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February 2, 2013
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Replies: 33

I don't know..

:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013
Let me start out by saying I'm sorry if my issues are dumb in any way.
-------

My bf had been gone from home 6 days for personal reasons and when he came back he spent his time playing games and on the computer.
(Now, he's a very attentive boyfriend even though sometimes he spends more time on the pc than I'd like.)

The whole time he was gone he kept telling me he'd spend more time with me to help me keep my mind off my
anxiety. So when he came home and I noticed we didn't really spend time like I'd hoped I felt worried that I did something wrong
or that maybe he was too tired. So the next day I let him spend time on his computer.

I felt upset because I thought he missed me, but I didn't want to complain too much because I felt too selfish.


A day after he came back, he had to go back to help his mom with something.

Now, having anxiety I don't spend days alone too well (I start worrying and having panic attacks and sleep paralysis) so I told him to come back soon because of the way I felt, and he said he'd be back to spend time with me and go out to keep our minds off stress.

So happily, I let him go. Later that day I started having major stomach pains and of course, I panicked and they started again.

I kept myself as calm as possible by telling myself to wait until he came back, because then we would
go out and it would all be better. I tried playing games, drawing, and talking to friends, but the anxiety started growing
into fear that he would not come back and that I'd have to spend the weekend alone.

He eventually messaged me saying his mom couldn't do what she had to do, but that she wanted him to stay anyway.

I got upset and (at that time my stomach was aching badly) I blew up on him.

I really regret getting angry because it's not his fault he had to stay and I know family is
always first priority, but just knowing I'd have to spend 3 nights alone (with sleep paralysis) just
didn't sit well with me.

I eventually apologized profusely and explained how I felt, but he said he couldn't come back yet.

I said I understood and I decided to try and keep myself busy...

I have no one to talk to here and with no form of transportation (or friends/family). I feel very alone..
He's been gone for a few hours and I already feel depressed. I feel like such a (excuse me) bitch for
being so upset at this arrangement...but I can't help but worry about being alone again.

I don't know what to do..or how I should feel.
This is the only place I could express myself, so I'm really sorry if this seems selfish in any way.

We don't normally have any arguments or any negative moments in our relationship and he always supports me in what I do.

We love each other and he even said he wants to spend his life with me..so i feel really mad at myself
for not being more understanding or patient..

TL;DR- I'm an anxious bag of poop and idk what to do about it.
Reply

Devious Comments

:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Thanks to all of you who replied with wonderful advice.

I am coping much better now and I think I can handle it from now on.

My panic attacks aren't as
severe as they used to be a year ago, and now I think they are actually starting to get even better than
last week.

Also I want to clear up something- I do not bother my boyfriend with my problems (unless it's about family or school which are minimal)
and he is free to do whatever he wants, so I'm sorry if this complaint came off as "needy" in any way.
It was not meant to be that.
I just needed to express myself and writing is not my strongest point.

I will be closing this thread soon, so no more comments please.

Again, thank you for all of your supportive help! I'm sorry if this bothered anyone in the slightest.
Reply
:iconanaliasunknown:
AnAliasUnknown Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Like I'm sure others have hinted at, you need to figure out some sort of coping mechanism for these situations. While it's great that your boyfriend is supportive, you can't depend on him so heavily. It's probably stressful for both of you that way.

I don't have an easy answer for finding a coping mechanism, since it sounds like you've been trying. If it helps, just keep assuring yourself "He's just going to see his parents, he'll be back in a few days," and find a way to keep your mind off of it. I know I personally like to play video games to pass the time when I have free time. Otherwise, perhaps a counselor could recommend a better way to manage the anxiety.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Yes, I've read. ^v^
I don't depend on him, I just feel nervous every time he leaves and
that's what I'm trying to cope with.

I tell myself that when I wake up all the time, and so far it has been helping.

Actually, I've been much better since I started this thread, so
thank you! <3
Reply
:iconanaliasunknown:
AnAliasUnknown Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Ah, I see. Well, the coping measures will still be helpful in that regard, at least.

