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February 9, 2013
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problems with my dad

:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013
I am ashamed to have stooped so low as to come crawling to the deviantART forums for help on a personal issue, but so far I haven't been getting much help anywhere else and I'm slowly becoming more and more desperate

I grew up in a (conservative) christian home. my dad just retired from the USAF after at least 20 years of service, during which time he was deployed many times. his biggest one was the time he went to Iraq for 7 months and came home seemingly normal at the time but with a case of PTSD which I believe was never taken care of. only recently had he told us that he cannot sit with his back to open space at the dinner table and therefore must sit with his back to a wall

my dad had always been strict and always gave my three siblings and me a good whooping when we needed it. however after he came back from Iraq (I was around 13 or 14 at the time) his temper became explosive, and over the course of a couple of years his "spankings" escalated into hitting and leaving bruises. he would become angry about the smallest things and would scream and yell for seemingly no reason whatsoever

this, of course, was a bad time for me to start realizing that I was gender variant and attracted to women. the moment my dad found out all hell broke loose. he drove me out about 10 miles away from the house where he gave me a traumatizing lecture on Hell and threatened to kick me out of "his" house if I spoke a single word he didn't like. I didn't say anything so he left me there and drove away. I he turned around 45 minutes later and assured me that he loved me and God would make it all better if I never spoke of what happened there

it happened a second time, after I had written a letter officially coming out to him as attracted to women. we had friends over the day he decided to take me for a "walk" but I refused to go with him and locked myself into my bedroom. my fears were confirmed when he started pounding on my door and dragged me downstairs by my hair when I finally opened it up. he repeatedly pushed me against a tree and decided to drive me off to a church parking lot when faced with the thought of being caught by the police. he continued screaming into my face the entire drive and trying to convince me that I have a "sin disease" that God can help me overcome

sometime later we went to the hospital for a regular checkup and my sister was found with bruises under her arms. the doctors called CPS but my dad convinced them they had no reason to be concerned. after that incident he learned his lesson and resorted only to hitting us on the head whenever he was angry at us, so that no bruises would show

over the last year and a half my dad slowly found out about my gender variance and became increasingly hostile toward me. I can name several incidents where I was hit repeatedly on the head, thrown to the ground, pushed against the wall, backed into a corner screamed at, and threatened to be kicked out of the house whenever I had an emotional meltdown about my physical sex

the last incident was about 3 and a half weeks ago (though it might as well have been yesterday due to the way it's ingrained into my head). the next day I reported it to my school counselors, who reported it to CPS. I still haven't gotten a response from them and I don't think I will anytime soon or at all. since then I've been looking on the internet for pro-LGBT organizations can help me out of this situation, but so far I can't find anything satisfactory and have only encountered information on school bullying and not abusive home environments

does anyone know who I can contact or any hotlines I can call if another incident occurs?
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:iconblackfyrevalyrian:
BlackfyreValyrian Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
[link] <--- a list of hotlines
Please, please report him. To the police. To CPS. Keep calling, keep trying. You're not only in danger, your sibling is. He is being incredibly abusive and needs mental help. I'm so sorry this happened to you and I hope your situation gets better. ):
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:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2013
thanks
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:iconfreyaferen:
FreyaFeren Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.

It's incredible how hard it can be to get help in such a situation. Be it from school or the police etc.

For example a friend of mine had a similar situation where her dad "got smart" after almost getting caught and started to make sure there are no mark left after a beating.
It got really bad one time when he took her to nearby woods for a beating - scared the hell out of her. There were no marks on her though so she made the bruises on her own and went to the police with a recording she made earlier. She tried to get help for months before that incident but people got really interested only after she got the "proper evidence" -_- At least she FINALLY got some help and a restraining order.
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:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
the school counselors gave me a hard time and we insistent that I must have done something to set him off
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:iconfreyaferen:
FreyaFeren Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't think i ever met a helpful school counselor - sometimes i wonder how such thickheaded and inconsiderate people even get a job like that.
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:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Mar 18, 2013
my last counselor was really nice and understanding, but not the ones at my new school
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:iconrenstalker:
renstalker Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
That sounds awful :-( I'm not sure what to suggest except informing your tutors at college and seeing where it goes from there - you can't let your father treat you like that.

How old are you by the way hun? Is it possible to move out with friends or relatives?
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:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
I'll be 18 soon
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:iconrenstalker:
renstalker Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Could you move out, or would this be too drastic / no work opportunities / way of supporting yourself?
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:icondadona777:
dadona777 Featured By Owner Mar 4, 2013
my dad promised to cut my tuition payment if I leave
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