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February 21, 2013
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My friend is going to get stuck and be a loser.

:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
So basically one of my friends, seems to be going nowhere with her life, and she has no ambition to. The two of us are seniors, but she hasn't done anything with her life to transistion into being a young adult. She didn't take the SAT's not even for in regards forapplying to college, but the community college system in my area, accepts if you get a certain score you can skip english and even get into the scholar program at the community college. She hasn't even looked at what classes she wants to take or save up any kind of funds to pay for it, since her parents won't. Also, she has no prospect or interest getting a job, she hasn't put her self out there in any respect, I almost got her to apply to the local fast food joint where I work, but she didn't actually send in the application because her boyfriend said, "to not conform." Okay, her boyfriend is actually a nice guy, I was friends with him before they started datin, it's just that he's a sophomore with pretty bad ADD, who can't really relate to having to be a senior in high school, getting ready to grow up. When my friend started dating this guy last year, she pushed all her friends away and literally the two of them only hang out with each other. Half of the time this friend doesn't even show up to school, which could prevent her from graduating on time.

When I try and sugges she go to trade school, she gets insulted because trade school too predestrian for her, even though her GPA and work ethic is absolute shit.

Basically, this friend has no prospect career wise, high education wise or leanring a trade and she;s just going to live with her parents, extending her childhood because of her sophomore boyfriend and she can't handle an ounce of responsibility.

Everything above may sound mean, but I do love her as a friend and I don't want to come back home from college and see her there, doing nothing with hr life, because I'd feeli like it would be my fault.
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Devious Comments

:iconbeesull:
BeeSull Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
First off... Whatever she does with her life is her decision, and hence not your fault!

Secondly... Some people just take longer to grow up. Some people take longer to decide what they want to do with their lives. She may just need time to think things through, instead of rushing into something she isn't sure about (and having to find a way to pay for it). Everything else is really between her and her parents, her living situation really isn't about you.

Further... The economy is hard right now and college is expensive, it took me a while to find a decent job with a degree from a good school. College may not be the best choice for everyone (although I am glad that I went). I would try asking her what she wants to do and see how that works!

Anyway, I think you sound like a great friend who cares a lot! The above is just my opinion. I hope everything turns out for the best!
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:iconexkyuubi:
Exkyuubi Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
Firstly don't blame yourself for the misdeed of your friend. She choose who else see wanted to associate with all this time. What you can do is offer advice, and be there to listen or share thoughts. Show up and insist that she do something, anything as long as she tries to be productive and happy. All you can do is set an example for your friend to see, and point a helping hand in a right direction. You have to be able to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Make her realize this, and that she is important to others so she should be important to herself. Maybe she will wake up and do so.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Whenever I try doing that, she brushes my suggestions off. I follow your advice more closely though and see what that does
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:icondreamworld88:
Dreamworld88 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Student Writer
Try to encourage her. I hope she doesn't become like my uncle, living off my grandmother's money with no college degree. Some people really have no ambition. I hope your friend isn't one of them.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Honestly...that sounds like what she would become...
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
About the living with parents, they'll get tired of her someday.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
They haven't gotten tired of her sister yet whose 22/23. Anyways, my friends mom and her aunt both lived with her grandma until my friend was 8 years old.
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
eh, then so be it. If they are comfortable with that then let them be.

You can't make someone else live the life you think they should. Worry about yourself. If you don't approve of her choices then don't be around her.
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:iconpuppy-dangerous:
puppy-dangerous Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013  Professional Artisan Crafter
You can't fix other people.

Some people are like that. I've lost lots of friends over the years because they never got past 16 mentally and I just couldn't deal with them anymore without wanting to hit them.

Sometimes good people become losers. You just have to hope one morning she wakes up, looks around, goes 'What the hell have I been doing?' and gets herself back together.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Honestly, it seems like she's regressed back to being 14-15 rather than being 18.

I mean, that would be great if she woke up, but because of her mom's earlier lifestyle of being in a band like the rock lifestyle consumed her mom's whole life and she kind of lives in it's former glory and is part of another band now and the fact the her mom lived with her grandma until my friend was 8, my friend has no healthy influence to make her realize her soon to be deadbeat lifestyle. Well, except her boyfriend's family who could have a positive influence, I've already talked to her boyfriends mom about my feeling about her future (his mom and I are friends).
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:iconreturning:
returning Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2013
It's her life. If she wants to make something of it, she'll realize it at some point. No need to assume responsibility for that.

