I've sometimes wondered how my reactions to my parents deaths would have been handled differently had i been emotionally attached to them. These sorts of emotional purging's make me wonder if i did genuinely miss out on something of an enriching experience by having loving parents.
Be strong, you will get through this in one way or another, it sucks but such is life, filled with upside downs. I know it doesn't even compare but, I lost both my grandpas, first one when I was about 10, the other when I was about 20, sucked both times, especially the second time. Felt like I had to move mountains in order to go back to normal. Now I just wonder if he sees me struggling and if he is proud of me, I know he wanted me to finish school and get a degree, find a job. I'm doing my best. I have friends with situations like yours, e.g. lost their mother a year ago or so, and they try to live as normal as possible, hanging out with friends, working hard, taking care of things at home. It's really tough of course, everybody does what they can.
Whoa...im so sorry man. Having to lose someone is always a bad thing. But what we have to learn that it is just a part of life that we all have to accept ya know...? No one ever said that is was the easy part though... people die. From war, sickness, diseases, the list goes on. We cant stop it. We cant run away from it. Our time will all come someday. But the most important thing in life itself is to always move on wards, and never backwards. Im pretty sure thats what your parents would have wanted as well.
Thank you for the kind words. It's nearly been a month now and most sorrow is gone. Ofcourse it feels really awkward to come home to find no one home, and even more awkward when you sit downstairs where there used to be a bed with him either lying down on it or sitting on the couch. Weird things man. But we all fight on.
I know you're in Europe, so the laws might be different.
But here in the United States you could be slammed with your parents' debts.
If you do not know your laws on that stuff, you REALLY need to get in to contact with a professional as soon as possible. If you have to, see who has free consultations and then go through a few different prospects until you find someone you're comfy with.
My brother and his wife and me are working through most of the things now, so luckily the worst is over. We don't use a lawyer but 1 or 2 instances that can help us sort things out. Thanks for the advice anyway!
I'm sorry to hear you lost both your parents first of all. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to cope with such events at a young age. Even though you met your mom later in your life, and didn't had a very good connection with your father on different aspects, they are still your parents, and a son/daughter-parent bond is very deep. I learned to allow myself to grief over certain events for whatever time it takes, and i'd suggest the same to you. Take all the time you need to grief, to think about your life, and what happened. Its easy saying '' You must go on with life '' No offense to whoever said that to you, but it simply doesn't work that way. We all have points in our lives when we want to tell the world to fuck itself and disappear for a while, and it's nothing but understandable if you or anyone else hides under a blanket for a few days to escape the situation. Surprisingly .. we human beings are much more strong then we think, and after a few days feeling completely shit, we are able to take a few small steps forwards and do something with feelings, thoughts and the situation.
Long story short, Take the time you need to grief, it's absolutely horrible to feel alone without parents. You'll feel it when you are ready again to take steps forwards. let your mind and time do their work.
I'm sorry for your loss. My dad died a few weeks after I graduated college of a heart attack. He died on the way to the hospital, so none of us had a chance to say good bye. My dad and my brother never got along, so much my brother didn't even want to see his body at the hospital. (He did anyways, bless his heart, he would have regretted it otherwise) It was hard at first, but time blunts the pain. Lets me think about all the good times, rather than the sad memory. He wouldn't want me miserable. I don't think your parents would want you to be miserable either, even if you weren't on the best of terms.
Sorry for the sudden comment, I'm usually a silent watcher.
It's okay, we're all silent watchers from time to time. I'm sorry for the loss of your dad, what your brother went through I can totally sympathize with. But life goes on, there is no logic in dwelling on what has happened. I recall a quote from the Batman movie: ''Why do we fall, master Bruce? So we can pick ourselves up again''. A comment well-suited for these situations.
I never quite had a youth like most of us would have, so I grew up with a different image of the world. The one that tells you to survive. That doesn't mean all this is any easier on me than for anyone else though, but it helps when it comes to coping with it.
This is horrible, Marc. I've never lost a family member so I have no idea how I would cope with this, but I think it's important that you find people to help you, because you don't have to do this all by yourself. It will be a great relief to have someone to share the burden with, even if it's a counselor or therapist or whatever. *hugs*
Thanks, there's a whole lot of things coming at me I've never given a thought. Add to that college taking a good chunk of my time. Well apart from this week and last week, I had to do too many things to even be able to attend. Right now I just hope college isn't going to make it an issue.
I lost my dad in sept 2012 to cancer so I understand it's hard. As for staying in his house if your dad didn't have a will everything will go to probate court and if say he didn't have the house paid off the bank will give the next of kin(s) the options to buy the house for what ever is owed on the rest of the house. If no one can afford to purchase it, it goes to the bank who then auctions it off to get what they are owed on it, if that's the case sadly you'll had to move out.
For as far as we know there is no will. He did mention that things like furniture and stuff will be mine regardless. Thing is there are a lot of unpaid bills and debts. One of them being a mortgage of 30k that he took. The house was already bought and paid for by my grandfather back in the day. So with the way things look now it seems very clear that I would not be able to stay here for long, but at least untill the point the house would be sold. And then I will have to look into how to get a small appartment for myself. These are difficult times indeed. I'm sorry for your loss, my dad also died because of cancer, he had it for the best part of 10 years and never decided to do anything about it. From one point of view it's understandable, from the other I can't help but think if it's life threatening, why not do something about it anyway.
I hope I didn't come off as harsh with my previous reply if I did I'm sorry. I wish you luck with everything though and if you need to talk I'm here to listen! Cancer is a horrible thing to go through hard for both the person dealing with it and the family . For the most part things here are going great, taking it one day at a time.
I'm so sorry for your loss I'd recommend getting in contact with maybe a counsellor or if you believe in something maybe contact a person at the local church, synagogue or such. I think you need someone that can help you both deal with the things but also a support with what to do now. Check also for support groups when it comes to loosing a loved one - those can be of great use for both support and to deal with what has happened.
It's not going to be easy for sure but you'll live, you might just need a little help in the beginning.
Yeah the first couple months from here on out will be nothing short of hell to me. All of a sudden a million things come floating my way that I haven't even given a single thought because you think those moments are far far away in the future. And then life gets you with your pants down. Thanks for the kind words. I'll have to try and make the best of it.
You live, I know that sounds rough and bold but....you just gotta live yourself now, make the best out of life. It has plenty of riches to endure, but if you keep your head in the shadows, you'll just be accompanied by misery. I can only feel half your pain because I grew up without a father and he's good as dead to me. I developed further into character than what most people do with both parents present. Perhaps this is your opportunity to work on yourself and become even a better person, don't take your loss to bitter you but to empower you to become a stronger person. Be easy and find peace my friend.
Thank you. I'll try. Throughout my youth I had the same as you, you could say I was too mature for my age. With burdens on my shoulder to take care of my dad (which happened to have an addiction or 2 as well which screwed things royally with school). The best thing to do is indeed to make the best of it. It just feels so different. All of a sudden there is that feeling that tells you: Wow, I really don't have parents anymore. And it feels like after that, you are really thrown into the wilderness there trying to fend for yourself. And that is exactly what I intend to do. Thanks for the kind words.
Of course, I feel I never had much of a childhood, I feel 24 going on 40 mentally man. I can't even hang around people my age because they enjoy putting such poisons into their body. It's just not me, life is so precious to corrupt your own body over these substances and stresses, that's why I try to promote wellness to many. The benefits are great and well worth it. Anytime man, we are all in the same struggle, just different situations.