Mainting a long distance relationship with a workaholic?

~inubasket Feb 9, 2013

Okay so, I've recently starting seeing this guy who lives about 3 hours away from me. He's great and sweet and blah blah, it's a nice relationship.

BUT. He's a serious, serious workaholic.

He works 5 days a week (10+ hour shifts.) He has weekends off but he brings home projects and works on them, too. He has told me over and over that he definitely wants a relationship with me. And since I'm the one that drives 3 hours to see him all the time (because he has his own place and I don't), he treats me to dinner and dates... on the weekend... only lasting a couple hours before I have to go home again so he can work.

He's terrible at keeping up with texts and doesn't like to talk on the phone, so his preferred method of communication during the week is Skype because he can use it while at work. But MY job doesn't allow me to use skype. So we just don't talk on it.

TL;DR version: He works ALL the freaking time and therefore we only see/talk each other every weekend/every other weekend. Is there ANYthing I can do to make this relationship a little easier? Has anyone else had to go through the hardships of long distance relationships but still succeeded?

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Devious Comments

~TerroristGaspa Feb 11, 2013

Tell him your ready and actually try it out, what do you have to lose

!TheMarcher Feb 11, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

Yeah me and my girlfriend did. I was like your guy, working and studying a lot. But we tried to make the weekends count as much as possible. And it was nice to have to short periods together because you valued the time you got and there was no time to fight about stupid stuff that you do when you live together.

So try to at least stay the night sometimes. And if everything works out and he realizes that there is more in life than work (took me long enough...) then it might work out.

If he does not make these sacrifices then he might not be the one.

~LBtheCC Feb 10, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

Surely you can find someone willing to meet your needs within your own town.

^3wyl Feb 10, 2013 Hobbyist Photographer

If you want to make it work, then talk to him about it and see if he can compromise.

Though, really, if both of you have to change drastically for this, then I can't say that's right.

So yeah, it may be better just to let him go because he doesn't seem ready even if he says he is. His actions say differently and that's what matters.

~DutchConnaisseur Feb 10, 2013

I can't see how this relationship works at all.
Break up, move on. Plenty of fish in the sea.

~Atlantech Feb 9, 2013 Hobbyist Digital Artist

that sounds like a very complicated relationship, long distance or not. I think you need to consider how you feel, and even ask yourself if your needs are being met.
To me it doesn't sound like it is worth it, but it's entirely up to you.

*EbolaBear Feb 9, 2013

Have you identified why he works so much?

That's a really important thing to know and understand.

If he's doing it to get a big raise/promotion and there is a time down the line where he's not going to be working all the time, you just have to work with his time management abilities until then. But you need a definitive gameplan/timeline.
Or if his work is project oriented you should expect to see more of him between projects.

If he's a work-a-holic because he's one of those people who does a tremendous amount of free work (bringing shit home all the time) for his bosses to maintain favor or he's one of those unfortunate people
who desperately do anything they can for bosses regardless of the payoff for a any of a multitude of irrational reasons you should move on. People like that will ditch their own families for the stupidest of reasons for their jobs/bosses.
I knew a moron like that and it was a nightmare for his wife. I'm glad she left the asshole.

If he's a workaholic because that's just what he does, then you need to get him to understand that you're not getting as much time as you think you should in the relationship.

If his future plans do not include you, why do you include him in your life?
What do you want in the relationship?

What I think:

He likes you. How much I don't know. But since you go to him he can keep you around
until you're too much trouble. Even though he may not be thinking like that he's operating like it.
Basically as long as you're going to him and not making him spend time away from work for your needs he'll be cool.

If you try to get him to spend more time on you and the relationship and he gets annoyed or angry, it's 100% proof positive you're a fling.

If he makes an effort to address some of your needs, you might have something.

Good luck

~inubasket Feb 9, 2013

You're totally right! Thank you so much for this reply (: Neither he nor I have been in a lot of relationships so we both know we have our own personal issues about them. The "keep you are around until you're too much trouble" thing is a real eye opener. I never thought of it like that. I guess the best way to test that is like you said, I need to simply lay out all my terms on the table right upfront, and if he compromises then it's all good, but if he gets annoyed/upset than I need to move on. Thanks so much!!

*EbolaBear Feb 10, 2013

Indeed!

Everyone likes breakfast in bed when they're the ones getting it right?
Same thing here.

If you two have a good honest conversation about the relationship you'll both learn a lot and hopefully work something out.

I used to 90 miles (one way) multiple times a month for almost two years before I got tired of potential asshole in-laws and their mental problems.

^neurotype Feb 9, 2013 Hobbyist General Artist

What do you want out of a relationship? Kind of boils down to that, I think.

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