Love distance


Vilecannon13's avatar
How keep with a mate you love when there is 852 miles seperatin us and the mate has very little ways of contacting you. I've had this problem for months and its only getting worse. I can't take much more of this.
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Urus-28's avatar
852 miles ? No real contact ?
I will be direct, you can forget about it. I will not tell you that there is 0% of chance that your story work, but it's close from it unless you find way to have more contact. I have seen several stories of this kind none of them have worked.
I don't tell that to make a troll, just to avoid you hurt yourself too much.
Vilecannon13's avatar
Don't worry I don't think you're a troll. We've been in touch by calling but it's been getting hard
Clueful's avatar
Distance is difficult for the first while, because you never know what's going to happen next. If you have limited ways of speaking to each other, for example, say their Internet is really bad or something, you could always talk over the phone, if they're comfortable with giving you their phone number that is. I've found out that Skype is the best way.
I mean, I've had the same problem. It's super hard to keep these relationships going because you usually start to fight because you miss each other a lot.
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thanks
Yes I miss her more than anything.
We've keeping in touch by calling
Lady-RyuuXX87's avatar
ahem, well speaking from experience- my husband is over 7,500 miles away from me right now -.-; so, I know the feeling! We went almost 2 weeks without speaking when he tried moving closer because he had no phone or internet to contact me and it was the worst time of my life- this is how I knew he was the one for me (well, actually it even happened before that but the way I felt I knew he was the person I could not live without)

and I hate to say it but, you 2 are very young ^^; what feels like love now might not be as you spend more time together... have you ever met in person? things can change either for the better or worse- my case it was for the better but my cousin had a long distance relationship and when she met the guy in person things were a lot different for her and they ended up breaking up so... really, you have to ask yourself if you can envision being with this girl the rest of your life, if you really love her then you will know you will be together forever ;) it's how I felt so and then it came true :nod:

as far as contacting if you have no phone or internet- do you have her address? You can write her letters =p it's what people used to do before technology got advanced ;) and of course ultimately, one of you would have to move to be with the other, so make sure you take that into planning... good luck!
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thanks
Me and her started going out before we got seperated. We have met face to face because we went to the same school and in the same classes. I have a few letters wrote. I was planning to finish school, get a job, and earn enough money to be with her. She is my other half and I can't be without her. Maybe I am too young but I believe what I feel is love.
Lady-RyuuXX87's avatar
you're welcome :) ahh I see... well, have you talked to her at all about how she feels about the situation? I noticed after that a lot of people were saying to date other people- does she want to do this, too? I feel that if you 2 really are committed to be together and even 1 of you doesn't want to date others then perhaps keep working at being together... of course, if 1 of you does want to date others then this could signal you're really not as sure about the relationship as you thought you were :shrug: just my take... I wouldn't say what you feel is not love, just that it could be a different kind of love-

for example, I really liked one of my guy friends in college- I felt I loved him because I was so happy whenever I was with him etc etc but when I told him I liked him and he didn't feel the same it was very heart crushing to me... (of course, I also find out he is gay) but I felt I did love him and compared to the love I feel for my husband it is very different... I love my husband so much I feel like I couldn't live without him ^^; and this may be a little extreme for some people but it's how I feel :shrug: there was never any doubt in my mind- we struggled so much to be together, I knew I wanted to marry him and I did :)
Vilecannon13's avatar
I just agreed with those people because I don't know what to do anymore. She help me so much. Before I met her I was a recluse shy nerd. She helped me open up to the world. If I could I would drop everything and be with her. I have talke to her about it. I would marry her(unfortunately there's are marriage laws and restrictions that stop me)
I wish I was still there with her. She's my everything and now things are getting tough for her and Im not there to protect her.
I feel like I failed to keep her safe. I feel like I messed everything up by moving away
Lady-RyuuXX87's avatar
oh... well, yes I believe a person has to be 18 or older to marry in most places... well, I'm assuming your parents made the move and you can't be there because legally they're supposed to care for you until 18, right? So you can't blame yourself for that, it's a little out of your control... I'm sure if you continue contacting her and offering what support you can that things will look up soon :nod: life wouldn't be worth living without struggle, of course, sometimes it feels the world is against you... do what you can, contact her and talk to her about everything ;) I wish you the best!
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thank you
Actually the family moved because they didn't like the area. One day I will ask her just not now. In time I will.
Lady-RyuuXX87's avatar
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kath-paints's avatar
What makes long distance relationships difficult is that they are relationships in limbo. They can't grow if you can't make time to be together. The other difficult thing is that people do grow while apart; their needs, phase of life and personality will all shift. Especially in this transitional time between childhood and adulthood.

So when you can never be together and never talk to eachother, I don't think it makes sense to stay committed. You get all the hard parts of being in a monogamous relationship with someone, and none of the benefits.

I was in a long distance relationship myself and what I learned was that you have to be pragmatic, and not let sentiment let you make decisions that will harm your wellbeing. I had to make a serious choice very early on as to whether the relationship was going to be worth persuing. No matter how much I loved him, it would not have been possible to conduct a relationship if I hadn't been able to see him semi-regularly. It would have been destructive to remain tied to him without the hope of being together.

