Family problem
Hello all!
I have a problem with my family - well not whole family, just with certain person.
Actually this problem has been going on.. 6 months now if I remember right. Shortly; this family member of mine has been acting very strangely and forgetting that there is actually life in outside of internet. And.. well.. that really is not the biggest problem.
She actually cheats and sends money for foreign men and talks with them like they were lowers - and I'm not talking about just one man; there are more of them. I do not have proofs but what I talked 6 months ago with her, she denied all. And this person I speak of, is my mother and she still is together with my dad.
Tbh, I do not accept it at all. I feel sorry for my father for living same house with such a person.
I have not talked with my.. mother.. for 6 months - and really don't want to call her my "mother", not after she threated me and that has been bothering me since then.
My problem is that I really don't know what to do with this matter. It has been on my mind since I last time talked with her. I know I should respect my parents but I really cannot give any respect for her - she has not even tried to fix our relationship in any kind of way.. well, I have not tried either 'cause I want to her to do it as she started all this. I don't want to be the one who give up first as I have always had to do it even if I have not anything wrong. Just keep smiling and pretend everything is alright.
My mind tells me that my and my.. mother's relationship never be same what it used to be. As I always relied to her and told about my problems and asked help but nowadays I cannot even trust her in any thing.
I really have mixed feelings about this thing..
I have a problem with my family - well not whole family, just with certain person.
Actually this problem has been going on.. 6 months now if I remember right. Shortly; this family member of mine has been acting very strangely and forgetting that there is actually life in outside of internet. And.. well.. that really is not the biggest problem.
She actually cheats and sends money for foreign men and talks with them like they were lowers - and I'm not talking about just one man; there are more of them. I do not have proofs but what I talked 6 months ago with her, she denied all. And this person I speak of, is my mother and she still is together with my dad.
Tbh, I do not accept it at all. I feel sorry for my father for living same house with such a person.
I have not talked with my.. mother.. for 6 months - and really don't want to call her my "mother", not after she threated me and that has been bothering me since then.
My problem is that I really don't know what to do with this matter. It has been on my mind since I last time talked with her. I know I should respect my parents but I really cannot give any respect for her - she has not even tried to fix our relationship in any kind of way.. well, I have not tried either 'cause I want to her to do it as she started all this. I don't want to be the one who give up first as I have always had to do it even if I have not anything wrong. Just keep smiling and pretend everything is alright.
My mind tells me that my and my.. mother's relationship never be same what it used to be. As I always relied to her and told about my problems and asked help but nowadays I cannot even trust her in any thing.
I really have mixed feelings about this thing..
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You had a very strong bonded relationship with your mother in the past where you told her all your personal probems and relied on her for emotional support and everything. I understand that the cheating thing is bad and you have difficulty trusting her. But you need to realize she is human and humans make mistakes.
Try putting yourself in her shoes, imagine you were her and your daughter has completely stopped talking to you for whatever reason. You spend all your time on the internet (shows a sign of depression). I mean thats gotta be hard on her don't ya think?
I think you should go to her and in a very calm and polite manner have a discussin about your feelings towards her and let her know you disaprove. Tell her about how you don't trust her as much anymore and that you want to patch things up and work towards a better relationship. It's not entirely fair to expect someone to do what you want simply because you want it. I am sure you don't know the whole story of everything and every detail of whats going on.
Just be smart and don't lose someone who gave birth to you. You mean alot to this person and you should be their for this person just like she would be their for you.
Try putting yourself in her shoes, imagine you were her and your daughter has completely stopped talking to you for whatever reason. You spend all your time on the internet (shows a sign of depression). I mean thats gotta be hard on her don't ya think?
I think you should go to her and in a very calm and polite manner have a discussin about your feelings towards her and let her know you disaprove. Tell her about how you don't trust her as much anymore and that you want to patch things up and work towards a better relationship. It's not entirely fair to expect someone to do what you want simply because you want it. I am sure you don't know the whole story of everything and every detail of whats going on.
Just be smart and don't lose someone who gave birth to you. You mean alot to this person and you should be their for this person just like she would be their for you.
