I feel I have ruined my life...


UmbrellaFighter's avatar
...because of my art addiction, basically. As many other youngsters, at my 18yrs I were convinced I had to forget arts if I wanted to eat. I decided to study Materials Science, in order to have a backup plan (and make my relatives proud). I say "backup plan" because I still planned to try the "impossible" afterwards.

The thing is, it took me 7,5 yrs to finish Materials Science (various reasons). Now I'm 27yrs old, and feel it's too late. Funny thing is, people here recognize me only as an artist and keep asking when am I going to officially study something relative. Are they serious??? That'd take 4yrs minimum, I'd be 31! I wanna stop being fed by my parents, I'm a grown woman. But I'm no serious either: I really like science, but the "art thing" is eating me from the inside: I'm seeing it in my sleep, I thinking of it when I'm at the toilet or eat or date. Yet I'm not professionally good, due to trying to change into a scientist for so long. Which was also a failed plan, as there are no jobs for scientists where I live now (and need to get a postgrad to get a job abroad). I'm thinking of becoming a self-taught graphics artist, I've heard it's possible, but cropping neat logo shapes isn't as satisfying. I have failed as a scientist and as an artist. I don't know what to do anymore. :(

NOW my relatives feel guilty for not cheering me into being an artist. At least they support my sister's choice of becoming a musician without complaints.

Thanks for listening :) Any thoughts are welcome.
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JustinMLindner's avatar
I'm 27 and just got back into school this summer after having done EMT and Paramedic school when I was younger and finding out it really wasn't the career for me... It sucks but its not the end of the world. Its never too late.

"NOW my relatives feel guilty for not cheering me into being an artist" that's a plus. 
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
UPDATE: THE CONCLUSION

I didn't pass at the national arts' school.
I don't mind. The whole process changed me. My appetite improved significantly (I'm skinny and need it), I feel more alive (usually being hypotonic), more social (tend to shut myself in), more mature and honest with myself. People lately asked me if I were in love or something :D
Ok, I did cry a bit despite knowing how silly it is (considering my chances). But now I am more sure than ever that it's not just a desire. My body and soul need this-need, not want. Not just the spare-time work, but a constant, "real" work. I could never get enough of it in my life, so I know I won't regret the long and hard road. 

There are many ways to become an artist. One passing through a science-oriented main job. I may or may not choose that one, depending on how my search goes, but now that my main focus is clear I know where I'm racing towards. Good luck to everyone, and...thank you for being with me in this :)
CosmosTheCreator's avatar
I just read through your experience and I just want to say that sometimes closer is best, even if it's negative. I'm happy that you can move on now, but never give up your love of art because if you can't eat or even go to the washroom without thinking of the arts, it is something you are passionate about.
Anyways, just want to wish you all the best!
KaizenKitty's avatar
You can still work in the industry with a science degree... :| I hope you realize that.

Jobs in science are hard to come by, but jobs in technology are rather abundant. They also pay much better than jobs in art... If all else fails, you could always try teaching science at school.

It's your life though...do whatever you want with it.
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
I'm in the middle of my art exams. The type of drawings we have to turn in is disappointing, since we gotta leave out the usual beauty of illustration and sketch some dull statues with a few lines. And still make them look awesome. I wouldn't mind if it was optional, but illustrative styles is almost all I've worked for! I love the beauty in the details! But illustration is written off even in the "personal piece" we turn in...I'm praying to get these abstracts right somehow. At least if I'm accepted I get to draw almost anything. :p
LovelyIcePrincess's avatar
Wow, how courageous move. You did go for an art school, I wish you luck!
erenik's avatar
I'm almost in a similar situation, except that I've got the engineering part going for me a lot stronger than the artsy side. I would suggest that you go for what you feel is best.
Both engineering and arts probably have their vices when working with it professionally (all depends on the work you choose to undertake, too), but you definitely seem to have some talent for arts! :D
Best of luck whatever you choose!
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UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Actually, currently I'm in the middle of exams for the national arts' school. You guys helped me get the push I needed :)
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UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Thanks! :D I just finished today, now waiting for the results ^_^
GrendalUnleashed's avatar
Kit Pedlar Is a scientist so is Arthur C. Clarke neither of which will ever be remembered for this Kit will always be the man responsible for the Cybermen of Doctor who fame. I'm a quantum physicist who won an Eisner award for drawing a funny animal cartoon. The amount of professional artists I know who get asked at family gatherings what their 'proper job' is when they say they are a cartoonist/writer is ridiculous even when some of them make upwards of a thousand pounds a week from their work.

Keep on with the art thing and there is no reason you cannot make use of all you have learnt through your particular field of science to enhance your creativity.
GrendalUnleashed's avatar
Just looked at your featured gallery and fractal princess and Eye demonstrate that you can meld the two disciplines into engaging images.

Nuts to official studies, experiment...you should have learnt that principle in your science days.

