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April 4, 2013


Replies: 75

How do I know if I'm ugly?

xMorbid-Heartx Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2013
I'm serious. For a while I've had a hard time finding a boyfriend (it seems like the only guys I have gone out with were completely desperate for a girlfriend). And I know if I ask family/friends they will shower me with compliments and just say it's because I'm shy or I need to get out more. But guys won't even go anywhere near romantic relationships with me. Guys won't even approach me. Maybe it's my personality or maybe I'm just physically unattractive. How do I figure out if I'm ugly? (please no "eye of the beholder" stuff)

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Devious Comments

used-rugs Featured By Owner May 2, 2013   General Artist
unfortunately, you'll prob never know unless you meet an objective person who cannot lie. that being said, if you don't want to hear beauty is in the eye of the beholder (which i think its stupid too), what people think is 'beautiful' DOES differ, people will have certain tastes/preferences according to culture, time, race, fetishes etc.

the easiest way to objectively know i guess is to find some face symmetry app/website where you upload a pic of your face, and tell you how symmetrical it is etc.

i just googled it, and you can try the site they suggest : [link]
Nicolettethestrange Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013
Also: Attraction of the opposite sex has nothing to do with 'looks'. Dunno if you've ever noticed, but couples tend to draw like a magnet towards people who posses similar outlooks on life, personalities and life goals or at least one of these combinations.

As you get older (not sure how old you are but i'm assuming you're still a teenager) the more you realize your interests and goals and work on these the more like minded people you'll meet. The more likely you are to meet guys who find you attractive when you're doing this, because you're in an environment where they'll not only recognise your outer beauty but they'll also see your 'inner' beauty too which is the thing the glue that binds couples together.
Nicolettethestrange Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013
Be yourself. Learn to see the positive attributes you have and find physical features YOU like about yourself. When you wake up in the morning look at these physical features in the mirror and remind yourself you like these (until it sets in that you are attractive). Focus on all your positive traits and don't worry so much about finding a boyfriend. In-fact the less you focus on it the more guys will find you attractive because you're not actively looking to be with someone you're just being you and that's what guys like most more than anything else. =)

Abmot Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013
why do you care? in the end you will always be chosen by your personal values.

also, what if you find out that you >FEEL< ugly, then what? you gonna isolate yourself in your home untill you die?

looks is nothing man.
DeusMaisro Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Student Digital Artist
you're ugly is a size extra-large doesn't fit, at least to me.
webkinzagirl Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013
If you won't accept "eye of the beholder," would "different tastes" be satisfactory? I'll be with my mom or my sister and one will say, "That guy is really hot/handsome." And I will look and find them rather mediocre. Same with magazines voting on Best Looking Celebs; I might just not find them physically attractive.

I've never sought a romantic relationship (not yet, anyway), and for a long time I figured I would probably end up "forever alone." I didn't think myself very attractive. But guess what? I was asked out by a guy who did.

People will like what they like, and one man's trash is another man's treasure. :)
DakotaDante Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013
Since we have no idea what you look like, then we can't really give you an answer, now can we?
melibee1323 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is kinda a funny question. "Pretty" vs "ugly" is a very superficial thing that complys to societal norms, not what is the true versions of 'pretty' and 'ugly'. Like many of the commenters before me have said, the truth of the mater is that true beauty is in the personality, just as true ugliness is. We may see actors or people in our lives as the societally accepted form of a pretty outward appearance, but in reality, they may be the ugliest people of all due to vanity and self-centeredness.
True beauty is found within. Just remember that.
justieno Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
what do you look like?
IaiaRose Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013   Photographer
You're not going to believe it... but no one is ugly. It sounds more like lack of confidence in yourself. I didn't have a serious boyfriend until my 20s, because I waited for the right person. Many of my friends did the same thing. Now I'm getting married. The rest of my friends who I used to envy for always having a boyfriend or girlfriend? They're still single!
spikess Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Approach them, I am a confident upfront honest female.. I tend to break guys souls all the time without meaning too.. I go out have a laugh and have fun.

I don't think guys are as shallow as they make out in the movies.. I think personality does have a lot to do with it.
IRAtheIV Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013   Traditional Artist
you look into the mirror
Anselmeth Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It is all in the observers mind. Beauty would probably not exist in the same way if only one person was alive.

If you think you are beautiful, then you are beautiful all the time.
button-bird Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
There are as many opinions on what is "pretty" and what is "ugly" as there are people. The only thing is that society mostly tells us what we should think is beautiful and what is not. But luckily, for many people it doesn't work like that. Even if you're not pretty in a conventional way, it doesn't mean that noone can think of you as pretty or even beautiful. The trick is not to rely on your looks to get the interest of a significant other, but to get to know each other first. Find male friends, be a buddy, let them get to know you as a whole. And eventually, if it fits, one of them WILL start to think you're beautiful. You know why? Because what we know well and what we like or even love, we start to see as beautiful. That's a fact. And this is exactly why even the most hideous woman in the world (from society standards) can find someone who loves her just the way she is and thinks of her as truly beautiful.