Do you think there is any way to tell her 'lovers' about this? I'm sure they would break contact if they found out. If I were you, I'd talk about my dad about this, but I'm not you, and only you would know best if it's worth telling him. Did you seek help from one of your friends or the school councilor? Also, if the situation is really bugging you, I'd consider going to a therapist. They aren't just for people with mental illnesses but they can also help people like you. Where I live, we also have a group (CAMHS) specializing in child psychology, if you're under 18. Advice of people online is quite limited, since we don't know you and your family as well as people around you do.
I'd recommend explaining your situation to school staff (that helped me a lot, when I had depression they even wanted to give me special treatment like minimum homework or extended time to do certain things; this can be a real help when you are feeling overwhelmed). What I'd want to do, is have my father file a divorce. This might be difficult for you, but since you said clearly that you don't want her, then I don't think there would be much emotional trauma involved, unless your siblings still love her. Maybe you should talk to them first (not necessarily about the divorce but about their feelings towards her). School staff and probably the GP would want to tell the family, but I doubt they'd do it without your permission. The person with the most confidentiality would be the therapist. My therapist never told my parents anything without my permission. The question is, do you think the best answer is divorce? Or do you think your father would want a divorce after he found out about that woman?
I'd recommend explaining your situation to school staff (that helped me a lot, when I had depression they even wanted to give me special treatment like minimum homework or extended time to do certain things; this can be a real help when you are feeling overwhelmed). What I'd want to do, is have my father file a divorce. This might be difficult for you, but since you said clearly that you don't want her, then I don't think there would be much emotional trauma involved, unless your siblings still love her. Maybe you should talk to them first (not necessarily about the divorce but about their feelings towards her). School staff and probably the GP would want to tell the family, but I doubt they'd do it without your permission. The person with the most confidentiality would be the therapist. My therapist never told my parents anything without my permission. The question is, do you think the best answer is divorce? Or do you think your father would want a divorce after he found out about that woman?
I really feel sorry about this daddy. I don't feel like I'm the right person to give you advice about this but I pray that things will get better for you and your family one day. ;3;
It does feel horrible to know that your mother is causing all these problems, but the fact still remains that she's your mother. There are lots of factors why people cheat but it's impossible that she doesn't have a reason doing such. It really feels horrible that she's gone too far on that cheating game (the thought of even taking loans just to send money to her men really made me cringe).
I really hope all the best for you daddy ;A; If you need someone to talk to I'll be right here ;w;
It does feel horrible to know that your mother is causing all these problems, but the fact still remains that she's your mother. There are lots of factors why people cheat but it's impossible that she doesn't have a reason doing such. It really feels horrible that she's gone too far on that cheating game (the thought of even taking loans just to send money to her men really made me cringe).
I really hope all the best for you daddy ;A; If you need someone to talk to I'll be right here ;w;
I hope that too. Thank you, son. 
I know she is my mother but I don't really feel like she is my mother as she doesn't care a bit about me. Seen thing. I just hope that she won't start using father's money.. then I'll really get angry.
Thank you again son.
I know she is my mother but I don't really feel like she is my mother as she doesn't care a bit about me. Seen thing. I just hope that she won't start using father's money.. then I'll really get angry.
Thank you again son.
You're very much welcome!! 
But yeah, just like what Brooke said, with what she's doing she's just showing how selfish she can get. I really hope she realizes soon about her mistakes and remember that she's a mother to you and a wife to your father. And you told it yourself that she keeps on evading the problem, it means that nobody else but her can put herself out in this situation. I just hope that it isn't too late.
Ahhhh no worries daddy!! ;w; I just wanna help the best way I can <33333
But yeah, just like what Brooke said, with what she's doing she's just showing how selfish she can get. I really hope she realizes soon about her mistakes and remember that she's a mother to you and a wife to your father. And you told it yourself that she keeps on evading the problem, it means that nobody else but her can put herself out in this situation. I just hope that it isn't too late.