That being said, I sure wish I had a friend like you when I was in high school.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
I mean, I should of seen this coming we became friends in freshman year because I let her copy my warmups in our 1st period class because she was barely there. It was clear that she wasn't going to plan ahead, but now being on the twilight of adulthood and seeing a standstill in her growth, it's still frustrating.
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:iconreturning:
returning Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013
I understand. I've been frustrated trying to help friends of my own in the past, so I definitely know the feeling. Sometimes they come around, sometimes you just have to accept that you tried your best and leave it at that. I have a lot of respect for people like you.
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:iconxcetera:
Xcetera Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Professional Photographer
Well, you can't force her to do it.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
I know I can't, but I don't know any other way to help.
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:iconxcetera:
Xcetera Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Professional Photographer
Making him go to college when he doesn't want to is not going to help him. It would only screw things up for him because if he doesn't want to be there, he won't put in the effort necessary to do a good job. Post secondary isn't for everyone and it's not necessary for any and all careers.

It's his life and his happiness.
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:icontruesoprano:
TrueSoprano Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You know, a lot of people really find themselves in college.

I know a few people who just smoked weed and didn't give a shit in high school, but then they went to community college and found out what they really wanted to do with their lives.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm not even sure if she'll go to community college this fall, she has no money saved up for classes. She says she'll get a full time job to pay for night classes, but she hasn't registered for fall classes (which needs to be done now, before the deadline) and she hasn't applied anywhere nor does she really want to.
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:iconlivanyandmaii:
LivanyandMaii Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
You are a good friend to worry about her future and education.
I don't have much to say besides that if she is refusing help, or she's ignoring advice, karma will bite her in the butt.
But I can see that you do care for her and that even if she denies you, you will continue trying.
I bet the only reason that she is apathetic is because her parents don't care too much about her. The way a parent treats their kid rubs off on the kid.
I guess it would be best I she were to move away, but seeing as she doesn't care about even earning money to move out, or anything, it would be hard to convince her.

Honestly, all I can offer is my sympathy for her, and my point of view of the situation, I don't know a good solution to this problem here, but you can always try working stuff out with her,
But to me it seems a bit hopeless.
I admire you for sticking through all her flaws and worrying and caring for her. She soon has to realize, that if she doesn't care soon enough, she's going to lose everything that she has.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
Her mom loves her and cares, but they honestly don't know how to parent. She wanted to move in with another girl who's nice, but she's made bad life choices and is self destructive by sleeping with anything that walks. Anyways, I suspected neither of them weren't to be roomie together because they have no job to pay for renting anything.

Even if she does loose everything, she'll deny it and blame it something else.
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:iconmirroredsky:
MirroredSky Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Just keep being there to encourage her. Understand that it's all you can do, and she won't change until she realizes that she wants to make a change for the better for *herself* and not for anyone else. Some people just don't "get it" until beyond high school.

DO NOT let it drag you down. It can be very frustrating to have to stand by and watch her when you already realize that there's more to life than living in your parent's basement and that it requires effort.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
The problem is, she's never made a change for herself, she is so self destructive, she likes being a victim of fate. I'm worried that she won't get it.

Mostly, I don't let it drag me down, but when I do think about it, it makes me feel like crap for not being able to do anything. I mean, if her sister is an indicator she won't come to that realization at all in the near future
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:iconmirroredsky:
MirroredSky Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm glad that you're not letting it hinder you. In dealing with a member of my own family who has the potential to do something, but has continually thrown away all opportunities I understand how you feel. We've tried being harsh and punitive, we've tried using rewards, we've tried just giving suggestions w/o pressure. None of it has worked. In the end we've had to let him simply go his way and hope for the best, and continue to let him know we love him (though we won't coddle him in any way now or help unless it's something ABSOLUTELY necessary).

I don't know what you have tried so far, but have you had a talk about all of this? Find some time and ask her what she wants for herself...where does she see herself in 5 years? What goals does she have? Don't ask about school or try to pressure her, just see if she can provide some honest answers. Maybe no one has given her the chance to make goals that aren't what may be high pressure for her. Even if it's a simple goal like, get a part-time job, that's a start.

It's very difficult to stand by and know that you can't fix a problem like this. Again I would just tell you to keep encouraging her, and let her know that you have faith in her. Tell her you see so much potential for her, you don't want to see her end up like her sister. You should still critique her when she does really stupid shit (especially if no one else does) because real friends will call you out on that and help you through it.

