TheMarcherFeatured By OwnerFeb 11, 2013Hobbyist Photographer
Yeah me and my girlfriend did. I was like your guy, working and studying a lot. But we tried to make the weekends count as much as possible. And it was nice to have to short periods together because you valued the time you got and there was no time to fight about stupid stuff that you do when you live together.
So try to at least stay the night sometimes. And if everything works out and he realizes that there is more in life than work (took me long enough...) then it might work out.
If he does not make these sacrifices then he might not be the one.
that sounds like a very complicated relationship, long distance or not. I think you need to consider how you feel, and even ask yourself if your needs are being met. To me it doesn't sound like it is worth it, but it's entirely up to you.
That's a really important thing to know and understand.
If he's doing it to get a big raise/promotion and there is a time down the line where he's not going to be working all the time, you just have to work with his time management abilities until then. But you need a definitive gameplan/timeline. Or if his work is project oriented you should expect to see more of him between projects.
If he's a work-a-holic because he's one of those people who does a tremendous amount of free work (bringing shit home all the time) for his bosses to maintain favor or he's one of those unfortunate people who desperately do anything they can for bosses regardless of the payoff for a any of a multitude of irrational reasons you should move on. People like that will ditch their own families for the stupidest of reasons for their jobs/bosses. I knew a moron like that and it was a nightmare for his wife. I'm glad she left the asshole.
If he's a workaholic because that's just what he does, then you need to get him to understand that you're not getting as much time as you think you should in the relationship.
If his future plans do not include you, why do you include him in your life? What do you want in the relationship?
What I think:
He likes you. How much I don't know. But since you go to him he can keep you around until you're too much trouble. Even though he may not be thinking like that he's operating like it. Basically as long as you're going to him and not making him spend time away from work for your needs he'll be cool.
If you try to get him to spend more time on you and the relationship and he gets annoyed or angry, it's 100% proof positive you're a fling.
If he makes an effort to address some of your needs, you might have something.
You're totally right! Thank you so much for this reply (: Neither he nor I have been in a lot of relationships so we both know we have our own personal issues about them. The "keep you are around until you're too much trouble" thing is a real eye opener. I never thought of it like that. I guess the best way to test that is like you said, I need to simply lay out all my terms on the table right upfront, and if he compromises then it's all good, but if he gets annoyed/upset than I need to move on. Thanks so much!!
Very true. In a perfect world, I'd stay with him every weekend (Saturday+Sunday), and talk to him on the phone at least a few times during the week. He gets 4 weeks paid vacation a year, so again, in a perfect world, I'd take a week off from work and we'd spend a week of it together. In reality, he just never really includes me in his future plans. I feel like I'm not his girlfriend, but an occasional hobby -_- haha
Yeah, it is. I know I could find more "convenient" relationships closer to wear I live, but I really love him and was really excited when he asked me to date him. I suppose I'll just have to tough it out and see what happens, and if things continue down this road for a long time, then yeah I'll have to tell him "look I either need more attention or I need to go."
158 miles down there, 158 miles back home. That's one full tank of gas for my car, meaning I'm filling up my car twice a week now. I consider that long distance xD (Though I agree, it's not as if he's across the country.)
I've brought it up subtly but he never really understands what I'm getting at. How do I ask him to make time for me without sounding selfish? :/
My long distance relationship spanned 3000km. I have a friend in Canada dating someone in Germany, and another friend in Israel dating someone in Australia. Sorry, I just don't see something as small as a 3 hour drive long distance.
Ask him what he expects out of the relationship? Like, why are you dating me when we only see each other 2 or 3 times a month? Why even date? Could it be possible for you to work a little bit less hard so we can actually spend more time together?
Have you thought about moving closer to him maybe? Unless you guys aren't that close and that would feel kinda creepy.
Wow, those are definitely long distance relationships! Compared to those, 3 hours is nothing xD How do your friends manage? Are they happy or do they also have insecurities about their relationships?
We've only been dating a short amount of time but we've known each other for a rather long time. I was going to bring up the possibility of us someday living together, because he has made it clear to me that he is eventually hoping for a "permanent" relationship with me (meaning marriage.) And then last week, he dropped to bomb shell on me that his older brother will be moving in with him in a few months. And now I have no idea what to do T_T
But what if I let him go and he thinks I'm not interested anymore? D: He's the kind of guy that never pushes his feelings on others, so if I leave he'll think I seriously don't want to be with him and he won't purse me for fear of bothering me. :/
The way I look at it, you'll simply have to make a few compromises. At this point, if you're both sincere about maintaining a relationship of that gravity, I'm sure you can both persevere and bear the trials with enthusiasm. Otherwise, someone is going to have to make a sacrifice. Sticky situation I'd say. That probably didn't help at all, .
Thanks for the reply (: Yeah, I already knew I'd have to make sacrifices to be in a long distance relationship. I don't even mind that we don't get to see each other a lot. I just wish there was some way I could make him more interested in me than his work once in a while, you know? I want him to talk to me during the week dammit. Even a text would be awesome at this point >_<
Personally, I think this is friction caused by the cliche idea that certain personalities do not mix, haha, but that doesn't mean one can't work around that stigma. I get where he's coming from, because I'm the same type of person in that I put my work over literally everything and everyone else. I couldn't be bothered to make time for other people let alone answer texts a lot of the time, but that's just a way of being. I'm sure he's delighted to be with you, but unfortunately he has a characteristic that tends to steal away his attention at times, I would figure.
When we first got together, I thought I'd be fine because I'm also the type of person who hardly keeps up with my texts, and I need a lot of alone time. But I guess now that I'm with him I realize that I probably like him even more than I originally thought I did, and that makes me want to give up my alone time in order to monopolize him. And the fact that he doesn't want to give anything up in order to spend more time with me just makes me a little worried.
Maybe it would be good to get back to your own roots and perhaps you'll see a balance develop there! I mean, it could be a lot worse. At least the guy sounds like an honest to goodness hard worker. Could be an alcoholic rather than a workaholic, haha.