Did she get help for the problem in the past? Even if it was a long time ago, it could seem very real to her if she never got proper help for it. I mean, obviously I don't know exactly what she went through but something happened to me a while ago. The person who did it got away with it so the thing still seems very real to me, but at least I have blackmail material. Perhaps that's what's happening to your friend. She could be crying out for help.
She got help from the past, from countless people and also profesional help She even has a therapist and a counselor for which she has not to pay for. :T
Yes the problem is real for her. However what happens is that everyone has problems, and i simply do not agree with wasting life away.
Now, i don't want to sound insensitive, specially when you tell me that the person that harmed you got away with it ): I know that is a little off topic, and i am a stranger to you, but i do believe that karma exists, which means that not only those who do harm will get what they deserve, but also means that if something was taken from you, it will be payed off
Yes... she was crying for help, thing is that when help arrived, she kept crying for help... Do you understand why do i see a problem there? /:
Ah, I see. Put that way, it does sound like it is the attention she is enjoying. I don't think there really is a lot you can do for her, but if you leave her then maybe she will see it as a wake-up call. Good luck!
I had to learn the hard way that Honesty is simply not always appreciated. Especially blunt honesty. It's like what happened to Galileo: if somebody's benefiting from a lie, they have no reason to discontinue the lie, and they can go to some truly terrifying lengths to keep it continuing.
If you want her back in your life, contact her. If you don't, don't. I understand it's hard to decide, but doubt in itself shows that you probably don't want her around, and you're probably (read: almost certainly) better off without her...
I sincerely hope you read my comment, because I feel I have to say something of value to you.
You might have been right about what you said to your friend, however, in friendship
being right does not matter
The truth is that if what you said separated you from your friend you might have to humble yourself, take it back and make up for it, as if you were wrong.
The reason is: people are not always able to handle the truth. Emotionally, people are all like little children. sometimes they just aren't ready at this point to handle the fact that their actions are wrong or destructive.
My advice would be to apologize and do whatever it takes to make up with your friend. This is a sacrifice, but it sounds like you care enough about your friend to perhaps make such a sacrifice. Then, learn to accept the fact that your friend needs time to grow up, mature and learn to handle her past in a healthy manner.
I do hope that you can work this all out.
remember this one: humility is the glue that sticks people together.
I like how you put your thoughts down on paper... Or in this situation, the screen
Yes, i absolutely agree, that being right doesn't matter, but i honestly don't think i did what i did because i wanted to be right, but because i was worried... And granted, i am not the best when it comes to speak carefully
I have been humbled by this by now, and what i am doing to make up for it, is that if she doesn't talk, i wont talk either
Why? Let me put you an example, have you seen this situation when a random person is in an art gallery and by accident this person stains a particular picture? Well, i feel like if i was that person, talking again to her would be like panicking about the piece, grabbing a cloth and started to "clean" my stain, just to realize i am making a bigger mess distorting the paint of the actual piece
Again, i would like to follow your advice and apologize... But i am scared of what would happen if we talk again. You say maybe she needs time to grow up, and i believe is true, but i also believe i need that. And at least for now, i know i wouldn't be able to handle all this in the best way it should
I'm trying to be more humble now I really appreciate your reply! Thanks!
Have you talked to that person since that happened? perhaps you simply need closure, in order to put it behind you. You tried to support this person so this isn't something that just happened - its something you care about. but from the sounds of things they aren't (or weren't ) in the best of places and not many people like having their problems told to them by other people even if it was necessary. Understand that it's something that just happened and that there isn't anything that you can do about it until they realize on their own that they have a problem. you really can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped - no matter how much you wish you could. You can't let someone else effect you like this - easier said than done, i know - on the end you have your own life and your own problems and you can't always be worried about someone else. It isn't good for you. Best of luck with everything.
Oh i definitively need closure! she just cut off communication like if i was a dog she got bored of, or something /: idk
Yeah, i understand what you tell me, i understand how it must be from her side, yet i was having some extra trouble moving on, but thanks to everyone that has replied to me over here i am making some progress (: thank you very much!
Oh i can't talk to her, i am scared to contact her by this point. If i am honest, i feel like it would only lead to a bigger mess /:
And has been like 5 months now, maybe she has moved on by now and doesn't matter to her, i don't want to come back and remind her things she already left behind. I'm she is struggling whit a lot right now..
Hehe i knot there is no point on holding onto this It's so damn annoying, because my mind is like: "What are you doing man?? MOVE ON ALREADY" But for some reason my soul was having trouble letting go, (from here came my conflict, therefore this post) But i am moving on, moving on! Getting troughhhhhhhhh (:
It's unfortunte but some people are like that. I have met people like this myself. Nothing we can do to help them, just best to not get involved really I think, though often we get involved then realise they crave attention.
I feel your pain, literally. I used to have friends that my life revolved around; when they were tired, they just dropped me. I had to cut ties, and was left with nothing.
Its been a couple years since, however I still hurts sometimes. I just look at the friends I made afterwards, and I'm glad that I've moved on because I would have never met my current friend. You'll find away out of the pain. ^^
It seems that there is a lot of people like this it seems :T what a bummer huh?
