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January 22, 2013
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Incapable of Love?

:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
Well, the title says it all. I feel like I am incapable of loving another person. Whenever I see people who are in a couple, who seem to have mutual attraction towards each other, I feel like I can do the same as well. But throughout my past relationships, I have never once felt any kind of spark or loving emotion towards the person. I can say loving things, but I just don't feel them. There is certainly feelings of lust, but nothing like love or adoration. I have been through I guess 5 relationships so far, each one ended by my hand. I don't feel heartbroken or sad, but how could I when there was nothing there to start with? I recently ended a relationship with someone, who was nice and seemed perfect. But again, I did not feel love towards them, and ended it later on. Now I wonder if I really am incapable of love. You avoid heartbreak I guess, but then again you never experience that bond two people share and the love between each other. I'm at an impasse. I don't want to go into another relationship only to cut it short with only one person feeling bad afterwards. What am I to do?
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:iconretkikosmos:
RetkiKosmos Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013  Professional General Artist
This is cliche but you probably just haven't been with the right person
You may have missed that instant spark but still continued with the relationship, or the relationship ended before your feelings could develop for the person. There could be other external and internal factors, maybe the timing was wrong, are you happy enough with yourself and your life to share it with someone else?

from your words I sense a longing to actually experience love, I don't think someone who is incapable of love would say that.
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:iconkey-master-himeko:
Key-Master-Himeko Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013   Traditional Artist
There is a noted psychological phenomena where an individual is incapable of love through extremely traumatic past experiences. Did a paper on it a few years back...
Anyways. It may be that you've just dated folk with different keys to your emotional lock. Or you could just not be the overtly warm and fuzzy type. You can be with someone and it's not much more than that...Or! You could just take a super long time to fall in love.
Whatever it turns out to be I genuinely hope you find happiness in life :3
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:iconsignsofortune:
signsofortune Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
Maybe your mind and heart are asexual.

Just because you have lustful feelings doesn't mean that you're made for marriage.

The mind is an important part of love. So is the heart. Mere lust is not necessarily an indication of real sexuality. It just means that your body is sexual. It may be that you're made for a different kind of love.

a sexual relationship is not the only place where one encounters love in this life, believe me. The more intense forms of love are not exclusive to such a relationship.
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:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 24, 2013
I'm not asexual. I think one of the later comments makes more sense. I've always rushed relationships, never taking time with them. I believe that is the case with me, I need to take my time.
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:iconedaofblacklagoon:
edaofblacklagoon Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
read orangekiss1 comments... ;)
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:iconjstar19000:
JStar19000 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
"If you're ACTUALLY sad about being single, don't go posting it on the internet for everyone to see. It's NOT gonna work. and if you're in your teen years and younger, i know a boyfriend or a girlfriend might seem like the most important thing in the world right now, but TRUST me, it's not. I'M 21. I'VE BEEN A TEENAGER FOR LIKE 10 YEARS. I KNOW.
so STOP worrying about being alone! Just smile and live life to its fullest! There's ALOT more fish in the sea!
AND REMEMBER!
The world... is your oyster. and one day you're gonna find your pearl.
...Or unless your oyster has no pearl... then in that case you have to get another oyster which means you have to get another world...
Yeah, It's not looking good for you." -Nigahiga
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:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
That completely missed the mark.
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:iconpetrova:
petrova Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist
Some fall in love very easy and some it takes a lot before they truly fall, you might be in the second category here. Maybe write down on a piece of paper what kind of person you'd like to grow old with - everything you come to mind like blue eyes, tall, kind, rich, likes DnD and so on... and don't think about the ones you've dated before when doing this - take your time and just brainstorm and then edit away after that. I think you will come to some clarity through that.

Now, I don't know your sexual orientation but maybe you're looking at the wrong gender? That's also an explanation. Idk.

I know though that sooner or later you will fall in love, most people do that - if they're not psychopath or sociopath of course. If you think you might be then go see a counsellor and say you need some investigation. 

It can also be so that you haven't let your guard down or that you're not ready to love someone. There are lots of reasons to why a person can't love.