Ahhhh no worries daddy!! ;w; I just wanna help the best way I can <33333
Yeah.. well, what I have being visiting my parents right now, her act towards me is pretty much same as last time I was here so.. and I actually feel that she is very annoyed when I'm here as she keeps being in her own room and is being snappy all the time. That really irritates me.. tbh, I just want out of there and fast. :/
Ugh that's so stubborn of her. Like I said nobody than herself can take herself out of that tight spot. I just really feel bad for you that your own mother treats you and your siblings like this. This is so unmotherly-like. D:
I understand this must be frustrating, there is just no right solution here. In your place I would try to find the way to reveal the truth without breaking the family apart but dunno if it's possible. People can easily get emotional and break everything apart instead of trying to figure things out :/
But it also seems that this is a kind of problem that will only grow over time and it's time to do something to break the status quo. Better now than when it's too late. As a family you need to stick together. It's high time you acted on it. My prayers are with you.
But it also seems that this is a kind of problem that will only grow over time and it's time to do something to break the status quo. Better now than when it's too late. As a family you need to stick together. It's high time you acted on it. My prayers are with you.
Yes, but this person is just.. I don't know - she cannot think clearly and how this will affect to future. I guess.. only time will show how this ends as I think I have done enough already. If I try to talk with her, nothing would change.
.. this situation kinda makes me think am I worthy as a person if even own mother is ready to "get rid off" me. I know it is selfish to think like that as this affects whole family in the end..
But I try my best to think this as a family way.
I thank You for prayers.
.. this situation kinda makes me think am I worthy as a person if even own mother is ready to "get rid off" me. I know it is selfish to think like that as this affects whole family in the end..
But I try my best to think this as a family way.
I thank You for prayers.
The worth of you as a person is not related to how someone else thinks of you. I have gone through a really devastating break up recently and nearly killed myself. Luckily, I realized that how I feel counts for something too.
Whatever happens, keep your head up and call upon everyone among your friends and relatives. You will need extra strength and I don't want you to end up like me, having to deal with everything alone :/
If I could come to Finland, I would give you a hug just to give you some of that strength but I moved out of Sweden some time ago which was only a beginning of the end for my own relationship. Sometimes there are things we cannot forsee. (Though I'd like to see Finland again some day, haven't seen enough of it yet)
Whatever happens, keep your head up and call upon everyone among your friends and relatives. You will need extra strength and I don't want you to end up like me, having to deal with everything alone :/
If I could come to Finland, I would give you a hug just to give you some of that strength but I moved out of Sweden some time ago which was only a beginning of the end for my own relationship. Sometimes there are things we cannot forsee. (Though I'd like to see Finland again some day, haven't seen enough of it yet)
Well, yeah true.. but if someone doesn't care about you and especially your own mother.. it really makes think why did she even gave a birth to me. I understand your point as I have also been very depressed many many years - from the childhood days to recent days. Sadly I belong to those people who tends to deal all things alone but I do have friends to talk with though if situation begins to be too impossible to keep inside myself.
Oh, are you swedish or did you just move there back then?
Well, there is always virtual hug.
And I'm sorry about break up. But like my friends likes to say: "There are a lot of fishes in the sea".. pretty much cliche but true.
Oh, are you swedish or did you just move there back then?
Well, there is always virtual hug.
And I'm sorry about break up. But like my friends likes to say: "There are a lot of fishes in the sea".. pretty much cliche but true.
I'm Czech but something inside has always dragged me to Scandinavia, as if I was meant to find something there. When I lived there people always thought I was one of them for some reason - spoke Swedish at me and I enjoyed the scattered civilization of the north (Västerbotten).
Anyways, yeah, there are many fish on the sea but there's only the one special one for each to swim in a pair. I don't believe people are interchangeable.
I wish you the nerves of steel. Remember, in dillemma there is no right answer and if the current situation is bad, you need to quickly work on fixing it because that's better than doing nothing.
Anyways, yeah, there are many fish on the sea but there's only the one special one for each to swim in a pair. I don't believe people are interchangeable.
I wish you the nerves of steel. Remember, in dillemma there is no right answer and if the current situation is bad, you need to quickly work on fixing it because that's better than doing nothing.
Aaah, I see! 
It is nice to hear you enjoy nordic countries as these are places many people don't like as they very cold.
Mm, yeah, I guess that's true.
Believe me I do have nerves of steel as this has been on pretty long - I mean long. But yeah, we'll se what happens as I'll goto visit my parents at this weekend. Then i'll see how she acts towards me and behaves in general.