Remember; love alone does not a relationship make.

I'd caution you right now, don't leave school. Don't base your decisions about college on this. You need to attend to your personal development during these years, and if it doesn't work out with her you'll have given up too much.

My suggestion is that you be her friend. Stay in touch but don't tie eachother down. Date other people, play the feild. See the world. Grow. And in the future when you've got a job and some more experience under your belt, who knows? Maybe she'll still be there.
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thank you very much. We were best friends at first.
Don't worry I am going to finish school before I see her again. It might be a bit tough but I'll your advice(the part about dating other people)
Sakeozo's avatar
How old are you two?
How long have you two been together?
Are you two working on the plan?
Do you think you will ever get to see your lover, for real?
Will both of you be able to be financially secure when you're together?
Do you both have similar philosophy / belief on how life work?
Do you think you two will be able to survive this long-distance relationship for a long time?


I'll share this from my personal experience. Right now, I am in relationship with my dear lover, Morfonious. We both are together for a year and almost 7 months and I'll tell you this:  This is not easy. It take a lot of trust, energy, and commitment. We both often find ourselves yearning for each others, but over the time we have to remind ourselves that we got the plan ahead of us. We already have almost everything covered up and we're prepared to move in together by next year or so!
Vilecannon13's avatar
Me and her are 16( I know Im probably too young)
We've together for about 9 months
I have a plan to be with her again.
She's my other half so we have a lot in common
I want our relationship to last but I don't know right now. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard plac
Self-Epidemic's avatar
That sucks, in regards to your age, whatever. You've to experience what you can especially at your age.

So, you have my sympathy, however the distance may actually help improve your maturity when it comes to regards of relationships. Especially at 16, it can be daunting to move into a physical relationship.

I would work on setting "dates", get a webcam, both of you make some food and just chat and eat. Make it a "thing". Good luck!
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thanks
Next time we talk I'll give it a try :)
lightning-13's avatar
You are young yes, but you never know how the future turns out, nobody does. I met this guy almost a decade ago, was only 14, and after so many years (he studied abroad - became a doctor, then military service, now he has started working..), still, even though we feel a strong attraction to each other, yet so many miles separate us (we live in different countries atm), we can't forget about each other. We have tried to move on, it hasn't worked. We keep hope. We do have skype, fb, mobile apps, to communicate, yet he doesn't have time anymore because he works 24/7. I don't know what will happen and just like you, I can't move on, I just live, try to build my career. We still want each other even after so many years. 

I don't know what to say to you, except, if it's meant to be.. it will find a way. Distance relationships are very hard to keep alive. I understand if you can't continue the same way and I don't think that she would or could blame you for that. Even with contact, you need to see each other, how is that going to work out? You will start to miss her and want to be with her.  I don't really understand the problem though. Why are you separated? have you talked about your options? I mean, besides the communication issues, do you have any plans? staying together, moving on? I mean, you might think about the communication right now, but think also about the future. For how long will the distance keep you apart?
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thank you. We're seperated because we had to move. My family really didn't like where we lived. I didn't really until I met her.

I had a plan. I was going to finish school, get a job to earn enough money to move back to her.
Now I don't what's gonna happen. I had friends help us by being our messengers. That didn't feel the same though. I want us to be together but I don't know right now. She was my other half. She was outgoing and made everyone happy while I was a shy nerd.
lightning-13's avatar
Ok I understand. Does she live faraway? I mean, you can't go to her in any way? is it too far? costs too much? Can't she visit you? even for a couple of hours or so. You would have to communicate of course for that to happen.. but maybe then you could discuss your future, instead of trying to figure out on you own what to do. And maybe then you could decide what is best, to move on, or try to keep alive the relationship. Can't you call her? does she have facebook maybe? 
Vilecannon13's avatar
I live near Boston MA while she lives near Raleigh NC. It's a 14 hour car ride. Money is a big issue for both of us. She doesn't have a phone or Internet at her home. There would be a lot of planning for her or me to visit, even for a couple of hours. The odds are pretty much against us.

My head tells me to forget and heart tells me to wait. Who should I listen to?
lightning-13's avatar
I know, hehe, head (logic) and heart (feelings). Think about it, if you don't do something about it, it may go years and you still might not get over her, wondering what could have happened between you. I lost contact once with this guy because I was too shy to ask him who he was, and it took me a while to move on, but still after many years I remembered him. It was just meant for me to see him again. My point is, if you already know her, keep in touch, no matter how hard it is. Try to communicate in any way you can, try to see each other in any possible way. Sometimes we think that we will find somebody better, but we already have found the perfect person (in our eyes). If you think it's worth it, struggle. 
Vilecannon13's avatar
Thank you very much
I'll struggle for her
Vineris's avatar
You could always try writing letters if she has limited net.  It's time to look around for other friends too, though.  Friends are people who walk the same road as us for a while, but in life people's roads sometimes go in different directions.  You met this friend, you walked together, it was good and always worth remembering, maybe you'll find yourself on the same road again in the future... but now it's time to look around you and see who's walking the same road so you can walk together.