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January 22, 2013
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In a little more than 1 year I lost both parents....

:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Okay first and foremost, for me to talk about these sort of things has always been out of the question for me but I will try it anyway. Be at least prepared for something of an emotional trainwreck of a text.

The 12th of january my father passed away. His health went down very rapidly and before that he had people from healthcare taking care of him for 4 years. I feel the need to say that the contact between me and my father has been very, hmmm, negative so to speak. I moved out and when I saw he was going downhill I decided 2 months ago that I should return home to look after him.

He wasn't the type you'd call a good father, he never quite taught me things that'd make me work better in for example social environments, and trust me on the fact there are more topics that he didn't went through with me, but that's something I'd like to keep private.

Regardless, he passed away the 12th, it's a little bit over a week now since I found him and most of the grief seems to be gone. The next big problem is, where do I go? Will I able to keep living in this house? How high are the bills, for I knew for sure he had many! And many more questions haunt my mind.

My mother died last year (not 2012, but 2011) around the beginning of december. I never quite knew her. My parents were divorced when I was 3 and never did I had contact with her untill the last years of her life.

I've lost both my parents now, something I don't wish on anyone around their 20's and truth be told, I feel very lost. How do you people cope with this?
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:iconrhichter:
Rhichter Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013
I've sometimes wondered how my reactions to my parents deaths would have been handled differently had i been emotionally attached to them. These sorts of emotional purging's make me wonder if i did genuinely miss out on something of an enriching experience by having loving parents.

I can't exactly offer any advice ...
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:iconlightning-13:
lightning-13 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
Be strong, you will get through this in one way or another, it sucks but such is life, filled with upside downs. I know it doesn't even compare but, I lost both my grandpas, first one when I was about 10, the other when I was about 20, sucked both times, especially the second time. Felt like I had to move mountains in order to go back to normal. Now I just wonder if he sees me struggling and if he is proud of me, I know he wanted me to finish school and get a degree, find a job. I'm doing my best. I have friends with situations like yours, e.g. lost their mother a year ago or so, and they try to live as normal as possible, hanging out with friends, working hard, taking care of things at home. It's really tough of course, everybody does what they can.
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:iconzero587:
Zero587 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013
Whoa...im so sorry man. :(
Having to lose someone is always a bad thing. But what we have to learn that it is just a part of life that we all have to accept ya know...? No one ever said that is was the easy part though... people die. From war, sickness, diseases, the list goes on. We cant stop it. We cant run away from it. Our time will all come someday. But the most important thing in life itself is to always move on wards, and never backwards. Im pretty sure thats what your parents would have wanted as well.:cling:
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you for the kind words. :) It's nearly been a month now and most sorrow is gone. Ofcourse it feels really awkward to come home to find no one home, and even more awkward when you sit downstairs where there used to be a bed with him either lying down on it or sitting on the couch. Weird things man. But we all fight on. :)
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:iconzero587:
Zero587 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013
Ya i know. It will feel a little strange at first. But as time moves on, so will you.
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:icone-c-h:
e-c-h Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional General Artist
I really wish I had something helpful to say, but I just want to extend my condolences for your tragic and painful loss :heart: :heart: :heart:
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you very much, we try to make the best of it.
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:icone-c-h:
e-c-h Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional General Artist
:hug:
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:iconedaofblacklagoon:
edaofblacklagoon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Find a good relatives to leave in or grandparents then find a job. I guess thats life. ;'(
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Probably not gonna happen, the fact I don't have any grandparents makes it harder too. But thanks anyway! :)
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:iconedaofblacklagoon:
edaofblacklagoon Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:( ok. just good luck in life :/
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
You need to get in touch with a lawyer.

I know you're in Europe, so the laws might be different.

But here in the United States you could be slammed with your parents' debts.

If you do not know your laws on that stuff, you REALLY need to get in to contact with a professional
as soon as possible.
If you have to, see who has free consultations and then go through a few different prospects until you find someone you're comfy with.

Good luck!
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
My brother and his wife and me are working through most of the things now, so luckily the worst is over. We don't use a lawyer but 1 or 2 instances that can help us sort things out. Thanks for the advice anyway!
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:iconebolabears:
EbolaBears Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
Good to hear.
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:iconpactosh:
Pactosh Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm not sure about how the bills work and such as I don't live in the Netherlands but I hope you get through all this and best of luck.
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you. :)
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:iconpactosh:
Pactosh Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome.
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:iconmaylion:
Maylion Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm sorry to hear you lost both your parents first of all. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to cope with such events at a young age. Even though you met your mom later in your life, and didn't had a very good connection with your father on different aspects, they are still your parents, and a son/daughter-parent bond is very deep. I learned to allow myself to grief over certain events for whatever time it takes, and i'd suggest the same to you. Take all the time you need to grief, to think about your life, and what happened. Its easy saying '' You must go on with life '' No offense to whoever said that to you, but it simply doesn't work that way. We all have points in our lives when we want to tell the world to fuck itself and disappear for a while, and it's nothing but understandable if you or anyone else hides under a blanket for a few days to escape the situation. Surprisingly .. we human beings are much more strong then we think, and after a few days feeling completely shit, we are able to take a few small steps forwards and do something with feelings, thoughts and the situation.