It is nice to hear you enjoy nordic countries as these are places many people don't like as they very cold.Mm, yeah, I guess that's true.
Believe me I do have nerves of steel as this has been on pretty long - I mean long. But yeah, we'll se what happens as I'll goto visit my parents at this weekend. Then i'll see how she acts towards me and behaves in general.
I love cold weather so Scandinavia is the best for me. On top of that, it'a great excuse to cuddle with girls
I hope it works out with you and your family problem.
Are you very young? If you are, I understand the family problems might be tough for you. My paren't separated when I reached adulthood so I got through it somehow easier.
I hope it works out with you and your family problem.
Are you very young? If you are, I understand the family problems might be tough for you. My paren't separated when I reached adulthood so I got through it somehow easier.
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This really makes me sad to hear such things are happening in your family 
Such a person can really cause a lot of pain to everyone around them with that sort of behavior, and like you mentioned has alienated the rest of your family :/ Such people will not listen to reason, and I am so sorry for your poor dad ;3;
In this sort of situation she has pulled herself into what sounds like a delusion, and it's very hard to help people like that, especially when she can't even admit she has this problem. I think you need to talk to the rest of your family and get her help Though that sometimes can't go well, since she could assume you're all ganging up on her, hmm...Well all I know is this is her problem. She is a grown adult, and should be able to realize that this is a toxic thing for her and your family. She needs to pull herself out and realize that. The least you can do right now is help your father, since it sounds like he's hurting a lot right now
I really hope this ceases to be a problem Miija, and I'm so sorry this is hurting you
Such a person can really cause a lot of pain to everyone around them with that sort of behavior, and like you mentioned has alienated the rest of your family :/ Such people will not listen to reason, and I am so sorry for your poor dad ;3;In this sort of situation she has pulled herself into what sounds like a delusion, and it's very hard to help people like that, especially when she can't even admit she has this problem. I think you need to talk to the rest of your family and get her help
Though that sometimes can't go well, since she could assume you're all ganging up on her, hmm...Well all I know is this is her problem. She is a grown adult, and should be able to realize that this is a toxic thing for her and your family. She needs to pull herself out and realize that. The least you can do right now is help your father, since it sounds like he's hurting a lot right now I really hope this ceases to be a problem Miija, and I'm so sorry this is hurting you
Yeah, we have had lived with this thing pretty long so we were kinda used to it but when I heard that she sends money to other men.. I just couldn't handle myself anymore. Well, my sister is living with my parents so at least my dad has someone to talk with.
We have talked about this problem and as I said I talked with her but ended up end of daughter and mother relationship. So if we try to talk with her as a family, I think she would just run away like she said to me when I talked her last time. It is her problem but also can come our peoblem as well as she has taken loan to send money to those men. So when time passes by on her, we children are the ones who will pay the money debts so it is kinda our problem as well. Well, tbh, I really was afraid to move to other town knowing I have to left my father with her and god knows what my father will do if something happen. It really scares me when I think of it as father is very important person for me..
Don't worry. It is hard sometimes to bear these things but I have used to overcome hard situations as my life has always been downhill.. still I keep living so this won't harm much in the end.
So no worries.
We have talked about this problem and as I said I talked with her but ended up end of daughter and mother relationship. So if we try to talk with her as a family, I think she would just run away like she said to me when I talked her last time. It is her problem but also can come our peoblem as well as she has taken loan to send money to those men. So when time passes by on her, we children are the ones who will pay the money debts so it is kinda our problem as well. Well, tbh, I really was afraid to move to other town knowing I have to left my father with her and god knows what my father will do if something happen. It really scares me when I think of it as father is very important person for me..
Don't worry. It is hard sometimes to bear these things but I have used to overcome hard situations as my life has always been downhill.. still I keep living so this won't harm much in the end.
So no worries.
I gotcha I can imagine how frustrating that must be to hear she's doing that >( And that's good your sister is there!!
That's really scary Frankly this just shows she's being extremely selfish by creating those debts in the first place. I mean is there any way you guys can cut her out of taking out money? I'm not sure how such things work sadly...;3;
just know all your friends here are supporting you okay?