Also, if you need proof that there is no such thing as "pretty" or "ugly" in absolutely everyone's eyes, go take a look at the photo of me on my profile. I believe myself to be average on most days, and even rather pretty on really good days, and I think I look pretty in that photo especially (because it's a good photo). Also I have a husband who calls me beautiful. But then there is the other side: what you don't know is that there are many people (yes, many), who called me "ugly" throughout my life, to the point where I was convinced I was for several years. You know the term that hit me most? It was "butterface". In case you don't know what that is, it means that someone's body is okay, "but her face" destroys it all. Yes, that's my face they were talking about.

So you see, no matter how ugly or pretty a person might be, there will ALWAYS be some people who think otherwise. And this is something I personally find comforting.
LittleRedToyota Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013
Nobody is ugly.
I am considered a ugly person (overweight, not very cute or beautiful face e.g.) and isn't at all popular among the boys, but I've never had trouble finding a boyfriend, and now I've been married for 4 years with a guy I met over 10 years ago. I think it's a matter of where you search for one, and how desperate you appear. I've never been seriously looking for a boyfriend, they just found me, or developed from friendships to relationships over time, so I am not sure what advice I could give. Maybe just that you should relax, not appear desperate, and most important: don't pretend to be someone you're not.
But I can say this: you are not ugly. :rose:
Monstrocker Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Why go hard on your physical appearance?

Relationship comes naturally through patience. Don't go forcing yourself onto some relationships that will NEVER last long.
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
appearance is not the only thing that guys look for in a relationship, but sure it's the first thing you see when you see someone. You are not ugly, everybody has a unique appearance and beauty, but not everybody can see it. You will meet the right guy, or many guys maybe, when the time is right. Think about it as a 'story', everybody has a story, and if it will be unique, no stories can be similar ;)
Unless you're going to ask random people if you're attractive or not the only real way to judge it is on your own opinion. With that said, even if you look like some sort of mutant you can make up for it with presence and style. For the sake of argument I'll assume you're average looking, in which case it's more about how you carry yourself than how you look.
JericaWinters Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013
Shyness will wreck your chances much faster than a horrible physical appearance. Be outgoing and positive and people will not leave you alone.
imagineairy Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013  Student Photographer
How would you know if you are tall, or short? Answer: it's all relative. In a world of fleas, an ant would be king.

But objectively, tests show that the more "balanced" your appearance, the more attractive others will consider you. In other words, does the right half of your face closely match the left, etc.

Realize, though, that everyone's appearance is slightly out of balance. If you take a portrait face-on, mirror half and flip it to make a whole face, it usually looks a bit strange, sometimes even weird or freaky. So a little variance is normal and comforting.

That being noted, I should mention the art teacher at a nearby school. Her face is totally out of "true". Yet she overwhelms you with her delightful persona, so much so that she is a pleasure to be around.

Romance? Meh, let it come when it will. The greatest bondings come between friends who become loves, never loves that become friends. Seek a helpmate/soulmate before a bedmate if your goal is happiness.
Inquistor-chan Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, define ugly?
The looks isn't everything, and it's far from the only thing that attracts boys. Boys will, in fact, rarely go for the shy girl, because they are, in fact, spoiled and need someone to run after them. And in such cases, shyness is going to be a serious problem for them.

Other then that, you sound like you just want a boyfriend, and it doesn't go that way. You can't just take whatever falls at your feet, you need to have some grace and respect. ;)

I too know how you feel, I'm young and never had a boy in my life, but I'd rather be single forever then date someone for a month and then run and hide when I see him later on.

If you want honest opinion, you can send my your picture, it's way too risky to post on the forum where anyone can be a troll... But first you'll need to accept the fact that what you'll get is a honest opinion, so no getting angry or suspicious. ;)
juliozzy Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
Well, how old you really are?
SlashingTaste Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
There is no set defintion of ugly. Whatever questions you ask yourself and self-answer are what makes you believe that you are ugly. Learn what the phrase, "Bite the hand that feeds" mean. Maybe your the one who is biting herself every time you ask the same rhetorical question that doesn't mean anything.
Oseltamivir Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
1. Ugly really is an opinion. No matter what I say (and I have no idea how you look), there will be people who have the complete opposite opinion of your looks.

2. Why would you want a guy who is so shallow that he doesn't care about anything but how you look? Feel blessed that you aren't being pursued by such people. Maybe you're just around a bunch of asinine men.