Yeah, she dropped me as well ): Just like that... I still need to make the "afterward friends", that is why i am having trouble haha.. i was left without anyone to talk about anything, including issues like this /:
But yes, i will find my way out (: I was just needing an extra help, for now Thank you!
Look, if they're going to villainize you, you really don't need that in your life. Move on forget about it. You don't need someone who is using self-pity to garner attention. You also do not need to be the one to fix it.
The thing about that, is that eventually it WILL backfire on her, you don't need to do anything. She'll get the attention she wants for a little while, but eventually people get tired of it, and she'll find herself alone wondering why she isn't getting the attention she wants anymore. At this point she'll either figure it out on her own, or continue to be alone. But that isn't your problem, so move on, leave her alone, and focus on your life.
By letting this affect you in any way, you're playing her game, you're giving her a reason to keep doing what she's doing. Best if you forget that she even exists. Best thing to do.
YEah you are right, it will backfire on her.. Is not something that i want to be, but like you said, i'm not the one to fix that mess.. I'm focusing the best i can! The forget she exists is so far the most difficult part, but i'm getting the hang of it, little by little Thanks!
I agree with siantjudas on his/her comment. --- the time will come where that person will lose all her friend because she is playing silly games. Don't Dwell on this too badly. Just start pulling away if you feel too attached. if not just drop it like its hot.
I've dealt with a few people like this and really the first one seems like its worth saving and helping but after dealing with it time and time again you just go f^ck it .
How is that positive addiction? It seems self-destructive to me. She honestly seems like she needed a wake-up call. Sometimes unless you say it in a straightforward way, it gets disregarded. ~~ Anyway, like everyone else said, you just have to move on. If she blew up about it rather than think, "Is this a bad thing I'm doing? Is this harmful?" then there's honestly nothing you can do for her. She has to see it herself.
Not necessarily. It might not be physically harmful, but it is pretty psychologically damaging, which leads to physical harm. If she can't garner attention with her stories, if she is addicted to attention enough, she'll turn to something else such as self-harm, harming others, or even crime.
Many women get into abusive relationships or worse because they didn't get the attention they wanted when they were younger. They stay because they get the attention and "love" they craved, even if it could kill them. This is one of those things that you have to stop early, because it will only get worse.
Also, rudeness is subjective. I didn't find it rude in the least. Whether one finds it rude or not, it should make them THINK, however.
Yes rudeness is subjective. But this person knows this girl. They will know how she will handle things. Some people would hear that remark and completely shut them down and make them worse. Some people actually would see it as a wakeup call. The OP should be more careful not to do more damage to this girl shes trying to help.
Even if i agree with you, that i probably should handle the situation a bit nicer (i tend to be a little rough when dealing with people), i pretty much disagree with the rest S: If you have a friend you see is throwing your life away, you just don't say anything at all?
And i do not know if there is such as a positive addiction, but at least in this situation it had nothing positive about it Unless if by positive you mean literally being for several days locked up in a room, without going to work or achieving real goals in life? Not to eat properly because you are too busy being hooked up to the internet constantly exposing your wounds instead?
No i didn't get jealous about her getting attention, i got worried because it was sad to see this happening, and then mad because she didn't want to change ):
Of course I would say something, but you have to be really gentle about it! Its more positive than what she could be doing.
And yes, obviously she needs help but instead of saying, "-Hey, I am sorry, but even if you are fooling everyone else with your self-pity, I can tell you are now addicted to all that attention!, that is not going to help you!" you could say, "Hey listen friend, I m really worried about you. It looks like you moved on from one addiction to another and I really want to help you get back to normal." Or something of the like.
It seems you've invested a lot of time and energy into helping this person. And therein lies the problem. I'll probably get trolled for this but I know what I know to be true. It may sound kinda hoaky but those bonds of emotional attachment are still strong. You've made conections on a deeper level and you can't just walk away. Distance and time will have little effect over this kind of empathic connection. The problem of course is that this is a two way street and wether she knows it or not she's seding a lot of negative energy your way and you can't block it.
So what to do? Well, knowledge is power and it's a step if you can acknowledge such an intangible thing as emotinal bonds. Second....you weren't wrong for calling her out but there are better ways to handle such things. For your own sanity I would return, apologise and tell her you are only concerned for her well being. Be positive. Remember that you, her and everyone here is capable of so much more than we even dare to realize. We can overcome any obstical, achieve any dream. We realy can do anything we want if we want it bad enough and work hard enough. You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true. You may have to work at it however.
If you can't talk to her then try a little visualization. See those bonds like threads and as you walk past her snap them. You may be surprised how well that works. Careful though, I believe those bonds are real and it could have some emotional back lash on her part.
Yeah... a lot was invested indeed, and i actually agree with pretty much all you are saying
I think you are right about me apologizing, but i think it is better just to left things as they are, and just step out of the picture, because, well lots of details i am not going to bore you with. Sometimes what we want (or what we think we want) is not the correct actions for others.. In this particular situation, her.
I will definitively try the last suggestion, i do believe this bonds you describe are a real thing! Thanks man