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February 10, 2013
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Can't do anything right

:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
I know this might sound like something that I have nothing to worry about, but I don't feel like I can do anything right anymore.

I've always felt like I've been the blame for anything at this point, whither I've been out too late with friends or my grades being not as good as they should have been, but I feel like there's just a hole in me now. I've lost interest in the things I did all the time like drawing and gaming. I've tried taking up new things to try and cheer myself up like watching MLP on a friend recomendation or playing LoL and starcraft but even then I feel like crap because I like them and am made fun of for liking it or not good at it.

My boyfriend always tells me that I have nothing to be sad about because of the home I have, loving parents (one is away all the time and the other seems to like to nitpick), and that I'm in college and should be happy. But it makes me feel worse for it. I know he's just trying to help, but I feel more like a burden for it.

Is this normal or is it just in my head? I just don't know what to do any more.

Sorry this was so long, I'm just looking for some answers.
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:iconanimegirlmika:
AnimeGirlMika Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Everyone has already provided great advice for you but I'd also like to add that I used to have a similar problem when I was in my teens but instead of suffering from severe disinterest, I was angry all the time, at everyone and everything and the smallest push could set me off. I found out, through happenstance, that it was my social environment that most heavily spurred my severe anger and my inability to deal with that anger. It was the people I was around and the home I was living in at the time; it was not a good place, it was a time in my life when the cops showing up at my home was a regular occurrence (not due to my actions but of those adults in the house at the time) and no one noticed the kids suffering. Once I finally got out of that place, different people, different house, it was like a veil lifted and I could finally see the world properly. That may sound stereotypical or cheesy, but it's absolutely true.

So my advice to you is: change your environment in whatever way you can. If you can move out on your own, consider doing so. Stay away from those people who make fun of you or tease you EVEN IN JEST. If possible, change schools. Your boyfriend sounds like a huge problem, it may be hard to part but I think breaking up and no longer seeing him would help immensely (and don't feel guilty about it!). I know how awful it feels to be so affected by a bad environment. Only you can tell what the worst part of it is and only you know what you can do to change it, but I wish you all the luck and courage you need to do so. I truly believe changing your environment will lift that veil from you, too!
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:iconlorien077:
Lorien077 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2013  Professional General Artist
Sounds like your bf is a real class act, invalidating your feelings and from the sounds of your replies abusing you. Because what he is doing is abuse. Dump him and see about making an appointment with a counselor or psychiatrist at your school.
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:icongenerallulz:
GeNeRaLLuLz Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013
Ditch him
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:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2013   Writer
It sounds like you're depressed, though obviously a professional would need to diagnose that.  And I understand what you're saying about feeling like a burden when your boyfriend tries to remind you of all the reasons you have to be grateful - that's obviously not helping, because depression can be brought on by a variety of things such as hormonal, chemical imbalances.  Feelings that stem from a chemical imbalance are not prone to logic, so your boyfriend is not going to be able to reason it away for you.  On the other hand, I would like to point out that your boyfriend is (probably) not a mental health professional, and no matter how well intentioned he may be, it's not fair to him, or yourself, to expect him to resolve this for you.  If these feelings have persisted for a long time, it's time to seek an educated, outside opinion. 
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:icontrampire:
Trampire Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
Maybe you should consider seeing a therapist!!
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:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
He just won't leave the car until tell him what's wrong or he gets pulled out.

I guess i'd say either tell him that what he's doing isn't ok or get away from him for a while.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Exactly.

And a good way to avoid shouting, would be to be in a relatively good mood when you start, and make him promise to not interrupt.
Also, now that it's apparent he is acting like this, you must be completely clear that his behavior is unacceptable.

And, sweetie... :hug: if he keeps acting like this, it's best to get away. And not just for a while.
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:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
I've been feeling like I've driving on empty for a while though anyway. Even before this all started. I haven't been wanting to go anywhere, lost intrest in my favorite past times and other things. I earned the nickname "Raccoon" or "Gengirl" (I know it's a joke, besides I like gengars anyway) because they assume that I haven't been getting any sleep or just walking up to people out of seemingly nowhere at time and being really quiet, something that used to be out of character for me.

