Don't let her be alone with him. I'm afraid he'll do something more than just throw her on the bed. I would be with her when she breaks up with him as well. It would probably help to talk to him, and maybe there's a school therapist/regular therapist so he can talk to them.

Phones are a wonderful thing. It sounds like moth needs time to work up the courage to break up with Shorty. She can record a couple of the tantrums without him knowing -even voice recording while the phone is in her pocket would work. Then, when she's ready to break up with him, she needs to get all of her stuff away from him and go to everyone one-on-one and explain things, with proof that she's telling the truth. The important thing here is that she does NOT offer ultimatums, because then she will lose everyone as friends.

If she explains something along the lines of "Me and Shorty are breaking up, and I'm not going to make you choose who to be friends with. I just want you to know my side, because I'm scared that I'll loose you as a friend, and I don't want that to happen." Then explain the story with the evidence.

Also: She needs to make sure she has copies of the evidence. Preferably with a copy on your stuff that Shorty doesn't know about. That way if he tries to throw a tantrum and damage the phone, it won't destroy the evidence. This might sound like paranoia, but you never know with guys like that.

If I believed that therapists can actually fix this guy, I'd say he needs therapy. I quite literally mean FIX HIM because there's something wrong with his venting. My partner tends to vent in a similar way sometimes, to the extend of say, throwing his cellphone to the floor. It's not healthy, but it's not punching walls and doors for the drop of a hat either. That's bloody teenage behavior.

It's been said here before: she must break up with him. Some men just tend to vent that way, but if my partner would ever throw ME instead of whatever of his own things he has near him, it'd be over in a heartbeat. I love him very much but that's just how it is. Even if it's happened only once, it's only likely to happen again later.
It might be painful for her to do so, even though he's obviously an ass, she might still love him. But it is as it is: this is for the sake of her own life. And later she will thank herself for ending this.


If she's worried about his reaction - which we all are at this point, I think - she could start by very slowly taking her belongings away from his place. But chances are that he'll notice this. It's better that she gets some help from you and other friends to get it all out there in one trip, then break the news, possibly with you and other friends by her side. (Assuming he's only such a violent ass when they're alone together. If he loses it then, at least she won't be unprotected and others can see what kind of a guy he truly is.)



And honestly? Losing some friends over this isn't a big deal. In fact, if they can't support her for leaving an abusive partner, they're hardly friends at all.

Lesson learned- when you are not over or through with a previous relationship, don't rebound into another. Things do not usually end up well and your choices are usually clouded by wanting to move on in your life too quickly. Sometimes you just need time to heal before you can move on.

First thing's first. She needs to cut contact and she needs to cut it now. There is absolutely no question at all as to whether or not she should break up with him. He has shown himself to be violent, manipulative, destructive, and possessive. It will only get worse.

When she breaks up with him, she must NOT be alone. He will react poorly. Make sure you are with her or nearby. She must not break up with him in private, it must be in a place where there are MANY people. If it is in private, he may react violently and two or three people might not be able to control the situation. Furthermore, in public, he cannot prevent her from leaving and if he chooses to follow or harass her, there will be help nearby.

Contact must be completely broken. If he is as persistent as you say, he will cause problems afterwards. If necessary, she can file a restraining order against him. This may mean giving up some friends, but if he is as batshit insane as you make him out to be, they'd have to be crazy not to see through him eventually, particularly after the breakup.

I know Shorty is a friend of yours and you feel like you should defend him a bit, but that behaviour is completely out of line and there is no need to protect him. He's abusive, plain and simple, and people defending him only enable that behaviour. Please support your friend and let him be. He deserves no sympathy and had it coming.

She needs to run, and run fast. Also have her record everything. If there are still bruises from her being thrown on the bed, she needs to photograph them. It's always better to have too much evidence instead of too little. If he throws tantrums, I would just have her clear her stuff out when he's not there (if they currently live together) and break up from afar, if she needs temporary shelter, have her check into the local battered women's shelter. I would also think she should go to a therapist for both her anxiety, and to help her heal from any emotional abuse. It seems from the story you tell she was forced into this relationship, and there could be some serious retribution from Shorty either physical or psychological, and she needs a professional support system to help her weather that.

she needs to dump that piece of shit ASAP. He is putting her through emotional abuse which is just as bad as physical abuse. Not to mention that he is controlling and she doesn't need that in her life. Tell her to dump him and get a restraining order if necessary.

I dated a guy very similar to this a couple years ago, and I did not break up with him properly. I saw him in person and I tried to calmly explain my reasoning, and he held me hostage in his dorm where he harassed and terrorized me for like two hours until his roommate got home and was kind enough to help me leave. He then proceeded to call me like three times a day to rant and rave and I let him because it seemed like the "fair" and "gentle" thing to do. Wrong, wrong, wrong. I would say that while your friend wanting to have a conversation is normal and polite, it's also entirely unnecessary.

If she's not happy, she can break up with him however she wants (even if he was as sweet and charming to her as he is to everyone else). And if he's the type to berate and scare her into a panic attack, I'd suggest dumping him over the phone in as few words as possible. All she needs to say is, "I'm not happy in this relationship anymore, so I'm out." The end, and cut ALL contact with this person (I wish I'd done this). It's rough and the shared friends will think her mean for it, but the harsh reality is that this guy will make them hate her regardless of how delicately she tries to end things, so she might as well be as abrupt as she can be. What will happen later is many of these same friends will start to notice that he's acting weird about things and they'll start to figure things out. She won't have them all back, but I think in time it will surprise her to see how many of them will come around and apologize for being dismissive.

But seriously. If she insists on breaking up in person, she cannot do it in a private setting. I know doing that stuff over dinner or in the park is not super classy, but she needs to think of her own safety first and foremost. I still think over the phone is best, so she can hang up whenever he gets too nasty.

Moth needs to kick Shorty to the side and dump anyone in the social circle that chooses to side with a possessive moron.

Moth's goals in school are to be educated and maybe even graduate, so she should be too busy to
worry about Shorty.

Moth should secretly record Shorty's outbursts and 'asshole' sessions and then show them to people if she needs to.

Also, since there is abuse involved, why hasn't Moth called school security or the police?
That should be one of the things she does the next time he throws a tantrum. As soon as the asshole starts throwing things she needs to leave the room and call for help. If he tries to stop her that is even more reason to get out by any means possible and then call for help.

Moth also needs a new place to live.

I've known a few guys who are pretty similar to Shorty. Not so much on the physical abuse and unbridled crazy, but in terms of being very bad, selfish, and manipulative guys who are looked upon favorably by the rest of the population.

Think about it: the reason why these guys' "image is very important to him and he loves to be loved by everyone" is for the alibi. The more people love him, the less likely they are to believe that he would ever treat people the way he treats them. The less likely girls like your friend Moth are to try to malign him.

Why do you still want to be friends with this person? What value could you possibly find in his friendship?

Sounds like you're a good friend to her, so even if not everyone's so loyal, she has you at least and I'm sure a few others.

Obviously she needs to break up with him. He sounds like a douche and her staying when she doesn't feel comfortable around him will only make her feel worse. I'd recommend that she does it in the most mature, calm way she possibly can - even if he throws a tantrum she should just leave - because then it gives people more reason to listen to her side of the story if she's the one acting good and he's not. Aside from that, if some friends ditch her without a moment's thought, it'll suck but it's not the sort of thing a wonderful friend would do anyway.