I have an Aunt and Uncle who have been married over 50 years, both of them know each other better then anything else can know another thing in the entire universe. They are in their 70's and they still go dancing, to parties, hiking, adventures in general. My Aunt laughs at my Uncle sometimes, and he makes fun of her occasionally as well, but they are both in love with each other still.

My Mother and Father were together for 40 years before my Father died. I held my mother in my arms for over an hour just minutes after he passed on. In my field I see incomprehensible sadness on a daily basis, but being so close to it, so apart of it -- I never in my life thought I could feel such sadness in another person as I did in my mother that day. It's not something she'll ever get over, either. She lives, and enjoys life, but any discussion that leads to my Father--even those that are saturated in happiness--lead her ultimately into sorrow.

This is a pattern common throughout my Family, and we're all of varying degrees of religious (from absolutely none to very) and political opinion (from highly 'conservative' to highly 'liberal'). There's been a single divorce within quite a few jumps on the family 'tree' and it was due to my cousins partner being highly unfaithful (in a relationship deemed exclusive).

I am not sure if it's genes, personality, environment, or what have you. My father gave me one of those 'talks' when he knew he was dying, I've spoken to my Uncle and others who have ludicrously well done marriages (some pairs in my family aren't even 'married' -- just been together for 20+ years). The advice all had their own flavor on it, but a general theme was to find someone who you could talk with about anything and compromise with. They are probably, in all honesty, all each others very best friends. That's exactly what I looked for.

Maybe some personalities that are compatible just don't jive with the forever theme or compromise. Maybe it's not that at all and maybe it's something I haven't even thought of. There really is only one certainty though, that is, if you don't try to find love it won't ever happen. If you decide the possible heartache is too much to bear, then so be it, but I stand by the phase, "it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."

I've never been interested in relationships. My parents are married still and they sort of... tolerate each other? I don't even know how to put it... but it's not something I look at, admire and say "I want that." Now my grandmother and grandfather were soulmates - perfect for each other and they were really in love... That would be nice but I have a feeling finding a soul mate is super super rare. Falling in love and getting married have not and never will be at the top of my list, but if it's meant to happen it will.. I just feel sorry for the dude who's gonna have to break down my barriers.

However, being in a relationship or getting married because it's expected IE: after getting pregnant, being pushed into it because of career choices such as military etc... I don't feel like that's a good idea and it kind of seems like they end badly because people decide to just settle for mediocre results and it's not for the right reasons. Marriage should be a major deal and taken very seriously I mean, we have people in this country who can't get married to someone they've been with for 30+ years yet people get married and divorce a year later. I knew a 19 year old that had already been married and divorced, it's absolute madness.

Welcome to my life
i have the same prob
But i now know that love is something that just happens...u cant control it!!.. love doesn't mean that people will stay together forever...its just a feeling that makes them want to stay together....and like all feelings it fades with time.
So the best thing u can do is find the girl you love(u'll know it when it happens) and keep on finding things u like about her for the rest of your life and hope that she does the same, which can be impossibly tough but you won't need to do that if you guys feel good together...and thats what keeps ppl together. Always Remember That!! in simple words: Go for the girl who makes you feel good when u are spending time with her

Try this friends.

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You're looking at the surface, seeing the waves and beginning to fathom the depths of the ocean.

Love is not here only to be a fun, exciting time. Sometimes love is here to break us down and show us things in ourselves that we could not have seen without being broken down. Love is here to shake our our broken branches so that new sprouts can grow from the wounds. Full love will take you to the height of joy and the depths of sorrow.

It is the pain of knowing someone else like you know yourself. However, many do not really know themselves. They know only the masks that they wear and therefore they cannot see beyond the masks of others. It happens often that two people put on masks that work well together for a long time and then the masks come off and suddenly they don't recognize each other anymore. It's most likely that this is what happened to your parents. They may be intelligent, they may be wonderful people, that doesn't matter though if they don't know themselves truly.

The masks come off and suddenly they see raw ego and since a lot of people don't see anything in themselves beyond ego it becomes a battle. There is much more to us than our "idea of self". We have a deep and vast core capable of understanding and acceptance that is only limited by the degree with which we identify ourselves as an egoic structure. This structure is necessary but it's also necessary to see beyond it and know the depth of the ocean that we all are.