Is that normal?
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No, not really. It sounds like there a a few things going on with you. It's not like I can diagnose you with depression of any kind, but there are some indicators.
You could also have some nutritional needs, so seeing your doctor, and having your blood tested, is a good idea.
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:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
I haven't been to the doctor in quite a while anyway. >.>' I guess i should go.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It would be a good place to start. Imagine if taking a few supplements could make you feel better.
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:iconfelissauria:
Felissauria Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
A common sign of depression is losing interest in things that you used to enjoy, like video games, drawing, etc.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I can't help you with all of it, but I can help you clear the boyfriend problem away: Tell him.

Yes, it's really that simple. See, I'm thinking he isn't a bad guy, he just doesn't know how to be there for you in the way you need. So you tell him.

Very important:
- Talk to him about this when you have NOT just had an incident. You know how, even though you love someone all the time, you don't always like them? Talk to him at a time where you both really like each other. Be positive.
- Start by asking him to hear you out without interrupting. You'll let him know when you're done talking.
- Broach the subject gently, and without blaming. Use phrases such as "I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate that you would do that for me, but it just isn't what I need. I know it's impossible to guess, so let me explain honestly."
- Tell him that yes, you understand he's only trying to help, but that he is making you feel worse. (He'll probably interject by saying that it shouldn't because bla bla bla, and he doesn't mean to. Cut that short and ask him: Does he want to help you feel better, or does he want to have his say regardless of whether it helps or not?)
- Tell him that even though he may never understand why you feel as you do, it can still be perfectly reasonable that you feel that way. You might not be a starving child in Africa with AIDS, whose parents are dead but still beating them, but pain doesn't compare that way. In your life, with your circumstance, you can still feel valid pain.
- Explain to him that you don't want him to fix your problems, but instead for him to LISTEN and to simply acknowledge that your feelings are valid, even though he doesn't understand.
Reassure him that he doesn't have to say much, as long as he just listens, hugs you, and doesn't try to mansplain why you shouldn't feel your feelings.


I bolded that last one, because it's essential.
I've been told by several guys that when their girlfriends express a problem, their very first thought is "How do I fix it?"
They don't always understand that they're not meant to. That what we need is for them to LISTEN and to EXPRESS ACCEPTANCE AND EMPATHY FOR OUR FEELINGS.
And that's a conflict waiting to happen: You tell a problem, he jumps into fix-it mode, you get upset that he doesn't listen to what you need, he gets upset that you don't appreciate his help, and both of you are frustrated that the other one doesn't get it.
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:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
I've wanted to tell him for a while, but every time he notices it I just try and hide it with a smile and go one with what I was going to do. I get scared of him fairly easily even though I know that he would never hurt me, but he gets loud and I tend to shy away.

Everything else just feels like a cluster of crap. Nothing really feels right anymore. I don't really know if this is even normal to loose interest in the things I used to like or get really frustrated faster than a snake on a hot street. -.-
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"I get scared of him fairly easily even though I know that he would never hurt me, but he gets loud and I tend to shy away."
What? No really, what is this?
You get scared of him? He yells so much, you get scared? He yells so much, you modify your behaviour out of fear?

That's abusive behaviour, and he is hurting you. Now I'm thinking he isn't just the typical nicely intentioned guy at all.

If you really want to give it a go with him (I think you need to get away from him, but it's not my call to make), you need to talk with him about how he scares you, and what his yelling is doing to you.
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:iconzuryuku:
zuryuku Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
Oh. I had never thought of it that way.

It's usually in the car since it's (as he puts it) "the only way I'll open up." I've told him time and again that I hate when he (and my mother, but she's since stopped once she realized that I have head phone and just won't answer) does that. He'll even stay in the car until I 'open up' until he's satisfied or his mom comes and gets him out of the car. His mom loves me like I was her own daughter and often gets onto him about it. I usually stay out of it, but I guess that's what it was about.
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:iconsvataben:
Svataben Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Am I understanding you right, that he keeps you in the car against your will, until he's satisfied you've "opened up" enough?
Or is he refusing to leave your car?

Either way, that's just not ok.

Read over this while thread again, and imagine that you were reading about a stranger.
What would you tell her?
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