3. Perhaps you are projecting a negative vibe towards others by feeling this way about yourself? Insecurity attracts asshats and perverts, but not much else.
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Professional Artist
You want to know if you are ugly?

Post a picture of yourself.
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013
If someone really loves you for what you are
he doesnŽt care about

If one boob is slightly bigger than the other
Fat areas
Morning breath
Thin hair
Thick hair
If your make up looks good
Weird voice
Awkward laugh
The way your teeth look

No one is ugly.

And if there are guys who disagree, they can stay in a relationship with their hand.
Abmot Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2013
this is a very stange post.. it's like you are already in a defense mode.. all the Things you listed are they something you worry alot about?
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2013
IŽm a guy :XD:
Monstrocker Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
beautifullll :iconcryforeverplz:
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013
NO U :blowkiss:
Monstrocker Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:iconohyouplz: :iconsaysplz: Dawwwww
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2013
Arrowriter Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013
:rofl: The end line is great.
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 24, 2013
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Professional Artist
Ugly is an objective measure from a specimen standpoint.

Your comment is just plain ignorant of the persons question.
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013
I donŽt think anybody should feel ugly and judge their look by the way other people think.
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Professional Artist
Then perhaps you should read the OP's post and stop being so ignorant.
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013
:iconhakasenyanniplz: IŽll stay ignorant forever :iconhakasenyanniplz:
MARX-MAN Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Professional Artist
Forever may not be never ending, thankfully.
Horresco Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013
Jevr Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013
let me ask you a thing... what if you find out, that in your head, you are ugly? how is this then gonna benfit you in any way? it will not.. Looks are so overrated, people are constantly getting mindfucked by the media about big boobs and six-pack abs. If the boys doesn't contact you, they are maybe scared because you look so damn beautiful, ever thinked of that?

let it go, it's just your mind screwing with you because at the moment you are at a depressed state. You got to pull yourself up and live your life without worrying - life is short so it should be fun :)

My advice is that you should start doing some fitness, not only to get a goodlooking body, but to raise your self esteem and happiness. Then live your life and use your time wisely. Be a person with something to offer others. And have you ever thought about going up to the boys and say hello to them?:)
azzrr Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I can't provide you any kind of universal advice, but i try to give you something to think about.
The question wether your ugly or not is -in my opinion- not relevant. Before you start to obsess over this idea, it is really important to consider other equally important factors. The level of attractivity is very often overestimated. Look at all those so so called top-models, the beauties of our generation and yet many live single.
So there might be some other reasons boys aren't as interested in you as you would like them to.
It depends really on what kind of person you are. Too shy or too open, guys are easily irritated by those things.
Maybe it's your attitude in wanting it so much that bothers you from actually finding the significant other.
And even if you were ugly, would you really like to know that? The only advice I can give you is, that a genuine amount of self confidence makes up for a lot of flaws.
Either way, if those models were that perfect, they wouldn't need Photoshop, would they?
SpaniardWithKnives Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If you perceive yourself as ugly from starters you project that insecurity and guys notice it pretty quickly.

Nobody likes to be around somebody that does not like him/herself. Low self esteem is not attractive. The moment you are comfortable in your own skin you start attracting people. Confidence is attractive and you do not have to look like a model to have confidence
Ercneps Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
It all depends in ones perspective I suppose, people have different views and interpretations as to what is or isn't beautiful. But just because you have difficulty getting a biy friend dies not mean your ugly.
I have a friend named spencre, and she is stunning, she's an Egyptian and Canadian mix, tall with very elegant features and yet she has never had a boyfriend ever. Which trust me if you see her, that's shocking.
So in conclusion no you're not ugly, but I could most defiantly relate. In ridiculously shy around people u don't know, so yes being shy is probably the dominant factor in your predicament.
I hope this was helpful :happybounce: if you ever need more advice just send me a note.
Knightster Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013
You sound as deep as a bottle cap in terms of emotional maturity.
No wonder guys don't want you.
x666NiGhTmArE666x Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013
Learn to love yourself. No matter how many compliments you get, you'll never think you're beautiful until you believe it. That's what happened to me after all my life of bullying and being called ugly. So, I had a chance to ask a professional on what to do. He told me to look in a mirror every day and tell yourself how beautiful you are. Or write in a notebook or something you use often and do it that way. You can't expect results right away, but as you continue this, you'll see you have beauty. I still do it. Sometimes, I find it helps to apologize to myself for being an idiot as to believe what others told me. Besides, if I had "flawless" looks like actresses or any other "attractive" woman, I'd kill myself.
BlackieFriendOfSnow Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I doubt it's because of your appearance that you aren't finding a date. Have you thought that the guys around you are the problem. Many of them are super picky, have impossible standards, or just have a different taste. Hell I'm in the same situation. It's just that those guys have known me for so long it's like being related. It's just be too weird to take things further. Try guys that are close by but not necessarily the same school. Better results like that
siantjudas Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2013   Digital Artist
Looks like you're fishing for more compliments.

