can get rid of it...
Unless you decide that you really want your gambling habit to change, it's not going to.
If you want to stop, you could probably make a good start of it by just cutting back on how much you spend on lottery tickets. Maybe instead of buying one of the $20 tickets, start getting one of the $10 ones instead. And after a little while, go to the $5 ones. Or, start making a weekly or monthly budget for them, where you can't spend any more than, for example, $50 per month, on tickets. Since I don't know how much you spend on them, I can't give you a good example on where to start on the budget bit.
You can also try to replace the gambling habit with something else that's healthier in order to relieve your stress. But in order to find something effective, you'll need to understand why gambling is such a stress relief for you. What is it about gambling that takes your stress away?
If you want to stop, you could probably make a good start of it by just cutting back on how much you spend on lottery tickets. Maybe instead of buying one of the $20 tickets, start getting one of the $10 ones instead. And after a little while, go to the $5 ones. Or, start making a weekly or monthly budget for them, where you can't spend any more than, for example, $50 per month, on tickets. Since I don't know how much you spend on them, I can't give you a good example on where to start on the budget bit.
You can also try to replace the gambling habit with something else that's healthier in order to relieve your stress. But in order to find something effective, you'll need to understand why gambling is such a stress relief for you. What is it about gambling that takes your stress away?
Well, one reason is that with a big win, I can finally escape my home, if that helps.
That's a good start. 
Are there any other reasons?
The thing about those big wins is, you've got better odds of getting struck by lightning sometime in your life than you do of ever winning the big bucks. The lottery is in no way, shape, or form a guaranteed escape ticket; if you're depending entirely on the lottery to get you out of your current situation, you're probably going to be stuck where you are for the rest of your life. Yes, there's an extremely slim chance you'll win big, but... it's millions of times more likely that you never will.
What would ensure your escape, however, would be to start putting whatever money you currently spend on lottery tickets into a savings account. Make that savings account your escape fund, and don't let yourself take anything out of it for any other purpose. It might take a couple years for you to save enough to get out, but you can guarantee that after those couple years, you'll have that escape ticket for sure.
Are there any other reasons?The thing about those big wins is, you've got better odds of getting struck by lightning sometime in your life than you do of ever winning the big bucks. The lottery is in no way, shape, or form a guaranteed escape ticket; if you're depending entirely on the lottery to get you out of your current situation, you're probably going to be stuck where you are for the rest of your life. Yes, there's an extremely slim chance you'll win big, but... it's millions of times more likely that you never will.
What would ensure your escape, however, would be to start putting whatever money you currently spend on lottery tickets into a savings account. Make that savings account your escape fund, and don't let yourself take anything out of it for any other purpose. It might take a couple years for you to save enough to get out, but you can guarantee that after those couple years, you'll have that escape ticket for sure.
Sorry for late reply.
It's just that I got reminded today that even if I could stop the gambling, nothing's going to change anyways...I've tried to deny it for so long but I just can't deny it anymore...It's time to stop trying to be happy and just try to survive...Because happiness I don't deserve, not anymore..
It's just that I got reminded today that even if I could stop the gambling, nothing's going to change anyways...I've tried to deny it for so long but I just can't deny it anymore...It's time to stop trying to be happy and just try to survive...Because happiness I don't deserve, not anymore..
View all replies
Yes, such a life is worth saving. No matter how far "gone" you think you are, you are a human being and such are worth saving.
Vineris's post is spot on; I would like to second everything they've said. However, I would like to amend one of their statements: You are more than a statistic. Everyone on this planet contributes to one statistic or another, but doing so doesn't make them any less worthy of saving, should they need it.
You may indeed be depressed. Depression has many symptoms other than an overarching sad feeling, and not everyone experiences all of them. Severe apathy about life in general is commonly a part of depression. If you think you might have depression, you can call a depression hotline (here's one offering support for folks with depression or bipolar disorder, and it's available 24/7: 800-273-8255) or see a professional. Your usual doctor would be a good place to start, as they should be able to refer you to someone who can help you better, or you can go directly to see a psychologist.
Suicidal thoughts aren't just the ones that have you thinking that you actively want to kill yourself. They can also be the ones where you're thinking you don't want to die exactly, you'd just passively like to be dead somehow, or otherwise somehow just stop existing. Kinda in the same way you might like to get up and leave an empty room or mute a quiet-ish but annoying repetitive noise. If this sounds like you, please get help. Again, your usual doctor or a psychologist would be the best people to go to, but you need to be honest with them about how you're feeling. Otherwise, they can't give you the help you need.
Also, find people you can trust to confide in. Whether those people are siblings, irl friends, internet friends, or an official support group (I'm thinking kinda like AA but for emotional stuff), gather a support network for yourself. You don't have to go through this alone. You can message me anytime you like, whether you need to vent, would like some advice, or just need someone to talk to.
Vineris's post is spot on; I would like to second everything they've said. However, I would like to amend one of their statements: You are more than a statistic. Everyone on this planet contributes to one statistic or another, but doing so doesn't make them any less worthy of saving, should they need it.
You may indeed be depressed. Depression has many symptoms other than an overarching sad feeling, and not everyone experiences all of them. Severe apathy about life in general is commonly a part of depression. If you think you might have depression, you can call a depression hotline (here's one offering support for folks with depression or bipolar disorder, and it's available 24/7: 800-273-8255) or see a professional. Your usual doctor would be a good place to start, as they should be able to refer you to someone who can help you better, or you can go directly to see a psychologist.
Suicidal thoughts aren't just the ones that have you thinking that you actively want to kill yourself. They can also be the ones where you're thinking you don't want to die exactly, you'd just passively like to be dead somehow, or otherwise somehow just stop existing. Kinda in the same way you might like to get up and leave an empty room or mute a quiet-ish but annoying repetitive noise. If this sounds like you, please get help. Again, your usual doctor or a psychologist would be the best people to go to, but you need to be honest with them about how you're feeling. Otherwise, they can't give you the help you need.
Also, find people you can trust to confide in. Whether those people are siblings, irl friends, internet friends, or an official support group (I'm thinking kinda like AA but for emotional stuff), gather a support network for yourself. You don't have to go through this alone. You can message me anytime you like, whether you need to vent, would like some advice, or just need someone to talk to.
You're not a statistic. You're a human consciousness who makes decisions every day. You are not your parents, you are not your past behaviour, and you can always change, one action at a time. BUT you have to actually want to change, you have to take responsibility for your decisions, you have to make them consciously instead of always doing the thing you're used to, and you have to start with some pretty low expectations because most people have to backslide a few times before a change sticks.
If you're depressed or suicidal, get some help first. You can't make changes if your brain is working against you.
If you're depressed or suicidal, get some help first. You can't make changes if your brain is working against you.