First off... Whatever she does with her life is her decision, and hence not your fault!
Secondly... Some people just take longer to grow up. Some people take longer to decide what they want to do with their lives. She may just need time to think things through, instead of rushing into something she isn't sure about (and having to find a way to pay for it). Everything else is really between her and her parents, her living situation really isn't about you.
Further... The economy is hard right now and college is expensive, it took me a while to find a decent job with a degree from a good school. College may not be the best choice for everyone (although I am glad that I went). I would try asking her what she wants to do and see how that works!
Anyway, I think you sound like a great friend who cares a lot! The above is just my opinion. I hope everything turns out for the best!
Firstly don't blame yourself for the misdeed of your friend. She choose who else see wanted to associate with all this time. What you can do is offer advice, and be there to listen or share thoughts. Show up and insist that she do something, anything as long as she tries to be productive and happy. All you can do is set an example for your friend to see, and point a helping hand in a right direction. You have to be able to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Make her realize this, and that she is important to others so she should be important to herself. Maybe she will wake up and do so.
Honestly, it seems like she's regressed back to being 14-15 rather than being 18.
I mean, that would be great if she woke up, but because of her mom's earlier lifestyle of being in a band like the rock lifestyle consumed her mom's whole life and she kind of lives in it's former glory and is part of another band now and the fact the her mom lived with her grandma until my friend was 8, my friend has no healthy influence to make her realize her soon to be deadbeat lifestyle. Well, except her boyfriend's family who could have a positive influence, I've already talked to her boyfriends mom about my feeling about her future (his mom and I are friends).
I mean, I should of seen this coming we became friends in freshman year because I let her copy my warmups in our 1st period class because she was barely there. It was clear that she wasn't going to plan ahead, but now being on the twilight of adulthood and seeing a standstill in her growth, it's still frustrating.
I understand. I've been frustrated trying to help friends of my own in the past, so I definitely know the feeling. Sometimes they come around, sometimes you just have to accept that you tried your best and leave it at that. I have a lot of respect for people like you.
Making him go to college when he doesn't want to is not going to help him. It would only screw things up for him because if he doesn't want to be there, he won't put in the effort necessary to do a good job. Post secondary isn't for everyone and it's not necessary for any and all careers.
I'm not even sure if she'll go to community college this fall, she has no money saved up for classes. She says she'll get a full time job to pay for night classes, but she hasn't registered for fall classes (which needs to be done now, before the deadline) and she hasn't applied anywhere nor does she really want to.
You are a good friend to worry about her future and education. I don't have much to say besides that if she is refusing help, or she's ignoring advice, karma will bite her in the butt. But I can see that you do care for her and that even if she denies you, you will continue trying. I bet the only reason that she is apathetic is because her parents don't care too much about her. The way a parent treats their kid rubs off on the kid. I guess it would be best I she were to move away, but seeing as she doesn't care about even earning money to move out, or anything, it would be hard to convince her.
Honestly, all I can offer is my sympathy for her, and my point of view of the situation, I don't know a good solution to this problem here, but you can always try working stuff out with her, But to me it seems a bit hopeless. I admire you for sticking through all her flaws and worrying and caring for her. She soon has to realize, that if she doesn't care soon enough, she's going to lose everything that she has.
Her mom loves her and cares, but they honestly don't know how to parent. She wanted to move in with another girl who's nice, but she's made bad life choices and is self destructive by sleeping with anything that walks. Anyways, I suspected neither of them weren't to be roomie together because they have no job to pay for renting anything.
Even if she does loose everything, she'll deny it and blame it something else.
Just keep being there to encourage her. Understand that it's all you can do, and she won't change until she realizes that she wants to make a change for the better for *herself* and not for anyone else. Some people just don't "get it" until beyond high school.
DO NOT let it drag you down. It can be very frustrating to have to stand by and watch her when you already realize that there's more to life than living in your parent's basement and that it requires effort.
The problem is, she's never made a change for herself, she is so self destructive, she likes being a victim of fate. I'm worried that she won't get it.
Mostly, I don't let it drag me down, but when I do think about it, it makes me feel like crap for not being able to do anything. I mean, if her sister is an indicator she won't come to that realization at all in the near future
I'm glad that you're not letting it hinder you. In dealing with a member of my own family who has the potential to do something, but has continually thrown away all opportunities I understand how you feel. We've tried being harsh and punitive, we've tried using rewards, we've tried just giving suggestions w/o pressure. None of it has worked. In the end we've had to let him simply go his way and hope for the best, and continue to let him know we love him (though we won't coddle him in any way now or help unless it's something ABSOLUTELY necessary).
I don't know what you have tried so far, but have you had a talk about all of this? Find some time and ask her what she wants for herself...where does she see herself in 5 years? What goals does she have? Don't ask about school or try to pressure her, just see if she can provide some honest answers. Maybe no one has given her the chance to make goals that aren't what may be high pressure for her. Even if it's a simple goal like, get a part-time job, that's a start.
It's very difficult to stand by and know that you can't fix a problem like this. Again I would just tell you to keep encouraging her, and let her know that you have faith in her. Tell her you see so much potential for her, you don't want to see her end up like her sister. You should still critique her when she does really stupid shit (especially if no one else does) because real friends will call you out on that and help you through it.
Sadly, you won't see any change until she realizes that she wants to change her own situation. Often that only happens when they fall hard on their ass and have a rude wake-up call to reality. I wish you luck in this, but just remember you can only do so much - the rest is up to her.
I think you should try concentrating more on your career, all you can do as a friend is advice which you have done. If she refuses to understand then that's her fault not yours. I am not telling you to be mean but what if you spoil your career thinking about your friend's future, where will your future be?
She obviously can grow up even with help from others, however I think she will start waking up when she loses everything like her boyfriend and when her parents start screaming at her and when she has no friends to turn to.
Judging from the info you have, if she is actually alone and have no house to, she will go to someone's house and live off their income (not saying this is true but maybe)
She will wake up sooner of later, but you can't help her while she struggle if not she will revert back to her old ways
You see the thing is, her parents won't scream at her because her mom and step-dad have such a laisse-faire, parenting style they don't care. My friend's mom, lived with her mom, off and on until my friend was 8 years old. hEr older sister is also still living at home with no rent and she's 22. Even if she loses her boyfriend they could either have an on and off relationship or she would go into a spiraling depression.
No, if she doesn't have her parents house, she would totally do that, but I can't think of anyone who she's actually close enough to to do that.
Same here girl! I just can't help but worry about my friend. She's always ditching classes and stuff. Her boyfriends a jerk and I just worry for her. I understand how you want to help her and worry for her. I hope she'll come to her sensesXD
Is she taking drugs or smoking weed? That stuff can take the ambition right out of you. I point to the hippies of the 70's. Where did they wind up besides in communes? They had no interest in doing anything but smoking weed and taking other drugs. Now they look like those 2 guys from that big rig bounty hunter show.
It isn't your fault that she is being lazy and has no goals. You've tried helping her, which makes you a good friend. If you've done all you can do, then leave the subject alone and let reality slap her in the face.
I know, but since she'll live with her parents, reality won't slap her, she'll just be a loser. I just don't want to be home on break two years from now and see her still hanging out with high school kids, drinking/smoking with her boyfriend and wasting her life.
I mean we drifted away, but she pushed us away first.
I've sounded serious, I'm not sure if anyone will hire a girl with pink hair who has a deliquent reputation with the businesses at my town. It's mostly her boyfriend that does the shenanigans in question, but still. Honestly I thought they wouldn't last long, but they've been dating for a year, even though they're nothing alike.