I'm 42 and still experimenting with my artwork as I hope to continue doing till the day they play 'lament for the dead' over my remains :D
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Hehe, I think I'll never stop experimenting either :D
That's a very inspiring story! Quantum physics and cartoons? It's really awesome :D :D :D I don't know much about the maths, but one can never get enough of the philosophical implications derived from the process on quantum mechanics...or of art. You must be super-strong :)

Initially, I thought I could do it too, but I'm not sure I can be a scientist and an artist and also give enough time to my family and friends (I plan on making a family in the following years-although I want to settle my career a bit first) The way I draw takes hours, and if I'm to be a proper scientist I'll need the extra time to keep training myself-I'm creative and relevantly good at deductions, but that's as far as I can go without sufficient scientific knowledge. If you have some tips on how you do it I'm all ears, I have a really hard time to manage doing everything properly. Science inspires my art (I sometimes write sci-fi too), and vice-versa, but it's basically a management problem where art wins so far.

By the way, thank you for taking the time to look at my gallery :)
GrendalUnleashed's avatar
In the words of Peppermint Patty "I speak soft and carry a big dog." So no I'm not especially strong, just dogged, haha.

I envy your conviction for science, I was expunged from an orthodox science route thanks to a physics teacher who took exception to my knowledge of theoretical physics (that which is now known as quantum mechanics) just as I was ridiculed for my theories on local history...I suggested a Norse influence that was, at the time unrealised, now the same area celebrates a Norse connection with much eagerness.

If you are going to be an exceptional scientist then the ability to be creative can only be a bonus and all modern science aside bear in mind that there are astronauts that stepped foot on the Moon who have found the best way to convey the experience by producing artwork based on their experiences. For me I still see the ability to transport a representative of the human species to another world and return them to the 'Blue Marble' as a keystone moment in human history all with less computing power than I can hold in my hand in the twenty-first century 'smart phone'.

Dream big, and be creative that is what moves science forward...

As for concerns about the time it takes to be creative: at my most 'productive period' I was producing ten pages per week, my most recent page (Pendragon 02) has taken three and a half days to render due to 'real world ' interruptions.

If a work takes you a week, a month or a year to produce (or even the two decades of research that Pendragon has taken me) that doesn't reflect on the finished piece or yourself as a creative person, rather it enhances your ability to observe, record, repeat which are the fundamental principles of all scientific study.

Many of the key moments of scientific history were made by the leap of imagination by artists, patent clerks and even janitors.

For added amusement my last Physics exam contained the question: With examples, describe a theory of momentum. I opted to write a lengthy dissertation on impulse theory (not the Star Trek version) which had to be sent to Oxford University for assessment, to which I was given the response 'don't be a smart arse'. And I have been ever since, haha.
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Haha I'd have loved to read the full answer you gave! :D (I mean, "don't be a smart arse"? Seriously? It would've been  interesting to meet the teacher who wrote this too!)

Well, it's admittedly easier to be convicted when you don't have to understand tones of formula-filled pages every day...it's fun at the beginning, but then things become massively complex and hard to remember/understand/enjoy. (Still, thanks for the admiration! :) )

I've tried adding creativity to science before...it works wonders, but only for the basics. That's my limit in pro science, it seems (I'd be good in industry though, I tend to ask good questions). But thanks for reminding me it isn't only professionals who leave their mark! Even if I end up working in arts, the thought will keep me from neglecting my inner scientist :) And you are right, dreaming big is pretty important...First time I realized we went to the moon with so little computing power I stood there for some time with a blank brain haha :) (By the way, you must be pretty good as a teacher)
GrendalUnleashed's avatar
Never met the Prof who marked my test but did have dinner at Oxford Uni through it, haha. I still have the original paper somewhere.

I have been told 'beware the mine of information' in the past, but there has yet to be a tome of my particular nerdist fascinations that I have yet to resist the urge to absorb. I focus on relevant applicability rather than absolute recall (there is no reason I can't dig out the tome in question if I need clarification).

Pendragon begins with philology, adds a reading of archaeology, mix in some herbal knowledge and well you'll just have to wait until the story really begins to see how string theory and emerging technology define the backdrop of the larger story.

Keep asking those 'good questions', dreaming big and endeavour to work wonders :)

I was best man at one of my student's wedding, which was the greatest honour I can conceive of :)
Yashiradraws's avatar
This reminds me of something. Follow your heart. Corny, right? 

Well, once the agony of not doing what you want overcomes what you deem as failure, you'll know what to do. Think about it. If art is what you truly and soley desire to do, DO IT. You said it yourself that "the art thing is eating me from the inside". I think fight your purpose by trying to be a scientist is what's causing this constant thinking about it.
I may not know all the time when I'm doing the right thing, but I can strongly feel it in me when I'm doing the opposite.
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Haha yes, it is a bit corny :D But that's exactly how I feel. Since I decided to try for the national arts' school (I've mentioned few posts back), my brain is overflowing with images and colors and it's beautiful. I feel very free! :)
The only downside is, I don't know what to draw first and I end up drawing mainly in my head, lately :p
Yashiradraws's avatar
Ooooh well, maybe do what others do and draw something you've already drawn to get your brain juices flowingTOO SMART 
UmbrellaFighter's avatar
Close enough! (Good idea, by the way) I've just started doing do what I always do when I get an explodey brain...technical exercise! With the exams approaching it's the best solution :)
Yashiradraws's avatar
Ooooh that's smart!