Good to hear you've been doing a bit better. Maybe talking to people online can help quell some of the anxiety? :)
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:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2013
Yes, thank you! ^v^
Reply
:iconarthurdarvill:
arthurdarvill Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I am going to say that I don't really understand your panic attacks about being alone...? But i say keep working at the being okay alone thing and to do the same as everyone else has told you on here. xD
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Oh no, I mean I get panic attacks regardless (I have an anxiety disorder) but
they seem to get worse when I'm home alone in a place I don't really know.

I guess I'm just freaked out about being alone without any one I know near (I moved cities and I don't drive ;n; )

Thank you though. ^v^ <3
Reply
:iconarthurdarvill:
arthurdarvill Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
No problem dear <3

Ah, I understand now. Well, I wish you the best of luck dear!
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 4, 2013
Thank you so much! ;v; <33
Reply
:iconshininginthedarkness:
shininginthedarkness Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I think for the future of this relationship (and maybe others) you gotta figure out a way to be comfortable with just yourself, and not need someone else to have a basic feeling of security.
That's not a burden that you should put on another person, it's something everyone needs to carry on their own.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
That is very true. I will try my best.
Thank you for your advice. ^^
Reply
:iconskytch:
Skytch Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Just don't worry so much. If you continue to be this attached, he may grow uncomfortable and may not want to be with you. I know I certainly wouldn't want a girlfriend who is too clingy. Just settle down and try to take your mind off of things.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I know, that's why I don't really tell him anything when
it bothers me. I just let him be most of the time.

Reply
:iconskytch:
Skytch Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Well, it depends upon what's bothering you. If your BF cares enough, he'll listen to you and try to comfort you, unless it's about missing being with him, then yes, he probably will get a little annoyed.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
He does support me a lot.

That's true. I guess I should just keep to myself more.
Reply
:iconskytch:
Skytch Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Yeah don't worry. Don't let anxiety get the best of you.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Thank you. ^.^
Reply
:iconsulemanaziz:
sulemanaziz Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013   General Artist
LOCK YO COMPUTAH!!!
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
lol, well we both have different computers.
Besides, I trust him.
Reply
:iconsulemanaziz:
sulemanaziz Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013   General Artist
lol well things will get better .
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional
What exactly does he do on the computer?
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:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Nothing bad, he plays LoL (League of Legends) and games like it
with his friends.
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional
Just saying. Don't let it consume him.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I know. We've talked about it, and he does try his best to spend time
with me when he can. But when his friends ask him to play he looks all sad so I let him
since, well, at least he's not doing anything bad.
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional
I've seen people become destroyed by online gaming. Even committed girlfriends can mean nothing to them.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I know I've seen that happen too.
I just don't want to be that type of girlfriend who
rages over him playing.
Reply
:iconcrimeroyale:
CrimeRoyale Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013  Professional
Don't rage over him playing. Rage over him when the playing starts to consume him.
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
I don't know.. raging has never been my strong point..
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(1 Reply)
:icondomitar:
domitar Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
It is hard to stay distracted when you are alone and panicked, perhaps you should try some really relaxing things like taking a nice long bath or watching a favorite movie. If social ness helps you calm down, try joining a video chat with some friends, seeing the people will tell your brain there is a person there instead of just text. If you like to drink tea, try a soothing herbal tea. Treat yourself, especially when you stay calm. Don't feel too bad about blowing up on your boy, you already apologized, and no one is on their best behavior when they are afraid. Chin up, you've totally got this. One hour at a time. :)
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Yes it is. >x<
I think I'll watch some movies then. It should keep my mind off of it
at least for a few nights. I know it's okay to feel that way, but
regardless I still feel guilty about it. I guess that's just how I was raised.
Parents always discouraged crying..

Thank you so much for your advice! I will try to get some herbal tea next time
I go grocery shopping.

It means a lot, you are so kind. <3
Reply
:iconflarakap:
flarakap Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013
Just going to say that I read every single word you typed =) Keep hanging on there, he will come back. I can tell you really love him, I'm sure he loves you back equally or maybe more. Just keep doing your best in understanding him and everything will be fine ^^
Reply
:iconyobuko:
Yobuko Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2013
Thank you so much for your kind words.

I will try my best to wait this out. After all, it's only
a few days.
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