Sadly, you won't see any change until she realizes that she wants to change her own situation. Often that only happens when they fall hard on their ass and have a rude wake-up call to reality. I wish you luck in this, but just remember you can only do so much - the rest is up to her.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
I think I'll ask her where she sees herself in a year, and maybe progress to five, thank you for the advice though!
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:iconkemcar:
kemcar Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
I think you should try concentrating more on your career, all you can do as a friend is advice which you have done. If she refuses to understand then that's her fault not yours. I am not telling you to be mean but what if you spoil your career thinking about your friend's future, where will your future be?
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
I am, I've gotten in college and plan on getting another job over the summer. I just feel guilty....
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
She obviously can grow up even with help from others, however I think she will start waking up when she loses everything like her boyfriend and when her parents start screaming at her and when she has no friends to turn to.

Judging from the info you have, if she is actually alone and have no house to, she will go to someone's house and live off their income (not saying this is true but maybe)

She will wake up sooner of later, but you can't help her while she struggle if not she will revert back to her old ways
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
You see the thing is, her parents won't scream at her because her mom and step-dad have such a laisse-faire, parenting style they don't care. My friend's mom, lived with her mom, off and on until my friend was 8 years old. hEr older sister is also still living at home with no rent and she's 22. Even if she loses her boyfriend they could either have an on and off relationship or she would go into a spiraling depression.

No, if she doesn't have her parents house, she would totally do that, but I can't think of anyone who she's actually close enough to to do that.
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm, no wonder. Well when her parents retire then things will change and sooner or later a break out might happen

She doesn't have to be close, all she has to do is cry and cling onto someone until they give up
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
I mean, something might happen then, but him retiring might take a
decade or so. Also, her mom had a job, but she just felt like quitting and also doesn't care, she's in a band.

I mean, she's so sweet, I don't think she would be capable, but I could be wrong...
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
well when he retires it will probably be too late for her, but I think her parents will see it soon that when they retire, their daughter have to do something

I'm sure you have seen the true personality of some people behind their mask, its not what you think they are :(
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
Yeah...I hope they realize that.

Honestly, I'm pretty intuitive when I comes to people and all she seems is self destructive and sad
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:iconsevmd:
SEVMD Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Maybe there is something behind that mask of hers :shrug: we all have secret so maybe she is hiding something or its her family influence, they not teaching her the truth of the 'human world'
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Nope, they haven't taught her that you need to work hard for everything they do, they're hands off so she'll become her own individual crap but all she is, is lazy.
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(1 Reply)
:iconcrystal4006:
Crystal4006 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Same here girl! I just can't help but worry about my friend. She's always ditching classes and stuff. Her boyfriends a jerk and I just worry for her. I understand how you want to help her and worry for her. I hope she'll come to her sensesXD
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
I don't know if she will, it seems like my friend is regressing mentally, she doesn't seem like she's 17/18, it seems like she's 14.

I'm sorry to hear about you friend though :(
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:iconcrystal4006:
Crystal4006 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, yeah I'm really sorry about your friend. Please give her a hug from me!:tighthug:
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:iconcrystalclearly86:
CrystalClearly86 Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013
Is she taking drugs or smoking weed? That stuff can take the ambition right out of you. I point to the hippies of the 70's. Where did they wind up besides in communes? They had no interest in doing anything but smoking weed and taking other drugs. Now they look like those 2 guys from that big rig bounty hunter show.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
She drinks and smokes weed with her boyfriend. Although, I think her boyfriend has become more of an addiction than getting drunk/high has.
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:iconwinxclubgirl:
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
It isn't your fault that she is being lazy and has no goals. You've tried helping her, which makes you a good friend. If you've done all you can do, then leave the subject alone and let reality slap her in the face.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
I know, but since she'll live with her parents, reality won't slap her, she'll just be a loser. I just don't want to be home on break two years from now and see her still hanging out with high school kids, drinking/smoking with her boyfriend and wasting her life.
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:iconwinxclubgirl:
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Sounds like my brother, only without the drinking/smoking part. Even his high-school age friends are drifting away.

I doubt she will stay with her boyfriend, considering he is a sophomore and will likely break up with her for someone else. Advise her to find a job, try and sound serious if you didn't already.
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
I mean we drifted away, but she pushed us away first.

I've sounded serious, I'm not sure if anyone will hire a girl with pink hair who has a deliquent reputation with the businesses at my town. It's mostly her boyfriend that does the shenanigans in question, but still. Honestly I thought they wouldn't last long, but they've been dating for a year, even though they're nothing alike.
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:iconwinxclubgirl:
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Then I don't know what to say....she really doesn't care, does she?
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student General Artist
No, she doesn't and it makes me frustrated and it saddens me.
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:iconwinxclubgirl:
Winxclubgirl Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Maybe tell her how this all makes you feel?
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:iconcharcoalandchuckles:
charcoalandchuckles Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2013  Student General Artist
Knowing her, she'll take it the wrong and become personally insulted which won't help.
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