But in all seriousness, I'm not going to tell you that everyone is pretty and all that bullshit. But it isn't as clear cut as you think either. And damn it, I had already written this huge long response to this and ended up closing the browser on accident, so I'm going to try to rewrite it again.

Since I have no idea what you look like I can't say for sure whether or not you are ugly, but I'm guessing that you fall somewhere in the average range, very few people are forever damned to be butt ugly no matter what they do. There may be a chance, but I highly doubt that you are, but if for some reason that is your curse, all I can say is accept it, work on personality and achievements and try your hardest and then some to look better.

Now there are several reasons why even though you probably aren't ugly, your own self perception is making others feel that way about you. Your own self perception leaks out of you in verbal and non verbal cues that other people subconsciously pick up on. So if you see yourself as ugly then others will pick that up and see that too, even if you aren't, simply because you feel that way about yourself. This same thing can be used to your benefit as well, if you see yourself as pretty other people will pick up on that as well and be more inclined to think that about you.

Another way that your self perception is probably affecting your appearance is that you probably feel that you are unattractive and there is nothing you can do about it. This leads you to just accept how you look and be complacent with beautifying yourself. No one you see as attractive is that way without work, some more than others, but everyone has to work in same way to look he way that they want. Someone once told me they would rather go out with a girl that was ugly and became pretty, than one that was always pretty. Why, because everyone gets older, and the girl who had to work to be pretty will be able to better maintain her looks, than the one who has never had to do anything. Being pretty takes work. So if you aren't happy with how you look, then do what it takes to look the way that you want.

Now, even if you've done the work to look the part, if you still have no self esteem, it's not going to matter. It's a pain in the ass to try to get a girl with no self esteem, trust me, I've tried every kind of girl you can think of, and a girl with no self esteem is a nightmare. Most of the time the girl with no self esteem is too busy bemoaning her fate, that she doesn't notice the person trying to get her, or keeps rejecting people, or pushing them away without noticing, so caught up in their own negative self image they are. I'd rather go for a halfway decent girl with confidence, than a gorgeous girl with no self esteem. The amount of work that goes into the one with no self esteem just isn't worth it at all. It's like pulling teeth. When you feel like you're not good enough for someone, even if you are, it's going to make the other person feel like that's true, and then why do they want to be with you if you make them feel like they can do better.

Now, even if you've managed to address all these issues, guys aren't just going to drop out of the sky for you. You can't just stand there looking pretty and hope that you've suddenly become a magnet for guys. You at least have to put yourself in the right time and place to do that, which means going out, doing things, and being social. You have to be social. Chances are whatever situation you're in that looking pretty is good enough, there are going to be 10 other women trying the same, and if half of those can carry on an interesting conversation who do you think is going to get the guy. You have to put yourself out there and be social.

And who says that you can't take the initiative? It's the motherfucking 21st century, make the first move, as a guy out. What could go wrong. He says no. Then you're in exactly the same place you were before, at least this time you had the guts to do something which is never bad. But a guy can't say yes if you never ask. There are more complex tricks to getting someone you like to ask you out, with subtle minimalist cues, but I don't think you're ready for that. You need to be direct for a bit first. Find some confidence, become happy with how you look, and find a look that you're happy with that you can maintain.

Again, I have no idea how you look, and maybe it's a bit of both, but your self perception is mostly to blame. The biggest thing though, is to learn to be happy with yourself, and I don't mean accept who you are and be happy with it, but become who you would be happy with. If you think you could look prettier, then work to get there. And be yourself. If being yourself is shy, then you need to find a way to embrace that in a way that you can make social. Yes that is possible, but it might be better to just try to overcome your asocial personality instead. Either way, just make sure that whatever you do, is still you at the center.
signsofortune Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2013
If no-one has called you ugly, noone considers you ugly. in this modern world, there are enough rude people that you can be sure some people will insult you even if it doesn't make any sense.

that said, you are focusing on the wrong thing if you are focusing on physical beauty.

there is a saying: your looks will get you a place by the fire, but your tongue will keep you there.

in other words, men may feel attracted to beautiful women, but if a woman has a horrible personality, no man is going to want to stay with them. if a woman has a good personality on the other hand, they are much more likely to have a successful and fruitful partnership with a man and not end up unhappy.

stop thinking so much about physical beauty ugh. its a waste of precious mental energy.
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