Long story short, Take the time you need to grief, it's absolutely horrible to feel alone without parents.
You'll feel it when you are ready again to take steps forwards. let your mind and time do their work.

good luck.
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:iconladyarrowsmith:
ladyarrowsmith Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died a few weeks after I graduated college of a heart attack. He died on the way to the hospital, so none of us had a chance to say good bye. My dad and my brother never got along, so much my brother didn't even want to see his body at the hospital. (He did anyways, bless his heart, he would have regretted it otherwise) It was hard at first, but time blunts the pain. Lets me think about all the good times, rather than the sad memory. He wouldn't want me miserable. I don't think your parents would want you to be miserable either, even if you weren't on the best of terms.

Sorry for the sudden comment, I'm usually a silent watcher. :p
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
It's okay, we're all silent watchers from time to time.
I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, what your brother went through I can totally sympathize with. But life goes on, there is no logic in dwelling on what has happened. I recall a quote from the Batman movie: ''Why do we fall, master Bruce? So we can pick ourselves up again''. A comment well-suited for these situations.
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:iconrocklou:
RockLou Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Here ya go. :hug:
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks man.
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:iconrocklou:
RockLou Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I don't know how you deal with all this...
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
I never quite had a youth like most of us would have, so I grew up with a different image of the world. The one that tells you to survive. That doesn't mean all this is any easier on me than for anyone else though, but it helps when it comes to coping with it.
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:iconfinnguala:
Finnguala Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is horrible, Marc. I've never lost a family member so I have no idea how I would cope with this, but I think it's important that you find people to help you, because you don't have to do this all by yourself. It will be a great relief to have someone to share the burden with, even if it's a counselor or therapist or whatever. *hugs*
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thanks, there's a whole lot of things coming at me I've never given a thought. Add to that college taking a good chunk of my time. Well apart from this week and last week, I had to do too many things to even be able to attend. Right now I just hope college isn't going to make it an issue.
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:iconfinnguala:
Finnguala Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
If you explain what's going on they're bound to understand you're going through a rough patch.
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
That's about the best and only thing I can do now, to just be open and honest about my situation.
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:iconriyko:
Riyko Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I lost my dad in sept 2012 to cancer so I understand it's hard. As for staying in his house if your dad didn't have a will everything will go to probate court and if say he didn't have the house paid off the bank will give the next of kin(s) the options to buy the house for what ever is owed on the rest of the house. If no one can afford to purchase it, it goes to the bank who then auctions it off to get what they are owed on it, if that's the case sadly you'll had to move out.

I'm sorry for your loss :(
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
For as far as we know there is no will. He did mention that things like furniture and stuff will be mine regardless. Thing is there are a lot of unpaid bills and debts. One of them being a mortgage of 30k that he took. The house was already bought and paid for by my grandfather back in the day. So with the way things look now it seems very clear that I would not be able to stay here for long, but at least untill the point the house would be sold. And then I will have to look into how to get a small appartment for myself. These are difficult times indeed. I'm sorry for your loss, my dad also died because of cancer, he had it for the best part of 10 years and never decided to do anything about it. From one point of view it's understandable, from the other I can't help but think if it's life threatening, why not do something about it anyway.

Hope things are working out over there as well.
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:iconriyko:
Riyko Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I hope I didn't come off as harsh with my previous reply if I did I'm sorry. I wish you luck with everything though and if you need to talk I'm here to listen! Cancer is a horrible thing to go through hard for both the person dealing with it and the family :(. For the most part things here are going great, taking it one day at a time.
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:iconpetrova:
petrova Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist
I'm so sorry for your loss :hug: I'd recommend getting in contact with maybe a counsellor or if you believe in something maybe contact a person at the local church, synagogue or such. I think you need someone that can help you both deal with the things but also a support with what to do now. Check also for support groups when it comes to loosing a loved one - those can be of great use for both support and to deal with what has happened.

It's not going to be easy for sure but you'll live, you might just need a little help in the beginning.
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Yeah the first couple months from here on out will be nothing short of hell to me. All of a sudden a million things come floating my way that I haven't even given a single thought because you think those moments are far far away in the future. And then life gets you with your pants down. Thanks for the kind words. I'll have to try and make the best of it. :)
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:iconpetrova:
petrova Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist
Make sure to get someone older that can help you with all the necessities and sorting out all papers and such. You shouldn't do this alone :hug:
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:iconimperf3ction:
Imperf3ction Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
You live, I know that sounds rough and bold but....you just gotta live yourself now, make the best out of life. It has plenty of riches to endure, but if you keep your head in the shadows, you'll just be accompanied by misery. I can only feel half your pain because I grew up without a father and he's good as dead to me. I developed further into character than what most people do with both parents present. Perhaps this is your opportunity to work on yourself and become even a better person, don't take your loss to bitter you but to empower you to become a stronger person. Be easy and find peace my friend.
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:iconmarc-f-huizinga:
Marc-F-Huizinga Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Professional Traditional Artist
Thank you. I'll try. Throughout my youth I had the same as you, you could say I was too mature for my age. With burdens on my shoulder to take care of my dad (which happened to have an addiction or 2 as well which screwed things royally with school). The best thing to do is indeed to make the best of it. It just feels so different. All of a sudden there is that feeling that tells you: Wow, I really don't have parents anymore. And it feels like after that, you are really thrown into the wilderness there trying to fend for yourself. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Thanks for the kind words.
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:iconimperf3ction:
Imperf3ction Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Of course, I feel I never had much of a childhood, I feel 24 going on 40 mentally man. I can't even hang around people my age because they enjoy putting such poisons into their body. It's just not me, life is so precious to corrupt your own body over these substances and stresses, that's why I try to promote wellness to many. The benefits are great and well worth it. Anytime man, we are all in the same struggle, just different situations.
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