Love is totally worth it ^^. My parents have been together for years and fight all the time, but they always seem to reconnect and love each other again. You have to maintain the right mindset and trust that your significant other will love you no matter what.

Divorce is a hard thing to deal with when it's happening close to you.

But you have to realise that it is a GOOD thing.

Love is fluid. It does change over time. It's normal and healthy for people to grow apart. Sometimes after a brief fling of a romance that lasted a summer, sometimes after many years. It happens because our needs change and we never stop growing as people.

It's also very common with middle-aged people whose children have left the nest or are about to leave the nest. It seems like once the parenting period of their lives is over, the parts of their bond based on young-rearing have served their purpose and draw to a natural close. They're entering a new phase of their life and as such, their needs are changing and they are becoming different people than they were while you were growing up.

It's all okay, and it's all normal. One day you will get married and you may well decide after many years that a divorce is what will make you happiest, and that's okay. Changing your mind doesn't invalidate any of the good experiences that you had. Spending a good portion of your life on a good relationship and then leaving it does not mean that any of that time was wasted. Live for the now; the important thing is to do whatever will make you happiest in any given moment. If that path leads you to spend a lifetime with one lovely person well that's great, but spending it with several lovely people is just as good because you were still happy the entire time.

The only mistake people make is trying to cling on to a bad relationship just to meet standards of social approval because the pretense is more important to them than their own wellbeing. Don't do that.

This is a question that I ask myself a lot, actually. My parents are strikingly similar to yours.
When I grew older, I started taking note of all their arguing and wondered why they never got divorced. I speculate it's because they don't want my youngest sister to go through the pain of her parents separating even though she loves and gets along with both of them fairly well. Had they divorced earlier on, I don't think I would've been able to handle it, either.
I won't pretend to understand what your parents were thinking when they divorced, but perhaps they didn't want to keep hurting each other over what they viewed as a lost cause, and indirectly, you, the bystander.
I've heard sad stories about people who suffered from their parents' divorces - self-pity, blame, depression, etc. So while one part of me feels grateful that they stuck together for the sake of me and my sisters, I still felt hurt seeing them argue and attack each other verbally almost daily growing up. Perhaps they wanted to spare you and themselves from that.
Our parents might not have been completely right, but it is the choice that they made.
I don't think that you should completely reject having a relationship. Your parents are just one of the millions of people out there, so it is a bit unfair to all those decent guys out there if you discriminate them because of them, eh?
Even if you decide to never take things to that level, there are all different kinds of love, such as friendship. If you don't feel that you're ready to commit yourself to anyone in that sense, you always have friends or perhaps siblings that care for you.

Haha, it feels strange typing all that when I came here also looking for answers. Some musing on the part of someone in the same boat?
Anyhow, I hope that was somewhat helpful, even if only a tiny bit, and I hope that you'll be able to find a satisfactory response to your question.

I haven't read everyone's comment here, but I'm going to go out on a very short limb and assert that they are all wrong.

Marriage is Hard. That is a fact. I don't know if you have any siblings, but even to love a sibling is hard. The difference is that a sibling you are given by blood, therefore it seems normal to love through difficulty. but in a Marriage, people think that because they chose to get married, they can choose to divorce. because they felt nice and followed their hedonism, they can follow it again.

but here's a couple facts. the larger percentage of divorced people are less happy than those who stick with their marriage. Even if it is an unpleasant marriage, divorce is worse.
When people got arranged marriages in the past, these problems weren't there. Why not? because people weren't so full of themselves, weren't following their emotions.

The biggest mistake of modern romance is this: following your emotions.

I repeat, with emphasis: FOLLOWING YOUR EMOTIONS IS A MISTAKE.

that is why the divorce rate is so high, and that is why people have such problems in their marriage, and they don't know how to handle them.

If you want to avoid the problems of your parents, start with this: Stop thinking in a lovey-dovey fashion, and learn to see things as they are: ordinary, plain, and ugly. If you are able to accept and marry someone with qualities that you can hate with all your being, you will be able to stick with them, and weave your personalities together, becoming a symboitic union.

If you are not able to accept someone with qualities that you hate with all your being, forget marriage entirely, and be single the rest of your life.

signing out, -SoF

love is only worth it if you feel it's worth it. When the day comes and you find someone that you can see yourself with for a long time, then you'll know the answer.