Best of luck!
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:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
I guess that might be true. Most of my relationships have been rushed so I might not have had the time to reach that level of love/intimacy.
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:iconpetrova:
petrova Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist
Then maybe take it slow next time? I've had relationships where we became a couple after a short while and then some where we've been friends for a long time. It is a difference in how the relationships behave.
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:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013
The fastest I've had was three days, but it never ended well. I guess I'm the kind who wants to take it slow. I suppose it feels more natural to me that way.
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:iconmayjackson:
MayJackson Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
I can't help but I can sympathize. I've 'loved' friends (that I wasn't in relationships with) but never felt much closer than an acquaintance to people I've dated. :/ At least you were attracted to them! I've decided not to get in another relationship with someone unless I have that spark to start with. Here's to hoping I end up with someone xD ...But, seriously, I ended up deciding that I'd rather be alone forever than settle for being with someone that I don't really feel anything for. *Shrug*.
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:iconimperf3ction:
Imperf3ction Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I been in love twice, I am in fact still in love with my second but I am still continuing on with my life, I had multiple partners, the reason it gets more difficult to love , well at least for me is because I am becoming more wiser and I narrow down more of what I want in my partner. It's to the point where appeal just doesn't cut it, to the point where I don't care how much money you make or how amazing the sex is (although that doesn't hurt of course) For me, it boils down to the connection, I feel if I can't be accepted for being me around the person and just doing things I normally would without having to impress my interest. It's better to keep on moving and find someone who will.

Just keep socializing around, meet people from all sorts of backgrounds, get a feel for more of what you want in this life. Do you have your goals set? do you know what you like? do you have a group of friends you are comfortable with? are you keeping your health together? Are you happy with yourself and love yourself? these are more of a concern before you can even begin to consider to love someone. Love is a huge responsibility and as I mentioned, a development. It's important you have the factors I mentioned before you can begin to doubt you are capable of loving someone.
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:iconorangekrissy:
OrangeKrissy Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
How was your childhood? Did your parents show you love or just basically provide for your room and board? If a person is never raised with love, how can they know it or feel it? I'm sure most killers never were loved, or at least never felt it.
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:iconimperf3ction:
Imperf3ction Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I don't think you are incapable, I think you may have present of a fear of love because you can be afraid if you do allow your defenses to slip up, you may not come out of it the same. People are constantly afraid of change, but really it's up to you what happens in your life and how to control your situations.

Here's my advice, don't dive into a relationship, take your time to get to know the person for awhile. People who rush things get poor results, think of any relationship as a seed. It's a growing process that you have to be patient with and it's not good to play with people's feelings giving them the impression you are invested but deep down you're not. It creates a domino effect by doing so. Just be rational, focus on you and it will come naturally :)
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:iconorzhovangel:
OrzhovAngel Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013
It feels like I am though. I don't know if it is because I rush into things, but I just don't feel the love for someone else. I'm certain people feel some kind of attraction towards someone else, I do too, but that is merely the surface aspect. I just can't seem to feel love for someone, as much as I would like to do so.
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:iconimperf3ction:
Imperf3ction Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I been in love twice, I am in fact still in love with my second but I am still continuing on with my life, I had multiple partners, the reason it gets more difficult to love , well at least for me is because I am becoming more wiser and I narrow down more of what I want in my partner. It's to the point where appeal just doesn't cut it, to the point where I don't care how much money you make or how amazing the sex is (although that doesn't hurt of course) For me, it boils down to the connection, I feel if I can't be accepted for being me around the person and just doing things I normally would without having to impress my interest. It's better to keep on moving and find someone who will.

Just keep socializing around, meet people from all sorts of backgrounds, get a feel for more of what you want in this life. Do you have your goals set? do you know what you like? do you have a group of friends you are comfortable with? are you keeping your health together? Are you happy with yourself and love yourself? these are more of a concern before you can even begin to consider to love someone. Love is a huge responsibility and as I mentioned, a development. It's important you have the factors I mentioned before you can begin to doubt you are capable of loving someone.
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