That's really scary
Frankly this just shows she's being extremely selfish by creating those debts in the first place. I mean is there any way you guys can cut her out of taking out money? I'm not sure how such things work sadly...;3;just know all your friends here are supporting you okay?
Yeah.
I dunno. I said to her that when she dies, we'll have to pay them but she just turned her head and didn't respond. Tbh, I have starting to be too tired of thinking it. Like you said yourself, she is an adult so she can do what ever she wants so our words really means nothing in her ears. :/
Yes, I know that and that's relief..
I dunno. I said to her that when she dies, we'll have to pay them but she just turned her head and didn't respond. Tbh, I have starting to be too tired of thinking it. Like you said yourself, she is an adult so she can do what ever she wants so our words really means nothing in her ears. :/
Yes, I know that and that's relief..
She's sadly going to have to choose between these men and her family, and that's her problem You've done all you can
You've done all you can
Miia, I'm sorry that I can't say anything to help you about this or even give you advice. I know this is very personal for you and I understand you feel like your mother betrayed you like this.
I know it's hard to understand and respect your mother at this time, but has your father any idea of what is going on or...
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but all I can say is that her karma will get her. I'm not saying tp avoid the problem, but try as much not to cause one by talking to your mother about it. I guess try to talk to her about something else, but make sure she doesn't think you forgot about the issue.
I'm sorry that I didn't give any good help, but I hope and pray that things will be better for you and your family soon.
I know it's hard to understand and respect your mother at this time, but has your father any idea of what is going on or...
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but all I can say is that her karma will get her. I'm not saying tp avoid the problem, but try as much not to cause one by talking to your mother about it. I guess try to talk to her about something else, but make sure she doesn't think you forgot about the issue.
I'm sorry that I didn't give any good help, but I hope and pray that things will be better for you and your family soon.
Well this whole thing has been going on many years.. more than 10 so it's has been affected many ways to our family 'causing father to drink and become an alcoholic - though nowadays he doesn't drink.. but never know when he starts again if that b*tch decide to do something spontanic. And yes, my father knows but they still keep living together.
I think karma is already doing it's stuff as none of us siblings really don't trust her anymore and everybody feels kind a bad around her.. but she doesn't mind that. We have actually started to think she is a narcissit.
I prefer not to talk with her, really. If I do I know I just would annoy her from my own free will. I guess that's why I won't start the conversation 'cause I know it won't get anywhere.
Thank you for your words.
I think karma is already doing it's stuff as none of us siblings really don't trust her anymore and everybody feels kind a bad around her.. but she doesn't mind that. We have actually started to think she is a narcissit.
I prefer not to talk with her, really. If I do I know I just would annoy her from my own free will. I guess that's why I won't start the conversation 'cause I know it won't get anywhere.
Thank you for your words.
Oh my... More than 10!? It is but a miracle your family still lives in the same house.
It's good your father stopped drinking, but as much as possible, I hope he doesn't start again for your and your sibling's sake!
I understand why you'd feel bad around, does your entire family know? (She's just insisting on denying, if I am right)
I guess avoiding the problem like that is the best way, since I do not know your situation entirely. I hope that she changes though, and your father will feel better about this and not drink anymore!
You're so welcome~
It's good your father stopped drinking, but as much as possible, I hope he doesn't start again for your and your sibling's sake!
I understand why you'd feel bad around, does your entire family know? (She's just insisting on denying, if I am right)
I guess avoiding the problem like that is the best way, since I do not know your situation entirely. I hope that she changes though, and your father will feel better about this and not drink anymore!
You're so welcome~
Yeah.. I have wondered that too sometimes. I guess bonds between siblings and father is strong as we all respect our father a lot.. but I do not know what other thinks about.. mother.
I really hope that too.. I really hope.
Yes, they know - tough I do not know does my brother know.. well he doesn't know my and that woman's fight so.. but they do know this men thing.
Yeah, it is complicated sitation really.
I really hope that too.. I really hope.
Yes, they know - tough I do not know does my brother know.. well he doesn't know my and that woman's fight so.. but they do know this men thing.
Yeah, it is complicated sitation really.