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February 10, 2013
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Is love worth it?

:iconadorabledynamite:
AdorableDynamite Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2013
Although I have already written a journal entry on this exact thing, I felt this needed more attention, and I really need to talk about this to someone or risk doing something that I might regret... If I can prevent that by talking to people, then I will be mighty grateful...

I wish at least one of my parents would talk to me about their divorce... But they refuse so damn quickly...

I trust that before they got married, they did love each other... I mean surely, they are both smart enough to be sure about that before they come to such a mutual desicion... but I also know that they were and are incredibly incompatible and should not have been together to begin with. Can you believe it? You may want someone... and they may want you... but it is by being together, by giving in to love... that you hurt each other more than you could ever imagine... Two people, their lifestyle, their preferences... defeat their love... and it begins to feel as though that love was never there to begin with... If you are not going to put love first to everything... what good can it possibly be?

I'm afraid of starting a relationship... I'm scared that I will do the same mistake that my parents made... If I decide to be with someone I love, I willl either fail to consider the possible wrongs of doing so and stumble upon them (hurting us in the long-run), or I will refuse to begin and I will wind up lonely... I want to know how I can tell when and when not to make a move... How can we know when to make a move if we could be so sure... then later... realize we were stupid for thinking that way... and must break apart...? I don't want to put myself or anyone through that...
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Devious Comments

:iconmythicsonofgod:
MYTHICSONOFGOD Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
it is the only thing that is truly worth it.
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:icondefinitelyroark:
definitelyroark Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013
I have an Aunt and Uncle who have been married over 50 years, both of them know each other better then anything else can know another thing in the entire universe. They are in their 70's and they still go dancing, to parties, hiking, adventures in general. My Aunt laughs at my Uncle sometimes, and he makes fun of her occasionally as well, but they are both in love with each other still.

My Mother and Father were together for 40 years before my Father died. I held my mother in my arms for over an hour just minutes after he passed on. In my field I see incomprehensible sadness on a daily basis, but being so close to it, so apart of it -- I never in my life thought I could feel such sadness in another person as I did in my mother that day. It's not something she'll ever get over, either. She lives, and enjoys life, but any discussion that leads to my Father--even those that are saturated in happiness--lead her ultimately into sorrow.

This is a pattern common throughout my Family, and we're all of varying degrees of religious (from absolutely none to very) and political opinion (from highly 'conservative' to highly 'liberal'). There's been a single divorce within quite a few jumps on the family 'tree' and it was due to my cousins partner being highly unfaithful (in a relationship deemed exclusive).

I am not sure if it's genes, personality, environment, or what have you. My father gave me one of those 'talks' when he knew he was dying, I've spoken to my Uncle and others who have ludicrously well done marriages (some pairs in my family aren't even 'married' -- just been together for 20+ years). The advice all had their own flavor on it, but a general theme was to find someone who you could talk with about anything and compromise with. They are probably, in all honesty, all each others very best friends. That's exactly what I looked for.

Maybe some personalities that are compatible just don't jive with the forever theme or compromise. Maybe it's not that at all and maybe it's something I haven't even thought of. There really is only one certainty though, that is, if you don't try to find love it won't ever happen. If you decide the possible heartache is too much to bear, then so be it, but I stand by the phase, "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."
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:iconlaciemelhart:
LacieMelhart Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Professional Photographer
I've never been interested in relationships. My parents are married still and they sort of... tolerate each other? I don't even know how to put it... but it's not something I look at, admire and say "I want that." Now my grandmother and grandfather were soulmates - perfect for each other and they were really in love... That would be nice but I have a feeling finding a soul mate is super super rare. Falling in love and getting married have not and never will be at the top of my list, but if it's meant to happen it will.. I just feel sorry for the dude who's gonna have to break down my barriers.

However, being in a relationship or getting married because it's expected IE: after getting pregnant, being pushed into it because of career choices such as military etc... I don't feel like that's a good idea and it kind of seems like they end badly because people decide to just settle for mediocre results and it's not for the right reasons. Marriage should be a major deal and taken very seriously I mean, we have people in this country who can't get married to someone they've been with for 30+ years yet people get married and divorce a year later. I knew a 19 year old that had already been married and divorced, it's absolute madness.
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:icontachcavalier:
TachCavalieR Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome to my life :D
i have the same prob :D
But i now know that love is something that just happens...u cant control it!!.. love doesn't mean that people will stay together forever...its just a feeling that makes them want to stay together....and like all feelings it fades with time.
So the best thing u can do is find the girl you love(u'll know it when it happens) and keep on finding things u like about her for the rest of your life and hope that she does the same, which can be impossibly tough but you won't need to do that if you guys feel good together...and thats what keeps ppl together. Always Remember That!! in simple words: Go for the girl who makes you feel good when u are spending time with her :)
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:iconadorabledynamite:
AdorableDynamite Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
...Can't really argue with that advice...

It sucks though that I cannot control it... I'd like to have some say in the matter... Even being able to stop myself from loving someone would be good...
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:icontachcavalier:
TachCavalieR Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
and...live a life without a girl?? :?
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:iconadorabledynamite:
AdorableDynamite Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013
I've done so for 18 years. It's not THAT terirble... Even so, I guess it can be pretty lonely at times, and it would be nice to have someone to care for, and to have that someone care for me... I don't know whether or not it is best to remain independent...
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:icontachcavalier:
TachCavalieR Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
ur 18 too :D
Ya i feel the same way since 18 years,My story's a bit different though :) it can get lonely at times :( But....we have our whole lives ahead of us...Who knows what the waves my bring in :D
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:iconadorabledynamite:
AdorableDynamite Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013
I don't even know if I want the waves to come...
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:icontachcavalier:
TachCavalieR Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
u r depressed :(
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